Put my mom in hospice yesterday. What to expect?

My father was in hospice for his last 3 weeks. It was really a wonderful place. All of the staff was amazing - kind and thoughtful. They made him comfortable and listened to his stories. The rooms were comfortable, with a huge window overlooking the river, a large TV, fridge, couch, recliner, bed (of course) etc. Each person moved in there was provided with a quilt that had been donated by quilters. There were several lounges, a library, a kitchen for visitors that was stocked with home baked goods, boost and ensure, fruit cups, yogurt and many other items, free for the taking of the people in hospice and their visitors.

The meals were very good - all prepared by volunteers, most of whom were chefs, home cooks, etc.

My father was very comfortable, and we all knew he was in the right place. He'd been very disturbed while in hospital and had asked about MAAD while he was in there. When he moved to hospice, he decided to let it happen as it would.

I have experienced hospice care with two close family members. In both cases, we were expecting an imminent death upon their moving into hospice. In both cases, they rallied and went on to live some more life, but with good pain control and much less stress. One doctor told me that good pain control is known to prolong life because it lessens the stress levels on the body. For our loved ones, they weren't being as careful and regular with meds and food before they got into hospice.

The staff there told me it's pretty common for people to rally because the routine of timely medication and food and attention to details of hydration, etc, often lengthen life. That said, we saw several patients who passed within 24 hours of being moved in. One experience was as common as the other.

The other part of hospice sounds a little selfish, but the staff told me often that hospice is also for the family members. They took extremely good care of our loved ones but they also looked after us and reduced our stress load by a ton.

Big hugs for you. It's not easy but I hope that your loved one has the good experiences that ours did.

this was out initial thought about hospice but we were so much wrong. our nurse actually explained that many people "graduate" from hospice and go back to palliative care or just regular care. some people can go in and out of hospice and some people can be on hospice for years. it's just another form of care when the patient no longer has, or desires, invasive treatment.  people don't go to hospice to die, they go to hospice to receive a different kind of care.  

the most valuable lesson we learned is to do it as early as possible.  because of perceived notions about hospice, people wait until the very end to get it. then it's just a blur of set up, settling in, and dying in a span of weeks or days. that kind of chaos can be so traumatic for the patient and the family. 

my mom was in hospice for 5 months.  in that time, we were able to settle into a nice routine with the regular visiting nurses and support staff. she did not die of the actual disease. in the end, it was complications from the cold/flu that weakened her system and drew things to a close.    

hospice really helped our family. it provided care and support staff to help alleviate an already emotional situation.  the staff was available by phone 24/7 and in-person visits were regular.  all equipment and medications were delivered to the house.  my mom was able to be at home until the end.  no scary, busy, chaotic hospital.   

my brother struggled with the concept of hospice because he thought it meant death was imminent, like days, as it can be for many people who enter hospice "late".  that's why my sister and i handled the intake.  once he saw the usual nurse and staff came, he understood the concept.  when the intake was happening, we did ask the staff to discretely not show any paperwork or badges that may have said the word hospice.  we all knew what it was but we thought it was best not to throw the word around so casually and they were really cool about that. 

OTOH, when the doctors suggested hospice for FIL, MIL was so resistant.  SHE didn't want strangers in HER house. didn't want people judging HER like FIL's disposition was her fault or her failure to care for him.   she kind of made it about her but in the end, he got hospice care.  he was in it for about 4 1/2 months until the end and at least he was at home.  MIL never really took to the hospice staff but then again, it wasn't about her.