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WDTPT?
Jun 13, 2025 22:00:07 GMT
Post by peano on Jun 13, 2025 22:00:07 GMT
A good friend of mine texted yesterday and said her DH won a week stay at a NJ beach house in a silent auction. Private residence, not a beach rental. Newly remodeled and nice amenities: in ground heated pool, pool house with tv, sleeps 12-13, etc. It looks amazing. She sent photos and info to the group of us who shared a house in NC last summer. Said cost will be dependent on how many commit, but "quite a bit less" than NC. (she later estimated $1000)
At which point my jaw dropped and I clutched my pearls. Because I cannot imagine any scenario like this where I would invite my friends to share a house I won in a silent auction, and then ask them to contribute (unless maybe they told us ahead of time that was their plan). I mean, this couple is sort of famous for being cheap when we go out to eat, but we like them so we typically just tell ourselves "Oh that's just Tom and Mary being Tom and Mary." But this just seems outrageous.
Luckily, (because I don't even know how to open a discussion about this with her and there are so many questions: what was the winning bid amount, is the bid tax deductible, do you think we're chumps?) we really can't commit because DH's annual sales conference is being moved from August to September this year, and the two dates she offered are in September. DH's boss withheld crucial details about the conference last year until about a month before the conference (don't get me started on that) which is annoying for us, but can you imagine what it must be like for the attendees who come in from all over the world? Anyhoo, I digress. So what do the Peas think?
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jun 13, 2025 22:04:11 GMT
Maybe they bid some high amount to win the house thinking everyone would pitch in to help cover the cost. That's what I'm thinking. Was the house last year in NC nearly as nice?
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Post by katlady on Jun 13, 2025 22:05:34 GMT
Maybe they are trying to get back how much they contributed to the auction? If they are upfront about that, I probably would contribute. But $1,000 seems a lot when there are several couples going.
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Post by Bitchy Rich on Jun 13, 2025 22:24:29 GMT
I mean, this couple is sort of famous for being cheap when we go out to eat, but we like them so we typically just tell ourselves "Oh that's just Tom and Mary being Tom and Mary." Are they cheap in that they ask for a separate bill so they are just paying for what they order? Or are they cheap in that they eat the shared apps but refuse to chip in, or order an extra entree to take home once someone else says they are paying? |
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,748 
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Post by pilcas on Jun 13, 2025 22:30:28 GMT
Personally I would decline because it feels wrong to me to profit from your friends. I doubt she paid several thousands. It would depend on how much you enjoyed your previous vacation together and if this is a place you actually want to go to.
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Post by chaosisapony on Jun 13, 2025 22:32:09 GMT
This is something that would need to be decided on before they bid on the auction item. Like a quick text to the group "Hey, we are thinking of bidding on this vacation rental for our annual trip. If we win, everyone would only need to contribute $xxx instead of the typical amount. Could be a great deal for our vacation. Do you guys want us to bid?"
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Post by busy on Jun 13, 2025 22:40:15 GMT
idk, it's not what I would do but it doesn't seem outrageous to me. I wouldn't assume they're profiting - they had to pay for the auction item - and only 10% of tax filers now itemize deductions, so they may not even be able to deduct the purchase (and even if they do, they can only deduct the portion that's above the fair market value). If you all travel together like this periodically, the house is nice and has the amenities you want, and are ultimately saving money (or even cost-neutral) by staying there, what's the big deal?
It doesn't sound like they think anyone is obligated to go with them, but they are offering as an option.
Do you think you should get a free trip because they bought it at a charity event?
Looking at Airbnb, renting a house for a week in NJ that sleeps 12 with a pool and beach access is a minimum of ~$6k and goes up over $20k, with around $10k seeming pretty typical.
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Post by christine58 on Jun 13, 2025 22:51:17 GMT
The bid is not tax deductible because he got something in return for that “donation “. I would be the asshole and ask why is it $1000. Are they Pocketing the money off of all of you? 12 people times $1000 that’s a lot of money for a week. I’d still ask lol
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Post by melanell on Jun 13, 2025 23:06:03 GMT
In my opinion they haven't done anything wrong, per se, just handled it differently than I would have.
I would not have paid for something without knowing in advance if any of the people who I vacationed with before will actually be willing and able to go given the dates involved and the cost.
I view this as them taking a chance. They may wind up in a 13 person house all alone with the entire bill to foot themselves.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,748
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Post by pilcas on Jun 13, 2025 23:49:40 GMT
In my opinion they haven't done anything wrong, per se, just handled it differently than I would have. I would not have paid for something without knowing in advance if any of the people who I vacationed with before will actually be willing and able to go given the dates involved and the cost. I view this as them taking a chance. They may wind up in a 13 person house all alone with the entire bill to foot themselves. But they didn’t foot the bill. They bid for it and won. Was there a previous arrangement where the group usually goes away together? Did they tell anybody of the plans to bid on this beforehand? If not they did this on their own and are now trying to make a buck. |
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Post by littlemama on Jun 13, 2025 23:56:22 GMT
I would decline.
Usually on a group trip everyone agrees on the location and budget prior to booking.
For them to have bid on and won the house and now want everyone to cover their costs just feels icky to me.
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Post by busy on Jun 14, 2025 0:28:50 GMT
In my opinion they haven't done anything wrong, per se, just handled it differently than I would have. I would not have paid for something without knowing in advance if any of the people who I vacationed with before will actually be willing and able to go given the dates involved and the cost. I view this as them taking a chance. They may wind up in a 13 person house all alone with the entire bill to foot themselves. But they didn’t foot the bill. They bid for it and won. Was there a previous arrangement where the group usually goes away together? Did they tell anybody of the plans to bid on this beforehand? If not they did this on their own and are now trying to make a buck. I interpret the OP differently. The group traveled/stayed together in a similar house (but in NC) last summer. I'm reading between the lines - so could be totally wrong - that there had been some kind of conversation about doing something similar this summer, but no firm plans. My take is that this couple bought the house stay because it seemed like a good deal and could either be shared for a similar trip like last summer, or they could use it on their own, if the shared trip didn't work out. It doesn't sound *to me* like this couple is saying "you owe us" but rather, "if you want to come, it will be about $X," which is less than the per-couple cost of the shared rental last summer. Again, it's not how I'd go about the situation - I'd have sent a heads up text from the auction saying to judge general but non-committed interest in that house for a shared trip. But based on how I'm interpreting the OP, I don't think this couple did anything blatantly wrong or are trying to make a buck off their friends. |
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Post by melanell on Jun 14, 2025 0:30:16 GMT
In my opinion they haven't done anything wrong, per se, just handled it differently than I would have. I would not have paid for something without knowing in advance if any of the people who I vacationed with before will actually be willing and able to go given the dates involved and the cost. I view this as them taking a chance. They may wind up in a 13 person house all alone with the entire bill to foot themselves. But they didn’t foot the bill. They bid for it and won. Was there a previous arrangement where the group usually goes away together? Did they tell anybody of the plans to bid on this beforehand? If not they did this on their own and are now trying to make a buck. If they won then haven't they paid for it at this point? Most auctions I have participated in your bid is your agreement to pay immediately if you are the winner. So I was taking this situation to be one in which they have paid the full amount and they are hoping to recoup portions of what they paid from any couples they can convince to join them. Even if they did not have to pay immediately, if they bid and won, then they are going to have to pay at some point. Which is why I said they took a chance, because if no one accepts their invitation to purchase a portion of the stay, so to speak, then they will be stuck paying the entire amount they bid. |
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WDTPT?
Jun 14, 2025 0:31:03 GMT
via mobile
Post by epeanymous on Jun 14, 2025 0:31:03 GMT
Are they going to Venmo you your share of their tax deduction?
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Post by Skellinton on Jun 14, 2025 0:37:50 GMT
I think maybe are hung up on the word "won". They had the highest bid for the item, they still paid for it and it might not have been a bargain.
Is the house nicer than last year? Cheaper than last year? I wouldn't focus on "winning" a silent auction. I would want to know what they spent and how it is being divided. That seems reasonable.
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Post by busy on Jun 14, 2025 0:39:34 GMT
Are they going to Venmo you your share of their tax deduction? They can only deduct the portion they paid over fair market value (assuming they itemize, which only ~10% of filers do now since the change in the standard deduction). |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jun 14, 2025 1:59:29 GMT
I would decline. I will say though, that the Jersey shore is wonderful in September. Many places are still open. The ocean is warm ... But of course no life guards..
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Post by KiwiJo on Jun 14, 2025 2:42:33 GMT
Not how I would have gone about things, but:
- how much was last year’s trip to NC? (This one being “quite a bit less”)
- is the $1000 each person, or each couple?
You know this couple and obviously I don’t but, even if they are known for being “cheap”, are they also known for ripping off their friends?
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WDTPT?
Jun 14, 2025 2:54:18 GMT
Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 2:54:18 GMT
Maybe they bid some high amount to win the house thinking everyone would pitch in to help cover the cost. That's what I'm thinking. Was the house last year in NC nearly as nice? Beachfront but not as nice. |
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WDTPT?
Jun 14, 2025 2:57:07 GMT
Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 2:57:07 GMT
I mean, this couple is sort of famous for being cheap when we go out to eat, but we like them so we typically just tell ourselves "Oh that's just Tom and Mary being Tom and Mary." Are they cheap in that they ask for a separate bill so they are just paying for what they order? Or are they cheap in that they eat the shared apps but refuse to chip in, or order an extra entree to take home once someone else says they are paying? They are nickel and dimers which makes it difficult to just split the bill however many ways based on the number of couples. We, other than them) just assume that things equal out over time (nobody ordering anything over the top). |
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WDTPT?
Jun 14, 2025 2:59:16 GMT
Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 2:59:16 GMT
Personally I would decline because it feels wrong to me to profit from your friends. I doubt she paid several thousands. It would depend on how much you enjoyed your previous vacation together and if this is a place you actually want to go to. We will decline unless they offer some kind of reasonable explanation (although hard to fathom one). I told DH before she quoted "less than a $1000" (that is per couple) that I couldn't imagine him bidding more than $500 on this auction. |
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WDTPT?
Jun 14, 2025 3:00:04 GMT
Mel likes this
Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 3:00:04 GMT
This is something that would need to be decided on before they bid on the auction item. Like a quick text to the group "Hey, we are thinking of bidding on this vacation rental for our annual trip. If we win, everyone would only need to contribute $xxx instead of the typical amount. Could be a great deal for our vacation. Do you guys want us to bid?" Yes, and I wouldn't have any trouble with this scenario. |
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Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 3:17:41 GMT
idk, it's not what I would do but it doesn't seem outrageous to me. I wouldn't assume they're profiting - they had to pay for the auction item - and only 10% of tax filers now itemize deductions, so they may not even be able to deduct the purchase (and even if they do, they can only deduct the portion that's above the fair market value). If you all travel together like this periodically, the house is nice and has the amenities you want, and are ultimately saving money (or even cost-neutral) by staying there, what's the big deal? It doesn't sound like they think anyone is obligated to go with them, but they are offering as an option.
Do you think you should get a free trip because they bought it at a charity event?Looking at Airbnb, renting a house for a week in NJ that sleeps 12 with a pool and beach access is a minimum of ~$6k and goes up over $20k, with around $10k seeming pretty typical. In answer to your question in bold: Of course we aren't obligated to go, we just want more transparency if this is the way they're going to play it. This isn't a customary way of behaving in trips we've gone on before. It's like inviting someone over for a dinner party (not a pot luck) and asking for money to pay for it when we get there. For my 40th birthday, rented a ski house in VT and invited 5 families to come. Wouldn't have dreamed of asking people to contribute. Two summers ago, rented a beach house in Maine for a week and invited another couple to come for a few days after DS and his GF had to leave. Even if we were not doing this to reciprocate for them taking us out on their boat several times, we wouldn't have asked them to pay. Another friend also won a VT house stay in a silent auction and invited our college friend group for the weekend. She didn't ask us to chip in. Another friend had use of a VT ski house through his company and regularly asked different families to stay, without asking to contribute anything more than food for meals. We have gone on multiple vacations together and we always willingly split the fee. However, we know the total cost of the trip ahead of time. |
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Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 3:22:45 GMT
In my opinion they haven't done anything wrong, per se, just handled it differently than I would have. I would not have paid for something without knowing in advance if any of the people who I vacationed with before will actually be willing and able to go given the dates involved and the cost. I view this as them taking a chance. They may wind up in a 13 person house all alone with the entire bill to foot themselves. There's no taking a chance. The entire bill is already footed. He was apparently comfortable with his bid, he won, he knows what he bid, we don't. To expect us to pay ~$1000 without that info takes big brass ones. |
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WDTPT?
Jun 14, 2025 3:26:02 GMT
Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 3:26:02 GMT
In my opinion they haven't done anything wrong, per se, just handled it differently than I would have. I would not have paid for something without knowing in advance if any of the people who I vacationed with before will actually be willing and able to go given the dates involved and the cost. I view this as them taking a chance. They may wind up in a 13 person house all alone with the entire bill to foot themselves. But they didn’t foot the bill. They bid for it and won. Was there a previous arrangement where the group usually goes away together? Did they tell anybody of the plans to bid on this beforehand? If not they did this on their own and are now trying to make a buck. I was out at dinner with the house friend and another friend on Tuesday, where we discussed needing to plan another beach vacay, but nothing concrete. The other friend's husband is going through chemo and it's difficult for them to plan based on how he may be feeling this summer. On Thursday, the silent auction offer came through. |
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Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 3:27:47 GMT
I would decline. Usually on a group trip everyone agrees on the location and budget prior to booking. For them to have bid on and won the house and now want everyone to cover their costs just feels icky to me. Feels icky to me too. |
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,025
Location: So Cal
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Post by caangel on Jun 14, 2025 3:30:47 GMT
Like many others while not the way I would have done things I don't think they have done anything wrong but take a big risk that they will be footing the whole bill.
All the silent auctions that I have run and been at have required you to write down the $$$ you are willing to spend on X item. The person with the highest $$$ at the close of the auction "wins" and immediately (or before leaving the event) pays that amount in full. Not sure why people think they won it for free.
I'm actually posting while on a vacation that was won at a silent auction and yes payment was made prior to leaving the auction event.
Edit due to added info:
-Yes I'd expect to know how much they bid and would expect to split that cost not the market value. I agree that transparency in this situation (really any with money) is important
- being able to foot the bill for accomodations for 15 people for a week is a huge privilege. Not one that I would expect many would be able to do.
- while DH and I are in a fortune position with our finances we don't assume others may also be. We will take the lead of the group regarding splitting the bill evenly or by order. I also pay attend to what others order if it is drastically different from the rest (ie salad and water vs full entre and drinks) and make a point that they (or I) shouldn't pay an even portion since the actual is significantly less
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WDTPT?
Jun 14, 2025 3:36:25 GMT
Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 3:36:25 GMT
Maybe they are trying to get back how much they contributed to the auction? If they are upfront about that, I probably would contribute. But $1,000 seems a lot when there are several couples going. The point is, they aren't being upfront about the amount of their winning bid. Each couple paid more than $1000 for our NC beach house last summer so it's not the amount, it's the lack of transparency. |
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,025
Location: So Cal
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WDTPT?
Jun 14, 2025 3:40:32 GMT
via mobile
Post by caangel on Jun 14, 2025 3:40:32 GMT
Maybe they are trying to get back how much they contributed to the auction? If they are upfront about that, I probably would contribute. But $1,000 seems a lot when there are several couples going. The point is, they aren't being upfront about the amount of their winning bid. Each couple paid more than $1000 for our NC beach house last summer so it's not the amount, it's the lack of transparency. What did they say when you asked how much they paid? |
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WDTPT?
Jun 14, 2025 4:26:04 GMT
Post by peano on Jun 14, 2025 4:26:04 GMT
The point is, they aren't being upfront about the amount of their winning bid. Each couple paid more than $1000 for our NC beach house last summer so it's not the amount, it's the lack of transparency. What did they say when you asked how much they paid? I didn't ask, because in my upbringing, one never asks such a rude question. If the amount is offered, that's another thing. |
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