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Post by mollycoddle on Jul 26, 2025 21:40:47 GMT
The world has changed. Maybe it is more dangerous than it was when I was a child in the 60s. I grew up in a small town, and we were free-range kids. Then again, everybody knew everybody else. We were very lucky because we were expected to entertain ourselves, and we did. There were no organized sports. We kids organized softball games, and if you couldn’t hit, you got picked last. I had to practice for a long time, but finally got to the point that I could slam a softball pretty far. I grew up the same way. I don't think the world was less dangerous, but we didn't have constant media reports of child abductions. Everything changed after Adam Walsh was murdered. It was much more in the public eye because his dad, John, became a crusader for missing and exploited children. I lived in South Florida when Adam got kidnapped, and suddenly, parents started getting much more particular about leaving their children alone. Social media has exacerbated these fears. There have always been evil people in the world, but now we know much more about them. I remember that, and that probably made a difference. And we got 3 channels on the tv, so people watched tv at night, generally. And there was no social media. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 26, 2025 21:43:12 GMT
I think it is wild how often people say they live in a small town, therefore it is safe. This. Kids are statistically more likely to be abducted by someone that they know. Although it’s unlikely that he knew his kidnapper, Jacob Wetterling was abducted in 1989 in small town America. The town is small—about 4,000 in 1990. I was once scolded by a mom for not following my kid around the playground. He was probably 2 and the mom just felt that my kid was in mortal danger. So she followed him around, waiting to catch him if he fell. Which he did—about 12 inches. She missed, DS dusted himself off and kept going. That kid was fearless at that age! |
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,690 
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Post by RosieKat on Jul 26, 2025 21:49:32 GMT
I definitely got judged by other parents for NOT helicoptering yet the same parents would comment on how independent and capable my child was. Yep, that was me. As long as I could see my kids in a situation like that, they could pretty much do what they wanted. (Not if they were tiny, of course, or at an actual swimming pool or something blatantly unsafe.) I used to get yelled at for letting my son climb stuff at a playground that other people thought was beyond his capability. Guess what, though? The kid was just a natural climber, so I figured it was best to put him in a relatively safe climbing situation. And I also put him in gymnastics classes, so he could learn to fall. (That last part probably helped him more than I'd like to think.) I also got semi-yelled at for letting my kids walk home from school. They were 7 and 10, and the school was literally across a large field and down a short neighborhood street from our house. They knew to stay together, all the standard rules, etc. I typically would go out in the driveway when they should be home, and would come look if they ran late. Is any of it foolproof? Sadly, no. But since you can't eliminate all risk, you have to try to give your kids the tools and practice and confidence they need for life. Have there been times I've overly hovered? Yes, probably, especially with new drivers. But I'm only human, lol. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 26, 2025 22:35:14 GMT
I do. I don’t know. We were pretty happy being free range, but it was a small town and you could walk everywhere. And there were lots of kids, too, so maybe those things made a difference? Not so small town here, in suburbia nothing is walkable. There were about 700 kids attending my kid’s elementary school, 1200 at her middle school and over 2500 at her HS now. There’s no way to know everyone. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Jul 27, 2025 0:55:45 GMT
I do. I don’t know. We were pretty happy being free range, but it was a small town and you could walk everywhere. And there were lots of kids, too, so maybe those things made a difference? Not so small town here, in suburbia nothing is walkable. There were about 700 kids attending my kid’s elementary school, 1200 at her middle school and over 2500 at her HS now. There’s no way to know everyone. Yeah, that’s what I mean. Small town, small schools, etc. I think that makes a difference. My nieces and nephews went to huge schools, and their experiences were very different from those of their parents. |
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,129
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Post by AllieC on Jul 27, 2025 23:27:00 GMT
I take my granddaughter to the splash park (prob similar thing) and I walk around with her because I like to enjoy it together. Not necessarily helicoptering. There would also be people saying the opposite of you "that Mum/Grandma is sitting there not interested in their kid" etc.
Just enjoy your time with your grandkids without judging others for what they are doing.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 28, 2025 3:00:12 GMT
The world has changed. Maybe it is more dangerous than it was when I was a child in the 60s. I've often wondered about this. Was it really safer back then? I was born in the late 60s, and had a fairly free range childhood in the 70s. But I think of all the high profile cases of child abductions and murders from the 60s, 70s, and 80s - many of which remain unsolved - and I wonder whether it really was safer back then? I'm not convinced it was. I remember back in the 70s, there was a rapist in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, referred to as "the silver gun rapist." And yet, our parents still let us walk home from school on our own. Fast forward to the mid-2000s, when I finally let my daughter walk home from school alone. I think she was in Year 5. Her dad had bought her a mobile phone (we were not together), and I made her ring me as she was passing a nature reserve with lots of bushes where a bogeyman hide behind.  And a few days later, there was a report of a child my DD's age being abducted on her way home from school. Even though it was nowhere near our suburb, I didn't want DD walking home from school after that. I never expected to be a helicopter parent, but I guess I kind of was. My friends and I laugh about how our parents mustn't have cared about us in the 70s! |
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Post by gracieplusthree on Jul 28, 2025 13:14:55 GMT
I find this fascinating and I don’t have anybody else to talk to so here you go! lol I have my grandsons (9 and 6) at the splash pad today. We live in a small town, very safe. We’ve been here about an hour. It’s very busy because it’s hot and the splash pad is free-perfect summer activity for families! I can see the entire area from where I’m sitting on a bench. The playground equipment is see through enough that I can literally keep eyes on the kids at all times. My observation is that the parents and grandparents here are helicoptering like you would not believe! I’m the only person sitting on one of the 11 benches. The rest of the adults literally hover a few feet from their child at all times. There are a couple toddlers (both in strollers and not partaking of the play areas) but otherwise I would say the kids here are 4-10 yo. Let these kids play! Let them run! Let them have conversations with other children! The lack of interaction between the people here is very odd. My granddaughter is autistic and elopes. If we aren't close, heck even sometimes when we are, you can blink and she's fleeing the area with all she's got. I watch her during the week and I can't even take her outside by myself anymore because she almost got all the way across the neighborhood and to the highway once before stopping. Zero fear and concept of danger while being super fast. |
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Post by busy on Jul 28, 2025 13:21:15 GMT
I've often wondered about this. Was it really safer back then? I was born in the late 60s, and had a fairly free range childhood in the 70s. But I think of all the high profile cases of child abductions and murders from the 60s, 70s, and 80s - many of which remain unsolved - and I wonder whether it really was safer back then? I'm not convinced it was. I have no idea about Australia, but statistically it was not safer in the US back then. We just didn't have the 24 hour news cycle or the internet so individual cases weren't shared on the news unless there was something unusual about them. TV news was covering world, national, and local stories in 30-60 minutes so much wasn't shared. Stories like that would make the newspaper, but locally/regionally. Now we're inundated with stories in real time and it *feels* like there's so much more, but there's really not. |
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,836
Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on Jul 28, 2025 14:25:31 GMT
I think it is wild how often people say they live in a small town, therefore it is safe. Perhaps I should have separated my thoughts? I live in a small town. It is safe. I wouldn't say all small towns are necessarily safe. *My* small town is safe and that is what I was speaking to. ALSO, it's a small town in the south...we're known for being very friendly, chatty, know your life story before you leave the line at the grocery store kind of people. The feel of community in a small town is different than my experience in larger cities. If I had a conversation with the people at the park, I would probably find I have a connection with most all of them in some way. Through church, through my kids, who are also now adults and have their own places in this community (ex my daughter is the high school cheer coach, another daughter was a teacher at the elementary school, we own a business here, etc). I do believe that because of this closeness we have a different level of accountability. Often times we know each other. ETA: I know bad things can happen anywhere, unfortunately. Statistically, my town is safe. I have always taught my kids about stranger danger, etc. |
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,836
Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on Jul 28, 2025 14:29:41 GMT
You know I’d love to sit on a bench when I’m at a playground but my son demands I come play with him. And everyone says “you’re gonna miss this! It goes by so fast! Don’t blink!” So I go play too. YES! As cliche as it sounds, it is so true. Go play together! There was one gentleman and (assumably) his son who were having a great time playing together. It was so fun to see! |
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 28, 2025 14:40:22 GMT
I know times are different from when we grew up, but honestly use some common sense. If you can see your child (grandchild) and you are 20 feet or whatever away from them, they are fine. What the the chances that while you are within sight and watching that someone is literally come running and snatching up your kid? Yes it COULD happen, but you are there and watching. Let them be free.
And I am saying this as my mom (I don't remember cause I was only probably 6, 7 or 8 years old) had a friend in Topeka, KS (she was our realtor) and they were friends as well. Had twins. She let the boy go on his bike for the first time by himself to go to the bowling alley. He never made it. (very similar to the Adam Walsh story).. never was able to pin it on anyone. But the story stuck with me all these years. I still let my kids ride their bikes to school or walk by themselves (although I held out until they were older, not kindergarten or 1st).. but I wouldn't helicopter either.. maybe a bit hovering.. haha
Here is a little bit on the story:
A notable case involving the killing of a child in Topeka, Kansas, is the story of Jack Hanrahan, a 12-year-old boy who was abducted and murdered in 1979.
The disappearance and discovery
Jack Hanrahan was last seen alive riding his bicycle to play pinball at a local bowling alley in Topeka, KS. His body was found floating in Dragoon Creek, located approximately 35 miles southwest of Topeka, 10 days after his disappearance.
Investigation and legal proceedings
A drifter was initially charged with the slaying, but the charges were later dropped. Years later, a different man was accused of the murder, but a jury acquitted him in 2000.
Related court case
The death of Jack Hanrahan also led to a lawsuit, Hanrahan v. Horn, where the Hanrahan family sought redress from a man who made statements about Jack's father being held for questioning in connection with the case. The lawsuit was dismissed, and a court determined Jack's father was considered a public figure in the context of the case.
Cold case status
The murder of Jack Hanrahan remains an unsolved cold case in Shawnee County, according to a 2021 article in The Topeka Capital-Journal.
Note: This information is based on the available search results and may not encompass every detail or subsequent development in the case.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,145
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Post by Just T on Jul 28, 2025 15:01:34 GMT
I don't think things are worse now than decades ago. I can still remember several terrible stories of child kidnapping/murder from my childhood in the 70s. I can't tell you the number of people and friends I have known as an adult who were molested by family members and friends back in the 60s and 70s. It just wasn't talked about.
I was never what I would call a helicopter parent, but some of my friends would poke fun at me for different things.
The story that really had an impact on my parenting was the story of Shawn Hornbeck. He was an 11 year old who disappeared in a small rural community not far from St. Louis, so it was all over our local news. He left home to ride to a friend's house, but he never made it. His parents didn't even know he never made it until hours later when he didn't come home when he was supposed to and his mom called the friend's mom. That's when she found out he never arrived. They found his bike, but never found him. Years later, when another young boy disappeared, a tip led police to a house where not only this boy was being held, but they found Shawn Hornbeck there, too. Turns out he had been living in the open, riding his bike, etc. There were times people asked him if he was Shawn Hornbeck, and he was so brainwashed, abused and scared, he always said no.
Anyway, when Shawn disappeared, my oldest son was his age. I thought of all the times my kids walked or rode bikes to friends' houses, and I started making them call me as soon as they arrived. If they didn't, I would drive there or call and make them come home. Zero tolerance. My kids knew that if they didn't call, no amount of begging or saying sorry would make me change my mind. LOL I did this until practically they were old enough to drive. Other parents I know ended up doing the same thing.
I have certainly known people others might consider to be helicopter parents, but I always figured people parented their children in ways best for them and their family. One friend would not let anyone babysit her kids. Ever. They weren't allowed to spend the night with anyone. Ever. (That is pretty common now, but it wasn't back in the 80s/90s) She had been molested for years by the son of her parents' best friends. So I always tried to keep in mind that you don't know why people do the things they do.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by iowgirl on Jul 28, 2025 16:24:10 GMT
I used to just pull up to the POOL and drop my kids off! Youngest was probably 7 and oldest was 11. She was in charge (her choice, even if I asked her not to be, they knew she'd nark on them lol).
They worked hard in the morning on the farm doing some very unpleasant stuff like picking up rocks a little bean walking, cutting thistles and mullein in pastures, cleaning shops, mowing, weed wacking, etc. The earlier they started, the cooler it would be. They took off in Gators and worked as a crew - they had to get along and each pull their own weight. They'd come home around 11, have a home cooked meal at noon and rest for a bit.
The reward was the whole afternoon at the pool and a few bucks to get get some candy and a drink. Also the reward of a new car and full tuition when they graduated high school. They had to jointly decide when they wanted to come home, because I was only going back to town once!
They were 10/10 excellent swimmers, they knew how to behave and there would be consequences if they did not.
But can you imagine if I did that now? This was 20 years ago.
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And a few days later, there was a report of a child my DD's age being abducted on her way home from school. Even though it was nowhere near our suburb, I didn't want DD walking home from school after that. I never expected to be a helicopter parent, but I guess I kind of was. My friends and I laugh about how our parents mustn't have cared about us in the 70s!
