Observation as a grandma at the splash pad

my kids are all grown now (youngest is 18 and in college) but I really noticed that shift between 1991 when I had my oldest and 2006 when I had my youngest...I definitely got judged by other parents for NOT helicoptering yet the same parents would comment on how independent and capable my child was.

It's hilarious to me. I remember being put on the city bus when I was not even 9 years old to go across town to swimming lessons at the Y. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I know it was somewhere from 6 to 8 years old bc when I was 9 I was swimming independently while visiting relatives in Florida.

My mom did ride with me the first time but after that I had to just go do it. A splash park? If I could walk to it, I would have been free to go. In grade school we walked all over and went to the pool to meet friends, no adults involved. Obviously no phones or credit cards or tracking devices or anything at all. Yes it was a smaller town (though big enough to have a bus system, combined with the neighboring cities and state), but I just can't imagine most of these hovering parents today allowing that kind of freedom.

I know we are the ones who raised these people who can't let their kids be independent, but I'm not sure how. I wonder, if I'm ever a grandma, if my kids will be overprotective as well. I know I kept closer tabs on my kids than my parents did but I was still pretty relaxed compared to parents today.

Forgot to mention the years when unattended kids at a park were reported to police because the one in a thousand super controlling person called the police and that made the news which was seen by millions of moms/dads who then felt it was too much hassle to let their kids walk to the neighborhood park to play. You and I may be very loose in not helicoptering but others in our society who don't approve of the risk benefit of allowing kids freedom have had a big impact too.

My kids are a spread in age (youngest and oldest are 13 years apart and the youngest is 9); I think that social media has made people even more helicoptery now than they were when I was raising my oldest. I don’t want to romanticize rhe 70s and 80s — it is a good thing that parents are more aware of their kids than they were then — but I think people overestimate some risks, like stranger kidnapping. I also think people worry about being judged for not supervising closely enough, and they are correct that they will be judged.

The world has changed. Maybe it is more dangerous than it was when I was a child in the 60s. I grew up in a small town, and we were free-range kids. Then again, everybody knew everybody else. We were very lucky because we were expected to entertain ourselves, and we did. There were no organized sports. We kids organized softball games, and if you couldn’t hit, you got picked last. I had to practice for a long time, but finally got to the point that I could slam a softball pretty far. That was just the way that it was.
In the summer, we would put on long pants and long sleeve shirts and walk by ourselves up the hill behind our town, (which was just woods, no houses),to pick blackberries. In the winter we went sledding down long hills by ourselves. Nobody drove you anywhere unless they were running errands of their own. But we had fun, so we didn’t care.

I think that the reason why our parents were so hands off is that anyone’s parents could correct you. Not physically, by they could tell you to stop doing something, and you had to listen, or else you got in trouble when you got home.

I think it is wild how often people say they live in a small town, therefore it is safe.

Another ‘granny’ that I know said I ‘seemed very nervous’ one time when I was with my 2 grandsons at the park. I probably was hovering - but one is 8 and one is 3. The 3 yr old copies the 8 year old and if he climbs up somewhere then can’t get down I will have to go up and get him. Not an idea I relish 🫣

But in a splash park where it’s flat and you can see them all the time - I would be more relaxed 😊

Also I have a higher level of feeling of responsibility- they are not my children so if something happened on my watch I’d feel terrible
For them and for my DD.

Yeah, coming from the generation raised on hose water and neglect, I tend to see some of today's parents as physically overprotective.

The tradeoff, though, is that most of today's kids aren't being smothered by religious expectation or the knowledge that being themselves will offend or upset their parents. So while they may be physically overprotective, I think they're much more willing to let their kids be mentally and emotionally free.

When I was about 14, we visited some relatives in a very small town. I was short and skinny so I probably looked younger. My 2 male cousins, a bit younger, and I were hanging around on our own, 1970s style when a shopkeeper brought us some candy. He then told me to come back alone and he would give me more. Needless to say I didn’t and that was the end of it but I know there were bad intentions there. I didn’t mention it to anyone. But just because towns are apparently safe doesn’t mean anything. That applies to safe residential neighborhoods.

Pilcas, I am so glad that nothing happened to you back then. You were wise to trust your instincts about that man.

This is me too. Oldest born in 1992 and youngest in 2004. I really enjoyed getting to talk to the other parents when my oldest was young, we would all be sitting on a bench or at a picnic table while the kids played. I supervised but let him make friends and play with the other kids.  With my youngest the parents were in the middle of everything and I engaged less with other parents. If they were not helicoptering around their kid they were sitting on a bench looking at their smart phone. 

I took my 9 year old granddaughter to our splash pad a few weeks ago. I noticed the same thing. My dgd is a friendly kid and talks to other kids and after 5 minutes calls them “my friend”. I’m pretty sure my dd parents the same way I did. She keeps an eye open but allows independence. 

I think the high profile cases like Adam Walsh, Jacob Wetterling and Jayme Closs have made people much more aware of what CAN happen when no one is paying attention. I mean Jacob was 11 and Jayme was 13 when they were abducted, so, not exactly little kids.

Not only this but how many parents really even know their kid’s friend’s parents these days to report back if they’re doing something stupid? I know the parents of the handful of kids my kid has been friends with since elementary school, but I only know a few of the parents of her friends from middle school on. Plus a lot live in split households so who knows which parent they are staying with on any given day? If I were to see some kid pulling something dumb I wouldn’t even know who to call.

This really makes me wonder if the younger parents now are parenting the way they do *because* they were raised in a more free range way and maybe they wish their parents would have been more involved/ aware/ strict however you want to put it? Similar to the backlash the other way when people are raised in really strict environments and then go on to be more relaxed with their own kids. KWIM?