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Post by busy on Aug 11, 2025 17:43:44 GMT
First, please do not attack me for even asking the question. This is a complicated situation and we are exploring all avenues.
My uncle passed away last night. He lived in El Dorado Hills, CA, and my brother and I are his only relatives. We're in Seattle and Portland, respectively. He has an elderly cat (we are unsure of its age and overall health condition until one of us gets there and is able to find vet records/get in touch with the vet). It's been an indoor-outdoor cat its whole life.
Our first instinct is that one of us should take it. But the reality is, neither of us are great candidates. We are both strangers to the cat and either a flight or overnight car trip would be required to get it to either of our homes. And then once it gets there... My brother travels A LOT, his husband isn't excited about having a cat, he hasn't had a pet since he lived at home in HS (he's now 56) and he lives in Seattle proper so having an indoor-outdoor cat is not feasible (I am a staunch advocate of indoor-only cats, always, but also recognize that trying to change this lifestyle for a cat at this point in its life and in the overall circumstances will be extra challenging.)
I'm much more experienced with cats, but this cat has always lived alone with our uncle. We have two cats, a large dog, and three of us in the family, plus DS's friends are frequent visitors. The busyness of our home and the presence of other pets will be a huge change for it, and likely very stressful when it's already grieving the loss of its person and home. The indoor-outdoor thing will be an issue here too, as I won't allow it to go out, but the chances of it trying to escape in the midst of so much transition feels REALLY high and worries me a lot. We don't really have a quiet place to give it its own space and segregate it from the other pets for a slow introduction.
As we talked about it this morning, I started to wonder if finding a local group that deals with senior pets in this kind of situation might be the best outcome for the cat. Since we're strangers to the cat, far away, and have less than ideal situations for it, I genuinely don't think living with either of us is in the cat's best interests. Being in a quiet, local home, where it can get the undivided attention it's used to sounds like a much better outcome for the kitty.
Has anyone had to do something similar? How did you find a group to help rehome the pet? What was the experience like overall? Any advice would be most welcome.
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Post by Merge on Aug 11, 2025 18:36:01 GMT
We took in a senior cat under similar circumstances several years ago. The family of the deceased had reached out to a local rescue that advertised the cat (actually there were four or five cats) and found homes for them.
I’d start by googling cat rescues in that area and get in touch with them. They may be able to place the cat temporarily with a foster until a permanent home can be found.
Oh and if your uncle had friends in the area, definitely see if any of them is willing to take the cat. When my parents passed, their best friends took their elderly cat in.
Best of luck to you. You’re doing a good thing by not just turning it outside or dropping it off at a high kill shelter.
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Post by Zee on Aug 11, 2025 18:41:15 GMT
That's tough when you're not local and can't foster the cat yourself.
I agree with reaching out to friends and rescues in the area but it may be hard to coordinate.
We finally found placement for MIL's elderly Chihuahua but we were able to take him in until the match was made. We used Petfinder online.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 11, 2025 18:49:40 GMT
We took in a senior cat under similar circumstances several years ago. The family of the deceased had reached out to a local rescue that advertised the cat (actually there were four or five cats) and found homes for them. I’d start by googling cat rescues in that area and get in touch with them. They may be able to place the cat temporarily with a foster until a permanent home can be found.
Oh and if your uncle had friends in the area, definitely see if any of them is willing to take the cat. When my parents passed, their best friends took their elderly cat in. Best of luck to you. You’re doing a good thing by not just turning it outside or dropping it off at a high kill shelter. This. When MIL passed she had a middle aged cat and a younger one. SIL took the younger one because she already had two about the same age, but she knew from previous interactions that the older one wouldn’t get along with the cats she already had. She asked around and found a friend of MIL’s who looooved that cat and was happy to take him because her cat had recently passed away. Win-win. He lived another several years and was perfectly happy there where he was doted on endlessly. |
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Post by busy on Aug 11, 2025 19:04:44 GMT
This is so hard because I have been soooooooo judgmental about senior pets that end up being rehomed and I'm really struggling that we're even considering it. Maybe I'm fooling myself but I do actually think it may be what's best for the cat. Oh and if your uncle had friends in the area, definitely see if any of them is willing to take the cat. When my parents passed, their best friends took their elderly cat in. He was in his 90s and all of his local friends have either passed away or are in living situations (care facilities, etc.) where they can't have a pet. Best of luck to you. You’re doing a good thing by not just turning it outside or dropping it off at a high kill shelter. I would never. Ever. |
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Post by littlemama on Aug 11, 2025 19:09:48 GMT
First, Im sorry for your loss
Second, you dont have to defend the fact that you are not able to take in the cat. No one is obligated to do so.
I would try to find a rescue that would be willing to take him in and find him a suitable home.
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Post by lisae on Aug 11, 2025 19:19:25 GMT
I really don't think moving an older cat to your or your brother's home in another state would work well. I've never tried to make an indoor/outdoor only indoor but that probably wouldn't go well either. I would be asking the neighbors or his friends or looking for a no-kill shelter in his area.
I had to rehome my mother's cat and a relative took her fortunately. It is that cat's 4th home and she has adjusted nicely. She was about 12 years old at the time and still with us. I cat sit when they travel. The living situation - outdoor only - was very similar to what she had at my mother's house which helped.
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Post by sassyangel on Aug 11, 2025 19:20:23 GMT
I have not had to do this, but i just wanted to comment to validate and empathize with your obviously conflicted feelings. You’ve obviously given this a ton of thought. Honestly, a ton more thought of whats best for the cat than people who would just take it in obligation. And this is coming from someone who is likewise appalled at the callous way people treat senior pets. But the truth is you are absolutely correct - no matter what you do (take it or rehome) this cat’s life is going to change from what it has always known. Personally, I would definitely try to spare it a (potentially traumatic at its age) flight or long drive - and try to find a local rescue to rehome it. Good luck.
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Post by arrow on Aug 11, 2025 20:30:55 GMT
Check with your uncles neighbours too. When I moved overseas my neighbour approached me to see if Cat was moving with me. He used to sneak over every day for a snack and cuddle time with my elderly neighbour and he said he was going to miss him if I took him! Cat lived a very spoilt life after I moved!
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Post by gryroagain on Aug 11, 2025 21:58:10 GMT
Im on my second elderly tuxedo that is horribly overweight and was dumped its elderly person died. Seems like such an oddly specific circumstance yet I’ve had so many cats it’s repeating 😂
It would be best for the cat to keep its quiet lifestyle (and indoor outdoor to be possible if the cat does poorly only indoors), IMO. The problem is finding that I’m afraid. Both my fatties were solo cats and never made any cat friends, just got to tolerating them. They both terrorized various dogs their entire lives- no tolerating for that, the dogs just had to deal. They were safe, and learned to be happy actually, and as I was last resort there was no other choice. Since you are in the US you have a more robust network of rescues than I ever had, so it’s worth it for the cat to try. Have you got a spare room the cat can be fostered in while you look? If it involves a drive to get the cat anyway, cast a wide net for rescues starting ASAP.
Thank you for not just dumping him at a high kill shelter (fatty 1) or on the street (fatty 2). Best of luck to you and the poor kitty!
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 11, 2025 22:00:51 GMT
I agree with neighbors and contacting a local rescue. The cat will be rehomed regardless (I don't really see moving to a different state with strangers as less rehoming), so finding a home that creates the least stress to the animal would be in their best interest. Hopefully you can find a satisfactory local solution.
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Post by voltagain on Aug 11, 2025 22:19:38 GMT
First, please do not attack me for even asking the question. This is a complicated situation and we are exploring all avenues. My uncle passed away last night. He lived in El Dorado Hills, CA, and my brother and I are his only relatives. We're in Seattle and Portland, respectively. He has an elderly cat (we are unsure of its age and overall health condition until one of us gets there and is able to find vet records/get in touch with the vet). It's been an indoor-outdoor cat its whole life. Our first instinct is that one of us should take it. But the reality is, neither of us are great candidates. We are both strangers to the cat and either a flight or overnight car trip would be required to get it to either of our homes. And then once it gets there... My brother travels A LOT, his husband isn't excited about having a cat, he hasn't had a pet since he lived at home in HS (he's now 56) and he lives in Seattle proper so having an indoor-outdoor cat is not feasible (I am a staunch advocate of indoor-only cats, always, but also recognize that trying to change this lifestyle for a cat at this point in its life and in the overall circumstances will be extra challenging.) I have moved a cat long distance (across the Atlantic), and taken an indoor/outdoor cat to become an indoor only cat. It IS possible but yes, it can be challenging. The flight had a huge mental impact on the cat he never quite seemed to recover from. Before the move he had not be the least bit skittish. After that move he was skittish and never fully recovered his previous confident bravado. The other animals in your house will be a greater challenge for the elderly guy than learning to stay inside. I would start by googling cat rescues in the area he currently lives in. Area vets may also have contact for people who rescue cats in need. |
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,366
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Aug 12, 2025 0:26:37 GMT
No judgement from me. I agree- neither you nor your brother would be ideal. There are rescues in that area who will take pets of deceased loved ones in.
I’m about 90 min from el dorado hills and I know there’s a group (but cannot for the life of me remember it) that will take in senior pets. Usually they try to pair them with veterans or seniors looking for a pet. Ask at the local petsmart/petco they may know. I’ll ask a friend of mine locally and see if she can come up with a contact for you. She’s very active in the humane society here.
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Post by wallyagain on Aug 12, 2025 0:37:35 GMT
In Canada, there is an organization called My Grandfather’s Cat that deals with exactly this situation. Is there such a thing in the US?
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ellen
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,128 
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Post by ellen on Aug 12, 2025 0:44:34 GMT
My husband’s aunt passed away and had two dogs. We were the only family in the area and had a three year old who was terrified of dogs so we couldn’t take them. Rather than try to find homes on our own we talked to someone from the local animal shelter who said they help with this type of thing often. They have a lot more connections for placing pets. The dogs were placed in a home together within two weeks. Had they not tried to place them together they would have been adopted immediately. They shared a follow up email that they received about a month after they were placed and both dogs were thriving.
We knew we were not a good home for the dogs and everything worked out well.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,366
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Aug 12, 2025 0:56:04 GMT
My friend said that there’s a great place in Lincoln. Try contacting them. fieldhaven.com/ |
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Post by chaosisapony on Aug 12, 2025 0:59:39 GMT
First, please do not attack me for even asking the question. This is a complicated situation and we are exploring all avenues. My uncle passed away last night. He lived in El Dorado Hills, CA, and my brother and I are his only relatives. We're in Seattle and Portland, respectively. He has an elderly cat (we are unsure of its age and overall health condition until one of us gets there and is able to find vet records/get in touch with the vet). It's been an indoor-outdoor cat its whole life. Our first instinct is that one of us should take it. But the reality is, neither of us are great candidates. We are both strangers to the cat and either a flight or overnight car trip would be required to get it to either of our homes. And then once it gets there... My brother travels A LOT, his husband isn't excited about having a cat, he hasn't had a pet since he lived at home in HS (he's now 56) and he lives in Seattle proper so having an indoor-outdoor cat is not feasible (I am a staunch advocate of indoor-only cats, always, but also recognize that trying to change this lifestyle for a cat at this point in its life and in the overall circumstances will be extra challenging.) I'm much more experienced with cats, but this cat has always lived alone with our uncle. We have two cats, a large dog, and three of us in the family, plus DS's friends are frequent visitors. The busyness of our home and the presence of other pets will be a huge change for it, and likely very stressful when it's already grieving the loss of its person and home. The indoor-outdoor thing will be an issue here too, as I won't allow it to go out, but the chances of it trying to escape in the midst of so much transition feels REALLY high and worries me a lot. We don't really have a quiet place to give it its own space and segregate it from the other pets for a slow introduction. As we talked about it this morning, I started to wonder if finding a local group that deals with senior pets in this kind of situation might be the best outcome for the cat. Since we're strangers to the cat, far away, and have less than ideal situations for it, I genuinely don't think living with either of us is in the cat's best interests. Being in a quiet, local home, where it can get the undivided attention it's used to sounds like a much better outcome for the kitty. Has anyone had to do something similar? How did you find a group to help rehome the pet? What was the experience like overall? Any advice would be most welcome. Reach out to Fieldhaven Feline Rescue. Eldorado Hills may be a little outside their area (they are local to Lincoln/Roseville) but if they can't help they know all the rescue groups. They help network in these situations all the time and can advertise the cat to all of their followers and help it find a great home. They are a fantastic organization. |
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,366
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Aug 12, 2025 1:02:59 GMT
First, please do not attack me for even asking the question. This is a complicated situation and we are exploring all avenues. My uncle passed away last night. He lived in El Dorado Hills, CA, and my brother and I are his only relatives. We're in Seattle and Portland, respectively. He has an elderly cat (we are unsure of its age and overall health condition until one of us gets there and is able to find vet records/get in touch with the vet). It's been an indoor-outdoor cat its whole life. Our first instinct is that one of us should take it. But the reality is, neither of us are great candidates. We are both strangers to the cat and either a flight or overnight car trip would be required to get it to either of our homes. And then once it gets there... My brother travels A LOT, his husband isn't excited about having a cat, he hasn't had a pet since he lived at home in HS (he's now 56) and he lives in Seattle proper so having an indoor-outdoor cat is not feasible (I am a staunch advocate of indoor-only cats, always, but also recognize that trying to change this lifestyle for a cat at this point in its life and in the overall circumstances will be extra challenging.) I'm much more experienced with cats, but this cat has always lived alone with our uncle. We have two cats, a large dog, and three of us in the family, plus DS's friends are frequent visitors. The busyness of our home and the presence of other pets will be a huge change for it, and likely very stressful when it's already grieving the loss of its person and home. The indoor-outdoor thing will be an issue here too, as I won't allow it to go out, but the chances of it trying to escape in the midst of so much transition feels REALLY high and worries me a lot. We don't really have a quiet place to give it its own space and segregate it from the other pets for a slow introduction. As we talked about it this morning, I started to wonder if finding a local group that deals with senior pets in this kind of situation might be the best outcome for the cat. Since we're strangers to the cat, far away, and have less than ideal situations for it, I genuinely don't think living with either of us is in the cat's best interests. Being in a quiet, local home, where it can get the undivided attention it's used to sounds like a much better outcome for the kitty. Has anyone had to do something similar? How did you find a group to help rehome the pet? What was the experience like overall? Any advice would be most welcome. Reach out to Fieldhaven Feline Rescue. Eldorado Hills may be a little outside their area (they are local to Lincoln/Roseville) but if they can't help they know all the rescue groups. They help network in these situations all the time and can advertise the cat to all of their followers and help it find a great home. They are a fantastic organization. That’s 2 votes for FieldHaven! My friend who is active in rescues and TNR suggested them too! I provided the link to their site just above your post. ❤️ |
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Post by malibou on Aug 12, 2025 15:43:41 GMT
Another that has heard great things about FieldHaven! You are doing the right thing for all parties involved. Thank you.
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