Has anyone held their child back in 5th grade and has advice

I never held my kid back, and my kid was not born early, but he is one of the youngest kids in his class. He was born July 26th 2002 and the cut off when he started Kindy is 5 on or before Aug. 15th. So there are not too many kids younger than him. Because of that he has struggled. I wish I would of waited another yr to put him in kindy, but a lot of people( even the preschool teachers) said to send him. if he gets behind they will get him the help he needs. Well Kindy was great. He was a bit behind but we worked hard and he did everything. Then we moved a mile away and he had to change schools. that was bad! the new school, while in the same district. sucked! Buy 4th and 5th grade he was behind. we were ending Elem school like we started off. here is my advice and it is the best I can give you and THANK GOD it worked for us.

1st we did 1 summer of tutoring for Math and we did the summer reading program at the library. he loved going to pick out books all summer to read them and our Library has a special thing on Fridays where you find "fido" ( a little dog figurine) and you get a prize. So that was enough motivation to get him there every friday. The other thing we did was Bought AN IPAD. This was the best thing we could of ever done. seriously. There are so many learning apps on the Ipad, it is amazing what your kids can learn. My DH was all Anti Ipad ( he hates apple products) But when I told him that a friend of ours handed it to her 4 yr old during a volleyball game and that M could take the state with out the name and place it on the states map and she could shout out what the state was, he finally gave in. We ordered the states game, Its called Stack the states, they have one for the countries too! and lots of Math Games. One is called Meteor math. It covers + - x and / this one is our Ds favorite and he still plays it from time to time. Its like a video game, but you are learning math. We have a few others that are good, The IPAD is charging, I can come back tomorrow and list them for you. Anyway.... We made him start with the addition and do it for 15 mins every day after school. I would sit with him while he did it. When he got fast on the addition, we moved to subtraction and so on. This all happened in the middle 5th grade ( we got the IPAD around christmas). DS is now in 7th grade and does well, he has not struggled like he did in 5th grade at all. I have to say, His 6th grade year was probably his best year ever! he had great teachers, that were willing to work with him when he did need help ( which was not often) we met with the teachers to let them know he struggled in Elem school. So they were really watching him, because we were worried. We would go to conferences and they would say "Nothin to worry about, He's got this!"

Anyway, Sorry for the long story, this is what worked for us. if you do decided to hold him back, Make sure it is something that you talk with him about. he might not think he is doing as bad as you feel he is and it might hurt his feelings and make the "he thinks he is stupid" worse. And after re-reading your last paragraph... Your kiddo sounds just like mine. Our DS has so much Empathy for others and is so caring and kind, It is just incredible. The teachers are always saying how much they adore him ( yes even in 6th and 7th grade) My mom always says he is like her. I always Quickly correct her and tell her he is like NONE OF US, He is that one thing...where a million wrongs, made 1 right.

Don't do Sylvan, I don't find it worth the money. Especially if you need one on one work. Get a private tutor, we've has good luck with a website called wyzant.com.

As to holding him back, it may be tough, but it may be better now, than having issues through the rest of school.

Maybe you could use this next year working on skills for multitasking.

IF, big if, he was my child I would probably find him another school, most likely a private one, for next year. For a variety of reasons. The school will most likely not support you in holding him back. Your only choice in doing so might be enrolling him in a private school. Also, in 5th grade there can be a stigma associated with being held back. Placing him in a different school would remove that. I do not suggest a private school because I think they are better than public. Just the opposite. Where I live private schools are woefully behind public. You wouldn't know it from reading the propaganda associated with them, of course. But if you compare apples to apples, it becomes more apparent. You would probably need to talk to some public school teachers in your area, even the middle school counselors, to get a better idea of what private schools are best for you.

Regarding the "catching up" that bwife mentioned - I don't know your school/situation, but I've heard very similar stories. Please do not blame the school or the teachers for not being able to help kids "catch up." Blame the system, if you like. But be aware that the supports that were there for teachers even a generation ago are not there any longer. Teachers can have multiple children in their classrooms that have diagnosed special needs. Yet not have paras in the room to help. Class sizes are larger than ever before. Aides have all but disappeared. I would NEVER suggest a child that is a little bit behind be placed in kindergarten in the hopes that the teacher can work miracles. Expecting a teacher to get a kindergartener who was behind to be caught up, every.single.time is like expecting an oncologist to never have a patient die. A pediatric dentist to never have to fill a cavity.

I would try to find private tutors. My daughter who is not as old as your son (she is in 2nd grade) has excelled in reading and I attribute it to her Orton Gillingham tutor. It is an approach to reading that is used with kids who are dyslexic although it can certainly be used for kids who are not. She has improved so much! She went from hating to read to loving it and from feeling stupid to feeling smart. As her reading improved (she doesn't hesitate on words as much) her reading comprehension improved. The more smoothly she reads the better her comprehension. I hope that makes sense. Her tutor has also helped her a little with math but I think that by 5th grade she will probably need a specialized math tutor. Google Orton Gillingham tutors and your city name. 

Also, if you have a local university, they might have a summer reading camp. Google "summer reading camps" for your city or call the education department of the university. My daughter went to one that was two weeks and she loved it! She also participated in a summer reading "contest" at the library.

I don't have any advice on repeating 5th grade. I guess I would consult with his teacher and have him tested.

You are a good mama!

(((hugs))) making a decision like this is tough!

We held DS back in 1st grade. We had moved to MI just before he started Kindergarten and the cut-off here was 12/31, since he has a June b-day we figured he'd be right in the middle. Wrong. He was almost the youngest. Kind was ok, but he really struggled in 1st grade. Technically his grades were ok enough that if we wanted he could be promoted to 2nd, the ball was in our court. I cried at the meeting with the teacher/principal/reading specialist. We decided to give DS an extra year of 1st, he just needed more practice. He was not happy and cried about it. It sucked seeing him hurt.

We got to choose which teacher he would have for 1st grade do-over and chose the well-respected male teacher. I'll never forget conference we had with him, he said "holding him back was the best thing you could have done for that kid". I asked DS, now 13/7th grade, awhile back if he regrets us holding him back in 1st grade. He said absolutely not. At the time he knew 1 kid in his grade (a neighbor) and he was quick to make new friends. He is taller than alot of the kids, but he's just a tall kid, he's not the oldest in the class. He's well liked and has no lasting effects to repeating 1st.

All that said, 5th grade is alot different than 1st. I wouldn't hesitate to hold back a kid in early elem. I would talk to your DS and see what he thinks. Just tell him you're seeing him struggle and tell him you are thinking about it, or that you read something and wondered how he felt. We were very careful to take all the "blame" on the decision for DS, it was us to wanted him to have "more practice", it wasn't his faul and his teacher didn't hate him, it was us.

1st... OP.. Sorry for this book I am about to write, I am not trying to take over your thread...  


I am aware of the need for Paras, I am one in our district.  I was in no way saying it was a teachers responsibility to catch any kid up.  In fact, I never even used that phrase.  In our district, if a Child needs extra help, every Elem building has extra support teachers for things like extra writing help, extra time with speech, extra reading time, taking tests... etc.  When our kid started Kindy, we worked with the teacher to find out what we needed to do at home.  Dont think I sent this kid to school expecting a miracle.  With regards to my DS.  I actually do blame the teacher / principal for him falling behind.  2nd grade was a very tough year.  I dont care what anyone says, there are teachers that are teaching that ABSOLUTELY. SHOULD. NOT. BE.! His 2nd grade teacher is one of them. End of story.  if you are a 2nd grade teacher and 1/2 of your class is FAILING tests and other stuff, There is a problem.  We asked Multiple times for him to be moved and the principal did not feel like that was a good choice, because of numbers.  Not because of what my kid needed.  Not because of what other kids needed.  but because of numbers.  The difference from the school we came from ( Which our other kids went to and 1 went kindy - 6th grade there, So I was VERY familiar with how things worked) to the new school in the same district 1 mile away was Night and Day!  it was insane how unwilling the teachers and principal were to talk with you, answer questions and interact with Parents.  We should of moved them ( I had 2 going there at the time), But because the following summer the state passed the law allowing the class sizes to be bigger, we were stuck.

Once our DS got into 3rd grade, His Teacher there was AWESOME!  She had a kid just like him, she she knew exactly what to do to get his attention and get him to work.  Because after an entire yr of 2nd grade without ever having to focus on anything.... he was a mess as were most of the kids that came from her class.  In 4th grade he got the New teacher.  She was Great as well! She encouraged him and he worked hard (as did we) with still trying to get him back on track.  See in 4th grade you have issues with Math if you did not learn your addition and subtraction flash cards.  he didnt learn them because the teacher in 2nd grade didnt feel like they needed to know them I asked, and was told they were doing something different with this class. So we worked on math and some reading all summer between 4th and 5th grade.  

Then in 5th grade it was not any better, He got the same grouchy teacher our DD had 2 yrs before, Only this time, She was going through a really, really bad divorce ( I knew this because I happened to be working at the same school and class with her adult daughter, she would have stories daily about her parents.  ugh)   She didnt have any trouble bringing her stress into the classroom.  She should of taken a leave of absence it was that bad.  But we worked hard with him as did one of the other 5th grade teachers ( they had 2 teachers their 5th grade yr) and he passed 5th grade, not with flying colors, but he did pass!  We could not wait for him to go on to Middle School.  So the summer between 5th and 6th, we hit it harder with the IPAD and got a personal Tutor that he went to 1 to 2x a week.  She worked with him on Math and some reading comprehension stuff.  Trying to get him ready for Middle school English class ( they read lots of little stories and then have to answer questions or write something about the story).  

He started Middle school ( 6th grade)  and we decided to be proactive.  We set up a meeting with all of the teachers the 1st week.  We went through everything that had happened  ( because of some of his inability to focus, things drive him crazy, kids tapping, chewing gum, humming.... So in Elem school, They FINALLY agreed to look at his test scores and they started pulling him out of class for some of them.  he went from nearly failing the test to getting an A with just the craziness taken out of the class room)  we explained the test taking thing and they all agreed to let him do his own thing, but keep a close eye on it.  In middle school here things move fast.  So if we would of waited until conferences to talk to the teachers, He could of already been in a rut and been failing.  We went to conferences in Oct that year and had the best report about DS we have ever had.  They all said he is doing well.  he had all A's and B's.  he was finally getting it! For fall conferences they had all of the kids write the best thing about middle school..... he wrote.. " The best thing is having different teachers all day.  Sometimes teachers can be grumpy and in Elem school you have to be with that teacher all day while they are in a bad mood.  In middle school you only have to be with them for an hr."  ALL of his teachers thought that was the MOST Hilarious Honest answer any kid had ever given!  So far 7th grade is going well for him too.  He had some issues last semester thinking he was getting good grades so he did not have to try so hard ( he was rushing through work just to turn it in, so he did not have to bring it home and actually take 10 mins to do the paper! ... Just boy stuff, My oldest DS went through the same thing about his age!) But he understands now that we started a clean slate at school this week and he needs to buckle down and bring that work home!  

So Sorry for the book for those that actually read it.  Once I started Typing... I could not stop!  

I have ZERO expertise in this area but I will tell you what happened with my DSS. He was in 4th grade and was struggling. He had struggled in every grade leading up to this. It was always discussed as to whether or not to hold him back but he was never held back. When he was in 4th, he really struggled because he was behind the other kids and couldn't keep up. When he returned to school after Christmas, he went into the 3rd grade class and repeated the 2nd half of 3rd grade. The next school year, he went back into 4th grade along with all of the other kids who were 3rd grade the previous school year. He did fine the rest of the way.

As for how it affected him, I don't think it bothered him at all. That doesn't mean it won't affect other kids, just talking about DSS. Not long ago, we were having a discussion and it was brought up that he was turning 19 at the time he graduated. He didn't remember that at all. He thought he was turning 18 when he graduated like the majority of his class. His birthday is in late May so right at the time of graduation. He had a weird look on his face and said the year he graduated. He then thought about the year he was born and realized he did turn 19, not 18. Being held back was a non-issue for him and helped him greatly.

around here I've heard this labeled the "gift" of an extra year. It's usually used when discussing delayed kindergarten starts, but if it fits- use it!

By fifth grade DS probably needs to be part of dwcision making process...imho

We seriously considered holding DD back in 1st grade but were dissuaded by the school. There is a snowball effect when you have a child struggling and even if they can get extra help, they are pulled out of class and have to miss something else. She was always playing catch-up and ended up 2.5 standard deviations below the mean for her grade level. 

IMHO, to hold the child back is just to give them more of the same and you already know that isn't working. We pulled DD from the school and I homeschooled her through a charter for 2 years. She is a Senior on track to graduate with a 3.4 GPA.

The biggest thing homeschooling did for her was to get her confidence back.

You say you have talked to specialist at school, but have you pushed for a thorough evaluation? Even our first school eval with DD didn't give us much. We ended up going outside to a Behavioral Pschologist and Audiologist for her diagnosis of ADHD (this we didn't expect) and an Auditory Processing Disorder (what we suspected). The APD diagnosis qualified DD to work with a SLP which was the therapy she needed.

FTR we also did Sylvan for a while and I do not recommend them at all.

{{hugs}} to you

ETA I homeschooled for Gr 5 & 6

I would start with a full outside evaluation for learning disabilities. Often a child struggles because of undiagnosed problems. There is significantly higher risk of drop out and long term academic under performance in older children in a particular grade (no that does not mean every child struggles, and you don't need to post about your older child who has thrived and is on their way to Harvard). It's an increase in RISK - many, many older children do well - but the studies are compelling that the increased risk shouldn't be ignored. The big risk is that they repeat a grade, continue to struggle, and are now 100% convinced that they are stupid. It's horrible to read the reports. The studies showed that the fact that they were the oldest in the class and knew that their younger peers were outperforming them really impacted their confidence. The older the child, the more aware they are that they're repeating - so at 5th grade I would be EXTREMELY cautious that you're not exacerbating his lack of confidence.

This doesn't necessarily sound like a preemie issue/catching up issue. It sounds like he has a several of the signs that point to dyslexia - the math, reading, and comprehension struggles. Having problems with a lists of tasks is also a sign of dyslexia. I would consider having him tested for that. Sylvan will not be able to help much with that. Here are a list of issues that dyslexics often struggle with - www.dys-add.com/dyslexia.html#anchorSymptoms

The building with legos is also another sign.  It comes easy to many dyslexics because they can visualize the structure of what they are building and see it in their head in 3-D.  That makes no sense to me, but my husband and son both say they see in pictures, and they are both dyslexic.

eebud - my boys got their driving permits in eighth grade. I let them drive to school (with me) and it was funny to see the other kids' faces. Mine were/will be 19 when they graduate also. My youngest has his 19th birthday the day before graduation. I was 17 when I graduated and I think my son is 100 times more prepared for college than I was.

I was also 17 when I graduated.  However, when I started school, the cutoff was December 31st in the state I grew up in.  I have a late August birthday.  There were a lot of kids younger than me.  Also, we were able to get our driver's license at 15 so lots of kids were driving beginning in 10th grade.  Dang, that seems so long ago.  LOL  

I was actually glad that conversation happened with DSS.  He really did not remember that he had been held back.  

I haven't read all the replies yet. However, I would not factor in size too heavily. I have a May born son. Since many kids hold back boys, even those born in summer, he is potentially one of the younger kids. He's also small for his age. Even his cousin a year younger is now quite a bit taller. Boys sprout at different times (DS is now 14).

He tried sports but he's more into making videos/editing etc. He also loves marching band. Many of his best friends have been girls throughout school but he also gets along with most anybody.

I wanted to hold him back from starting school but DH wasn't on board. Had I done it, he'd still be small even with an extra year to grow. He's doing ok academically. Another year there wouldn't have helped though since he just doesn't like most things about high school.

In your case, I think I would try more supports but I don't blame you for being worried about him juggling all that middle school entails.