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Post by bearmom on Jul 7, 2014 0:58:25 GMT
Dd told me today that one of her friends met a guy on-line (dd is 14). Her friend, I don't know which one, met this guy on a social site and then down loaded a texting app and texts this guy constantly. This has been going on for a few months. He supposedly is 14 and lives in Chicago, he only has a 1st generation iPad so he can't send pics of himself. Sound fishy to anyone?
Dd, of course, forbids me to tell anyone (even dh) and even broke down saying she wished she hadn't told me.
i have to tell the parent, right? Only I don't know which friend it is. I can narrow it down to a few (I think, but I can't be sure). I did talk to dh and he had a few suggestions, but nothing I hadn't already suggested to dd (anonymous, me texting/calling all the parents instead of just the one, having dd tell).
Dd did did face time her friend after we talked and told her how bad this is and that she needs to tell her parents. Her friend said she would think about it (which means no).
Thanks for any ideas or suggestions.
FYI, I will be offline for the rest of the night......
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Post by chaosisapony on Jul 7, 2014 1:02:16 GMT
Because no one has ever sent photos anywhere on the internet in the last 20+ years. Riiiiight.
I would use this as a teaching opportunity for your daughter about appropriate internet usage and why things like what I quoted above are red flags. Unfortunately it looks like her friend will be learning these things the hard way.
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ingrid
Full Member
Posts: 490
Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
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Post by ingrid on Jul 7, 2014 1:04:23 GMT
I have questions to ask before I can give you my thoughts, but I guess that's not going to work out if you're signing off. I'm wondering if your DD has the contact info and if she at least knows what social site they met on and his username. If the girl says anything about meeting the guy or does something like giving him her address, the parents need to know. I don't care who's upset about it.
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Post by lumo on Jul 7, 2014 1:10:25 GMT
DH and I just watched this documentary over the weekend about the kind of shit people can get into online: Talhotblond
And yes, IMO the parents need to know. As a mother, I would WANT to know. You could wind up saving someone's life. |
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plkelley
New Member
Posts: 7
Jun 26, 2014 17:35:57 GMT
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Post by plkelley on Jul 7, 2014 3:34:33 GMT
Look on your daughters device to see who she face-timed and call that girl's mother and father immediately. When your daughter gets mad at you for it (btw what is with a 14 year old forbidding you to do anything), have her watch Megan is Missing so she can find out what happens to little girls who think they know what they are doing.
I don't even see a dilemma here. You are an adult, she and her friend are children and her friend is in danger. Possibly very serious danger. Be the mom, not the friend.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387 
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Post by cycworker on Jul 7, 2014 4:23:49 GMT
Ya gotta be the Mom here and tell. She'll be upset for a little while, but she'll get over it. Been there. The friend will get over it, too. It will be a rough few weeks, but it is better than the potentially awful alternative.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 7, 2014 4:44:10 GMT
Sure you know which friend, the one she face timed, which is traceable. I assume your DD face timed on a device you provided and pay for? So go check out who she facetimed.
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Post by Megan on Jul 7, 2014 5:05:58 GMT
Have you ever watched Catfish?! Yes, be the mom.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 7, 2014 5:47:13 GMT
Yes, tell the child's mother. At first glance it looks like a classic case of online grooming. Next thing you know she will be arranging to meet him and he will be the oldest looking teenager ever.
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Post by scrapalotomous on Jul 7, 2014 7:23:52 GMT
I think I would tell my daughter that she should really go ahead and tell me which friend, because it's going to be awfully embarrassing for me when I call all her friends' parents to find out myself. Is there a way YOU can take the fall for this? Let your daughter tell her friend that you read her texts without her permission so she won't know that your daughter told? I always tell my kids, you can blame me if you need to. Make me the mean mom if it makes it easier to do hard things. I don't care. I agree that in this exact situation, I would have to make the call. I think this is an excellent suggestion. I too always tell my kids to blame me if they have to. Great advice. |
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Post by Katiepotatie on Jul 7, 2014 7:43:08 GMT
Is there a way YOU can take the fall for this? Let your daughter tell her friend that you read her texts without her permission so she won't know that your daughter told? I always tell my kids, you can blame me if you need to. Make me the mean mom if it makes it easier to do hard things. I don't care. I agree that in this exact situation, I would have to make the call.
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Post by bearmom on Jul 7, 2014 11:51:58 GMT
I think I would tell my daughter that she should really go ahead and tell me which friend, because it's going to be awfully embarrassing for me when I call all her friends' parents to find out myself. Is there a way YOU can take the fall for this? Let your daughter tell her friend that you read her texts without her permission so she won't know that your daughter told? I always tell my kids, you can blame me if you need to. Make me the mean mom if it makes it easier to do hard things. I don't care. I agree that in this exact situation, I would have to make the call. That will work, I'm sure her friends know that we used to check her phone frequently. I know she will be mad at me and her friend will probably be mad at her, but that's life. I will have to get into her FaceTime to find out which friend it is so it wouldn't be that far from the truth. I will talk to dd again tonight, I just hope that this doesn't stop her from telling me stuff in the future (which is a fear of mine about telling the parents, not that I will let that interfere with sharing what I know). Patenting sucks sometimes....... Thanks everyone for confirming what I was thinking. To the pp: she mention both the site and the texting app, but I didn't recognize either of them. Another issue re: parenting, trying to keep up to date on all the apps!! |
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Post by Really Red on Jul 7, 2014 12:13:48 GMT
Just want to say I know someone who was trying to catch her husband cheating. She created an entire persona and it was so DANG EASY. She created this person with pictures and all. While I think you are right to tell the parents, I do think that if this person was an older person, they would have zero problems uploading pictures of 14yo boys. ZERO. It does make me think it's probably an idiot 14yo boy. As a parent, I would still want to know. Good luck.
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,259
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Jul 7, 2014 13:41:13 GMT
We just had an incident here with a 14yo girl who had been texting someone that she thought was a teenage boy. They set up a meeting at her house. Turns out the "boy" was 40something man from over 500 miles away. He went to her house and they met. The girl ended up getting in his car (not sure if she went willingly or not) and he drove her to his home that was over 500 miles away.
He ended up being caught and luckily the girl was returned home. Not a whole lot of details have been released, but this story is just scary as Hell to me.
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Post by bearmom on Jul 7, 2014 14:48:13 GMT
We just had an incident here with a 14yo girl who had been texting someone that she thought was a teenage boy. They set up a meeting at her house. Turns out the "boy" was 40something man from over 500 miles away. He went to her house and they met. The girl ended up getting in his car (not sure if she went willingly or not) and he drove her to his home that was over 500 miles away. He ended up being caught and luckily the girl was returned home. Not a whole lot of details have been released, but this story is just scary as Hell to me. Do you have a link to this story, this is exactly what my biggest fear is. That and her texting pictures of herself. |
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Post by pmk on Jul 7, 2014 14:53:52 GMT
I think I would tell my daughter that she should really go ahead and tell me which friend, because it's going to be awfully embarrassing for me when I call all her friends' parents to find out myself. Is there a way YOU can take the fall for this? Let your daughter tell her friend that you read her texts without her permission so she won't know that your daughter told? I always tell my kids, you can blame me if you need to. Make me the mean mom if it makes it easier to do hard things. I don't care. I agree that in this exact situation, I would have to make the call. That will work, I'm sure her friends know that we used to check her phone frequently. I know she will be mad at me and her friend will probably be mad at her, but that's life. I will have to get into her FaceTime to find out which friend it is so it wouldn't be that far from the truth. I will talk to dd again tonight, I just hope that this doesn't stop her from telling me stuff in the future (which is a fear of mine about telling the parents, not that I will let that interfere with sharing what I know). Patenting sucks sometimes....... Thanks everyone for confirming what I was thinking. To the pp: she mention both the site and the texting app, but I didn't recognize either of them. Another issue re: parenting, trying to keep up to date on all the apps!! I think I would go for the option of being the fall guy if it's possible. As a side issue, so you mind me asking what the site and app are? I think if myself as up to date but I'm probably the opposite!! |
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Post by tuva42 on Jul 7, 2014 14:58:09 GMT
The board ate my post!
I think you have to find out who the child is and call her parents. Tell your DD exactly what could happen if this guy turns out to be a pedophile.
I think it would also be a good idea to tell your DD that she cannot "forbid" you to do anything. This is a safety issue, this girl could be in real danger.
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,259
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Jul 7, 2014 20:26:27 GMT
We just had an incident here with a 14yo girl who had been texting someone that she thought was a teenage boy. They set up a meeting at her house. Turns out the "boy" was 40something man from over 500 miles away. He went to her house and they met. The girl ended up getting in his car (not sure if she went willingly or not) and he drove her to his home that was over 500 miles away. He ended up being caught and luckily the girl was returned home. Not a whole lot of details have been released, but this story is just scary as Hell to me. Do you have a link to this story, this is exactly what my biggest fear is. That and her texting pictures of herself. Here is a link: 13yo girl kidnappedAnd another: Another link |
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Jul 7, 2014 20:30:25 GMT
Tell her you know she's upset that you might tell her friend's mom, but ask her how upset she'll be if her friend disappears and is either sold into the sex-trade or found dead in a ditch somewhere. Put things into perspective for your DD so you both can help her friend who obviously isn't thinking with any kind of good judgement right now.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387
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Post by cycworker on Jul 7, 2014 21:48:45 GMT
Tell her you know she's upset that you might tell her friend's mom, but ask her how upset she'll be if her friend disappears and is either sold into the sex-trade or found dead in a ditch somewhere. Put things into perspective for your DD so you both can help her friend who obviously isn't thinking with any kind of good judgement right now. This. And also let her know you will take the fall for her. I, in fact, had to do both of these things when my cousin wanted to drive her to an party that was totally unsafe. I just said, "Tell them you can't trust my driving in the daytime let alone at night, and with our luck we'd get pulled over or in a car accident." It's a gross exaggeration, but it is true I hate driving at night. The reality is, on some level, your daughter knew in coming to you with the information that you wouldn't be able to keep it a secret. She's looking for help for her friend. She'd just like to get it in a way that somehow keeps her name out of the 'tattling.' |
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Post by Erica on Jul 8, 2014 1:16:20 GMT
I agree with everyone else. There's some good advice here.
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Post by mom23sweetpeas on Jul 8, 2014 1:31:29 GMT
I am familiar with this scenario but from the other side
My Dd was doing something like this at age 11!! She had an iPod and a text app which was approved by us only for a closed community of her school friends - somehow i am not sure exactly how someone from outside the closed community got a hold of her and they start texting- he was asking for pics of her and asked for a sexy one - she made her shirt into a bikini top- sexy to her her but without showing anything real ( scary as hell to me!!)
Anyway she told a friend and the friends mom phoned me and let me know- boy was I grateful!!!
WE regularly checked her phone and still do at 14 and missed it ! I had checked on Wednesday night and this started the Thursday and into the weekend- the mom phoned me Sunday night just as i was about to check it again
I was grateful to that mom that she took a risk and called
I texted the "boy" and told him she was 11 and we never heard from him again. My mom-sense tells me he was older but the number was based in pittsburgh we live in canada
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