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Post by minjoy on Feb 2, 2015 15:27:32 GMT
My 8th grade dd is 13.5, been having her period since Oct 2013, so about fifteen months. She used to be very social, in school and was very involved in the juniors American Legion outside school. But now she doesn't want to do anything with anyone. She turns down sleepovers, doesn't want to run for a new office with the jr Am. Legion. Was accepted into national junior honor society but now that the induction ceremony is tonight she doesng want to go. I'm not sure when it all started but I totally noticed it staring last summer. She's been So unsocial that when she was invited to an all day bday thing on the same day we celebrate Christmas at my dads that we talked her into going to the bday thing. It involved Sherlock stuff so she kinda wanted to go cause of that.
She is in a unique middle school program, there's only 22 8th graders. The building houses 1st - 8th and I help at lunch so I see her then. I'm positive she's not being bullied.
Sorry so long. This morning was the first time that I thought hey does she have social anxiety? I'm calling her pediatrician dr Wednesday to get her in. But I really have no idea how he can help.
Anyone else deal with this? Where it's like a total switch when your daughter hit puberty?
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Feb 2, 2015 15:48:10 GMT
My dd hasn't gone through puberty yet but I remember having on/off bouts of depression during my teen years. Could she be depressed? Have you noticed a pattern such as worsening just before her period starts?
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Feb 2, 2015 17:17:32 GMT
What things does she enjoy now? Some of us are just not social beings and maybe she has discovered that her own company of more fun than that of other people. I lived a very sheltered life growing up and have always loved quiet and solitude. My DD, on the other hand was very outgoing from the toddler stage on. One of her girls is very outgoing, the other is a quiet homebody. Your DD may have found the niche she fits into.
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Post by maryland on Feb 2, 2015 18:49:55 GMT
No problem with my two older kids, but I hear that many boys and girls suffer from social anxiety in middle school and high school. I hope your daughter is able to get back into her old habits. I know at our school once they hit 7th grade, they are mixed in with 300 new kids, and it can be really hard to make friends! My friends son had a really hard time starting 7th grade, and can home in tears often. No bullying, just the whole "middle school" thing (new school/classes/kids/etc.).
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Post by minjoy on Feb 2, 2015 19:31:44 GMT
She now prefers to just stay home all the time and is content reading or playing a pc game. She's been in this school since first grade, so the same kids except only about a third stay for the middle school program. I help at lunch, mainly with the elementary, and she wants to stay with me and help so she doesn't have to go 'outside and be sociable', her words exactly. It's like a light switch, she's completely changed. My husband isn't sociable but my dd was and now isn't. Hope the dr has some suggestions, this parenting teenagers is the hardest part so far, lol.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2015 19:38:18 GMT
She now prefers to just stay home all the time and is content reading or playing a pc game. She's been in this school since first grade, so the same kids except only about a third stay for the middle school program. I help at lunch, mainly with the elementary, and she wants to stay with me and help so she doesn't have to go 'outside and be sociable', her words exactly. It's like a light switch, she's completely changed. My husband isn't sociable but my dd was and now isn't. Hope the dr has some suggestions, this parenting teenagers is the hardest part so far, lol. She may not be bullied but not being bullied does not equal being accepted either. If 2/3rds of her class left, and that included the kids she hung with the most she may be feeling left out by those who are still there. I went to a school with a class of 23 or so... it was AWEFUL. Out of 22 about half will be male, so you are down to 10 to find your "people" who have the same interests, compatible personalities and all the complexity that goes into forming a social group.
That feeling of not belonging at one place you spend your most waking hours can rub off on feeling out of place elsewhere.
Have you talked to her about what the changes you are seeing and her perspective?
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Post by elaine on Feb 2, 2015 21:42:22 GMT
She now prefers to just stay home all the time and is content reading or playing a pc game. She's been in this school since first grade, so the same kids except only about a third stay for the middle school program. I help at lunch, mainly with the elementary, and she wants to stay with me and help so she doesn't have to go 'outside and be sociable', her words exactly. It's like a light switch, she's completely changed. My husband isn't sociable but my dd was and now isn't. Hope the dr has some suggestions, this parenting teenagers is the hardest part so far, lol. I don't mean to alarm you, but are you sure that she wasn't sexually molested/assaulted? What you are describing, especially the light switch change is a textbook description of how many teenaged girls respond to sexual assault. And just because she says no to you the first time you ask her, doesn't necessarily mean she wasn't. I would get get her in to see a female therapist and let her have time alone with the therapist without you or her dad in the room. I hope that I am wrong and that it is something less-traumatic, but I would take such a drastic change/withdrawal very seriously. It isn't just normal puberty. |
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kelly8875
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Post by kelly8875 on Feb 2, 2015 23:51:34 GMT
Well, you can't be sure of anything with kids. You can't be sure she isn't being bullied...no matter what you think.
Since it's a drastic change, I'd be worried too, and have been in your shoes. And in my case, my DD was feeling bullied and left out at school in her classroom. A classroom about the same size as your DD's entire grade. So, it can happen.
Maybe she is really just kind of becoming who SHE is. If you DH isn't social, that could also be her. And maybe she is finally just standing up to it, and letting herself be non-sociable.
Somehow, you need to get her to open up to you about it, and let her talk honestly. I was able to get my DD to open up about her problem, and we went from there, and it got better. She needs to feel 100% trust in you (sounds easy, but we all know it isn't). Maybe you can start a conversation with what about she said about not wanting to outside and be sociable. Ask her what she meant by that, and see if she can find the words to elaborate. But, be prepared that she won't talk...
I also don't think it's normal puberty. And good for you for noticing, because not everyone does. Good luck!
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Feb 2, 2015 23:58:06 GMT
I would talk to her teachers and see what she's like during class time.
Does she have close friends? A grade of 22 kids in grade 8 isn't very big - it might be hard to find her place.
It sounds more like depression then social anxiety.
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Post by hockeymom4 on Feb 3, 2015 1:40:36 GMT
Going through a very similar situation with my almost 13 year old..... VERY moody before her period, everything is a drama, no point in school..... Have been to dr, a visit to councelor, spoke to the school. Had some blood work done and he iron is low (still in normal range but just). Started iron and Vit D. Hoping that helps. Unfortunately I was the exact same child at her age.....
Not sure how my parents coped (they just ignores it or didn't out up with it). A very difficult time for everyone. Good luck and if you find anything that works please share
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2015 13:32:34 GMT
That's an interesting idea, about puberty.
Several members of my extended family have social anxiety to one extent or another. For many, high school or college was when it really became evident. They all describe feeling uncomfortable walking into a crowded room and feeling like people are looking at them. Several are now on medication for this, and it helps a lot. Therapy does, too - you learn to face the fear regularly and also to get out and enjoy life.
I hope you will bring her to a therapist; whether she is depressed, anxious, or had something happen at school (bullying, for example) that she isn't sharing, it will help her to discuss it and learn to address it.
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Post by minjoy on Feb 4, 2015 23:17:12 GMT
She did see her doctor today and he's prescribed some medicine to help with the anxiety. I had typed out a whole bunch of info, more than in the OP and had that with me to give to the nurse to give to the dr so he could read that and have some info before even coming in. So then when he did come in he mainly just talked to her about what's going on.
She's the one that had searched social anxiety before I memrioned it. And when I was researching it, it is common during puberty. Like a previous poster said maybe she's always been a little Leary of social settings like her dad and it's now being more evident. Or the fact that she speaks her mind more, lol. I don't believe she's been sexually abused at all. Trust me, I have my reasons. And we talk about that.
She says she wants to do things but doesn't think she can. We are going to give this medicine a shot and go back to the dr in three weeks.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts, suggestions and insight.
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