peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,946
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Jul 10, 2014 17:52:11 GMT
My neighbor (who I am very good friends with) has a husband who works long hours but to be honest, can't be bothered to help around the house because he is providing for his family. Well, the neighbor calls my husband who is working from home (as he does one day a week and she knows this) and asks him if he can drive her right now to pick up a rental car for their vacation. My dh who never says no to anyone says he is fine with it. I'm not. Dh is working from home and my neighbor should respect that and tell her husband to get himself home at a reasonable time so that he can drive his wife to the rental agency.
Should I politely mention that he was working from home or just let it go?
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Post by vicloo on Jul 10, 2014 17:55:55 GMT
I would let her know that he is busy at the moment and can't do it "right now". If his schedule allows later, he may be able to help her out, but she should make other arrangements in case it doesn't fit with her schedule. I say this only because your dh is okay with it.
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Post by traceys on Jul 10, 2014 17:57:28 GMT
I think it's your dh's call. If he says he's fine with it I wouldn't say anything.
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Post by cecelia on Jul 10, 2014 17:57:46 GMT
Unfortunately, if your DH was fine with it, there's nothing you can really do to change the situation. In the future, I'd ask him to use the "I'm on the clock" line and then give a time when his work day is over. Her lack of planning isn't his priority.
I don't know if I would mention it to your friend, specifically because you said your DH was fine with it.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jul 10, 2014 17:58:07 GMT
Tell your neighbor that Enterprise will pick her up!
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marianne
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys. . . My monkeys fly!
Posts: 4,176
Location: right smack dab in the middle of SC
Site Supporter
Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT
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Post by marianne on Jul 10, 2014 17:58:39 GMT
I get why you are irritated, she's taking advantage of your husband's good nature, but the one who should say something would be your husband. Since he doesn't mind and you do, I would think the issue is between you and him, not you and the neighbor. Maybe you can get him to understand why it irritates you so.
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Post by annabella on Jul 10, 2014 17:59:04 GMT
I was reading Steve Harvey's Book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" (that the movie was based on) and he has a whole chapter on a man that is a momma's boy, your dh falls into that category. A man who will leave you at the drop of a hat because another woman called asking for a favor. Steve says that your DH does this because you ALLOW him to, it's up to you to put your foot down. If he can't say no, he can start by not answering his phone and call back hours later when he has a polite excuse ready after conferring with you.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 10, 2014 17:59:28 GMT
I would be irritated too, but I also wouldn't want to tell my husband "No" after he already said "Yes." I would be telling my husband that he is setting a very dangerous precedent if he's always available at her every beck and call. Then I would practice ways to say no to her with him. I know that it helps me to practice out loud what I am going to say when it could be uncomfortable. Like saying no to a favor.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,447
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
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Post by katybee on Jul 10, 2014 17:59:30 GMT
But she asked your husband...not you. Your husband is fine with it. He's a big boy. He can make decisions himself. I think that if you intervened at this point, it would be more like you're his mother... Not his wife.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 14:18:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2014 18:00:24 GMT
My neighbor (who I am very good friends with) has a husband who works long hours but to be honest, can't be bothered to help around the house because he is providing for his family. Well, the neighbor calls my husband who is working from home (as he does one day a week and she knows this) and asks him if he can drive her right now to pick up a rental car for their vacation. My dh who never says no to anyone says he is fine with it. I'm not. Dh is working from home and my neighbor should respect that and tell her husband to get himself home at a reasonable time so that he can drive his wife to the rental agency. Should I politely mention that he was working from home or just let it go? I wouldn't mention he is home. He is working. period. Doesn't matter where he is working. He is taking time off from work to help her. Your dh shouldn't be picking up the slack of her dh in her family. You need a discussion with your dh that work time is work time and doesn't matter which office he is working from. She needs to have her dh do a little less "providing"
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Post by traceys on Jul 10, 2014 18:02:20 GMT
But she asked your husband...not you. Your husband is fine with it. He's a big boy. He can make decisions himself. I think that if you intervened at this point, it would be more like you're his mother... Not his wife. I agree with this.....I don't have a spouse, but if I did and my spouse intervened after I had said I would do something, we would have a huge problem.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 14:18:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2014 18:05:40 GMT
I was reading Steve Harvey's Book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" (that the movie was based on) and he has a whole chapter on a man that is a momma's boy, your dh falls into that category. A man who will leave you at the drop of a hat because another woman called asking for a favor. Steve says that your DH does this because you ALLOW him to, it's up to you to put your foot down. If he can't say no, he can start by not answering his phone and call back hours later when he has a polite excuse ready after conferring with you.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,946
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Jul 10, 2014 18:09:15 GMT
Ha! She did use Enterprise!!!
I talked to dh and he did not have a problem with my concerns. If you know my dh, you would know he is EXTREMELY laid back and easy going about everything.
For the record, I did not say he couldn't do it. Just that he should have let her know that he was working. He is a big boy and can make his own decisions but it doesn't mean that I don't have a say.
He already took her and came back. He told me that she did acknowledge that he was working and she appreciated it. Her older kids are away and her friend was over and offered to watch her little ones so she siezed the opportunity to get the car.
I won't be saying anything to her.
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Post by Fairlyoddparent on Jul 10, 2014 18:10:56 GMT
I guess I don't see this as a big deal unless she does this too often. My dh wouldn't hesitate to help someone like this and I am grateful to be married to someone who is willing to lend a hand. Now if it becomes too much-too often then I change my answer.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,447
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
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Post by katybee on Jul 10, 2014 18:14:17 GMT
Just out of curiosity, why couldn't you have taken her?
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Post by cmpeter on Jul 10, 2014 18:24:13 GMT
Unless it was a repeated thing, I wouldn't say anything. Even, then...I would let my dh say something, since he's the one she talked to.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 10, 2014 18:30:38 GMT
I get why you are irritated, she's taking advantage of your husband's good nature, but the one who should say something would be your husband. Since he doesn't mind and you do, I would think the issue is between you and him, not you and the neighbor. Maybe you can get him to understand why it irritates you so. This is how I'd feel too, dh wouldn't realize someone is taking advantage of him and he doesn't say no either.
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Post by creativecricket on Jul 10, 2014 18:30:59 GMT
I agree, unless it's a repeated thing, I wouldn't day anything either.
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Post by Belia on Jul 10, 2014 18:36:39 GMT
If this is the first time she's asked something like this, then I would just put this in the "neighbor helping out a neighbor" category and let it go. WOuldn't even register with me, except to say, "Wow! I have a great, generous DH!"
Everybody needs a hand once in a while.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 10, 2014 18:41:44 GMT
Just out of curiosity, why couldn't you have taken her? I was curious why she asked dh instead of you too
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Post by maryland on Jul 10, 2014 18:43:40 GMT
If your husband doesn't mind, I don't see a problem. If he couldn't do it or was too busy, he should have said so. I have asked friends to help me with transportation to pick up car too. It's just something we do to help each other out. If they are busy, then just tell me they can take me later. I do the same for them.
But if you are constantly doing for her and you have asked her for help and she refuses, then no, I wouldn't be helping her.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 14:18:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2014 18:43:44 GMT
She's a neighbor who needed a favor. Unless she's calling him three times a week...I don't think it's really fair to say she's taking advantage.
Isn't this what having a friendly neighbor is for? Helping each other out?
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,946
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Jul 10, 2014 18:49:28 GMT
Um, maybe because I am at work. Do you think that I am that mean that if she asked I wouldn't do it?
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lindas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,275
Jun 26, 2014 5:46:37 GMT
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Post by lindas on Jul 10, 2014 18:52:17 GMT
I was reading Steve Harvey's Book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" (that the movie was based on) and he has a whole chapter on a man that is a momma's boy, your dh falls into that category. A man who will leave you at the drop of a hat because another woman called asking for a favor. Steve says that your DH does this because you ALLOW him to, it's up to you to put your foot down. If he can't say no, he can start by not answering his phone and call back hours later when he has a polite excuse ready after conferring with you. Seriously?!?!?! I can only imagine the uproar this would cause if the genders were reversed. Which one don't you trust, neighbor or DH because that's how this comes across.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,946
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Jul 10, 2014 18:53:13 GMT
No I am not constantly doing for her BUT I do hear daily about how she wishes her dh would be home and help her out more. I feel bad for her and I offer to take the kids every once in a while if she needs help or even if she just wants to get away with the girls for a quick dinner because her dh thinks that she should be able to socialize during the day when he is at work. She has small children.
I try and help her out plenty but I know that I could not deal with a spouse that constantly puts their needs first. Always. I am not saying he doesn't love his family, he just has different priorities and that is fine but when your spouse is obviously unhappy how some things run in the home then it is time for a change.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,946
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Jul 10, 2014 18:55:03 GMT
I am not even going to dignify that with a response. You don't know me and you don't know my dh.
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Post by MommyofTriplets on Jul 10, 2014 18:57:31 GMT
Interrupting to tell ilovecookies that I love your gif! (And autocorrect wanted to change your name to "oil economies" lol)
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Post by I-95 on Jul 10, 2014 19:01:33 GMT
Steve can take his advice and shove it. Who does he think he's dealing with? Children? Seriously, I married an adult and if he told the neighbor lady yes, then yes it is. He's a grown up, he can make his own decisions, he doesn't have to run ask me every time he wants to do something. To think otherwise is insulting and demeaning to both parties.
To the OP....next time you want a drain unblocked, or the gutters cleaned out...go ask HER husband to come help you!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 10, 2014 19:02:53 GMT
Um, maybe because I am at work. Do you think that I am that mean that if she asked I wouldn't do it? I was curious why she asked dh instead of you not realizing you were at work My distrust of some women makes me wonder why some women ask someone else's husband instead of the wife. Yes, being a former Navy wife I've seen too many favors with other things in mind
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tinseltoes
Shy Member
Posts: 43
Jun 29, 2014 19:58:13 GMT
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Post by tinseltoes on Jul 10, 2014 19:03:45 GMT
Um, maybe because I am at work. Do you think that I am that mean that if she asked I wouldn't do it? But you are mean enough to begrudge your friend the help from your DH. Are you jealous that she got to spend time with him while you were at work? Your DH, knows whether he can spare half an hour to drop your friend off to collect the rental car. You are not his Supervisor! You should be pleased that your DH is a kind man and helped your friend out.
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