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Post by Zee on Jul 10, 2014 19:37:43 GMT
Unless she does it all the time, I wouldn't even care one bit. He can say no if he's too busy.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jul 10, 2014 19:41:19 GMT
I'm not even sure why that would bother you. And I'm not trying to be obtuse. I really don't get it.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 10, 2014 19:46:20 GMT
Annabelle, I know someone like that! In certain situations that advice could be spot on. In a way it's like all those PP saying tell the husband it bugs you, right?
I would never override my DH by talking to the friend. Even OP says she helps the neighbor by watching the kids sometimes- so OPs DH might think he's doing what his wife wants.
Now, if the time he takes away from work means he works another late night, or misses his responsibilities in our home, DH and I would definitely have a heart to heart.
OP, this might sound harsh, but you can't fix neighbors marriage. If her DH was deployed or sick I could see helping. But this sounds like an ongoing issue they need to resolve.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 10, 2014 19:49:44 GMT
If this is the first time she's asked something like this, then I would just put this in the "neighbor helping out a neighbor" category and let it go. WOuldn't even register with me, except to say, "Wow! I have a great, generous DH!" Everybody needs a hand once in a while.  however, if her demands escalated, then I would be drawing myself up to my full height.
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Post by peasful1 on Jul 10, 2014 20:21:28 GMT
Ha! She did use Enterprise!!! I talked to dh and he did not have a problem with my concerns. If you know my dh, you would know he is EXTREMELY laid back and easy going about everything. For the record, I did not say he couldn't do it. Just that he should have let her know that he was working. He is a big boy and can make his own decisions but it doesn't mean that I don't have a say. He already took her and came back. He told me that she did acknowledge that he was working and she appreciated it. Her older kids are away and her friend was over and offered to watch her little ones so she siezed the opportunity to get the car. I won't be saying anything to her. It doesn't mean you don't have a say in what? What do you think you should have a say in? How he allocates his time? It's his time. To allocate. To help someone out if he so chooses. I'm not sure what kind of say you expect to have in that. Do you expect him to call you at work to ask your permission, to let you have your "say"? "Neighbour asked if I could give her a ride. Can I?" I mean, how would the conversation go so that you can have your "say"? |
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Post by transprntbutterfly on Jul 10, 2014 22:47:54 GMT
If it became a regular thing then I would probably get a little ticked if she kept "borrowing" DH because hers wasn't willing to help out. If it were a once in a while thing, I would not even give it a second thought. Good neighbors are hard to find and bad neighbors are really hard to get rid of.
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jul 10, 2014 23:02:28 GMT
Since I assume that she is more your friend than your husband's, I would ask my husband if he wanted me to mention it later (days or weeks) that he is working at home or if HE wanted me to let it go and he would handle it if it ever came up again.
My husband is easy going and would do this without even thinking about it. If it irritated him, he would still do it. He's just easy going and helpful like that. If he wanted me to say something, I would. If he really didn't care or think it was worth talking to her about, I'd let it go.
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Post by Really Red on Jul 11, 2014 2:52:37 GMT
Seriously?
OP - I am with you. It would piss me off. I don't know about you, but if your friend had no DH or other means of taking care of this, I'm sure you'd be kind, but when your friend's DH should be doing his own job (working with his wife to accomplish home tasks), and your DH has to take time from your life to help her, that would annoy me.
It's not that her DH can't be helpful, it's that he surely has enough things to do himself, right?!
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Post by bluepoprocks on Jul 11, 2014 2:59:11 GMT
I wouldn't say anything unless it happens all the time.
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Post by chlerbie on Jul 11, 2014 3:45:37 GMT
It wouldn't be a big deal to me, unless it was something that started happening all of the time. I had a male neighbor ask me for a ride twice in one week, while his wife was at work and his truck in the shop. I work at home and took a little time off to do it. I didn't think anything of it and neither did my SO. I was happy to help.
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Post by magentapea on Jul 11, 2014 4:05:32 GMT
I'm sorry but I think it is ridiculous for you to get upset about this. If your DH isn't complaining to you about it and you trust them both, then what is the big deal? If today's situation did not bother your husband and did not take him away from family time, then I fail to see where the problem is.
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Post by moretimeplease on Jul 11, 2014 4:44:05 GMT
OP - I am with you. It would piss me off. I don't know about you, but if your friend had no DH or other means of taking care of this, I'm sure you'd be kind, but when your friend's DH should be doing his own job (working with his wife to accomplish home tasks), and your DH has to take time from your life to help her, that would annoy me. It's not that her DH can't be helpful, it's that he surely has enough things to do himself, right?! This is my take on it too. It's not that they were in a bind, it's just that her DH prefers to do other things than take care of something like this. So OP's DH is doing extra so that neighbor's DH doesn't have to be bothered. |
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tinseltoes
Shy Member
Posts: 43 
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Post by tinseltoes on Jul 11, 2014 8:51:40 GMT
How mean spirited can you be! Either this lady is a friend or she isn't! If she is then you help her out! I will go out of my way to help my friends! I'm sure we've all at one time or another complained to our good friends about our DH's. She clearly feels the OP is close enough to her to share these thoughts without being judged. It could be that the rental lady's DH is under a lot of pressure at work and is worried about losing his job etc, so is working hard to keep it together. Nobody truly knows the dynamics of another couples relationship. Part of being someone's friend is the expectation that you are there to help them out and visa versa. If the OP doesn't feel she wants to do this then perhaps she should reavaluate this relationship. On a side note I never think it's a good idea to make friends with neighbours. Its too close. Seriously? OP - I am with you. It would piss me off. I don't know about you, but if your friend had no DH or other means of taking care of this, I'm sure you'd be kind, but when your friend's DH should be doing his own job (working with his wife to accomplish home tasks), and your DH has to take time from your life to help her, that would annoy me. It's not that her DH can't be helpful, it's that he surely has enough things to do himself, right?! |
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Post by gar on Jul 11, 2014 9:16:07 GMT
Then I would practice ways to say no to her with him. I know that it helps me to practice out loud what I am going to say when it could be uncomfortable. Like saying no to a favor. Would you really do that? Tell your dh that he needs to role play with you to practise saying no??? If I said that to my dh he'd either look at me as if I had 2 heads or fall off his chair laughing. As to the OP, I don't understand getting irritated by a 'very good friend''s one -off request for a favour. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jul 11, 2014 10:58:25 GMT
My neighbor (who I am very good friends with) has a husband who works long hours but to be honest, can't be bothered to help around the house because he is providing for his family. Well, the neighbor calls my husband who is working from home (as he does one day a week and she knows this) and asks him if he can drive her right now to pick up a rental car for their vacation. My dh who never says no to anyone says he is fine with it. I'm not. Dh is working from home and my neighbor should respect that and tell her husband to get himself home at a reasonable time so that he can drive his wife to the rental agency. Should I politely mention that he was working from home or just let it go? Is this a one time thing or does she always ask your DH on the day he is home? If just a one time thing, I would let it go. If it happens all the time I would encourage your DH to use the NO sentence, that he is working. In addition there are many men who need to be needed--if this is a repeated thing he might like that someone needs him! Is your attitude regarding her DH affecting how you feel? You mention she is a good friend but you seem to have a problem with her DH! |
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 11, 2014 16:46:38 GMT
Then I would practice ways to say no to her with him. I know that it helps me to practice out loud what I am going to say when it could be uncomfortable. Like saying no to a favor. Would you really do that? Tell your dh that he needs to role play with you to practise saying no??? If I said that to my dh he'd either look at me as if I had 2 heads or fall off his chair laughing. As to the OP, I don't understand getting irritated by a 'very good friend''s one -off request for a favour. Yes I would, but I know my husband and I know he has a hard time saying no even though he wants to. He's a nice guy who doesn't want to disappoint anyone and sometimes it ends up coming back to bite him (and sometimes me.) I used to work in sales, he would help me practice my different sales pitches to feel more comfortable. I don't think practicing what you're going to say out loud to someone is ever a bad thing. Especially when it is something difficult for you to say, I know when I practice I feel like I'm not put on the spot. |
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Post by gar on Jul 11, 2014 17:04:00 GMT
Would you really do that? Tell your dh that he needs to role play with you to practise saying no??? If I said that to my dh he'd either look at me as if I had 2 heads or fall off his chair laughing. As to the OP, I don't understand getting irritated by a 'very good friend''s one -off request for a favour. Yes I would, but I know my husband and I know he has a hard time saying no even though he wants to. He's a nice guy who doesn't want to disappoint anyone and sometimes it ends up coming back to bite him (and sometimes me.) I used to work in sales, he would help me practice my different sales pitches to feel more comfortable. I don't think practicing what you're going to say out loud to someone is ever a bad thing. Especially when it is something difficult for you to say, I know when I practice I feel like I'm not put on the spot. Oh don't get me wrong, role playing is great and as you say, useful. I guess I was just saying it wouldn't work with 'my' dh......but they're different people obviously....the idea just made me go 'huh??' a bit but, hey, whatever works  |
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however, if her demands escalated, then I would be drawing myself up to my full height.
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