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Post by Ellie on May 4, 2015 20:16:09 GMT
I don't have an answer for you, but find that I can be this way as well. I have an extremely difficult time letting go of injustices, particularly if something negatively affects someone else (not me). At work. With family. Friends. I'm in therapy now because I am having a truly difficult time with my superior who is, in my opinion, terrible. She has been unfair to other colleagues, has lied on numerous occasions, does very little actual work and is on Facebook every single time I walk by her office. She has a deep need to be the first one to know something and gets visibly shaken if she isn't. She has never, ever held herself accountable for anything and has shown so many times that she is only concerned with herself. Plus she is late EVERY SINGLE DAY and talks in a childish, syrupy manner that makes my teeth grit. I came to realize that I can't change her and the structure (the reality) at my job means I can't/shouldn't go above her head. But I need to keep my job (would have to commute an hour+ if I want to stay in my field, which I LOVE) and I need to keep sane. Therapy has really helped! All my best to you, Susan
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Post by hop2 on May 4, 2015 21:45:24 GMT
Well, at least your not out of line in what rules the people should be following, ie: you expect people to follow *the* rules not *your* rules. And you also aren't running around bullying people into doing what you think is right, your just obsessing over it. So from that standpoint your going to appear pretty normal to everyone around you.
However I get why your asking about it. Because the obsessing about it is bad enough but on top of that your internalizing it all as well, which can't be good. {{{ hugs}}} You should definitely see a therapist or a counselor who can help you work thru why you are not letting go, and help you with strategies on how to not internalize it all, yet not go crazy on every one.
Your four or five steps ahead of it in that you see it as an issue and you want to deal with it. I hope you find some answers soon.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 20, 2024 19:00:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2015 21:56:18 GMT
Always the rule follower, ''justice and fairness-for-all'' personality here too, so I totally get were you're coming from. Peri-menopause ramped my ''feisty'' into high gear and it felt like a perpetual case of PMS! Yikes! I do notice when I am anxious, I have still less tolerance for people/situations. If your feelings have ramped up to a level that is causing you distress-and it seems they are-you might want to talk to your doctor, It may be anxiety or hormone levels, and medical issues can be ruled in or out.
I don't think you are a crappy person, not one bit. Please keep posting to let us know how you'e doing. Hugs! ETA, I don't want to sound like it's always those crazy female hormones that make women ca-razy, but in my case it kind of did. I agree. While I've always had difficulty with not focusing on justice/fairness/rightvwrong stuff*, when I'm very anxious/stressed it's always worse. My doctor worked with me to find a medication that helps during those times. My high school world history teacher once told me during a class debate that I was going to have a tough time in life with my sensitiveness to justice and fairness for all, and I think of him every time that kind of stress kicks in.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on May 4, 2015 21:58:38 GMT
I think people who play by the "rules", who have a sense of fairness, consider other people's feelings, don't think their time is more important than someone else's, who are giver's more than taker's all feel the way you do at one time or another.
I think you need to make a shift away from situations where you feel because of your good nature you are being taken advantage of.
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Post by k8smom on May 4, 2015 22:32:57 GMT
I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you, I think perhaps you might just be a Type A Personality. (Nothing wrong with that!) My son struggles with this as well, he is the moral compass for the world. I will tell you what I tell him... let it go! People are not going to grow new personalities, there will always be those intentionally doing the least amount of work possible or throwing someone under the proverbial bus, and there seems to be a bottomless pit of pathological liars & drama queens. Not your problem! I am a firm believer in the adage "what goes around comes back around" and have seen with my own eyes that the gravy train does not last forever with these folks. The bottom line is that the only behavior you have any control over is your own, and it's unhealthy to obsess over the behavior of others. It's bad for your blood pressure, your heart, and robs you from investing that time in pursuits that bring you joy.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,020
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on May 4, 2015 22:39:36 GMT
I have a very strong J on the Meyers -Briggs, and can relate.
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Post by gypsymama on May 4, 2015 22:43:56 GMT
i have a strong sense of justice/what is fair/rule follower here too and i don't see that ever changing in myself, and every single day the world seems to produce more entitled spoiled brats and its just overwhelming! i don't volunteer at ALL now b/c i just don't have the patience to deal with it any more.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on May 4, 2015 22:48:25 GMT
You sound like a judgmental pea. Welcome to the board. lol.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on May 4, 2015 22:55:39 GMT
i am also a rules person and find myself getting crazy frustrated about people who seem to skirt all the rules but don't seem to be adversely affected by it.
cars can park overnight on my street (with a permit) but (due to a public school) no parking between 8am - 5pm. the other side of the street has 10 min drop off parking at school start/end times. my neighbour has not moved her car every single morning for the last month. i see her leave at around 9:30, when i am walking to work. i feel badly for bus driver trying to 'thread the needle' getting a giant bus between drop off cars and this dumbass's car. i walk into the middle of the street, ahead of the bus and direct her thru so she can continue on her way. neighbour also comes home early and parks at 3pm, making after school bus have to struggle to get thru. i called the city today and asked for our street to be put on rotation for parking authority for next couple of weeks. the bus driver gets demerit points if she hits her car.... that shouldn't even be there. instead of stewing, i did something about it. i think the frustration arises when it seems like it will never change.
i would suggest trying to get to the bottom of why it bugs you, what you would feel comfortable doing about it and if you determine your course of action, go forward. if you do not, then i recommend trying mindfulness exercises to expel things from your brain that you are never going to do anything about anyway. what is the expression.... bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping your rival falls ill from it?
good luck... sometimes i also force myself to think of something wonderful or generous someone did that day, to change my perspective. when all else fails, i remind myself, it could always be worse!
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Post by katiekaty on May 4, 2015 23:03:22 GMT
Step away from the volunteer's table. You have BURNOUT. You are taking it all too personally. I bet you are tired and fatigued, and take it to heart when things don't go just so.
It's time so say NO to every other volunteer job or even more. Get on the other side of the table and enjoy IT.
I got so burned out I quit doing it all. And I missed. They didn't miss me, never even realized I wasn't there. I should have backed off a bit and stuck around, but just dropped out. No remembered me after a few months. I lost contact with a lot of good people.
So , slow down and enjoy what you are doing, and go to some of these events as a spectator.
Same with, some days, just do you work, enjoy it, let the others do the extra. You don't have to give 150% all the time. If you do, you become bitchy and critical. You forget to be encouraging and satisfied. The first is leads to misery and unhappiness, the latter leads to returned acknowledgement and validation.
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Post by Really Red on May 5, 2015 0:16:10 GMT
I'm a rule follower, too. I'm watching kids graduate with honors when they cheat (and have been caught by the school), do drugs, steal (all caught) and people think (mostly because of who their parents are in this small town) that they are incredible people. I'm so disgusted!
I guess I think it's okay that you think that, you just can't let it overtake your life. Choose what to fight for. THere are some fights worth fighting and others not.
FWIW, I remember telling my elementary school principal that I can point out all the kids who are going to be problems by the time they reach HS. Very sadly, I wasn't wrong. It's always because they weren't given any consequences for their actions. Sigh.
I think I have to jump on your train.
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Post by farmdpea on May 5, 2015 0:19:56 GMT
I can so relate. My sanity vastly improved with prayer and weight lifting. Seriously!
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 5, 2015 0:37:59 GMT
You are not alone! At least weekly, my coworkers and I discuss how selfish, self absorbed and Me, me, me people have become.
Like the bitch who started screaming at me today while we were dr OhMyGosh!!! Side by side---I had been behind her but she was slow/erratically driving so I wanted to get away from her--pulled up next to her and she is texting. We move off from a red light and she drifts over towards my van and when she realizes she's all over the road she starts screaming at me!!!
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on May 5, 2015 14:25:20 GMT
I have to put this out there: You don't have to be a rule follower to have a strong sense of justice. Because rules do not always or often equal justice and equity. For example, for centuries, it was following "the rules" to discriminate against people of color, women, the disabled, anyone who is "different". When you work in an at-will state today, you can be fired for no reason, including that the boss wants to hire her boyfriend/son/nephew and someone with years of experience is out the door with 5 minutes notice (something I recently saw happen). Nonetheless, some people were/are outraged by the lack of justice and equity under those rule systems.
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