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Post by grace2882 on May 10, 2015 16:33:51 GMT
I totally understand how you are feeling. I am struggling with what to write here as I don't usually share my deepest feelings online. I have written and erased this post several times now. I fear for you having your parents move in with you after you posted how demonstrative your mother is towards you. I would NEVER give that power to my mother. I will keep you in my prayers as I truly believe your worst nightmare is about to occur. I know that if my mother were given that much freedom to hurt me that she would plot each night exactly how she would make my life hell the next day. Be safe. Protect yourself. I hope this wasn't too harsh. I hate this holiday.
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Post by greenlegume on May 10, 2015 16:47:10 GMT
Facebook is not a great place for honesty about real life. This quote popped up on my Pinterest feed a long while ago, and it has been very helpful to me.  It took me far too long into life to realize that the people who had normal, trauma-free childhoods are actually a rarity. Some of us had it way worse than others, but most of us had a pretty tough time. I far prefer to surround myself with people who are more honest about their real lives. Facebook can be debilitating if you start to let yourself think that people's lives are really like they're making them out to be on Facebook or any other social media. Enjoy your mother's day without guilt. If I just read one of your posts correctly, you are giving your parents a home with you, and paying for a remodel that they have run 250K over budget? Holy shit, I'd say that's more than generous. Even if I wanted to be that generous, that's just out of the realm of possibility in my world. It sounds like you're very financially fortunate, so enjoy that, along with your good relationships with your children. Life's too short to constantly be wishing for perfection. Perfection doesn't exist. |
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Post by grate on May 10, 2015 17:08:28 GMT
Grace2882...not too harsh, it has crossed my mind. I am doing this for my dad. Although i am very angry with him, I love him dearly. greenlegume, We are both going in on it. Basically, they "bought" our first floor and we use the money to add to the second poor plus bump out both. The problem is they are out of their money and they are the causes of the over budget (minus 15K which was my doing but it was for extra space and securing the footings for a second floor) They have NOT put their house on the market yet (were suppose to 4 months ago) which the rest of the financing was to come from. I have two girls heading to college soon and WILL NOT jeopardise this by taking out the loan he told me to take. He said he will pay it back but the house is not on the market and he is close to 80 years old. ... but this is a story I can not deal with today  |
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Post by grate on May 10, 2015 17:10:48 GMT
I know Christine58--- I just wanted them (dad) out of the situation they are in. I am stronger now (beside from today) and put her in her place more. He is all talk now and does not like confrontation and I call her on her BS and my dad knows the truth now and does not believe all her lies anymore.
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Post by greenlegume on May 10, 2015 17:10:56 GMT
grate, I'm so sorry.
You have nothing to feel guilty about after hearing all your updates.
Please take care of YOU.
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Post by christine58 on May 10, 2015 17:11:55 GMT
Crap...meant to edit and deleted...
Anyhow...maybe you should tell them they can't move in till they sell their house???
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Post by grate on May 10, 2015 17:21:13 GMT
house is uninhabitable right now. Outside is done, inside was stripped to beams. No more money left. They had them rework the whole downstairs even though it was already a "home" They wanted one room 2 feet bigger, windows in other places, kitchen on the other side of the house and so on. WE on the other hand, took the floor that had only bedrooms. It is a mess. He is afraid to sell the house because it has been in our family for 174 years. I did not think when he agreed to this he would ever pull this with me. He did have a brain injury last year, I am wondering if it was worse than it seemed.
Issue is, we live in Europe and are to move home June 30th but the house will not be ready so we are trying to extend a bit.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on May 10, 2015 17:22:44 GMT
I'm so sorry. Unfortunately you only see what people want you to see on fb. It's no wonder it's called fakebook. Enjoy your day with your kids and be happy that you were woman enough not to repeat your mother's behavior.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 23, 2024 19:15:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2015 17:45:32 GMT
I deactivated my facebook account because I feel like the shitiest mother this year. I don't want to see other kids achievements, it's too hard. I understand wanting to stay away from there, especially on Mother's Day.
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Post by heartcat on May 10, 2015 17:46:27 GMT
I am so sorry for what you had to go through. I can't even imagine how difficult a day this would be.{{Hugs}}
I think that you are a remarkable person that you are still willing to have your parents move in with you. It is okay to set boundaries or to change your mind though if you find you need to protect yourself, or your dd.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 23, 2024 19:15:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2015 18:01:19 GMT
I had a wonderful mother...now I won't go near her as she threatens me, throw things at me, screams at me, slams doors, wants to throw everything of mine out... I am sorry for all the Peas who are hurting today. I really am  |
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Post by coffeetalk on May 10, 2015 18:18:58 GMT
Hugs to all the Peas who are hurting today.
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IPeaFreely
Full Member
Posts: 389
Location: Castle Frankenstein
Jun 26, 2014 8:32:27 GMT
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Post by IPeaFreely on May 10, 2015 18:20:43 GMT
I wrote out this huge post and then deleted it. It's just not worth the time and trouble. My mother was a jerk. So is yours. The happier you are, the more pissed off she'll be. Just ignore it and live the kind of life you wanted as a child.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 23, 2024 19:15:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2015 18:21:25 GMT
I'm sorry that Mother's Day is hard for you, I hope you find peace. You were dealt a crappy hand and good going on making things better for your family.
I do have to say just in general though, no not everyone on FB is full of crap. My mom is my best friend and does everything for me, she truly is a special woman and I do gush. So it isn't all garbage. That is a crappy assumption to make.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,778 
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on May 10, 2015 18:27:01 GMT
Hugs to everyone who is struggling with this day.
I'm keeping off Facebook as well, but not for the same reasons. My mother is my best friend, but DH and I could not have children so I can never be a mother.
It's not even our mother's day in the UK either. We had ours in March, so I've already been through it once. Twice in one year is cruel.
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Post by greenlegume on May 10, 2015 18:45:38 GMT
I wrote out this huge post and then deleted it. It's just not worth the time and trouble. My mother was a jerk. So is yours. The happier you are, the more pissed off she'll be. Just ignore it and live the kind of life you wanted as a child. IPeaFreely, I just have to tell you that your avatar is magnificent! One of my most favorite funny movies . . . I love me some Mel Brooks. I hope that everyone with a difficult mother/daughter relationship will be gentle with themselves today. And for those beating themselves up over their own parenting, I can promise you that if you're one of the mothers wondering if you're the shittiest mother ever, you most certainly aren't. The truly shitty mothers are the ones who never wonder if they're doing anything wrong, who always find a way to claim it's someone else's fault, and who think in total black and white absolute terms. We all need to quit beating ourselves up for our parenting mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes-especially parents. It's the toughest job ever. It's what you do with your mistakes and the lessons you learn that makes you a good parent, and anyone who claims different is just as full of it as those who claim everything in their life is perfect and rosy. |
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Post by Native New Yorker on May 10, 2015 18:47:55 GMT
What?! You are a saint. I wouldn't let anyone who treated me so poorly move in with me. Separate floor or not, what happens if she starts treating your child the same way? That's a lot of therapy for a later date...
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Post by greenlegume on May 10, 2015 18:51:33 GMT
I'm sorry that Mother's Day is hard for you, I hope you find peace. You were dealt a crappy hand and good going on making things better for your family. I do have to say just in general though, no not everyone on FB is full of crap. My mom is my best friend and does everything for me, she truly is a special woman and I do gush. So it isn't all garbage. That is a crappy assumption to make. Obviously, some people have great mothers. No one ever claimed otherwise. And of course, every gush on FB isn't bullshit. No one claimed that, despite your insistence on taking everything ultra-personally. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 23, 2024 19:15:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2015 19:03:09 GMT
I'm sorry that Mother's Day is hard for you, I hope you find peace. You were dealt a crappy hand and good going on making things better for your family. I do have to say just in general though, no not everyone on FB is full of crap. My mom is my best friend and does everything for me, she truly is a special woman and I do gush. So it isn't all garbage. That is a crappy assumption to make. Obviously, some people have great mothers. No one ever claimed otherwise. And of course, every gush on FB isn't bullshit. No one claimed that, despite your insistence on taking everything ultra-personally. If I bother you that much put me on ignore. If you would actually read the comments you can see that some are in fact claiming that. But thanks for the handslap. Have a great day. |
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Post by grate on May 10, 2015 19:03:32 GMT
nativenewyourker-- I am open with my kids and they know not to let Grandma treat them poorly, they will soon be turning 14 and 16 and will be very busy. I will not let her hurt them and they already think she is wrong in so many things. They are more mature than I am at times I think.
That is just it green legume, I beat myself up and i am not perfect but I apologise to the kids when I am wrong and we discuss things, I was never talk with just left to hand things alone ... so much went on in my life I could write a book and people would think it was fiction but I just keep believing it happened to help me with something else... I am strict but loving if that makes sense. One thing I am working on is accepting my daughter's endless hugs. I am not a hugger, I actually do not like to be touched. She said tonight (9pm here) that instead of making me her "hug coupons" she will make me a "no thank you" one. We laugh over it though, they know me
redsquirrel, I am so sorry that you are hurting, twice is too many times a year.
Kelkeller... gosh, yes, give her big hugs!
scrappower.. i do not think all post are not true and I think we all know who the fakers are.. just think people are trying to help me move on.. I am glad you and my friends have great relationships, it is the way it should be and i hope people to not resent my daughters for having their FB cover pictures ones with all of us together!
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Post by Lexica on May 10, 2015 19:03:53 GMT
Please do not feel guilty! It was your childhood, and you know how you felt. That isn't for anyone else to judge or second guess.
I am just now finding out some things about my own mom that have me quite taken aback. She lives with me, so I'm having to pretend that it isn't making a difference so I can still treat her with all the kindness I always have. If I were to dwell on it right now, I wouldn't be able to function in the way I need to. She is totally unable to do anything for herself anymore. I am waiting on her hand and foot, meals, laundry, emptying her commode, and helping her bathe. These would be things I just couldn't do without ruining my own health more than it already is. I've chosen to put it away until she passes and then I will let those feelings be dealt with.
Best of luck having them live with you. I know how hard that can be! Feel free to vent to those of us whose parents live with them.
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Post by greenlegume on May 10, 2015 19:08:30 GMT
Obviously, some people have great mothers. No one ever claimed otherwise. And of course, every gush on FB isn't bullshit. No one claimed that, despite your insistence on taking everything ultra-personally. If I bother you that much put me on ignore. If you would actually read the comments you can see that some are in fact claiming that. But thanks for the handslap. Have a great day. Nope, I'll say what I want when I want. Just like you do. My post was no more handslappy than yours was. And you have a wonderful day, too  |
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Post by chlerbie on May 10, 2015 19:11:56 GMT
I feel that way on Father's Day, so I totally understand.
Facebook makes me a bit sad today, too. My mother died in 1996 and I am envious of all of my friends who still have theirs.
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Obviously, some people have great mothers. No one ever claimed otherwise. And of course, every gush on FB isn't bullshit. No one claimed that, despite your insistence on taking everything ultra-personally. 
