Learning to be "selfish"

I take care of myself by making time for my hobbies which happens to be exercise: swimming, cycling, running, lifting.

I'm going to echo the above posters by saying: by doing things that are just for me.

It has meant different things over the years. When my children were small, it was dinner out with friends, gardening and my book club that meets once a month. (Obviously I have missed it here and there for family events, but everyone in the family has known that for the last 15 years, mom has had a standing date with book club the first Friday of the month). As they have gotten older, I have had the flexibility for girls' weekends away and even a week away with my sister. My husband is very supportive of my doing things for myself.

If you don't know where to start, try different things. I ended up singing with my church folk choir. I can just carry a tune and will never have a solo, but it is something I never thought I would enjoy that gives me so much enjoyment.

I find that it "fills my cup" for the not-so-good moments that are part of life. I also think that it's important for my daughters and son to see this in terms of what they should expect out of life as they get older.

Good luck to you.

Hmmm, some interesting questions ... I'll try to answer the ones that apply to me   



how you take care of yourself (I know this sounds very simple, I feel like I've forgotten or maybe really never knew)


I'm really lucky in that I'm a SAHM with school aged kids so I get a lot of alone time to do whatever I want ... I spend waaaaay too much time on the computer and watch a lot of daytime TV      I also have gel nails that I will never give up!


what have you given up / put on the back burner to make time for yourself?


My house is not as clean as it could be but I don't sweat it ... I don't love doing housework so I just do what I have to ...


if you haven't made yourself a priority, if you were to, what would you do differently?

if you have made yourself a priority, what new things have you tried that helped?


I didn't make myself a priority until 2006 when I had a gastric bypass and lost almost 100 lbs.   I also started a ladies meetup.com group four years ago which has been so fun!  I've even met my bff through it   

what do you think really living feels like?

That I can't tell you ... I'm still figuring that out for myself  

Remind yourself that, most likely, no other family members feel guilty about spending some time just doing what they love because they simply want to, or just veg-ing out of they feel like it...so neither should you.

To be honest I always thought I was taking care of myself.  Setting time aside for the things I like to do.   Turning 52 really hit me that

I don't LOVE MYSELF.  I was always critical EVERY TIME I looked in the mirror.   I found Louise Hays and she has changed my perspective.  She has 
helped me LOVE ME.  It felt awkward at first to be honest but now I do really find myself amazing!  Meditating has helped.  I still have work to do.  Losing weight, 
getting over things etc....but I am thankful for ME!

So I try to get out doors everyday.  Even just putting my feet in the grass.   Connecting with the Earth.
Uplifting music, staying away from negative people.   Eating healthy good foods and not sweets.  I also like Joel O'steen.  I like his positive attitude.

Hugs to you.  Louise taught me it is never too late!  She is 88 this year and still learning, doing.  I hope to be like that when I'm 88!  

PS.  The scripture that got me thinking about this is Love your neighbor as yourself.   Well I don't like too may people!  It made me realize I don't love myself.  

I love what @busypea had to say "And it is NOT SELFISH to take care of yourself. Toss that word RIGHT NOW."

I take time every day to scrapbook or read. I am have a full time job, care for DH, drive ungrateful MIL to church every Sunday, etc. I NEED to take time for myself. I probably need to do more, in fact!

So, treat yourself to a latte, get a mani/pedi, call a friend for a walk, and most importantly, say NO once in a while.

I agree--participation in My hobbies is key. My hobbies are writing, card-making and Scrapbooking.

Oh and peaing.

This is going to sound bad, maybe really bad, but I gave up giving a damn about what DH thought about something's pertaining to me. For example my job, DH wanted me to go back to work, he insisted on it, but he wasn't happy when I didn't get some retail job. He tolerated it when I was part time but he can't stand my full time job and he's really passive aggressive about it. Well too bad, I NEEDED to restart my career that I gave up for him and the 2 kids. So to bad so sad this us what I'm doung no matter how passive aggressive you want to be. He's so bad DD has commented on it.

I also make time for me to excercise. DH has no issue putting himself first and going to workout. So I make every effort to do the same. I may have to give up or delay doing laundry, cleaning or doing dishes to do it, but I never leave my kids high and dry. What's good for the gander us giid for the goose. Mind you my kids are 18 & 16 and DH is obviously an adult.

I have put myself last ( dead last ) for many years, it wasnt working out. I had to do something or I'd be in the mental hospital. Not to mention that because I treated myself like a doormat it encouraged everyone else to treat me like one too. Especially DH. He certainly had/has no respect for me and that really wasn't working anymore. I needed to grow a spine and stick up for myself. My DD called me on it one day, she fkat out saud she would never be a spineless wimp and allow people to treat her that way. Since I agreed I needed to find a way to make changes. It took me 2 years to gradually retrain and get back into the workforce where I wanted to be. But I did it. And just recently my DD mentioned how much she respected me for it. And I fully realize that putting myself first and doing what I NEED to do for me may well end my marriage. I did think long and hard before taking my job and making the other changes and it came down to the fact that I can't live as half a person forever. So DH can get over his loss of his doormat/servant/ dumping ground, or not but this is the new me. And frankly I'm a lot more like the 20 something me he married than I was as a doormat. So I don't see the problem. Only time will tell.


Good luck with your changes, start with 1 small thing at a time and as you work that into your life then begin another. Slowly you'll be the you that you need to be. {{{hugs}}}

( edited because I did not mean all retail jobs are looser jobs just the ones my DH wanted me to get. Ones where id never advance and never be able to support myself. )

I take care of myself by making it a priority to exercise every day. It's just as important as grocery shopping, cleaning etc. or more so!

I also try to do something more meditative each day such as reading, knitting etc

I'm no doubt older than you and I will say that one of my mistakes in life was not only not putting myself first at times, but not making sure that my needs/wishes make it to the top of the family heap on regular rotation. What happens is that when you abnegate your own needs/wishes as a pattern, your loved ones stop/don't see them any more and they do not become a blip on the radar. It takes a lot of work to re-train people to consider needs/wishes that had previously been invisible.