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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 17:27:29 GMT
Long story, but took DS to dentist for semi-annual checkup a few weeks ago. New dentist at prior practice (old one up and retired with no notice but a letter in the mail so we kept the already set up appointment at 4pm). Receptionist has pretty much always been grumpy....New dentist freaks that DS MUST see an orthodontist as soon as possible due to an unreachable cavity in a back molar that isn't coming in right. DS also has some cavities to be filled. This is a Thursday. Monday we are at an Ortho for a consult and the ortho says we need to get the braces on ASAP but get most of the cavities filled first. We call to schedule that (after the receptionist had called earlier in the morning to schedule and I put her off until after the ortho appointment) and she grudgingly fits us into one appointment saying they all should be able to be done in one. So back we go today to get them filled....missing school, work, etc. again. Basically 3 times in 3 weeks.
Well only some of them got filled because DS (15 tomorrow) had a panic attack. They didn't come and get me and the only reason I was told was that this receptionist as I was paying told me I needed to make another appointment because they didn't get them all filled and I questioned why and she stated that the reason was my son's fault (he's never had an issue before). Would you have expected them to get you? Then I got grumpy because it was hard to get this one appointment. They changed from the prior doctor so they have NONE outside of school hours (7:30-3:30) so DS always has to miss. I stated that it's hard with missing work, school, not feeling well with migraines (last time we were there she was out with a migraine so I was thinking I would get a little empathy), etc that it's tough to get in another appointment. The Receptionist stated "well it could be worse, at least no one you love is dying or has cancer". I must have given her a funny look, because she gave one back and I point blank asked "do you have cancer?" and she said "yes, I have thyroid cancer".
Way to make my son's dental appointment all about you lady....This was the straw that broke the camel's back. I am not going to complain there because there is no one to complain to. We will just quietly disappear.
But I really do hate the "your life could be worse" used in a patronizing way.....MIL did it to me once and I left the restaurant and went and sat in the car.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on May 11, 2015 17:31:30 GMT
That sucks. I hate dentists. I wouldn't go back either.
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scorpeao
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Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on May 11, 2015 17:33:58 GMT
I'd probably cut her some slack. She has cancer and is facing her own mortality. Yes, she was rude, but really, walk a mile in her shoes.
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Post by jenjie on May 11, 2015 17:39:28 GMT
That was uncalled for and unprofessional. And I feel for you and DS. We are having issues with my ds10 who has been traumatized at the dentist by his own doing. For us the timing is terrible. And I really want to be able to put the dentist off without actually saying why. And I'm not saying anything here because it's not about me! And the receptionist in no way, shape or form should have made it about her.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 11, 2015 17:41:53 GMT
I'd probably find another dentist. Especially if your son had a panic attack and never acted that way at the dentist before! Sorry she was crappy with you, sounds like she has a lot going on in her own life and it's reflecting poorly in her job.
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Post by mikklynn on May 11, 2015 17:42:22 GMT
Definitely time for a new dental practice!
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Post by papersilly on May 11, 2015 17:45:20 GMT
Then I got grumpy because it was hard to get this one appointment. They changed from the prior doctor so they have NONE outside of school hours (7:30-3:30) so DS always has to miss. I stated that it's hard with missing work, school, not feeling well with migraines (last time we were there she was out with a migraine so I was thinking I would get a little empathy), etc that it's tough to get in another appointment. The Receptionist stated "well it could be worse, at least no one you love is dying or has cancer". I must have given her a funny look, because she gave one back and I point blank asked "do you have cancer?" and she said "yes, I have thyroid cancer". I would cut her some slack too. yes, you were very inconvenienced and yes, she might have been rude. but, from her perspective, your situation could have been worse. she would probably trade places with you any day if you weigh appointment changes versus cancer. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 17:51:26 GMT
I'd probably cut her some slack. She has cancer and is facing her own mortality. Yes, she was rude, but really, walk a mile in her shoes. Honestly I was already cutting her slack due to knowing she was out last time with a migraine. I was thinking that was why she had been so grumpy in the past 4 years and was willing to look past that. I am walking in those shoes. Cancer? not experiencing it right now..... But when you are in a service position with patients who really aren't close enough to be considered even acquaintances, did I really need to know so that I could walk a mile in her shoes? As a paying customer, should I truly even know what kind of shoes she is wearing?
I've worked through some pretty bad health issues myself and can't think of one time I have told a client about the issues. My boss, yes. Coworkers at or above my level, yes. But clients or customers, not unless that was what the discussion was about and often even then I wouldn't bring it up.
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Post by colleen on May 11, 2015 17:55:08 GMT
But the OP didn't know the receptionist had cancer! It's just such rude and self-centered behavior. I hate that sort of thing.
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Post by bc2ca on May 11, 2015 17:57:06 GMT
Sorry this happened to you and your son. I have dental anxiety and have found all the dentists I've dealt with in the last few years have bent over backwards to make patients feel comfortable. That your son ended up having a panic attack and then they didn't get you are reason enough for me to be looking for a new dentist. I would also ask for a second opinion on the Ortho.
Our 1st dentist referred DS to an Ortho that would have put us on Phase 1 & 2 minimum 3 year plan - we went with the 2nd opinion 6 month plan and he is done (except for the retainer). That dentist also referred DD, and 2nd Ortho said she was pretty close to perfect. Our new dentist confirmed he saw no need for ortho for her.
I also wouldn't go to a dentist that didn't offer at least a couple of late days and/or Saturday hours.
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quiltedbrain
Full Member
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Jun 26, 2014 3:34:53 GMT
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Post by quiltedbrain on May 11, 2015 18:02:37 GMT
@luvspaper, I'm sorry that happened to you guys. My DD has extreme anxiety with medical procedures--I've found that dental practices are some of the least understanding of anxiety. One dentist told my DD she was being a baby. He got an earful from me and we never went back. But I digress...
The receptionist should not have said that to you. Her experience is irrelevant to what you are dealing with. Yes, she was offering some perspective, but I think that should come from a friend, not someone who barely knows you.
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Post by blarneygirl on May 11, 2015 18:03:10 GMT
Definitely time for a new dentist. I had a new one tell me I had a mouth full of cavities while I was pregnant. I was shocked that I had so many when I hadn't even had one in years. He told me it was common during pregnancy. I didn't allow him to fill any, and I went to someone new and what a surprise! I didn't have a single cavity!
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craftykitten
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Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on May 11, 2015 18:04:14 GMT
I'm sorry your DS had a bad experience and I hope you can find a better dentist soon.
But...I don't know. I try to be kind. No, she shouldn't have said anything to a paying customer, and no, if you're in a service environment then you shouldn't make it 'all about you'. But maybe you were the 20th person that day to grumble, and maybe you were cross about something that wasn't her fault (I wouldn't expect the receptionist to have come to get you when your son wasn't well, that's the dental nurse's role)...I think I would just chalk it up to experience and move on. If they don't do appointments that suit you, find somewhere that does.
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ReneeH20
Full Member
Posts: 452
Jun 28, 2014 16:00:48 GMT
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Post by ReneeH20 on May 11, 2015 18:08:49 GMT
Yes, I would've expected them to come out and talk with me if my kid was having issues. I think your complaints were legit and it was unprofessional of the receptionist to pull out the cancer card.
I'd find a new dentist. I have had some crappy ones. I need a double dose of novacaine. I've had dentists tell me I didn't need it. Uh, yes, I do. I am 40+ years old. I know my body. I now have a very good, nice dentist that I call the Grandma Dentist. She is awesome. I got a card in the mail and I was worried that she was retiring. I was relieved to find that her son was joining the practice.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on May 11, 2015 18:13:37 GMT
I'd most definitely change dentists and get a second opinion on the Orthodontist. When I was a teen my dentist insisted I needed braces because one of my canine teeth was coming in on top of the baby tooth and stuck out weird. We didn't even go to the appointment. A few days later the baby tooth came out and the permanent one shifted to where it belonged all on it's own. I don't really like to brag but I have perfect straight teeth and my smile is my best physical attribute. All this to say, even the "professionals" don't always know what they're talking about.
As far as the receptionist, yes, she was rude. Maybe she very recently learn about her diagnosis. I think it'd be pretty difficult to try to think about anything but that for awhile. No it doesn't give her the right to speak to you the way she did but I can kind of understand how all her thoughts are on that. Cut her some slack but change dentists so you don't have to deal with her any more.
Oh and yes, they should have come and got you and that would be the biggest reason I'd change dentists.
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Post by originalvanillabean on May 11, 2015 18:17:44 GMT
The receptionist should not have said that to you. Her experience is irrelevant to what you are dealing with. Yes, she was offering some perspective, but I think that should come from a friend, not someone who barely knows you. Yeah that! Wow. And that's the end of that. It's frustrating when you try to accommodate and juggle schedules and it doesn't work out. Hopefully you will find a much better dentist (and staff), soon. |
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Post by underwatermama on May 11, 2015 18:18:55 GMT
I wouldn't be going back either. And I would get a second opinion from another ortho. I'm pretty sure ortho work can be put off until a good plan is in place for everything.
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perumbula
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Post by perumbula on May 11, 2015 18:20:15 GMT
Ugh. That just feels so rude. I'm sorry the lady is sick and I'm sure it affects her work, but your issues had nothing to do with her and her illness. You being frustrated in no way reflected poorly on you or her.
My BIL did something similar to me a few weeks ago. I posted on Facebook "Some days there isn't enough chocolate." That's all I said. He replied "People in Ethiopia often have days where there isn't enough chocolate." I was hurt and annoyed.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 18:23:15 GMT
That is really an awful thing for her to say. We have several friends that had thyroid cancer. Two of them go about their lives after treatment saying they are cancer survivors. The third friend can't move past it and makes everything about cancer (even though she has been told she is cancer free). Anyway....its hard sometimes......
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on May 11, 2015 18:38:40 GMT
I'm sorry your son had an anxiety attack. Knowing that, I would probably try to find a different dentist. Find one that has a reputation for working well with patients with dental anxiety.
I do feel compassion for the receptionist, but she should not have made it about her.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 18:39:03 GMT
I think you were taking your frustration out on the receptionist. Her job is to set up appointments. You already know this dentist doesn't have appointments before and after school. Now you find out two things. One, for some reason, your son had an anxiety attack and two your son has to come back which means making another appointment. Which you admitted made you grumpy.
From what I also understand when you went to make the next appointment you gave the receptionist a laundry list of why it was hard to make another appointment. In other words you whined to the receptionist. Was it her fault your son has to come back to get the work finished? Is it the receptionist fault that the dentist doesn't want appointments before 7:30 or after 3:30? Did the receptionist in any way screw up your appointments? So why should she have to listen to you whine? I suspect she was sorry she said she had cancer but if you have a problem with the dentist or how the office is run you don't whine to receptionist about it.
Your beef is with the dentist and how he runs his office.
i don't blame you for finding a new dentist but I would let the dentist or at least the office manager know why you are leaving.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 18:43:11 GMT
So she has cancer and she can treat others like shit? I'd call B.S. on her. I can play my life sucks more than you any day. She should have been professional. She doesn't need to tell patients about her personal life.
I would find another dentist because you were not told about your sons panic attack.
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scrappinmama
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Post by scrappinmama on May 11, 2015 18:58:25 GMT
Just another thought. Did your ds get the anxiety attack after they gave him a shot of Novocaine? I had a bit of a reaction to Novocaine one time. Within a minute, I started to have an anxiety attack. The dentist explained that it had something to do with the epinephrine in the shot. She made a note in my file, and now uses a different type of Novocaine. So when you do find him another dentist, you might want to mention if the anxiety attack happened right after the shot.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 19:05:34 GMT
... You already know this dentist doesn't have appointments before and after school. Now you find out two things. One, for some reason, your son had an anxiety attack and two your son has to come back which means making another appointment. Which you admitted made you grumpy. From what I also understand when you went to make the next appointment you gave the receptionist a laundry list of why it was hard to make another appointment. In other words you whined to the receptionist. Was it her fault your son has to come back to get the work finished? YES! Is it the receptionist fault that the dentist doesn't want appointments before 7:30 or after 3:30? NO! Did the receptionist in any way screw up your appointments? YES So why should she have to listen to you whine? I suspect she was sorry she said she had cancer but if you have a problem with the dentist or how the office is run you don't whine to receptionist about it. Your beef is with the dentist and how he runs his office. i don't blame you for finding a new dentist but I would let the dentist or at least the office manager know why you are leaving.
I think she is the office manager too. It's her, the dentist and the hygienist --she's just the one who works at the front . She's the one I listen to making insurance calls, appointment calls, stc.....and Yes, when we called to setup todays' appointment, she was the one who decided we only needed one appointment then based on the work she knew he had to have done. She was unwilling at the time to give us two slots. She is the one who schedules all appointments and when we were there for his cleaning we couldn't make another appointment because she was out of the office. Neither the hygienist and the dentist make appointments but fully leave it up to her to do so. We had to wait for her to call us back.
At the time we had the first appointment, the old dentist DID have slots after 3:30 which we could make-- it wasn't until we were scheduling the followup that I was told the hours had changed.
Agreed that my real beef is with the dentist. But she is the "face" of the office and the one that I personally interact with the most as the caregiver of my kids. I've kept my dentist back in TX since I go back often for visits and this is the place were i took the kids since they didn't get back to TX as much. And for those reasons, we will definitely take this opportunity to find another.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 19:06:48 GMT
Just another thought. Did your ds get the anxiety attack after they gave him a shot of Novocaine? I had a bit of a reaction to Novocaine one time. Within a minute, I started to have an anxiety attack. The dentist explained that it had something to do with the epinephrine in the shot. She made a note in my file, and now uses a different type of Novocaine. So when you do find him another dentist, you might want to mention if the anxiety attack happened right after the shot. Thanks! I will have to ask him since they didn't give me any details. He did start to hyperventilate once we got into the car again though.
eta: asked him and he said yes it was after the shot...thanks so much! I didn't realize this could happen and they sure didn't notice it!
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on May 11, 2015 19:19:28 GMT
Just another thought. Did your ds get the anxiety attack after they gave him a shot of Novocaine? I had a bit of a reaction to Novocaine one time. Within a minute, I started to have an anxiety attack. The dentist explained that it had something to do with the epinephrine in the shot. She made a note in my file, and now uses a different type of Novocaine. So when you do find him another dentist, you might want to mention if the anxiety attack happened right after the shot. Thanks! I will have to ask him since they didn't give me any details. He did start to hyperventilate once we got into the car again though.
eta: asked him and he said yes it was after the shot...thanks so much! I didn't realize this could happen and they sure didn't notice it!
I didn't realize it either. It was so scary! I had never had that reaction before, so I freaked out. Good luck finding a better dentist. Fortunately, most dentists are compassionate when they have a nervous patient. |
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Post by annabella on May 11, 2015 19:23:43 GMT
You did ask her if she had cancer, she didn't volunteer the info. It's really not her fault they didn't call you back, she wasn't in the room. Blame the dentist or his assistant for not calling you, they were in the room with him. You were mouthing off at her your complaints that had nothing to do with her.
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Post by rainangel on May 11, 2015 19:27:54 GMT
I had a salesperson in a clothing store do something similar. My DD was not even 2 years old, and was feeling under the weather due to a long flight the day before. I made a comment about my DD not feeling too well to the salesperson, and she tells me 'At least your daughter is going to get better soon, it's worse when they have leukemia'. She then proceeded to spend 10 full minutes telling me about her grandchild with leukemia. I was too stunned to move to be honest, and listened to the whole thing.
I felt horrible for the woman, I really did, but WTH? I found it to be very inappropriate.... I avoided that salesperson until the shop went out of business a few years later.
If I were you I would quietly take my business elsewhere. There were several things about your experience that don't sit right, her bringing up her cancer is just one of them.
I am sad to hear she has cancer though... That is never a nice thing to learn about anyone.
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melissa
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Post by melissa on May 11, 2015 19:28:53 GMT
I agree that the real issue is with the dentist.
When I read he had no history of panic attacks, I immediately thought he was given epinephrine with the anesthetic. It's pretty routine to add a little as it constricts the blood vessels and decreases bleeding. But, if it gets into the blood stream, it will cause symptoms that mimic a panic attack.
As far as the receptionist, I would cut her a huge amount of slack on her statement. A very important life lesson is that you never know what others are dealing with. That angry man in the parking lot may have learned his wife was cheating on him that morning. That nasty receptionist (a different one) may not be getting much sleep caring for an ailing family member. Yes, she crossed a line, but unless you are walking in her shoes, you really do not know.
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Post by miss_lizzie on May 11, 2015 19:58:20 GMT
As far as the receptionist, I would cut her a huge amount of slack on her statement. A very important life lesson is that you never know what others are dealing with. That angry man in the parking lot may have learned his wife was cheating on him that morning. That nasty receptionist (a different one) may not be getting much sleep caring for an ailing family member. Yes, she crossed a line, but unless you are walking in her shoes, you really do not know. I try to remember this when I deal with people. I've gone through times when I was the recipient of undeserved compassion, and I try to do that for others too. |
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