Deleted
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Jul 5, 2024 16:35:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 20:08:36 GMT
I would be finding a new dentist too! And then blasting this one all over Yelp so no one else goes there either.
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Post by lurkingsince2001 on May 11, 2015 20:09:47 GMT
I think it's a great idea to find a new dentist whose schedule works better with your life. Missing that much work and school must be stressful and inconvenient. For you. See, you made your problems her problems then came on here posting a pvm because she beat you in the "Woe is Me" game. Yes, she probably shouldn't have gone there. But I'd imagine everyone else's first world problems don't mean much to you when you are facing your own mortality.
You have insurance or the means for paying for his teeth to be repaired when many do not. He is getting an education and you have a paying job. I'm guessing your life looks pretty grand to her right now. You were arguing over a dental appointment with someone who will have to argue with an oncologist about their own appointments. If she is as busy as you say, the face of the office, she may be having trouble getting her appointments around her schedule. She may even be bitter enough to think that you wouldn't have to be there at all if your kid had better oral hygiene but she doesn't get a choice on going to her doctor.
I don't know what was going through her mind but I can extrapolate from your post that you do. You referred to her as grumpy more than once. Maybe she's a grump, maybe it's the cancer, maybe she hates her job or it's now in limbo with all the changes and she's worried about paying for things. Maybe you just don't like her. But it sounds like you came in with a chip on your shoulder. And then more unpleasantness was heaped on that. You even said you were looking for some empathy from her. Where's your empathy for her?
I come from a family of people who will always have something worse happening to them then I do. I could've had one arm dangling off, leprosy, you name it and one of them would've pulled the "Well at least you don't have this disease or been abused, etc." It was so annoying. But it taught me perspective and that my problems were small compared to those of others and I should be grateful that I wasn't in their shoes. But someday I might be, and how would I want to be treated then?
Is it annoying you when people patronize you with their points or does it make you feel guilty and defensive? You wrote that your mother in law did it to you once and you went and sat in the car. That sounds like you were either removing yourself from a potentially explosive situation, in which case good job, or pouting. I don't know which, having not been there, but it makes it sound like you have a history of flouncing off when someone, for whatever reason, poorly points out that there are people who have it worse. It used to drive me nuts when someone would do that to me because I felt like they were denying me my whine or trying to embarrass me or making light of what I felt was important or traumatic. Just because their lives sucked didn't make my pain or frustration any less, right? It was important to me, how dare they point out that it wasn't important in the scheme of things? But eventually I came to appreciate the wake up call. Your sons teeth will get fixed by someone, you'll get back to work, all will be forgotten in a short time. She shouldn't have made her problems yours. But maybe she was frustrated with people focusing on what she now sees as unimportant or maybe she just wanted to torpedo your gripe. It happened, so here's your wake up call: there are people who have it worse and you just met one of them. How did you handle it?
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Post by knit.pea on May 11, 2015 20:29:07 GMT
Just another thought. Did your ds get the anxiety attack after they gave him a shot of Novocaine? I had a bit of a reaction to Novocaine one time. Within a minute, I started to have an anxiety attack. The dentist explained that it had something to do with the epinephrine in the shot. She made a note in my file, and now uses a different type of Novocaine. So when you do find him another dentist, you might want to mention if the anxiety attack happened right after the shot. This also happened to my DS when he had some moles removed. We now ask for the injections without epinephrine.
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Post by Zee on May 11, 2015 20:34:30 GMT
I'd cut her some slack on a personal level, but really, her behavior was unprofessional. Her cancer has nothing to do with you and she should have kept it to herself.
From your whole post, I think I'd find another dentist with better hours, availability, and service.
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
Jun 28, 2014 14:32:59 GMT
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Post by suzastampin on May 11, 2015 20:37:08 GMT
I'd cut her some slack and wait to finish up once school is out. I doubt there will be any more damage from the cavities over the next month. Then you'll have all summer to get them filled and braces on.
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
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Location: London
Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on May 11, 2015 21:00:24 GMT
That was very unprofessional and I would change dentists, not least because it just doesn't seem convenient for you anyhow . I do feel for the lady - I have just been diagnosed myself- but it shouldn't have come out like that in the work place.
My in-laws on my husbands side never so much as offered me a prayer the first time I had cancer 6 years ago ( yet they are 'huge' in their church ) . Apparently my ex told his brother last week about my new cancer and his reply was 'oh well at least she doesn't need her female bits anymore at her age!' These are people who run to the doctor with every little ache and pain and have each told everyone twice they had a cancer or serious illness ( such as a stroke) with no diagnosis and just to get sympathy.
I've long since given up trying to understand some people!
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
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Post by marimoose on May 11, 2015 21:10:21 GMT
As far as the receptionist, I would cut her a huge amount of slack on her statement. A very important life lesson is that you never know what others are dealing with. That angry man in the parking lot may have learned his wife was cheating on him that morning. That nasty receptionist (a different one) may not be getting much sleep caring for an ailing family member. Yes, she crossed a line, but unless you are walking in her shoes, you really do not know. I totally agree. We never know fully what is causing a person to react the way they do. Life could be very stressful for them and even though maybe she shouldn't have shared so much, we don't know if she reached her breaking point and is unable to take any time off, maybe she thought the op would understand. I try so hard not to judge another unless I have walked in their shoes. I have always taught my kids that their kind word to someone may be the only kind world that person receives all day and that can be the first step to changing their day.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
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Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on May 11, 2015 21:12:47 GMT
I'd probably cut her some slack. She has cancer and is facing her own mortality. Yes, she was rude, but really, walk a mile in her shoes. Not only that, but she's probably dealing with people on a daily basis who are upset at the change... And with so many cavities , maybe the prior dentist didn't do all he could have done... Causing more upset people... And she has to deal with all this whole she is dealing with her own serious disease..... Give her a break
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Deleted
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Jul 5, 2024 16:35:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 21:22:43 GMT
this whole thread is sad i'm glad everyone thinks being "professional" is so important and should trump a bit of humanity imagine how this MIGHT have gone if when you asked her about cancer, you showed some extra humanity she may even have appreciated the compassion and gone to some extra trouble to make you a better appointment but you'll never know what might have eventuated from your humanity because you're too concerned with being right and 'professionalism" and for everyone who is posting about how you have soldiered on during your own adversity i can put my life savings down that i bet at least once you (general you) wished someone showed you some humanity i'm sure there's even threads on this board to prove it just my opinion
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,513
Location: London
Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on May 11, 2015 21:23:06 GMT
Lurkingsince2001, I just wanted to say that I found your post very thought provoking and I have taken a lot of it to heart.
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Deleted
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Jul 5, 2024 16:35:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 21:54:09 GMT
By the time she told me, it was at the end of the conversation and I did mention to her that my aunt had survived thyroid cancer even found out later that she was pregnant while on chemotherapy (back in the day the drs' told her that she would never have kids so she never tested or thought she could possibly be pregnant) and that my cousin is now a healthy 30 yr old.
I am not against being compassionate and as humanly kind as possible....just think it is odd that she would tell a virtual stranger -- I've seen her maybe 10-12 times over 4 yrs -- such personal information and at the point in the conversation that she did. And to do so to tell me to stop complaining about my troubles which seem, to her at least smaller, than hers. Instead of saying something like, "I know scheduling appointments can be tough since I am going through that myself right now (for my own cancer issue)" where we could have commiserated together. Instead it was more "be glad you're not me because I have it harder than you". She honestly doesn't know my issues beyond work, kids, scheduling etc. I've missed so much work in the last 8 months to see an ENTs, Neurologist, Optometrist, etc and to have all sorts of medical tests to deal with my syndrome that may never be solved. It won't kill me, but it isn't fun either. I literally have no more timeoff available through the end of the year and its only May. So every extra appointment is an issue. I can't imagine telling her that though.
Since being tagged with an incurable syndrome that does affect my daily life, I do try to walk in others shoes and honestly I wasn't rude after she told me...just more shocked and honestly just felt it wasn't the time or place. I am not exactly sure what else I should have done for those that say I could be more compassionate.
(With the MIL thing 13+ yrs ago, it was best to go to the car...I honestly had no idea what to say. It was just best to exit. I was a SAHM with three littles (one newborn and 2 older toddlers) and their dad was gone to Japan for 12 weeks because that was the only job he could find after getting laid off. Luckily my mom and dad helped a bit but MIL had us over for 1 meal that whole time. She basically told me to be glad I still had a husband who was coming home eventually. That wasn't much help when you are in the trenches)
I do tend to be a cup half full type of gal and try not to dwell on my own syndrome issues. I guess that's why it shocked me so much and felt so odd.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on May 11, 2015 21:59:34 GMT
I am of the opinion of, 'your problems are your problems, and no more (or less) valid than anyone else's problems; don't compare your situation to others'.
I did the same thing to myself ages ago over something, and told my sister 'why should I feel so bad for what I'm going through when you had cancer, a mastectomy, and chemotherapy?' and SHE is the one who told me NOT to invalidate MY issues by thinking like that.
Your perception of your events is always just as valid as someone else's perception of their own issues.
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Deleted
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Jul 5, 2024 16:35:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 22:15:55 GMT
I'd be leaving that dentist too! And if the receptionist had said that to me, I would've fired back with "actually, my grandmother passed away recently, DS's grandmother passed away from cancer AND my mother is fighting cancer, so fuck you too."
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Post by pierkiss on May 11, 2015 22:43:01 GMT
Absolutely ridiculous. Find a new dentist and be done with these people.
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Post by littlemama on May 12, 2015 0:15:54 GMT
1. Definitely find a new dentist. They should have tried to determine why he was having that reaction, not just dismissed him. 2. I hate when others try to diminish other people's problems with "it could be worse". Of COURSE it could be worse but that does not give someone else the right to dismiss someone's issues. 3. You probably shouldn't have invited her tell you about her personal life, but what's done is done. Find a new practice and move on.
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Post by mom on May 12, 2015 2:13:21 GMT
I completely understand wanting to find a new dentist. BUT personally? I would lean to the side of offering some grace to the receptionist. I cannot imagine being in her shoes.
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Kerri W
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Posts: 3,776
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Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on May 12, 2015 2:27:11 GMT
I agree with mom. A little grace goes a long way. And I'm finding it a little ironic that you're irritated that she wasn't sympathetic to your issues but you were so unsympathetic to hers.
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Post by mom on May 12, 2015 2:44:12 GMT
I agree with mom. A little grace goes a long way. And I'm finding it a little ironic that you're irritated that she wasn't sympathetic to your issues but you were so unsympathetic to hers. This. YES. Did the receptionist act professional? No. But it happened. Grace goes a long way.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 12, 2015 2:49:36 GMT
Definitely time for a new dental practice! Agreed! And yes, it is okay to feel sympathy for the dental employee with cancer, but you do not have to put up with her attitude, or go to a place where your child has panic attacks, where they don't let you know immediately that your kid has an attack, and where the hours don't work well for you.
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Post by Lexica on May 12, 2015 3:02:49 GMT
That is really an awful thing for her to say. We have several friends that had thyroid cancer. Two of them go about their lives after treatment saying they are cancer survivors. The third friend can't move past it and makes everything about cancer (even though she has been told she is cancer free). Anyway....its hard sometimes...... Thyroid cancer is very very rarely ever fatal. I know people who have had it and both were told if you must get cancer, thyroid is the best you can get because the cure rate is so high. There is no chemo required so there is no hair loss to deal with either. I'm not saying this woman had no reason to be concerned, but she should not have brought it up at work to make you look bad. Perhaps her doctors failed to reassure her that she will not have to suffer much and that it is not going to be fatal. ( yes I know one type is, but it is very rare and usually affects seniors from what I was told) Or she may just need some attention that she isn't getting elsewhere. Either way, it isn't your issue. I would be changing dentists too.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
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Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on May 12, 2015 12:10:23 GMT
I'm sorry that you and your son had such bad experiences that day. I hope you find a new place that you click with. Good luck.
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