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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 0:53:29 GMT
Do your teens have a "curfew" for their electronics? Do you require that they stop video gaming at a certain time? Do you let them keep their cell phone, iPod, etc. in their room at night or do you have them turn them in?
Just wondering because we want DS to turn in his cell and iPod at 9:30 at night and he's very angry with us. We told him they could charge on my dresser.
We discovered he's texting his girlfriend at 1, 2, 3 in the morning on weekends and school nights. He says all his friends are allowed to text whenever they want.
Just wondering what others do.
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Nicole in TX
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Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
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Post by Nicole in TX on May 26, 2015 0:56:08 GMT
I don't as I don't have any children, but my good friend has her teens plug in their electronics to charge in the kitchen when they go to bed at 10 PM.
As as teacher, I would thank you for doing that. You never get any REM sleep if you wake up every hour to text.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 0:59:12 GMT
We set up a rule before they had texting/messaging abilities. Laptops stay downstairs. Phone is charged in the kitchen, and is plugged in at bedtime. My two oldest girls both have iPods, but they are Nanos and are used in a docking station as their alarm clock, so I don't think that can really cause any issues.
We laid out the rule as necessary because temptation to text is great, other kids may not have the same rules we did, and we've read enough studies about sleep/phone/texting to know that electronics and bed time are not a good, healthy combination. I really tried to emphasize that it was not that we didn't trust them, but that these devices are actually slightly addictive and that we didn't want them distracted at night while they were supposed to be sleeping.
Our 13 year old has an iPhone and laptop; our 11 year old just has a laptop.
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Post by maryland on May 26, 2015 0:59:25 GMT
No, we don't. Our girls with phones are 15 (will be a junior) and 17 (will go to college in the fall). They don't have any "curfews" but they do get straight As (in all honors/AP classes). If their grades slipped, we would limit their time. But as of now, they stay ahead in school, participate in their activities, and other than being slobs and not showering as much as they should (teen girls!) they are doing well.
If they were moody (lack of sleep) or giving us any problems, that would be the first thing we would do, limit phones!
It works for us, but may not work for everyone. I completely understand why you would want to limit his texting time.
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Post by bc2ca on May 26, 2015 1:03:44 GMT
We (myself, DH, DD & DS) all use the alarms on our phones so they are in our rooms at night. I know DD listens to music as she falls asleep and I used to do that when a teen, so don't have a problem with it.
We don't have any hard & fast rules about electronic use, but both kids are usually in bed by 10 PM on week nights with everything off.
I'm pretty sure I can look at the detailed phone use online and if I saw someone texting all night long the phone would be with me for the night. I don't care what their friends are allowed to do, my kids can't function without an uninterrupted sleep.
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back to *pea*ality
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Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on May 26, 2015 1:08:16 GMT
With regard to video games - no gaming on school nights. Starting Friday after school until 9 pm Sunday night no limits.
We gave our son his first cell phone it was with the understanding it was a privilege not a right. Also, we reserved the right to look at text messages upon request. Since he did not abuse his privileges we never took it away from him.
We were our house, our rules types of parents. As our son got older, more mature and showed us that most of the time he would make good decisions he had a lot of latitude.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on May 26, 2015 1:26:02 GMT
heck, I have a 'curfew' from my phone and electronics midway thru the evening for myself, lol!! It's not good for your sleeping habits to have electronics on that late at night.
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Post by Linda on May 26, 2015 1:31:01 GMT
I tend to only have rules when they are needed so no.
My 15 y/o rarely texts or phones anyone other than us for a ride. She had a big problem with insomnia about 18months ago so we really worked on healthy sleep habits while resolving that...part of that is turning the laptop off at night. She does listen to music on her way to sleep but that's a CD player and it shuts off when the CD ends. She's not a video gamer and while she likes to watch TV in the evening, she's good about turning it off and heading to bed at a reasonable hour (and if she wasn't - one of us would remind her - the TV is in the living room).
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Post by Linda on May 26, 2015 1:31:47 GMT
As our son got older, more mature and showed us that most of the time he would make good decisions he had a lot of latitude. That's how we parent also - if they show that they make good decisions, they get the latitude to make them.
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 26, 2015 1:36:42 GMT
We set up a rule before they had texting/messaging abilities. Laptops stay downstairs. Phone is charged in the kitchen, and is plugged in at bedtime. My two oldest girls both have iPods, but they are Nanos and are used in a docking station as their alarm clock, so I don't think that can really cause any issues. We laid out the rule as necessary because temptation to text is great, other kids may not have the same rules we did, and we've read enough studies about sleep/phone/texting to know that electronics and bed time are not a good, healthy combination. I really tried to emphasize that it was not that we didn't trust them, but that these devices are actually slightly addictive and that we didn't want them distracted at night while they were supposed to be sleeping. Our 13 year old has an iPhone and laptop; our 11 year old just has a laptop. Your rules seem very reasonable. We're not there yet since our DD is still too young, but these are the kinds of rules we will set up as well before she ever gets a cell phone or other device. DH and I charge our own phones, tablets, etc. overnight downstairs and away from the bedrooms, laptops never leave the office/studio. I know way too many people who would actually sleep with their phones in their bed so they would wake up to respond the second someone texted them. It's just crazy. Who needs to be that connected? Sorry, but I need my sleep, LOL!
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on May 26, 2015 1:37:39 GMT
We dont limit video games/tv for our almost 14yo ds. Texting is to be stopped by 9 or 9:30 on school nights and a reasonable time on weekends. As long as he's not an ass in the mornings we don't care much, but if he wakes up crabby it's a sure sign of late night texting. We also reserve the right to do random phone checks. Sometimes we'll go months without looking sometimes we'll look every few days or week.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on May 26, 2015 1:38:55 GMT
my BF keeps his cell phone by the bed in case of emergency, but that's only because of his job. He turns off the sound at night, though, so it doesn't wake either of us up. (which is good, because he's a very light sleeper.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 1:39:55 GMT
Do your teens have a "curfew" for their electronics? Do you require that they stop video gaming at a certain time? Do you let them keep their cell phone, iPod, etc. in their room at night or do you have them turn them in?
Just wondering because we want DS to turn in his cell and iPod at 9:30 at night and he's very angry with us. We told him they could charge on my dresser.
We discovered he's texting his girlfriend at 1, 2, 3 in the morning on weekends and school nights. He says all his friends are allowed to text whenever they want.
Just wondering what others do. Our rule is electronics off at 10pm. Until 17 they turn them in at 10pm and can have them back in the am.
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Post by anxiousmom on May 26, 2015 1:44:42 GMT
When my older son was still here (in high school) yes. There was a 'curfew' for phones and no laptops in their rooms after lights out. My older son had zero self-control when it came to monitoring his phone usage at night. So I helped him, and had everyone-myself included-park their phone and charging in the kitchen by 10.
When he left though, my younger son has proven that he more responsible with his phone usage so he gets to pretty much do what he wants with his phone. Typically he charges his ipad in the kitchen because that is where the charger that fits his ipad lives. His phone he charges in his room at night.
So I guess my answer is yes and no. Each kid had differing levels of self-control and as a result, each kid was given different rules based on past behavior.
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Post by Merge on May 26, 2015 2:08:59 GMT
Every kid is different. We initially tried the phone curfew thing with our oldest, but over time, we relaxed that. She got some very natural consequences a few times when she stayed up too late - she doesn't like to be tired and cranky any more than we like her to be. In her case, I think letting her realize on her own that she needs sleep more than she needs to text or be online was an important step towards maturity. She's actually gotten so serious about her sleep quality that she downloaded an app that lets her phone track her sleep cycles through the night.
I realize that not every kid would let themselves learn that lesson and regulate their own behavior, but it worked for us.
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Post by gmcwife1 on May 26, 2015 2:29:04 GMT
No, we don't. Our girls with phones are 15 (will be a junior) and 17 (will go to college in the fall). They don't have any "curfews" but they do get straight As (in all honors/AP classes). If their grades slipped, we would limit their time. But as of now, they stay ahead in school, participate in their activities, and other than being slobs and not showering as much as they should (teen girls!) they are doing well. If they were moody (lack of sleep) or giving us any problems, that would be the first thing we would do, limit phones! It works for us, but may not work for everyone. I completely understand why you would want to limit his texting time. We are the same with our 16 yr old dd. She does well balancing 4-H, school, family and social time. If she didn't the phone would be the first to go. She is ADHD and does knoww that lack of sleep is one of her triggers so she is pretty good about monitoring it herself. When she got her new iPhone her messaging showed up on my mini iPad. It was all ok and pretty funny. She also uses her phone as her alarm and has not overslept yet. But again, we do reserve the right to keep or check her phone at any time.
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Post by maryland on May 26, 2015 3:37:17 GMT
No, we don't. Our girls with phones are 15 (will be a junior) and 17 (will go to college in the fall). They don't have any "curfews" but they do get straight As (in all honors/AP classes). If their grades slipped, we would limit their time. But as of now, they stay ahead in school, participate in their activities, and other than being slobs and not showering as much as they should (teen girls!) they are doing well. If they were moody (lack of sleep) or giving us any problems, that would be the first thing we would do, limit phones! It works for us, but may not work for everyone. I completely understand why you would want to limit his texting time. We are the same with our 16 yr old dd. She does well balancing 4-H, school, family and social time. If she didn't the phone would be the first to go. She is ADHD and does knoww that lack of sleep is one of her triggers so she is pretty good about monitoring it herself. When she got her new iPhone her messaging showed up on my mini iPad. It was all ok and pretty funny. She also uses her phone as her alarm and has not overslept yet. But again, we do reserve the right to keep or check her phone at any time. My 15 yr. old daughter also uses her phone as her alarm and she sleeps through it every time! The 7th-12th graders catch the bus at 6:28am, so they have to get up early. My 17 yr. old is good about waking up, and she always has to get her 15 yr. old sister up. Well, the seniors last day was Thursday, so my 15 yr. old has to get up on her own. I have a feeling I will have to set my alarm and make sure she is up!
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Post by elaine on May 26, 2015 3:47:17 GMT
If you are going to read his texts while the iPod is downstairs or with you charging, you need to tell him that. That is a bigger issue than the curfew, IMO. Whatever you decide, be transparent about it if you want him to trust you. Model honest behavior, if you want him to be honest with you.
He is angry because he wants to continue sexting with his girlfriend and you haven't discussed that situation with him at all. His anger isn't happening in a vacuum. All of a sudden, after not enforcing the curfew, you are suddenly doing it at the time he started sexting, but not copping as to why.
If you want to reserve the right to monitor his texting and online behavior, fine, but own up to it. Model taking responsibility.
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Post by Basket1lady on May 26, 2015 3:49:19 GMT
Kids will always say that everyone else can do whatever they want. Surprisingly, their friend seem to have parents that are completely hand off. Yeah, right. I never bought that story!
The kids got their first cell phones at 12. I gave them $5 in texts a month. If I remember correctly, that was about 25 texts. They did well, but we realized that group texts ate up that number quickly, and it wasn't always the kids' fault. The phones charged in the kitchen by 8 pm all through middle school. I checked texts frequently and all computer usage was done in the family room within eye sight.
By high school, I eased up a little. The kids had smart phones that they used as alarm clocks and they listen to audio books before they fall asleep. They also have laptops now. All electronics are supposed to be put away by 9 pm. Occasionally one of the kids will come and ask permission to text later, so I know they follow the 9 pm rule pretty well. I check texts periodically and email pretty much daily. Although the kids are bigger testers now.
On weekends, they are allowed to game until midnight. DS is 18 and will sometimes play later, but he still has to get up. I've kept the 9 pm rule during the school week because I think it's just a good rule to have. DS is going to college next year and I'm hoping he will make that a house rule for himself. Both kids are excellent students with great GPAs. If grades would fall, I would curtail electronics when they were younger, but they do a good job with that themselves now.
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amom23
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Post by amom23 on May 26, 2015 4:43:16 GMT
We really don't have any house rules regarding electronics. DS13 normally leaves his cell phone downstairs to charge, etc. DS16 uses his phone as his alarm. He also sometimes gets an early morning text from a coach saying morning weights is cancelled, etc. so it helps that he has his cell in his bedroom. We really haven't had any trouble with late night usage. As far as video games go - the boys can play whenever, but during the week they are usually busy with sports and homework. Video gaming seems to go in spurts around here anyways. DS16 rarely plays anymore.
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LeaP
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Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on May 26, 2015 7:06:30 GMT
We have flexible rules. If my 14 year old is texting and surfing past ten-ish and refuses to put the phone down then I take it away. If she is mellow and listening to music while she goes to sleep then she can keep it. She knows she needs sleep so that she can be half sane but sometimes she forgets. If she was texting at 3 a.m. I'd find some YouTube video about beauty sleep. That would cure it because if it some ditzy girl says so it must be so.
I read your other thread and I would suggest a frank discussion about the need to sleep and to chill a little on the love fest. As parents, I feel like we have to pick our battles very carefully.
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Post by christine58 on May 26, 2015 10:01:11 GMT
If you are going to read his texts while the iPod is downstairs or with you charging, you need to tell him that. That is a bigger issue than the curfew, IMO. Whatever you decide, be transparent about it if you want him to trust you. Model honest behavior, if you want him to be honest with you. He is angry because he wants to continue sexting with his girlfriend and you haven't discussed that situation with him at all. His anger isn't happening in a vacuum. All of a sudden, after not enforcing the curfew, you are suddenly doing it at the time he started sexting, but not copping as to why. If you want to reserve the right to monitor his texting and online behavior, fine, but own up to it. Model taking responsibility. Perfect answer... Also..who pays the bill? If it's you---you make the rules. You had rules/curfew and now you decide to enforce after reading his sexual texts to his GF...yeah you need to tell him.
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lesley
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Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on May 26, 2015 10:21:45 GMT
If you are going to read his texts while the iPod is downstairs or with you charging, you need to tell him that. That is a bigger issue than the curfew, IMO. Whatever you decide, be transparent about it if you want him to trust you. Model honest behavior, if you want him to be honest with you. He is angry because he wants to continue sexting with his girlfriend and you haven't discussed that situation with him at all. His anger isn't happening in a vacuum. All of a sudden, after not enforcing the curfew, you are suddenly doing it at the time he started sexting, but not copping as to why. If you want to reserve the right to monitor his texting and online behavior, fine, but own up to it. Model taking responsibility. Elaine, as always, you give the perfect answer. Will you be my mum? Actually, can I give you my kids?
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desertgirl
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Jun 26, 2014 15:58:05 GMT
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Post by desertgirl on May 26, 2015 10:36:28 GMT
Gosh, please get some professional advice on all of what's going on in your life right now. You are upset and grasping at straws by just posting here and not seeking help for your confusion, anger, sadness, sense of loss. We all come here for advice and do get great advice here, but you are beside yourself about your son and his choices now. You need a competent professional, too.
Get help, please, for you, your family, and your son's future. As someone who did that, I urge you to call today.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 10:37:43 GMT
She is not allowed to have her stuff in her room at night and she is not allowed to text past what is her bed time. She is 14. Tell you son, these are the rules in you house, what his friends do does not matter.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 10:40:28 GMT
Oh and my dd knows we have and will randomly check her text messages and instagram. She is fine with this rule since it has been in effect since the first electronic device came into the house.
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Post by elaine on May 26, 2015 10:45:32 GMT
If you are going to read his texts while the iPod is downstairs or with you charging, you need to tell him that. That is a bigger issue than the curfew, IMO. Whatever you decide, be transparent about it if you want him to trust you. Model honest behavior, if you want him to be honest with you. He is angry because he wants to continue sexting with his girlfriend and you haven't discussed that situation with him at all. His anger isn't happening in a vacuum. All of a sudden, after not enforcing the curfew, you are suddenly doing it at the time he started sexting, but not copping as to why. If you want to reserve the right to monitor his texting and online behavior, fine, but own up to it. Model taking responsibility. Perfect answer... Also..who pays the bill? If it's you--- you make the rules. You had rules/curfew and now you decide to enforce after reading his sexual texts to his GF...yeah you need to tell him. Yes! As long as he is a minor and you are paying his bills, you get to make the rules - your responsibility is to be clear about them and consistent in enforcing them. Elaine, as always, you give the perfect answer. Will you be my mum? Actually, can I give you my kids? Hahaha! You are too kind - I think my kids would probably gladly trade places with yours, especially the 13 yo. I can't tell you how many time the words "I'm not supposed to be your friend, I'm supposed to be your parent" come out of my mouth, when I'm enforcing a rule he doesn't like.
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Post by rainangel on May 26, 2015 11:45:13 GMT
My sister has wifi that covers the house. The internet automatically turns itself off at 9 pm, and don't turn back on until 8 am. They use some sort of timer on it. But teenage girls will always find a loophole, and they found it in the bathroom. The bathroom faces the neighbour house (only house close by), and they can pick up the neighbours wifi in the bathroom My sister was wondering why they were taking so long in the bathroom every night until the neighbour said his internet REALLY slows down at 9 pm, almost like someone else was using it
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Post by bearmom on May 26, 2015 11:54:44 GMT
No, we don't. Our girls with phones are 15 (will be a junior) and 17 (will go to college in the fall). They don't have any "curfews" but they do get straight As (in all honors/AP classes). If their grades slipped, we would limit their time. But as of now, they stay ahead in school, participate in their activities, and other than being slobs and not showering as much as they should (teen girls!) they are doing well. If they were moody (lack of sleep) or giving us any problems, that would be the first thing we would do, limit phones! It works for us, but may not work for everyone. I completely understand why you would want to limit his texting time. This. Younger dd does charger her phone in the kitchen, older dd in her room. Last time I knew, they both had the do not disturb function turned on from 10pm-6am.
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Post by scrapqueen01 on May 26, 2015 12:52:24 GMT
Dd is 11 and got her first cell phone this year. She wanted an iPhone but got a Tracfone. I wanted her to learn to be responsible with texting and using minutes before getting her something more advanced. We don't have tv so our entertainment is the internet. Her pc is in the kitchen where I can monitor it. She can watch as much as she wants as long as she gets homework and chores done. She has an iPod that she likes to watch at night but only on weekends. No iPod during the week because I know she would stay up too late and is a bear to get up in the morning. She can watch it Saturday night with the knowledge that she has to get up early for church the next day.
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