s/o Disppointed by her son thread...PSA

I agree about talking to your kids often and openly.

I do think that she totally got piled on and I didn't really think that was cool.

The thread certainly didn't go the way she intended but I don't think you can claim to be disgusted by your child and not have people respond to that. Sex isn't disgusting and neither is her son.

I agree with you OP. My kids are 19 and 21 now. We started talking to them in late elementary/middle school about relationships, etc. I was also honest with my kids. I told them that I didn't expect them to wait until they were married, but hoped they would wait until after HS to have sex (plus reasons why). If they chose to have sex, how to protect themselves. We also talked about drugs and drinking too.

TV shows are a great time to talk with kids. I also found driving in the car was a great time to talk with my teens. When you are not looking at them face to face, they are more open.

Some of the best sex/relationship talks I've had with my kids have been in the car. I remember talking with my 3rd son one day while running several errands. We'd talk, get out of the car for awhile (time to think about what was said), back in and more talking, then repeat.

I think when the OP wrote the post she was on the corner of shock and denial. I have been there once or twice myself. The pile on was both predictable and unfortunate.

I can recall a few teachable moments between my son and I on this subject. Not always easy or comfortable but always with love, understanding and compassion. I never had the expectation that he would wait until marriage but I expected him to be a gentleman and not a dog in heat. I also think there is a big difference in young men from the age of 14 to 18 and the longer they wait the better. I am not in the camp of give him condoms because it is inevitable.

If we don't guide our sons and daughters as they grow into young men and women about sexuality and consent then as a society we are cultivating predators and victims.

While I agree that there was some valuable advice, sadly there was also alot of attacking too.
She was already in emotional turmoil and harsh judgement didn't help. I think she would have been much more open to advice had it been delivered differently.
Unfortunately I have seen this type fo attack way too often here and it makes me sad.

I hope the op returns, even if under a different name.

I also hope that all of us can remember to extend kindness and empathy even when giving some hard to hear advice.

A couple of thoughts here that hopefully won't get me run off the board.  It has seemed exceptionally vicious lately.

As previously pointed out, how would the reactions be different if the Pea's child had been a girl and it was a boy always leading conversations down a sexual road and giving explicit instructions?  Working on the assumption that the Pea knows her child better than any of us strangers do, what if the kid really is as/was as innocent as she claimed?  And escalating after only 2 weeks?  Why assume she's automatically wrong because the rest of us were apparently experimenting left and right by then?  And if she is correct, doesn't this seem  fast?  I get that some peas are ok with relationships moving fast, clearly far faster than some of the rest of us, but wouldn't this send up red flags for anybody?  If a boy was sending that stuff to a girl, a lot of us would flip.  Why the double standard? 

Several peas pointed out that she was unjustly vilifying the girl and painting her as the scarlet woman or whatever.  Is she?  We don't know.  We haven't seen the texts or talked to the boy or the girl to know.  Yet some of us felt perfectly fine telling this woman she must be wrong and how dare she accuse the girl as if having a vagina gives the girl a special free pass.  Is that how it's working now?  Girls can't sexually harrass or assault?  They are all pristine angels above reproach just by virtue of having the right body parts?  Isn't that like saying all boys are _____ because they have male body parts?  Someone help me here because I'm hoping I was wrong.

I think part of what turned so many against her was that she brought her faith into it.  No, her faith and lifestyle aren't necessarily her son's and she can't force them on him.  But she can use them to set the rules of conduct and what's acceptable behavior or not, right?  Or are we letting the kids run the show now?  I think a parent has every right to be concerned when there kid is exhibiting potentially dangerous or life-altering behavior or seems to be in an undesirable relationship.  When did "Kids have been doing it for years" or "They all do it" become acceptable excuses?  What about all those school teams and frat rape cases lately?  Would those excuses hold then?  And honestly, just because "everybody" is doing it, or you did it, or MTV says it's okay, doesn't make it right or you (general you) right.  If everyone was jumping off a bridge, would you?

This was a sad situation all the way around.  The boy may or may not be in over his head.  The mom is grieving the loss of the little boy he was while scared of what's coming.  Instead of offering insight or useful experience, some felt the need to pile on.  I think we all can see that there's a great chance of this situation going badly.  And some of us made it worse.  Even if she had posted it as a PVM, as was suggested, you know that anyone wanting to speak their mind would've anyway.  But what purpose did it serve really?  I feel like we failed somehow.  

I see teachers on fb posting all of the time with signs saying "I am from suchandsuch city and want to show my students how far the internet reaches, please share this." And it clearly shows once you put something online it is out there forever, for everyone to see.

Speaking for myself, my reaction or my advice would not have been any different at all. 

Excellent suggestion. My oldest is 10. I'm going to talk to him. He currently has an iPad that he leaves in the living room to charge. We will be getting him s phone soon because he wants to start staying home for short periods on his own and we have no home phone. I really want him to understand his digital footprint is permanent!