s/o reading teens texts

I haven't read my kids' texts yet. Though I reserve the right to any time I want to.

I have always been up front and told them that I will only invade their privacy for their safety.

I'm not checking their texts to find out if they've kissed a boy or girl. I don't care what the latest gossip is. But if I think that they are having dangerous thoughts of self harm, then I will be checking.

I told them that since they know I can and will check, if I find texts saying they want to hurt themselves, I will take it as a call for help to me specifically and I will answer that call.

 especially my bold above. 

If your kids is really doing something they don't want you to read, they will be deleting their texts as they go. 

I've never read my kids texts. I guess I've just never felt the need to. I am "friends" with them on Facebook, Instagram, etc. so I see what they are posting.

I've read my daughters in the past. One of her supposed friends was texting really hateful things to her, so I was keeping check on things. It was one of those " we are best friends one day, I hate you the next" DD finally ended up blocking her. That was over a year ago and I haven't checked since, dd is now at a different school anyway and hardly texts.

The rule in our house is that DH and I can read/view anything on their phones as we deem necessary at any time, with or without notice.
My take is, I do not do it to invade or be nosey, there would be a reason/suspicion if I asked for them to hand it over.
I have done so on a few occasions, and my kids know that is just the rules.

Not to sound snarky, but if your kids were doing something inappropriate, it wouldn't likely be on social media. It would be where they felt some privacy (texting).

My kids know I reserve the right to at any time check on what they are doing.  I can only think of two times when I felt I needed to check.  One, my DD was messaging on facebook a boy who was 18.  I checked to see if their conversation was inappropriate or leading to any sneaky behavior.  I was concerned that he wasn't just her best friend's older brother's friend, but trying to get her to go out with him.  She did nothing inappropriate.  The second time, the school accused my DD of bullying a kid.  I checked the facebook messages between her and the kid.  The kid was pretty rotten to her, so she dished it back.  I did punish her because I felt that she should not have been so unkind.  But I did print the messages for the school so they could see the other child was just as much at fault as she was.  Other than that, I haven't felt the need to check.  When they give me reasons to, I will.  But my kids have shown that they are pretty responsible so I don't need to scan their messages on a regular basis.

I look over my kids' (11 & 14) shoulders a lot. We have had number of discussions about how texting might as well be a billboard on the boulevard and they have been pretty careful. From Sarah*H thread, both girls are prone to duh-ness moments so I remind them frequently and point out inappropriate things their little buddies have posted.

One 11 year old posted a picture of her torso with curse words (including cunt) written all over in black ink. In that case I showed them how to do screen grabs and told the girl's mother and the principal because I thought she needed help.

I never sneak around. On the other hand, my 14 year old nearly died of shock when I checked out one of favorite YouTuber's book from the library. She had no idea I was listening to what she was watching. Yup, mom grew up when dinosaurs roamed the land and now lives in a virtual cave, NOT!

Right now, I just look to see who they are texting. They know I will check any time I want to and will do so at least twice a year unless I suspect I need to more. I don't have much to worry about right now as the majority of their texts are to each other, all 4 parents, and grandparents. I've told them not to text anything they wouldn't want me, Dad, or even grandma to see. So far, so good, but they're barely teens so we'll see how the next 5 years go.

I have always had the rule in place since my kids got their cell phones in junior high school that I reserve the right to check their phones whenever I see fit as long as 1) I am paying the bill and 2) they are minors in my home (on the incredibly off chance that someone got a job and started paying their own bill, not happening BTW).

I have only checked their phones a couple of times, and it all was around a situation with DD and her boyfriend. In fact, my son knew all the details but didn't want to 'tell' on his sister, but he was worried about her. So he said 'have you checked my phone recently mom?'. It threw me off, but I finally got the gist of what he was telling me ( I *knew* something was wrong with her, but wasn't sure what). I learned all I need to from his conversations with DD's boyfriend. (this was the situation I posted about on the other thread) Which led me to check her phone…blah blah blah.

So yeah, I reserve the right but rarely have I used it.

Last weekend I asked DS (18) for his phone to show my sister a funny video he had taken at work of a dog he was taking care of (he works at a doggy daycare). He tossed it to me and said 'you remember the password right?'. Yep, I do.
The fact that he so willingly handed it over made me feel completely comfortable not checking. Plus he's 18 now, so…I'm backing down with him on many things anyway. (not easy, btw)

DD is on the same cloud as I am, so every picture or screen shot she takes uploads to my photo stream. There are A LOT OF THEM. I raise my eyebrows now and again, but have seen nothing that sets my helicopter blades spinning yet.
In fact, she has sent me screen shots of text conversations between her and others to get my input or advice on handling and argument or whatever. Sometimes I roll my eyes, sometimes I am surprised at some of the language that is used by some kids (even her sometimes), but I have to remind myself that she is letting me in, sharing with me and trusting me because she needs my help, not my judgement bc someone said shit or damn in a text.

Like others, mine have always known that I reserve the right to check at any time.  I honestly don't remember doing it, but I could have, so I won't say that I haven't.

For the first year they had Facebook, they were required not only to friend me, but to give me their password.  And yes, I deleted more than one innappropriate comment from my older one's page.

They also know that every time we have the computer serviced by my brother-in-law, he will be checking their history.

Now that the older one is 19, I don't monitor him anymore.  He pays for his own phone & data plan, so unless he does something horrendous, it's his business.

Younger one is more into Skype than texting and sadly, that's harder to track.  Once in a while I'll come up behind him & peek at the screen, just to keep him on his toes.

Like voltagain said, I remind myself why I'm checking (very good point, btw!) and don't let myself get helicoptery when I see a swear word or two.  Or five.