momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 13, 2014 13:21:47 GMT
I have a wwyd question this morning. Snapchat is very popular around here with the teens. Instead of texting they snapchat their activities. Often i'm in the car driving with almost 15 yo and she's taking pictures of us in the car (annoying!) and snapchatting them.
So problem is she alerted me to a new girl being in 17 1/2 ds top 3 friends. At first I didn't think anything of it. Then his best friend was over and had no idea who she was. That through up some red flags...nobody knows who she is!
So I googled the info I had off snapchat and came up with a girl who with the little info I have seems to be her. Through a little digging it appears that she's almost 23 and lives across the country. Totally bizarre!
We've done the whole not giving info on the internet since a young age. We've done the you can't erase what is out there. He's seen firsthand through some school mates what happens when you've been sexting and involved in all that goes along with that. He "should" be smarter than that....but at the same time I know he's a 17 yo boy.
I tried to talk to him alone last night and he wouldn't give any info on who she was, then blocked me on snapchat. So this AM I started digging around and found the info. He's currently sleeping so I went and took the phone out of his room and told him we'd be chatting before it was returned. The phone does have a password so I have not looked at it (in case someone suggests I do.)
So next steps??
Updating: I've talked to him about it. Told him that because no one knew who this girl might be it raised some red flags to me. He wasn't too happy about it, but gave the info up. She's local and he does know her so i've calmed down, lol!
I told him I get why he's secretive given his sister and friend being so nosey, but when I suspect something might be up, i'll be in his business.
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Post by queenofshoes on Jul 13, 2014 13:28:07 GMT
That's a tough one. I made it clear to mine that any social media behavior/ friends I deem inappropriate will cause the removal of her devices. That pretty much keeps her in line. Maybe have a serious conversation with him and keep the phone for a few days.
Lesa
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639 
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
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Post by Loydene on Jul 13, 2014 13:34:49 GMT
I have a tendency to go "possessory" on devices when lines are being pushed or crossed. I understand the age of the user of the phone; but as the OWNER of the device, I must always have access to it and it must be used "properly" or it goes. Also, my calls/texts must be answered in a reasonable amount of time or the service is turned off.
I would not tolerate a password protected device that I owned and did not have the password to at all times.
Your mileage may vary.
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Post by maryland on Jul 13, 2014 13:54:44 GMT
That's scary for your son (even though he may not realize it! I have teen daughters, I completely understand). I have an almost 17 yr. old and would not be happy to have a 23 yr. old that we don't know snapchatting my child. Too many things could possibly go wrong. I would take the phone for a few days too. Protecting your son is more important than his phone freedom. Just my thoughts on the matter.
We taught our kids to be very careful what they post on instagram, facebook, etc. And if they receive anything inappropriate to tell us immediately. Our daughters know that they could get into serious trouble with the law just for being "stupid" on social media, even if it's sent to them. It's hard to get a teen girl to realize that she could get into trouble, but I think we scared them enough! (And it helps to have friends with teen boys/girls a few years older to give us advice on social media situations).
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 13, 2014 13:56:01 GMT
I have a tendency to go "possessory" on devices when lines are being pushed or crossed. I understand the age of the user of the phone; but as the OWNER of the device, I must always have access to it and it must be used "properly" or it goes. Also, my calls/texts must be answered in a reasonable amount of time or the service is turned off. I would not tolerate a password protected device that I owned and did not have the password to at all times. Your mileage may vary. I'm definitely going to require the passwords as I do own the devices. But he's been trustworthy and has been a good kid so I didn't really think I needed them. His age is an issue too! He'll be 18 in December...he's been a good kid, hangs out with good kids, etc. But he's also getting that "i'm an adult I can make my own decisions type attitude." You know the one where they can't seem to understand reason in that I pay for the roof over your head, the clothes on your back and your phone, etc., so I deserve some respect and say in what you are up to. Having done this age before, I deem it the worst age of parenting! |
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Post by shescrafty on Jul 13, 2014 14:00:25 GMT
I think I it is hard when he is so close to 18. But if he wants to pull the "I am an adult" line then he can start paying for his own phone and contribute to every other way you support him.
I think calmly talking to him is of course the way to start, but if he refuses then you will have to decide in advance what you are going to do. My son is younger, but I feel like if I have thought out options before we talk then my decisions are much better than if I just make decisions based on emotion. You will have to decide if you want to keep that app on his phone or not and possibly change the iTunes password so if you delete it he can't put that (or any other apps he may want) back on his phone.
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Post by justkallie on Jul 13, 2014 14:05:38 GMT
As long as you are paying the bill, you own the phone and all the content on it imho. If he does not like the rules or chooses not to play by them, he can go out and get his own phone.
I have also heard of people making their children leave their phones outside their room at night so as to be sure nothing is going on at night that shouldn't as well...
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 13, 2014 14:06:26 GMT
I just went through something similar with my over 18 year old son (omg, I just realized he will 19 in about 4 months!)
Anyway, he just posted a photo on twitter that had his name, address, phone number and various other identifiers on it. He is obviously an adult, and only a month away from starting college 10 hours away, so I follow him on "the tweeter" (I say that to annoy him LOL) but never say anything and he forgets that I see what he posts (I learn a lot that way.)
But this wasn't just questionable talk. This was personal information that also included MY home address. I didn't talk to him, but sent him a text to "get it gone now-if you want to have a copy of your college schedule fine, retake the photo without the personal stuff" and a brief "you know better than to do this." He removed it right away.
Anyway, I say all that to suggest that part of the conversation maybe you can have via text. I find that with my kids, if I have something important to say, text conversations are very fruitful. The boys are removed from having to have a personal discussion that is potentially embarrassing face to face. They are wired to use devises as methods of communication, and are comfortable with it.
I know a lot of people don't agree with me, and sometimes I don't agree with myself. (LOL) But the fact of the matter is that sometimes we as parents have to adjust to communications styles of different people, and if this is a change I have to make in order to "talk" to my teenagers, then I am going to do what it takes in order to keep those lines of communication open.
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Post by maryland on Jul 13, 2014 14:07:08 GMT
I have a tendency to go "possessory" on devices when lines are being pushed or crossed. I understand the age of the user of the phone; but as the OWNER of the device, I must always have access to it and it must be used "properly" or it goes. Also, my calls/texts must be answered in a reasonable amount of time or the service is turned off. I would not tolerate a password protected device that I owned and did not have the password to at all times. Your mileage may vary. I'm definitely going to require the passwords as I do own the devices. But he's been trustworthy and has been a good kid so I didn't really think I needed them. His age is an issue too! He'll be 18 in December...he's been a good kid, hangs out with good kids, etc. But he's also getting that "i'm an adult I can make my own decisions type attitude." You know the one where they can't seem to understand reason in that I pay for the roof over your head, the clothes on your back and your phone, etc., so I deserve some respect and say in what you are up to. Having done this age before, I deem it the worst age of parenting! Your son sounds exactly like my daughter! Great kid, great friends! And yes, they will be 18 soon enough, but if we are paying, we make the rules. |
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 13, 2014 14:11:38 GMT
I just went through something similar with my over 18 year old son (omg, I just realized he will 19 in about 4 months!) Anyway, he just posted a photo on twitter that had his name, address, phone number and various other identifiers on it. He is obviously an adult, and only a month away from starting college 10 hours away, so I follow him on "the tweeter" (I say that to annoy him LOL) but never say anything and he forgets that I see what he posts (I learn a lot that way.) But this wasn't just questionable talk. This was personal information that also included MY home address. I didn't talk to him, but sent him a text to "get it gone now-if you want to have a copy of your college schedule fine, retake the photo without the personal stuff" and a brief "you know better than to do this." He removed it right away. Anyway, I say all that to suggest that part of the conversation maybe you can have via text. I find that with my kids, if I have something important to say, text conversations are very fruitful. The boys are removed from having to have a personal discussion that is potentially embarrassing face to face. They are wired to use devises as methods of communication, and are comfortable with it. I know a lot of people don't agree with me, and sometimes I don't agree with myself. (LOL) But the fact of the matter is that sometimes we as parents have to adjust to communications styles of different people, and if this is a change I have to make in order to "talk" to my teenagers, then I am going to do what it takes in order to keep those lines of communication open. That is a good point, mine sometimes will text me something they find embarrassing to "talk" about! They do communicate differently so I don't think it's a bad way to communicate with them. Of course said kiddo has no phone to text him right now, lol! |
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
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Post by Loydene on Jul 13, 2014 17:47:10 GMT
I'm definitely going to require the passwords as I do own the devices. But he's been trustworthy and has been a good kid so I didn't really think I needed them. His age is an issue too! He'll be 18 in December...he's been a good kid, hangs out with good kids, etc. But he's also getting that "i'm an adult I can make my own decisions type attitude." You know the one where they can't seem to understand reason in that I pay for the roof over your head, the clothes on your back and your phone, etc., so I deserve some respect and say in what you are up to. Having done this age before, I deem it the worst age of parenting! Your son sounds exactly like my daughter! Great kid, great friends! And yes, they will be 18 soon enough, but if we are paying, we make the rules. I think my attitude "helped" my son be a "good kid" (and he totally was and is!) He knew with a certainty what I would do .... because I had done it! |
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