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Post by Really Red on Jul 14, 2014 2:19:05 GMT
I have a colonoscopy tomorrow. I did the prep work this afternoon and have to wake up at 4am to do the rest. 17yoDD went to the fair today. Because her friend didn't want to go to the fair with her sister and her sister's BF, she had to be picked up (she lives 35 mns away) and brought to our house. I was NOT happy, but it was supposed to be for 10-15 mns which turned out to be 1.5 hours. All the while, I am letting it all out. DD's room is tiny so they don't stay in there. I am majorly pissed.
So DD comes home 30 mns ago (9:45pm) WITH THE FRIEND. I'm like WTF???!?!?! And she said, well, their whole family went on vacation this weekend so there was no one home and friend wants to go to practice tmrw so I will just take her. (cue lots and lots and LOTS of bad words from me, I am sorry to say)
I am hungry and tired and depleted and I have to be up at 4am to start the second part of the process. My other 17yo DD is stressed because she has to take me and miss 1 hour of work on a busy day, which makes me stressed if the procedure runs long. Everyone I know is out of town this week (Bad DD teaches swim lessons so absolutely cannot be late). I don't mind the prep as much as the thought of going under anaesthesia. I have been under twice in my life and it was very bad both times. I am a bit stressed about that, plus the normal annoyance of not being more than 2 feet from a toilet.
Plus we have work starting tomorrow morning (a very bad and unavoidable coincidence) that DD KNEW she had to be here for. Instead she's going to cater to her friend. And yes, I am angry that friend takes precedence over me. And I am still cranky and hungry and a bit stressed so I know that comes into play, but I always - ALWAYS - welcome their friends and I made it clear today was for me.
Ugh. My perspective is that of a toilet right now and I just wish my bad 17yo DD was stuck in it with me. Then maybe she wouldn't have brought home that friend! Hah.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jul 14, 2014 2:21:47 GMT
I have a 17 yo DD and I could see her doing something like that with no thought to how it effects anyone else. I'm mad for you. I hope everything goes smoothly for your procedure.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 13:23:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 2:24:15 GMT
Send the extra kids home NOW. And ground your's until this is over with. They can be home and wait on you hand and foot.
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Post by turangaleela on Jul 14, 2014 2:26:36 GMT
Man, I don't blame you for being mad; I think my blood pressure rose just reading about it. It's possible that your daughter sees the error of her ways but won't admit it, but either way this is a crappy (sorry, couldn't resist) situation all around. I don't have any wisdom, just wanted to commiserate (and hope I spelled that right).
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Post by AN on Jul 14, 2014 2:28:41 GMT
You're 17? Oh, sorry, guess you aren't going ANYWHERE because I'm taking your car keys. How convenient that you'll be home for the work that's being done tomorrow. Better run along and take friend home since you're not going to be able to take her anywhere tomorrow.
Ohhhhh, I'm pissed for you! I hope your colonoscopy goes as well as can be expected and that your DD pulls her head out of her ass (pun fully intended).
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Post by Really Red on Jul 14, 2014 2:29:02 GMT
I told her she needed to drive her home (over 1 hr RT), but there's no one there. The other girl is 15yo. I can't send her home to an empty house in the middle of nowhere (they live in the country) I have no idea whether my DD told her parents it was fine or not. I was too mad to ask. I did say that she needed to stay IN my DD's room for the rest of the night with her.
And yes. DD will have consequences. But that doesn't help me now.
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smginaz Suzy
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Je suis desole.
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Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Jul 14, 2014 2:29:10 GMT
When that happened with DD's friends, I just started putting them to work. Take out the trash, fold some towels, load the dishwasher, sweep the floor. I got lots of ideas. If you're going to hang aorund, you can earn your keep. Now if they stay out of the way, like in DD's room, I don't hunt them down unless they get loud. Noise attracts me and makes me think up additional chores.
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marianne
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Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT
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Post by marianne on Jul 14, 2014 2:30:03 GMT
Send the extra kids home NOW. And ground your's until this is over with. They can be home and wait on you hand and foot.  - with no argument or discussion. Tough beans for her - give her consequences. She knew you were going to be needing help and totally dismissed it. |
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Post by AN on Jul 14, 2014 2:30:31 GMT
I told her she needed to drive her home (over 1 hr RT), but there's no one there. The other girl is 15yo. I can't send her home to an empty house in the middle of nowhere (they live in the country) I have no idea whether my DD told her parents it was fine or not. I was too mad to ask. I did say that she needed to stay IN my DD's room for the rest of the night with her. And yes. DD will have consequences. But that doesn't help me now. Can DD and friend stay at the house tomorrow while the work is being done, if she can't go home tonight? I'm a little confused, I followed the part about being gone a lot longer than planned and bringing a friend home - but about tomorrow? You're still TOTALLY in control of what they do tomorrow. |
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Post by AN on Jul 14, 2014 2:30:59 GMT
When that happened with DD's friends, I just started putting them to work. Take out the trash, fold some towels, load the dishwasher, sweep the floor. I got lots of ideas. If you're going to hang aorund, you can earn your keep. Now if they stay out of the way, like in DD's room, I don't hunt them down unless they get loud. Noise attracts me and makes me think up additional chores. Filed away for future use. |
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 13:23:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 2:31:09 GMT
I told her she needed to drive her home (over 1 hr RT), but there's no one there. The other girl is 15yo. I can't send her home to an empty house in the middle of nowhere (they live in the country) I have no idea whether my DD told her parents it was fine or not. I was too mad to ask. I did say that she needed to stay IN my DD's room for the rest of the night with her. And yes. DD will have consequences. But that doesn't help me now. Oh my stars!!! I think I'd be having words with the girl's family when they get back. |
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Post by Really Red on Jul 14, 2014 2:33:56 GMT
All my kids work during the week. The DD who is taking me works in an office. She will be late to work by 1 hour if all goes well. Bad DD teaches swim lessons all day long for the city. She can't miss that. She teaches from 9-12 and 3-8 the whole week. She had to have the car for that (she and other DD work things out with one car and they are very reasonable with each other).
What I am in control is the weekend and the evenings.
Thank you all for being supportive. I haven't been this mad in a long time!!
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 14, 2014 2:35:33 GMT
So it sounds like your DD made the only decision that she could? I'm not quite following, but I'm a big fan of a rant, so carry on.
It sounds like normal teenage cluelessness, with the knowledge that the 15 year old friend shouldn't be alone. And yes, I would still be made at life!
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calgal08
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Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Jul 14, 2014 2:43:42 GMT
"sorry friend, I wish I'd known earlier, but tonight isn't convenient for you to stay. Instead, let's schedule another night later this week"
yes, your dd will be furious, but that's just tough. It's your home, you're the boss - and really, does she want her friend to hear you exploding in the toilet all night ;-)
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 14, 2014 2:44:49 GMT
Honestly I would consider calling the girl's parents and seeing where they would suggest their daughter stays. I have done colonoscopies and I would not have wanted to deal with someone else's needs while doing them -- not that they are so very horrible, but the prep is gross and uncomfortable and the procedure is not a huge deal but does involve sedation and isn't fun. It is not OK that your daughter volunteered your house as a crash pad -- under these circumstances, obviously, but even generally, I do not think it is ok for teens to invite friends to stay over without clearing it with parents (and I don't mean at 9:45 at night by saying the kid's parents are out of town). Even if you think, well, I'd rather not try to find an elsewhere for the kid or the drama isn't worth it, I wanted to validate your feeling that this isn't ok and offer sympathy.
I don't have teenagers yet, so I can't say with confidence I know what I would do, but I might consider telling your daughter that she is not to give rides to friends for X period of time, as you cannot trust that she will not invite them to stay over without permission by claiming they have nowhere else to go.
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timewarp2
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Post by timewarp2 on Jul 14, 2014 2:51:26 GMT
Not sure I'm understanding
If the parents of the other girl are on a planned vacation, who were they leaving the daughter with? Were they planning to leave her alone?
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calgal08
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Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Jul 14, 2014 2:58:45 GMT
"sorry friend, I wish I'd known earlier, but tonight isn't convenient for you to stay. Instead, let's schedule another night later this week"
yes, your dd will be furious, but that's just tough. It's your home, you're the boss - and really, does she want her friend to hear you exploding in the toilet all night ;-)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 3:07:07 GMT
Send the extra kids home NOW. And ground your's until this is over with. They can be home and wait on you hand and foot. That ^^^ |
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IAmUnoriginal
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Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Jul 14, 2014 3:16:21 GMT
If your DD hadn't volunteered your house for tonight, where did the 15 YO plan on staying while the rest of her family is on vacation? If her parents were OK with leaving her alone in their family home, I'd be sending her back. DD would just have to be tired from the extra driving. If it was arranged for the 15 YO to stay with grandparents or other friends, she'd have to go there. I wouldn't let your DD strong arm you into keeping the guest she brought home without checking. Not tonight.
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Post by betsy on Jul 14, 2014 3:18:29 GMT
You have a lot on your plate and sound super stressed out.
Sorry, friends, but tonight is no good for us, you'll have to leave now.
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Post by Megan on Jul 14, 2014 3:24:18 GMT
Not sure I'm understanding If the parents of the other girl are on a planned vacation, who were they leaving the daughter with? Were they planning to leave her alone? Absolutely - it's time for 15 year old friend's family to have an aunt/uncle/cousin come get her. OMG. I'm so sorry you're going through the prep with this going on. I would be livid.  |
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ingrid
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Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
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Post by ingrid on Jul 14, 2014 3:32:46 GMT
I'm super confused (nothing new for me!). Was the family of DD's friend on vacation when DD picked her up for the fair? Is she staying with her sister while they're gone? Now her friend is tagging along with her in the morning when she goes to work? Regardless, I'm so sorry. It's so awful that you're dealing with being anxious and uncomfortable and now you have one more kid in the house. I think I'd want to be completely left alone in my misery to deal with the bathroom stuff. I just home tomorrow comes and goes quickly and you feel better soon  |
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Post by Skellinton on Jul 14, 2014 3:36:30 GMT
When that happened with DD's friends, I just started putting them to work. Take out the trash, fold some towels, load the dishwasher, sweep the floor. I got lots of ideas. If you're going to hang aorund, you can earn your keep. Now if they stay out of the way, like in DD's room, I don't hunt them down unless they get loud. Noise attracts me and makes me think up additional chores. I love "noise Attracts me and makes me think up additional chores." I wish I had had that line when my boys were younger and I needed some quiet! |
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 14, 2014 6:13:02 GMT
Very thoughtless of your daughter, and what a selfish little cow her friend is to impose herself on you at what is clearly going to be an awkward time. I'd send her packing.
I hope all goes well for you. x
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Post by Really Red on Jul 14, 2014 10:39:38 GMT
Thanks for all your support. I was up at 4am to do the second part of the cleanse. I am really tired! I am less mad today. I'm too tired to be mad, I think. My DD will not be allowed to drive this girl anywhere for the next couple weeks. Although I know the other girl is a bit of a brat, this one is all on my own DD. Just because someone asks, doesn't mean that they get.
As for the parents, I got a text this morning from her mom thanking me for taking her DD. The mom had to take her other DD (my girls' best friend) to a meet. I know my DD. I am SURE she offered herself up to take care of things. DD always wants everyone else to be taken care of. Which probably was one of the reasons I was extra angry yesterday.
I wish I could say in hindsight I would have done things differently, but I'm not sure what more I could have said to my DD than "I don't want any kids in the house." My kids bring home friends a lot and I never ever mind, which is why this pisses me off, too. We always have extras for dinner, etc.
This is my DD who gets crazy if I don't give her sufficient notice for any little thing we do.
Anyway, leaving shortly and hoping it will all be over before I know it! Thanks!
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 14, 2014 12:05:14 GMT
Glad you're leaving shortly and it will soon be over! I was going to ask how it was that the 15 yo had no other arrangements made for her, but it sounds like your dd made arrangements to take her. I'd be totally pissed that she did so without consulting you. My kids want someone to stay over, they ask!!
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Post by fruitysuet on Jul 14, 2014 12:57:37 GMT
So sorry that you had to deal with that when you were probably feeling super stressed already. I hope the procedure goes as well as can be expected today.
Re your DD - it sounds like she did what she did out of the goodness of her heart for the younger girl so I think any consequences I would have would bear that in mind.
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Post by lillieleigh on Jul 14, 2014 13:17:40 GMT
Hope all went smoothly with your test. I've had a few and the prep is tough. I remember my daughter was pretty thoughtless at that age. Maybe yours was just trying to please the wrong person and got her priorities confused. Hopefully things will look better after your test is over. Hope you get a get a good result!
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Post by Really Red on Jul 14, 2014 23:26:29 GMT
I did have good results, fortunately, but I did NOT get the Michael Jackson drug because my insurance (CIGNA) didn't cover it. I got Fitinel (sp?) and it was horrible. I screamed several times during the procedure. I feel sure that in my normal awake state I would have been more refined (!), but I did have some Versed, so I was a bit out of it. It's all over now, but I am mad about the Fitinel.
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Post by donna on Jul 14, 2014 23:39:13 GMT
Wow! I could not imagine doing that without being knocked out. Glad you have good results.
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- with no argument or discussion. Tough beans for her - give her consequences. She knew you were going to be needing help and totally dismissed it. 
