Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 0:19:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 16:29:14 GMT
I feeling a little sad today.
Rambling back story:
I moved back to the area my parents lived in the mid 90s. I have one sister who lives about an hour away.
I have one child, who is the baby of the family at 12.
My sister has 4 kids from 14-22.
Even though I'm not super close to my sister I've always been pretty close to her kids, and have always loved getting together with everyone around the holiday (Christmas especially, as I love it) I would host the dinner at my house, which I decorate like crazy.
My mom passed away 4 years ago. After she passed, my dad moved up near me (I was about 45 min from them)
Last year, my nephew went into the service, and will be moving to Germany this year for at least 3 years.
Now, my sister has put her house on the market and will be moving down to SC sometime this year with my 2 younger nieces.
So all that will be left around me (other than a few cousins we only see a couple times a year) Will be me, my dad, my son and my one older niece.
My dad is now talking about going down south to be near my sister (he has wanted to go for years, but my mom wouldn't move, and after she passed he didn't want to live near no family)
My oldest niece is a mess, and honestly, I'm really hoping she moves with them at some point because she I think a change would be good for her.
So, at some point it will be just me & my son here. I would love, love, love to move, but am stuck because my sons dad is around here. So I will have close to 6 years with no family around for me & my son.
I'm worried I won't be excited about Christmas, my son won't have much family to go to any of his school stuff (my sons dad's family all live in Canada) I also have liked having my son around family in case of an emergency. I only have 1 close friend around here too.
I really am feeling sorry for myself, so thanks for reading if you did.
If you've been in a similar situation, what do you do at holiday time? I think I would feel differently if I had a spouse, but it's just the 2 of us. How do you make things special for your kids with no family around? How do you keep them close to family that are so far away? Maybe if my son had sibling I wouldn't worry so much....
TIA
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 14, 2014 16:55:19 GMT
I'm sorry, this kind of change in reality and expectations is hard!
But we, like many others, had to move away from family in order to have careers and job security. Being the ones moving to a new place is much harder, but that doesn't mean it's easy for those staying in the home town.
The more you dwell on the emptiness, the bigger it will become. So do something to fix it! Try doing some of the things you would do if you were the one moving- join a new club, find somewhere new to volunteer, etc. Invite friends to events, try to bond with other school moms, etc.
It might sound risky too but if you attend your church just because it's were you family went, try visiting a new congregation. Or stay and rely on the "family" there.
This is a growth opportunity for you and your son. You can explore the new place your Dad moves, and expand you boundaries in your hometown. Just because it will be different it doesn't have to be bad.
ETA I hope I don't sound unsympathetic, because I understand and I get your concern.
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 0:19:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 17:10:26 GMT
Our situation was a bit different since we were the ones moving (military) But it was often "just us" for major holidays. Sometimes I enjoyed the small celebration of just me and the kids. Other times I'd invite a housefull of people I knew would be alone themselves.
Instead of a huge turkey cook a couple of cornish hens. Decorate like crazy if you love it.
Look into some meet up groups at meetup.com for groups for both you and your son if he doesn't have a large circle of friends. Broaden your friendship base in the same ways you would if you had been the one to move away.
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 0:19:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 17:13:58 GMT
How far are you from SC? Is a road trip possible over the school break?
The biggest thing is to look at what you DO have. Don't focus on what you don't have... that never ever leads to happiness.
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Post by alibama on Jul 14, 2014 17:15:02 GMT
I am sorry! Being alone sucks. I always wanted to live close to my family but it was not in the cards for me. We were transferred here and have been here for 23 years now but it still sucks not having family around!
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Post by flanz on Jul 14, 2014 17:17:20 GMT
Hugs to you. I think you've received outstanding advice so far.
We took our then 10 month old son and moved clear across the continent, from eastern Canada to western USA 26 years ago. Calling "home" was 71 cents a minute. For the first 20 years all but two Christmases were just us and we loved it. there were three, and then four of us though. We stayed close to family then by writing letters (pre email!!) and visiting for 3-4 weeks each summer, and short weekend phone calls. Now with Skype, email, Facebook it is very much easier to stay connected if both parties are interested in doing so. I contrast this with what my mom had access to when she moved from Europe to Canada in 1959, when a letter took two months in each direction.
Your attitude will make a huge difference in how things go for you and your son. Please try to be proactive in seeking out new, healthy supportive relationships. You can do it!
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Pinky Zebra
Full Member
I love Daryl Dixon. I want to lick his face and have his babies.
Posts: 169
Location: West Texas
Jun 26, 2014 5:37:40 GMT
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Post by Pinky Zebra on Jul 14, 2014 17:22:09 GMT
I'm living it right now. In the same week, my brother and his family moved to Phoenix and my parents moved about a two hour drive away. This happened about three weeks ago. It's a huge adjustment. I'm 43 and have never not lived in the same town as my parents.
Focusing on the positive. I like that it's forced the four of us to rely on each other.
We're moving to a new house in our same town. We close on Thursday. That alone has kept me very busy.
It's okay to be sad. But it's not the end of the world. Time to implement new traditions. Holidays will require tweaking. Think of it as an adventure for the two of you.
Hugs!
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222 
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Post by caro on Jul 14, 2014 17:32:38 GMT
Going through this right now. All of my children and grandkids live away from us and their hometown. My DD just moved to Denver, 1400 miles away. It has been very hard having her move so far away. The boys all live within driving distance, about 4 hrs away each. We are trying hard to face time more but still hard.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jul 14, 2014 17:48:29 GMT
WOW! that is a big change.
We moved away from where I grew up and all my family 12 years ago. It was hard for me to be that far away from them. Even though it is only 250 miles and a four hour drive I still felt faraway.
My mom, grandma and aunt were basically the closest family I have and my grandma was really sick. I knew it would be very had for me to be that far away but I also knew that my family needed this move. My daughters dad wasn't happy about it but we made arrangements for me to bring her to him a couple times a month for the week end. and he could travel down to us any time he wanted to. for the first couple years we were going back and forth every 2 weeks. the hardest part was when I got the phone call telling me my grandma had 2 weeks to live 6 months after moving south. I couldn't get into my truck fast enough to get to my aunts house to help with my grandma. I was there for 2 weeks and after my grandma passed I found it harder to be away from my family, but at the same time I knew I had to be where we were for my daughter and husband.
My daughters dad started helping more with transporting her back and forth. that helped.
as far as holidays it was easy because we really didn't have big family gathering since I was in high school. After my grandpa passed my grandma stopped doing the holidays at her house and started going to my aunts house.
My daughters dad moved to Hawaii when she was in the 8th grade (2007) and after that I didn't do as much traveling back and forth but I did go up to see my mom and aunt every couple months. then my mom got sick and passed away (2009). then my traveling really got far and few between. Now I only go north a couple times a year and my aunt makes it to see us once a year. It is hard to go that long with out seeing them but when we do see each other we have a great visit.
I have one more month to go before my next trip and I am already trying to figure out how I can make a short trip last longer.
I know that everybody moving away is going to be hard. but you and your son will be able to start your own traditions and make the holidays special for the 2 of you.
For Christmas I always decorate. I love decorating. I love having my house festive for the holidays.
Through the years my husband and I have always done the holidays different. Like one year we did holidays around the world. starting with Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years we did each meal from a different country. one meal we did German, one Mexican, one, Chinese, one Italian.... So breakfast lunch and dinner was from a different Country. It was fun to have the variety.
We smoked Turkey, tri tips, brisket, we've done roast. but never have we done the same thing more than 1 year. It is fun to see how many ways we can come up with for holiday meals. the only thing that stays the same is I do the same Santa theme every year for Christmas. I love Christmas. I love Santa.
I hope that you will find a way for you and your son and dad until he moves to have a nice enjoyable holiday season.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on Jul 14, 2014 17:51:23 GMT
Yes, been there done that. Sometimes it was me moving away sometime them moving away. For the last twenty years I have lived away. I do the traveling because it is easier for one to do than for a family to come my way.
You have a son so you are not alone. Do the holidays the same as if other family were near - maybe just a little on the smaller size.
Having family away is great - you can go see them on vacation and get to see things and do things that are new to you and maybe to them too.
And as far as keeping in touch, there are so many ways these days. Sometimes I wish there were less ways.
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 0:19:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 18:08:50 GMT
How far are you from SC? Is a road trip possible over the school break? The biggest thing is to look at what you DO have. Don't focus on what you don't have... that never ever leads to happiness. It would be about a 16 hour drive for me. I will plan some vacations down there, but at most once a year is all I'd be able to go down. |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 14, 2014 18:52:14 GMT
I'm sorry. Change that you have no control over sucks.
As far as making Christmas and holidays special when it is just you & your son, make new traditions. Visit places you haven't been. Would you be able to travel to see your sister's family & dad near holidays?
Good luck.
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 0:19:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 19:13:13 GMT
I'm sorry. Change that you have no control over sucks. As far as making Christmas and holidays special when it is just you & your son, make new traditions. Visit places you haven't been. Would you be able to travel to see your sister's family & dad near holidays? Good luck. Probably not, I usually only get christmas eve/Christmas day off. My money is too tight to fly for both of us too for that short a trip. |
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