johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jun 29, 2015 0:48:53 GMT
When do you intervene?
Ds just turned 14. We do periodic checks. Imo we should be looking for severe emotional issues, suicidial, drugs, maybe sex, etc. if I'm looking I also look at the time stamps to determine if that's why he's being a jerk (up too late).
Dh just looked and found that ds was cheating on his girlfriend this past week while at camp. Now girlfriend is a relative term because they really can't "date" per say. Just visit at each other's houses and text. And cheating is a stretch because at camp they weren't allowed on the floor of the opposite sex in the dorms and they had to be in groups of 3 anywhere on campus. Plus they had a very full schedule. Camp ended yesterday and he broke up with girlfriend today.
I think we should let it go. Dh thinks it's our job to set ds right and tell him it's unacceptable.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 29, 2015 0:53:34 GMT
I'd leave it alone for now. But in the upcoming weeks, I'd probably have a talk about what respect in dating means to you. I'd have a casual conversation about it, unrelated to the texts. I think he'd be more likely to listen than if you confronted him now with the texts that you read.
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Post by scrapsotime on Jun 29, 2015 0:54:33 GMT
Not even an issue I would think of getting involved it.
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psiluvu
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Posts: 3,217 
Location: Canada's Capital
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Post by psiluvu on Jun 29, 2015 0:55:45 GMT
Let it go. How is that cheating? It sounds like he did the right thing by breaking up with his gf as soon as he could.
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Post by Zee on Jun 29, 2015 1:01:25 GMT
I'd mind my own business in this matter.
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Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
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Post by Nicole in TX on Jun 29, 2015 1:03:12 GMT
Mind your own business.  |
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Post by melanell on Jun 29, 2015 1:14:19 GMT
So he was basically talking/texting another girl before he formally broke up with the old "girlfriend"? Is that the gist of it?
If so, I wouldn't worry about it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 13:43:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 1:18:27 GMT
I'd leave it alone for now. But in the upcoming weeks, I'd probably have a talk about what respect in dating means to you. I'd have a casual conversation about it, unrelated to the texts. I think he'd be more likely to listen than if you confronted him now with the texts that you read. This. I'd say since they aren't really allowed to date it pretty much is a non issue. You can't cheat on a girlfriend you don't really have....... But, in coming months/years when dating IS official and relationships are more involved he needs a better handle on when it is ok to start a new relationship and how to handle the fall out of a new attraction. |
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Post by mom on Jun 29, 2015 1:24:15 GMT
I would ignore it for now, then discuss it later in a non-interigating manner. Talk about how it makes him look to others, how it makes the girl feel.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jun 29, 2015 1:26:06 GMT
So he was basically talking/texting another girl before he formally broke up with the old "girlfriend"? Is that the gist of it? If so, I wouldn't worry about it. Precisely. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 13:43:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 1:29:12 GMT
I would not address it directly, but would have a talk one night about respect for the other sex.
Start the conversation about, find a celebrity that has been unfateful and bring that up.
Which will allow you to address why "cheating" is wrong and ask for how he thinks a man should treat a woman.
Also ask what makes a good boyfriend & what cheating is.
You'd be surprised what kids view as ok and not ok.
This way it can be addressed, in a way he might respond to.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 13:43:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 1:30:38 GMT
I'd also talk to him about the pitfalls allowing anyone to think they are in an exclusive relationship. I prefered my kids be involved in many friendship instead of an exclusive coupling that prevents their social circle from expanding. Save a monogamous relationship for the later stages when they were ready to talk marriage. It bothers me a lot that 14 year olds are already expected to only have one opposite sex friendship at a time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 13:43:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 1:38:01 GMT
Leave it alone. That would be a huge overstep. Why is just texting her "cheating" anyway?
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Post by maryland on Jun 29, 2015 2:29:47 GMT
He is only 14, I would leave it alone. If it was my child, I wouldn't want him to be serious with a girl at that age anyways. And I got the impression he wasn't allowed to "date" yet (I could be wrong!), so I guess I just wouldn't consider it "cheating".
Now I do have talks with my girls about treating boys with respect, and we kind of interfered when we thought they were not being nice to their Homecoming dates. All they did was get mad at us and tell us they were not being mean. So I just hope the message about treating boys with respect got through to them, but we shouldn't have overreacted about it.
It's so hard to know what to do as parents of teens! I guess we just try to do our best and we (parents and kids) can learn from our mistakes (meaning my husband and I are learning as we go! We are not perfect and we tell our kids that.)
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 29, 2015 2:56:00 GMT
He should be navigating this one on his own. With his next relationship, it will be a good lesson he learned for himself. Now if it becomes a pattern, then it is time to have a frank discussion.
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tiffanytwisted
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you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Jun 29, 2015 4:03:38 GMT
I'm with you - let it go.
ETA: What he did at camp isn't something you'd even know about if you hadn't checked his texts, so I wouldn't bring it up. It's one thing to talk to your kid about the content of their texts if they're doing something immoral, illegal or dangerous, but this doesn't qualify.
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Post by RiverIsis on Jun 29, 2015 4:33:33 GMT
"What happens at camp, stays at camp"...
But yeah, sometime in the future a respect conversation should come up naturally. I was lucky, my kids and I talk a lot. So these conversations came up naturally, just like when we talked about sex and I just told them they would probably feel better about the experience if it was part of a loving relationship rather than a one night stand but that was their choice, however, they should make a choice and not just fall into a situation.
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Post by winogirl on Jun 29, 2015 4:56:29 GMT
When do you intervene? Ds just turned 14. We do periodic checks. Imo we should be looking for severe emotional issues, suicidial, drugs, maybe sex, etc. if I'm looking I also look at the time stamps to determine if that's why he's being a jerk (up too late). Dh just looked and found that ds was cheating on his girlfriend this past week while at camp. Now girlfriend is a relative term because they really can't "date" per say. Just visit at each other's houses and text. And cheating is a stretch because at camp they weren't allowed on the floor of the opposite sex in the dorms and they had to be in groups of 3 anywhere on campus. Plus they had a very full schedule. Camp ended yesterday and he broke up with girlfriend today. I think we should let it go. Dh thinks it's our job to set ds right and tell him it's unacceptable. you are right...let it go.
Don't get involved in petty teenage drama. If parents micromanage everything their teen does, that teen may not take them seriously on more important issues. Not a hill worth dying on.
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jun 29, 2015 5:16:25 GMT
Eh? What sort of periodic checks? Scratching my head here. Do you mean you snoop into his phone? Like reading a private diary?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 13:43:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 5:16:48 GMT
If it was band camp I would have the "talk" with him...
No seriously, I would just leave it alone.
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gsquaredmom
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jun 29, 2015 11:24:32 GMT
Don't create drama where there is none.
Dating does not mean you stop socializing with others.
He is learning how to navigate the world of choosing a suitable life partner.
Leave it alone for now. If he approaches you for advice have an even, non-judgmental discussion.
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Post by Sassenach on Jun 29, 2015 12:08:51 GMT
It sounds like your son already took care of it...
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akathy
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Jun 29, 2015 12:57:25 GMT
I'm with you - let it go. ETA: What he did at camp isn't something you'd even know about if you hadn't checked his texts, so I wouldn't bring it up. It's one thing to talk to your kid about the content of their texts if they're doing something immoral, illegal or dangerous, but this doesn't qualify.  |
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jun 29, 2015 12:59:35 GMT
Excellent you all agreed with me, I knew you'd back me up.  I should add the texts including lots of "love you"  and stuff so it was a romantic thing. My bigger concern is that he went to this camp with his bff and basically ditched him for this girl. I hate that. We've had the "friends before girls" discussion multiple times and it still hasn't sunk it. Eventually he's going to be left without friends and then maybe he'll get it. But that's irrelevant to the texting thing. Good news is new girl lives 4 hours away so hopefully it won't take over his life like the last one. |
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Time to get off the internet!
and stuff so it was a romantic thing.