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Post by Ellie on Jun 29, 2015 15:20:06 GMT
So, my family of four (me, DH, 12 year old DS and 3 year old DD) are attending my cousin's wedding at an "upscale farm" (my aunt's description) in Connecticut on July 4th. We have to travel for 4+ hours from NH each way and get a hotel. I was planning to skip and just send a card and cash, but my aunt (the bride's mother) urged me to attend. She's so excited to see my kids, especially my daughter who she hasn't met. While we were close when I was growing up, we don't see much of each other except for weddings and funerals. I don't really know the bride well at all.
When I was thinking of gifting a cash/card, I thought $50 would be an acceptable though really low gift. I grew up in rural Vermont and I think that's STILL a pretty standard gift, especially for a cousin who I'm not close to at all. Well, I now live near the seacoast of New Hampshire and a quick poll in my office has made me realize that $50 cash or a $50 gift bought off the couple's registry would be considered so, so cheap.
Our budget, though, is SUPER tight. $50 is a sacrifice, taken straight out of our grocery/other necessities budget. The $300+ we're spending to attend the wedding is only made possible from money saved aside from our tax refund. We don't have credit cards. We're packing food and not eating out during our trip.
What do the peas say? Is $50 just too embarrassingly low an amount? And would a $50 gift bought off a registry feel better than $50 in cash. Not that it really matters, but the couple both come from wealthy families, they both have great paying jobs and $50 is most likely nothing to them.
Thanks!
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 13:08:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 15:28:03 GMT
A fifty dollar gift is what you can give, especially since you are laying out additional travel expenses. Don't over think. Don't compare your gift to others. a fifty dollar gift is perfectly respectable. A nice note inside a pretty card too. ] Gift recipients should graciously receive *whatever* you give.
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Post by christine58 on Jun 29, 2015 15:30:16 GMT
Considering what you are paying to travel there...no it's not cheap and I would hope they would be gracious...
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 13:08:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 15:40:37 GMT
I've never let what others supposedly give come into play when I decide what to give. Many times, my gift is something different than anyone else could/would give. Some might say cheap and others might say priceless. To me $50 is a nice gift for someone you are not close to (either cash or a gift). I wouldn't worry about what others give!
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mallie
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Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jun 29, 2015 15:48:38 GMT
Well, when we had to travel to a niece's wedding (or my SIL was going to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie) and spent over $2K for a 2 day trip that blew our entire year's vacation budget, I put $20 in a card and had no guilt. Especially when we didn't get a thank you note (neither did anyone else, including the bride's elderly grandmother who made a sacrificial gift out of her limited retirement income). Yes, I know, bitter party of one.
But anyway... do what you can afford. Don't feel guilty. If someone wants to have an issue, that's their problem.
(And I say that coming from the NYC big white wedding, cover your plate mentality.)
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 13:08:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 15:48:47 GMT
A fifty dollar gift is what you can give, especially since you are laying out additional travel expenses. Don't over think. Don't compare your gift to others. a fifty dollar gift is perfectly respectable. A nice note inside a pretty card too. ] Gift recipients should graciously receive *whatever* you give.
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Post by mommaho on Jun 29, 2015 15:55:32 GMT
I think $50 is very generous and you give what you can, not what others may think you should give! Where in CT? My daughter lives in Norwalk and works in Westport. We visited there this time last year and found a good price on a hotel - $89.00 per night for 4 of us.
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Post by myboysnme on Jun 29, 2015 16:06:32 GMT
$50 is totally appropriate. In fact, if you can't really afford it, give $25. Give them an Amazon gift card, or Home Depot or something.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jun 29, 2015 16:15:09 GMT
One of my favorite wedding gifts were two personalized coffee mugs from a dollar store equivalent and a 'brick' of Maxwell House coffee. This from a (still in at the time) college friend with the last name of Maxwell.
It is not the amount of the gift that matters, it is the thought and spirit that counts.
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Post by jenb72 on Jun 29, 2015 16:22:10 GMT
I think a $50 gift is perfectly acceptable. If you can find something on the registry for that amount that you feel like getting for them, go for it! That way you know it's something they like. Otherwise, a gift card in that amount would also work just fine.
Safe travels and enjoy the wedding!
Jen
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Post by lucyg on Jun 29, 2015 16:50:27 GMT
I don't believe in overspending on wedding gifts for the sake of appearances. $50 is a very acceptable wedding gift under these circumstances. You are spending a lot of money just to attend.
Decent people don't turn up their noses at gifts that don't meet their expectations. If you fear that may happen, and the idea of it bothers you, you may want to revisit your decision to attend the wedding. You could stay home, send a bigger gift, save money, and protect yourself from unneeded stress.
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Post by Ellie on Jun 29, 2015 17:05:14 GMT
I think $50 is very generous and you give what you can, not what others may think you should give! Where in CT? My daughter lives in Norwalk and works in Westport. We visited there this time last year and found a good price on a hotel - $89.00 per night for 4 of us. It's in Sharon and we found a hotel in Torrington for $75/night! I thought that was pretty good. Thank you SO much everyone. I feel so much better. And, no, I'm not worried about the reaction of my cousin or aunt or anything. I bet they'll be very gracious. I think I just learned not to attend weddings of my co-workers, hahaha! Seriously, two of them were insisting that it would be, and I quote, "very bad form" to give a gift of less than $100.
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Post by mommaho on Jun 29, 2015 17:13:04 GMT
That is a great price for a hotel!
Enjoy your time with your family.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jun 29, 2015 17:37:50 GMT
I think your travelling is more than enough of a gift to attend the wedding and people's attendance is really all I want. Were I to receive 50 dollars from someone travelling, I would consider it more than generous.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 29, 2015 17:48:37 GMT
I think that gift giving has turned into a demanding lesson in catering to entitled people. What happened to being grateful for anything you receive? If $50 is too much then do something you can afford, comfortably. This is about the bride and groom starting a life together. It's not about who gave the biggest, most expensive gift. You give what you can afford and if they complain then they are ungrateful and spoiled. Just my .02cents.
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 13:08:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 20:36:53 GMT
I was taught that the wedding present from out of town guests is their presence - because they are spending so much time and $$ to attend your wedding. It's also why out of town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner. Any tangible gift is just bonus.
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 13:08:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 20:40:35 GMT
Thank you SO much everyone. I feel so much better. And, no, I'm not worried about the reaction of my cousin or aunt or anything. I bet they'll be very gracious. I think I just learned not to attend weddings of my co-workers, hahaha! Seriously, two of them were insisting that it would be, and I quote, "very bad form" to give a gift of less than $100. Those comments must be coming from a "cover the plate" outlook, OR, they are soon to be brides who are unabashedly lobbying for their own future gift!
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Jun 29, 2015 20:56:35 GMT
I'm thinking it's a good thing I've never been invited to a wedding for anyone on the Eastern seaboard. My dd's wedding gifts averaged in the $25 range. She was thrilled with all of them. A thoughtful bride will not question the value of any gift. Heck, my favorite gift was a small Rubbermaid tub with cleaning supplies and handmade rags made from old towels. A lovely older lady had known that no one would think that we would need to clean our home and I wouldn't have any old towels yet so all my pretty new ones would get ruined. It was really a terribly thoughtful gift and probably the least expensive one I got.
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Post by hennybutton on Jun 29, 2015 21:10:55 GMT
Since you're driving, I'd recommend giving them a thoughtful gift instead. It may even cost you less than $50.00. Back in the dark ages, some of the best gifts we received were ones we didn't register for. One cousin gave us a basket with two chunky, wooden candleholders and a set of colored cordial glasses. We've used the candleholders a lot, but not the glasses. I do love the glasses though because they are so pretty and look nice by our wetbar. We also got a small Anolon saucepan. I had registered for stainless Revereware, but that one non-matching pan turned out to be my favorite. I didn't register for the rice cooker or the toaster oven, but both are among my most-used appliances.
What I'm trying to say is to look at their registry to get an idea of their tastes, then think outside the box. Do they like to have friends over for parties? Get them a beautiful chip & dip set, a really big salad bowl with salad tongs, or a gorgeous platter. Do they like to stay home and watch movies? How about a popcorn popper and popcorn bowls? You can get them something that they didn't know they wanted and save money.
(BTW, when I say salad tongs, I mean the kind that are hinged like scissors. They're the best when entertaining because guests can use them one-handed.)
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scrappinghappy
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“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
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Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
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Post by scrappinghappy on Jun 29, 2015 21:29:10 GMT
Almost 30 years later, I still recall every wedding gift we received and I still have some of them. I don't remember, at all, the people who gave us money of any sort except one uncle whose gift of $20 equivalent meant so much to us because we knew what a sacrifice it was. If you are crafty and can make a wedding gift, even if it's cost is less than $50, I wouldn't hesitate to say it will be well received especially if the bride and groom don't want for money and can buy anything they need. Do you have a cricut or silhouette? I would be happy to cut vinyl in any of the colors I have, for the cost of vinyl and postage. Otherwise you can do a print and frame project. Here's a pinterest search link: link
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azredhead
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Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Jun 29, 2015 21:59:06 GMT
I agree a small a gift card is just fine! I just did the same thing this weekend! I went in with my SIL and only did $20. If I had more time I would have personalized something too. It always great just having you there when they know you travel to be there if that makes sense. Sometimes that's the best part too!
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Post by Ellie on Jun 29, 2015 23:41:32 GMT
Almost 30 years later, I still recall every wedding gift we received and I still have some of them. I don't remember, at all, the people who gave us money of any sort except one uncle whose gift of $20 equivalent meant so much to us because we knew what a sacrifice it was. If you are crafty and can make a wedding gift, even if it's cost is less than $50, I wouldn't hesitate to say it will be well received especially if the bride and groom don't want for money and can buy anything they need. Do you have a cricut or silhouette? I would be happy to cut vinyl in any of the colors I have, for the cost of vinyl and postage. Otherwise you can do a print and frame project. Here's a pinterest search link: linkThank you! I don't know if I'll have time to arrange something like this, but you and hennypenny have given me some food for thought! Thank you so much! And thanks to all for your thoughts. I so appreciate it. Ha! Hennybutton, not Hennypenny!
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 30, 2015 0:04:17 GMT
If it is what you can afford, then that is what you gift. We had some struggling cousins and I never thought bad of their gifts. In fact, one of my favorite gifts was from a friend who got me 2 12 0acks of dr. Pepper. First gift used.
Edited to add, you are very kind to go to the wedding considering the expense. I would not be attending a wedding on a holiday. It isn't my cup of tea.
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