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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 30, 2015 0:20:56 GMT
Oh Elannah, what a horrible time for your poor family. Are you already working w/a medical social worker(don't know the Canadian equivalent)? That person can be invaluable, because your mother needs so much care for both dementia and terminal cancer. BTW-if your mother in on morphine for pain that can cause hallucinations, as well. It's complicated and you and your dad need an advocate who will work on behalf of all 3 of you. Your family has been through way too much and it's so sad. Take good, loving care of yourself.
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Post by JoP on Jun 30, 2015 6:03:37 GMT
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infinity
Junior Member
Posts: 65
Aug 3, 2014 5:18:50 GMT
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Post by infinity on Jun 30, 2015 6:26:54 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this. My mom just passed away June of 2014 and her cancer had spread to her brain as well. I remember doing a lot of anticipatory grief because I knew the end was near. My mom thought she saw a woman on tv with leaves all over her, and she asked my sister if she had squares all over her van (she doesn't own a van) She thought a door was open right in front of her face and she told me to close it. Just things like that, she was literally deteriorating right in front of us so I completely know how you feel. I got to a point where I couldn't pray either. I was super close with my mom so it just killed me, but I had to get to a point where there was no where else to turn except God. I think at one point all I could pray was, "Oh God." and couldn't say anything else. I asked God many many many many zillion times to just take it because I couldn't anymore. My heart breaks for you because I know that pain you are feeling. For what it's worth lean on God, he will get you through it, I promise. I also would encourage you to call the prayer line. It's free and you can call 24 hours a day. The people there who answer the phone are amazing. The prayer line is called Silent Unity and they will pray for whoever you want for 30 days. I don't know where I would be without it honestly. I've called many times at 2:00am because I couldn't sleep with worry. After I call I know in my heart that God's got this, for he is in control and we are not. The number is 1-800-669-7729, someone will answer and you tell them who you want prayer for and they just say a beautiful prayer, it's free of course. Hugs.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Jun 30, 2015 6:32:48 GMT
HUGSS! I I am glad you are getting more help. But maybe you could find someone to reach out to as well if even just to get through the tough parts. And of coure reading your posts and here we've been here all along. You've gone through soo much in the last few months. You must be over whelmed more than one person can handle. Religous or not or healthy or not. It's a lot but there is support. Take it a day a time take the good days when you can. my heads a lot fuzzy from a trip this week so I wish I could tell ya more as we've talked but you've also got great advice. Reach out to the peas. Especailly at night when the thinking and deep thoughts keep in.HUGSS!!
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Post by cawoman on Jun 30, 2015 7:27:44 GMT
I'm really sorry Elannah. Although my Mom doesn't have cancer, she does have dementia and that alone is so horrible. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. My Mom lives with a wonderful couple about 10 minutes from our house. They have a beautiful home and they truly care about my Mom. Currently there are only 2 residents there. My Mom asks all the time when she can move to my house. I just tell her that we can't take care of her the way she needs to be taken care of. Sometimes she gets mad and other times she's fine.
I don't have any guilt over having placed my Mom in a home. It is the best situation for her and us. About 10 years ago I was making arrangements for my step-mother to go into a home because of her dementia. I was feeling so anxious about it and the social worker told me that it was selfish if we didn't place her because she required professional help. And she also told me that people with dementia do so much better with a strict routine which usually doesn't happen when they are at home with family. Her words helped me then and help me now. I hope you find the peace that I did. I still feel very sad about seeing Mom in this condition of course. She would be mortified if she realized the things she says sometimes. But we just hug her and tell her we love her no matter how she acts. Take care.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 22:16:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2015 7:32:15 GMT
I'm really sorry Elannah. Although my Mom doesn't have cancer, she does have dementia and that alone is so horrible. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. My Mom lives with a wonderful couple about 10 minutes from our house. They have a beautiful home and they truly care about my Mom. Currently there are only 2 residents there. My Mom asks all the time when she can move to my house. I just tell her that we can't take care of her the way she needs to be taken care of. Sometimes she gets mad and other times she's fine. I don't have any guilt over having placed my Mom in a home. It is the best situation for her and us. About 10 years ago I was making arrangements for my step-mother to go into a home because of her dementia. I was feeling so anxious about it and the social worker told me that it was selfish if we didn't place her because she required professional help. And she also told me that people with dementia do so much better with a strict routine which usually doesn't happen when they are at home with family. Her words helped me then and help me now. I hope you find the peace that I did. I still feel very sad about seeing Mom in this condition of course. She would be mortified if she realized the things she says sometimes. But we just hug her and tell her we love her no matter how she acts. Take care. Thank you. I needed to read that tonight. I will read it to my dad tomorrow. Thank you.
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Post by bratkar on Jun 30, 2015 11:54:10 GMT
Elannah, You are in my prayers today and always. I dont have any profound words or thoughts for you, and I wish I did. My husband and I were talking about Dementia last night and how hard it truly is for the people around the person with the dementia. They endure so much. My great grandmother had it when I was very young and I remember bits and pieces, but not the stories you hear about today. I hope you find some piece for yourself and your family and you remember the love you do share with your mom no matter how she acts today.
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