Deleted
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May 18, 2024 20:56:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 19:21:34 GMT
Thank you, everyone. Just thank you. It is comforting to know others have walked this path. She would not have chosen this way to go. She would be horrified if she knew some of the things she was saying. Today for a couple of minutes we talked to my Mom. It wasn't the woman think she was in Vancouver and had to get on a ferry home (to Winnipeg. --We didn't add anything to it. Just let her believe you could take a boat across Canada). She asked me how my sister was and if I had seen her lately. (I said she was fine and yes I had just seen her. --I went to the cemetery on Saturday). I need to be journaling lots of these conversations we have. Some of the things she imagines are quite interesting. They will be stories for my grandchild ren -note:font change as well as underscore.) Thank you again for helping me through today. 
********************************************** I am crying as I write this so please bear with me. My mom is deteriorating in front of our eyes. She is in the hospital again for the 3rd time in 2 weeks. She has tried to run away, thought aliens were coming to get her (or something could be something else. She just said, "they" are coming to get her and to hurry and call the police). An ambulance her to the ER again and they have her in a nice, quiet room, but she won't come home. We are going to look at 2 care facilities for her today and make a decision STAT. The cancer is neither here nor there. I don't know if it is progressing or not. It has spread to her liver (there are mets all over it), there are mets on her hip and in lymph nodes under her aorta. The dementia is a blessing in disguise because she would be beside herself if she knew how sick she was. I don't pray anymore because I don't want to ask for either outcome. Neither one is a good option. I have totally lost all faith in anything. This is all part of the grieving process, and I wish it didn't have to happen. I know I am not making a whole lot of sense, but sometimes life just sucks. It just does.  |
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Post by susans sister on Jun 29, 2015 19:25:09 GMT
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this difficult time with your Mom. Hugs to you
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,517 
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jun 29, 2015 19:26:24 GMT
I'm so sorry. Remember to be gentle with yourself.
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Post by librarylady on Jun 29, 2015 19:27:12 GMT
I send you a hug at this awful, awful time.
I have nothing to offer to make you feel better, except to say those of us who have had a parent with dementia know how awful this is.
(hug to you)
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
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Post by caro on Jun 29, 2015 19:29:23 GMT
I'm really sorry. It's so difficult to watch a loved one suffer. I will ask God to give you peace. Hugs.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jun 29, 2015 19:29:45 GMT
(((Hugs)))). Sometimes life just sucks.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on Jun 29, 2015 19:30:32 GMT
I'm glad you have realized that long term care is the better place for her to be.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 20:56:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 19:30:54 GMT
so sorry
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Post by gar on Jun 29, 2015 19:31:05 GMT
It's so hard watching them deteriorate......I'm sorry.
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Post by peanutterbutter on Jun 29, 2015 19:31:53 GMT
I am truly sorry for all the challenges your family is facing. Can you ask for hospice services to help you and your family at this time?
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Jun 29, 2015 19:35:13 GMT
I'm so very sorry, watching someone you love deteriorate this way must be so incredibly heart wrenching.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Jun 29, 2015 19:41:51 GMT
I'm so sorry, Elannah. So very sorry. Your mother need to not return to your home. It's seriously more than you and your father can deal with at this time. Once she is in a place where she can be cared for 24 hours a day you will feel better about it all.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
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Post by Nink on Jun 29, 2015 19:48:04 GMT
My mother has Lewy Body dementia and putting her in a memory care facility has been the best decision for all involved. She is thriving there and they are taking such fantastic care of her. It really is a weight lifted off our shoulders.
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Jun 29, 2015 19:54:44 GMT
I think that you have proven that you are a loving and caring daughter. Do not feel guilty that you cannot provide for all of her needs. She is ill, and you are not giving up by accepting her need for help.
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Post by jenb72 on Jun 29, 2015 20:04:18 GMT
You're right. Life really, really sucks sometimes. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this and watch her deteriorate. I know it's heartbreaking.
Jen
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,623
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Post by maurchclt on Jun 29, 2015 20:47:24 GMT
Hugs and more hugs, dementia is a horrible illness. You are doing all you can under trying conditions to care for her and get the best placement. Not easy to deal with at all. I walked in your shoes not long ago. I totally get it.
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Post by Dictionary on Jun 29, 2015 20:52:20 GMT
HUGS woman, it's hard to be in this part of our lives, watching our loved ones deteriorate and being on both sides of death (sudden vs anticipatory) I will take a sudden death over a prolonged one any day..it's just so hard and painful..don't forget to breath and take some time for yourself. Sometimes writing in a journal will help and yeah sometimes life just plain sucks.
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Post by checkwheelsdown on Jun 29, 2015 21:05:26 GMT
I'm so very sorry, just know that you are doing the absolute best you can under these trying circumstances. It's ok to cry and rage if you need to, let it out. (((hugs)))
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,834
Location: NW PA
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Post by Judy26 on Jun 29, 2015 21:22:54 GMT
Thoughts of comfort being sent your way. A nurse once told me that long term care gives the family the freedom to spend quality time with the patient instead of being constantly exhausted from trying to wear too many hats. If you are the nurse, cook, housekeeper, etc you won't have the energy to be a loving daughter when that is what your mother needs most.
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Post by donna on Jun 29, 2015 21:24:39 GMT
I am so sorry. Watching my Dad die from colon cancer was so very hard. I can't imagine having to deal with dementia on top of it.
Hugs
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Jun 29, 2015 21:32:58 GMT
Oh, Delta Dawn, I can totally hear your anguish through the words in your post, and how hard this is for you. Please know we're all thinking of you, and that I'm praying for you and your family to have strength it takes to get through this process. I hope that you and your dad can spend some quality time with your mother during this time. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 29, 2015 21:47:19 GMT
I am crying as I write this so please bear with me. My mom is deteriorating in front of our eyes. She is in the hospital again for the 3rd time in 2 weeks. She has tried to run away, thought aliens were coming to get her (or something could be something else. She just said, "they" are coming to get her and to hurry and call the police). An ambulance her to the ER again and they have her in a nice, quiet room but she won't come home. We are going to look at 2 care facilities for her today and make a decision STAT. The cancer is neither here nor there. I don't know if it is progressing or not. It has spread to her liver (there are mets all over it), there are mets on her hip and in lymph nodes under her aorta. The dementia is a blessing in disguise because she would be beside herself if she knew how sick she was. I don't pray anymore because I don't want to ask for either outcome. Neither one is a good option. I have totally lost all faith in anything. This is all part of the grieving process and I wish it didn't have to happen. I know I am not making a whole lot of sense, but sometimes life just sucks. It just does. By the time my FIL's lung cancer was found, it had already spread to his brain. It's a very difficult time for family. Not so much for the patient. I think that's something to be truly grateful for, and I don't think it a good time to walk away from your faith. Pray/want/desire to have peace that this is her path on a journey we all must take. FWIW, my FIL and my ldh worked together. At the moment of my FIL's death, dh's pager went off with the message 0123456789. He was sure it was his dad. When dh passed, he came to me so I knew it had happened before I was officially told. I do believe the spirit/soul does not die, and this is the basis of my faith. Doesn't your faith share that in common? |
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,500
Location: London
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Post by uksue on Jun 29, 2015 21:53:20 GMT
I'm so sorry. In many ways these diagnoses are harder on the family than on the individual. Just remember, she has been blessed to have your love and care for so long.
Maybe you could pray for Gods will to be done quickly and for your own strength and contort at this difficult time?
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Jun 29, 2015 22:38:06 GMT
it is so awful when we see these things happening to our parents and we can't do anything. Not only that, but the person we would go to for comfort is not there.
As for prayer, don't pray for an outcome. Just pray for comfort and strength to get through this . And you can pray for comfort for your mother also.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,363
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Jun 29, 2015 22:40:49 GMT
I'm so sorry. This is a lot to deal with all at once. I pray you can find good care for your mom.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jun 29, 2015 23:03:19 GMT
I am so very sorry, Elannah.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jun 29, 2015 23:07:10 GMT
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Jun 29, 2015 23:19:41 GMT
I'm so sorry and yes sometimes life sucks!
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,180
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Jun 29, 2015 23:56:41 GMT
I'm sorry Delta Dawn. You are obviously a wonderful daughter to your mum, and this is so hard on you. Hugs. |
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Post by traceys on Jun 30, 2015 0:03:23 GMT
I'm so sorry. Dementia is so cruel, and it's heartbreaking for families to deal with. (((((Hugs)))))
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