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Post by Prenticekid on Jul 14, 2014 17:24:15 GMT
Is that a thing? I'm asking in all seriousness.
There is a whole family of people that is stuck in what I can only describe as toddler stage. Its sort of narcassistic, a lack of common sense in all aspects, a sort of blindness to others that is reminiscent of behavior (or lack of behavior) that you see in people with Asperger's. I'm not really sure how to explain it. I'm not looking to be judgmental about the family in question, I'm looking to be understanding of it and how to deal with it. I just thought it might actually be a personality condition or something that I could Google.
TIA
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 14, 2014 17:26:11 GMT
I don't know the answer, but can't wait to read responses  |
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Post by AN on Jul 14, 2014 17:32:38 GMT
Obviously I don't know anything about these people, but I have noticed a trend (not everyone, but a trend) where some people seem to get "stuck" at an age where they went through something very traumatic or life-altering. One example would be if they had children as a teenager, it sometimes (NOT ALWAYS! There are lots of people on this board i know not like this) seems to stunt their emotional development at that point. Or if they lost a parent at a very formative age. Sometimes it is just around a topic or two.
Ohhhhh, boy, that's probably going to get my ass flamed to a crisp. But it is something I've noticed among some people, some sort of world-shattering event can sort of "cement" some of their behaviors at that stage of development.
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tiffanytwisted
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Jul 14, 2014 17:57:59 GMT
Interesting thought! I have one acquaintance in particular who married very young to escape her terrible home life and had her children young. She is very immature (she's in her late 30's/early 40's now) and often self centered.
Definitely an intriguing thought . . .
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Post by Prenticekid on Jul 14, 2014 18:02:02 GMT
Oh, please no flaming on any answers, friends. I am just looking for answers. There is no obvious trauma to them. Like I said, it is an entire family. Like, if one of them was that way, you wouldn't really think anything of it enough to look into it.
I'll try to give you some examples, while trying to keep them to the less personal examples that I could give:
During another woman's labor, the OP women don't talk about their labors, which would be normal. They totally revert back to their births. And, can only talk about their births. And, inappropriate parts of their childhoods.
If you are trying to make bridal shower arrangements with one of the OP people, instead of participating in a normal fashion by throwing in their ideas, for instance, they can only talk about the inappropriate gift they are giving the bride for some reason that is only significant to the giver; or they make a handmade item that they've never made before and talk about it incessantly rather than actually helping with the planning. In other words, they cannot stop talking about themselves long enough to do any actually planning.
Someone you all know is in a horrific accident. You and others are babysitting, making meals, keeping things going for the family with the tragedy...and the family members in my OP can only talk about all the catastrophes they've had like when their cable went out during a football game. The rest of you are all tired from all the helping you are doing, but the OP family members do not help you, just watch you work and then take naps while you're still working.
Going to visit a baby in NCIU. The grown adult DD of the OP family blocks the baby in the incubator from the others there and says "you already have babies, this is my first baby." (She is the aunt, the people she blocked were the grandparents).
If they are hungry, they cannot think outside of themselves. If they are tired, they cannot think of themselves. Well, they don't even have to be tired or hungry. It just has to be dinner time, kwim?
Every single thing that comes out of their mouths is stupid and inappropriate without fail. Totally without fail. Like to the point it takes all of your energy not to gape at them. LOL I think that the reason this is is because they only live in their little bubble and cannot comprehend or relate to other human beings.
Basically, we all are polite to them and treat them well, but we just want a better understanding so it doesn't take so much energy. They are in our lives and we have to deal with them.
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Post by *christine* on Jul 14, 2014 18:03:06 GMT
My son has a friend and it just seems that everyone in the family is just not very smart. They're all nice enough, but seem quite naive and gullible, not really able to get their crap together but it doesn't seem to bother them. The mom is convinced that all three of her kids are going to be rich and famous, superstars, pop stars, DS's friend thinks he's going to be a you tube comedic sensation. When Dh and I interact with them we just come away from it like, are they serious or are they kidding with us, but I think they're totally serious.
And the mom is totally stuck in the 80s, feathered hair, high waisted pants, I don't know where she could even buy them or get someone to cut her hair in that style.
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Gravity
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Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Jul 14, 2014 18:09:15 GMT
This describes my cousin perfectly! Her children ages 6-18 dress in the same style. They are straight from the awful family photos site on a daily basis.
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katybee
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Post by katybee on Jul 14, 2014 18:16:17 GMT
My stepmother is this way (the one who is leaving my dad on life support when there is no hope of recovery).
I said in that thread that she is immature and not intelligent. Not saying that to be mean... It's just a fact. She is very egocentric.. Everything is always about her. We will be in the hospital room with my dad who's hooked up to a million machines and she will go on and on about how bad her allergies are... I mean ON and ON. She can make any conversation about her within seconds.
But after years of getting upset and trying to make her see the light.. I've given up. Because she just doesn't understand what she's doing. She always thinks she's a victim. She's driven away anyone who's ever been close to her... From long time friends to her own children. I actually feel sorry for her. I know what to expect, so I just grin and bear it and if I want to vent (which I always do) I do it away from her. She just doesn't get it.
BTW, she had her children at a very young age.... So AN might be on to something there...
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sharlag
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Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jul 14, 2014 18:29:00 GMT
Most of us remember our parent(s) guiding us in situations where social finesse is required, thinking of other's feelings, etc.
I do wonder when an entire family lacks that awareness... did the ball get dropped? Would NONE of us 'get' the social skills, if we weren't taught? I guess schools teach it too, so most people have a chance at catching it if parents don't teach it.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jul 14, 2014 18:33:00 GMT
I can't help but wonder how intelligent all of them are. If you have two people with below average intelligence procreate - they aren't going to have particularly intelligent children.
The story about the "this is my first baby" and the immaturity makes me think of people who maybe aren't really capable of higher order thinking.
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Judy26
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Post by Judy26 on Jul 14, 2014 18:48:53 GMT
I do think some people get locked into stages of development. My husband's father passed away when he was very young and he was raised by his mother, sister and aunts. He is very charming and has a wonderful personality. People who meet him think he is just so much fun and love being around him. But he is unbelievably self centered. He does what he wants with no regard to other's thoughts or opinions. It took years for me to understand why he does the things he does. For example, he doesn't want to go on a family vacation for a variety of reasons but just told me he is going to Colorado hunting with friends in October for the second year in a row. No discussion. It's his decision to make and he see's no problem with that. He is stuck in the time when the women in his life fawned over his every desire and he's not going to change now. I have learned to just live my life and not get too involved in his. It's an uphill battle trying to change his mind so I only get into it with him for really important stuff. So yes, I do know what you mean.
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Post by PenandInk on Jul 14, 2014 19:09:13 GMT
OP, I am related to a family like this.....I understand EXACTLY what you are saying. When we are together as a family, for whatever reason or situation, my DH and I must look so silly because we spend most of our time with our mouths hanging open. I don't understand it either, but it's definitely immaturity, coupled with a healthy dose of narcissism. I agree that intelligence must also play a part. Because you do sometimes wonder, "how is anybody really that clueless?"
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Post by Pahina722 on Jul 14, 2014 19:19:41 GMT
Well, the examples that you gave all sound narcissistic. Everything has to be about them, yet they have no consideration of anyone else. It's as if the rest of the world is just there to amuse them and provide an audience.
Can't imagine how the whole family manages it though! Normally, there is just one, not the whole group!
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Post by aljack on Jul 14, 2014 19:43:10 GMT
Oh, please no flaming on any answers, friends. I am just looking for answers. There is no obvious trauma to them. Like I said, it is an entire family. Like, if one of them was that way, you wouldn't really think anything of it enough to look into it. I'll try to give you some examples, while trying to keep them to the less personal examples that I could give: During another woman's labor, the OP women don't talk about their labors, which would be normal. They totally revert back to their births. And, can only talk about their births. And, inappropriate parts of their childhoods. If you are trying to make bridal shower arrangements with one of the OP people, instead of participating in a normal fashion by throwing in their ideas, for instance, they can only talk about the inappropriate gift they are giving the bride for some reason that is only significant to the giver; or they make a handmade item that they've never made before and talk about it incessantly rather than actually helping with the planning. In other words, they cannot stop talking about themselves long enough to do any actually planning. Someone you all know is in a horrific accident. You and others are babysitting, making meals, keeping things going for the family with the tragedy...and the family members in my OP can only talk about all the catastrophes they've had like when their cable went out during a football game. The rest of you are all tired from all the helping you are doing, but the OP family members do not help you, just watch you work and then take naps while you're still working. Going to visit a baby in NCIU. The grown adult DD of the OP family blocks the baby in the incubator from the others there and says "you already have babies, this is my first baby." (She is the aunt, the people she blocked were the grandparents). If they are hungry, they cannot think outside of themselves. If they are tired, they cannot think of themselves. Well, they don't even have to be tired or hungry. It just has to be dinner time, kwim? Every single thing that comes out of their mouths is stupid and inappropriate without fail. Totally without fail. Like to the point it takes all of your energy not to gape at them. LOL I think that the reason this is is because they only live in their little bubble and cannot comprehend or relate to other human beings. Basically, we all are polite to them and treat them well, but we just want a better understanding so it doesn't take so much energy. They are in our lives and we have to deal with them. This does not sound like someone diagnosed with Aspergers. While I could see you may think this because the lack of empathy or the inappropriate comments, they seem more self absorbed and unable to relate to others because they live in a protected world they created. I am not qualified to answer but it sounds more like narcissistic personality disorder. |
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raindancer
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Post by raindancer on Jul 14, 2014 21:03:58 GMT
My son has a friend and it just seems that everyone in the family is just not very smart. They're all nice enough, but seem quite naive and gullible, not really able to get their crap together but it doesn't seem to bother them. The mom is convinced that all three of her kids are going to be rich and famous, superstars, pop stars, DS's friend thinks he's going to be a you tube comedic sensation. When Dh and I interact with them we just come away from it like, are they serious or are they kidding with us, but I think they're totally serious. And the mom is totally stuck in the 80s, feathered hair, high waisted pants, I don't know where she could even buy them or get someone to cut her hair in that style. I know a family like this, minus the full on 80s (but I don't know that they got past the 90s so there is that...) But I'm always just amazed at how dense their children seem to be, but also by how sure the parents are that they are going to be *amazing* as adults. Ermmmm...ok.  I also think AN might be on to something. I know some pretty stunted people as well and wonder what happened to make someone who is 40 still try to behave like a 17 yo, etc. I find it truly bizarre and then try to avoid them. |
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Post by Regina Phalange on Jul 14, 2014 21:29:15 GMT
Oh, please no flaming on any answers, friends. I am just looking for answers. There is no obvious trauma to them. Like I said, it is an entire family. Like, if one of them was that way, you wouldn't really think anything of it enough to look into it. I'll try to give you some examples, while trying to keep them to the less personal examples that I could give: During another woman's labor, the OP women don't talk about their labors, which would be normal. They totally revert back to their births. And, can only talk about their births. And, inappropriate parts of their childhoods. If you are trying to make bridal shower arrangements with one of the OP people, instead of participating in a normal fashion by throwing in their ideas, for instance, they can only talk about the inappropriate gift they are giving the bride for some reason that is only significant to the giver; or they make a handmade item that they've never made before and talk about it incessantly rather than actually helping with the planning. In other words, they cannot stop talking about themselves long enough to do any actually planning. Someone you all know is in a horrific accident. You and others are babysitting, making meals, keeping things going for the family with the tragedy...and the family members in my OP can only talk about all the catastrophes they've had like when their cable went out during a football game. The rest of you are all tired from all the helping you are doing, but the OP family members do not help you, just watch you work and then take naps while you're still working. Going to visit a baby in NCIU. The grown adult DD of the OP family blocks the baby in the incubator from the others there and says "you already have babies, this is my first baby." (She is the aunt, the people she blocked were the grandparents). If they are hungry, they cannot think outside of themselves. If they are tired, they cannot think of themselves. Well, they don't even have to be tired or hungry. It just has to be dinner time, kwim? Every single thing that comes out of their mouths is stupid and inappropriate without fail. Totally without fail. Like to the point it takes all of your energy not to gape at them. LOL I think that the reason this is is because they only live in their little bubble and cannot comprehend or relate to other human beings. Basically, we all are polite to them and treat them well, but we just want a better understanding so it doesn't take so much energy. They are in our lives and we have to deal with them. Sounds to me like you have a family of immature narcissists. |
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marimoose
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Post by marimoose on Jul 23, 2014 4:41:17 GMT
I think we all know people like this. It does make one wonder why. Were they simply not taught and the behavior continues with each generation. Are they not intelligent enough to know better? Did some trauma stunt their "growth" but then we would have to refer to the second sentence to account for later generations.
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Post by manda on Jul 23, 2014 5:02:32 GMT
Obviously I don't know anything about these people, but I have noticed a trend (not everyone, but a trend) where some people seem to get "stuck" at an age where they went through something very traumatic or life-altering. One example would be if they had children as a teenager, it sometimes (NOT ALWAYS! There are lots of people on this board i know not like this) seems to stunt their emotional development at that point. Or if they lost a parent at a very formative age. Sometimes it is just around a topic or two. Ohhhhh, boy, that's probably going to get my ass flamed to a crisp. But it is something I've noticed among some people, some sort of world-shattering event can sort of "cement" some of their behaviors at that stage of development. Yup, I agree!! My ex-SIL went blind at the age of 12. I met her in her late 20s and guess how old she acted? I tried to like her but I just couldn't... And I was in my early 30s so oh so mature by then.  |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2014 6:15:39 GMT
Sound like self-centered assholes to be honest......I don't think there's a real diagnosis for that.  God bless you for trying to tolerate them. |
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Kerri W
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Post by Kerri W on Jul 23, 2014 7:57:28 GMT
I remember learning about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Erikson's Psychosocial Stages in one of my psychology classes and how profoundly it related to an area of my life. It was like a giant blinking billboard for me. My mother was abused as a child and given up/taken from her parents at the age of 12. She was bounced from foster home to foster home and finally aged out of the system. She is the poster child for both of the above. She seriously cannot have "normal" relationships, heck most of the time can't have "normal" reactions to just about any situation she is in. It's like you can go back in her life and look at the particularly tumultuous stages and see the direct result. She didn't receive unconditional love and is not able to give unconditional love. It's like she never made it past early teen years. She is safe to live on her own but she's horribly irresponsible with money to the point where she will buy a new $300 purse instead of groceries for a month. She exists on yogurt, ice cream, candy and bread (I'm NOT exaggerating) despite having health repercussions from it and more than one doctor explaining in great detail that her dietary choices are impacting her so negatively-like a child who has unlimited access to all the junk food they want. She has absolutely no self esteem to the point where she can't interact with her neighbor who is in her early 20s...she feels inferior, etc which comes across as judgement and being a know it all and trying to tell the neighbor how to do it better. I can't think of an area of her life where she isn't incredibly immature. So yes I definitely believe that a person has to achieve, to varying degrees, each level before moving on to the next. And you can't teach what you don't know so is that trickling through the whole family you are referring to? If mom and dad don't know, how are they going to teach their children? I believe it becomes generational. Here are a couple simple reads if you're interested psychology.about.com/od/psychosocialtheories/a/psychosocial.htmpsychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/a/hierarchyneeds.htm |
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Post by lbp on Jul 23, 2014 13:07:02 GMT
My step-monster is exactly like a 9 year old girl. She actually stuck her tongue out at me once and said "na na na na boo boo!" She throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way. Her own children go out of their way to avoid her!
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Jul 23, 2014 13:59:13 GMT
Dh has a friend just like this. He's a 40 year old who is stuck in his teens. He still lives with his mother, doesn't have a job and hasn't worked in years, chases young girls and has horrible manners. He and dh will make plans to do something on a Friday or Saturday night by texting to each other and this guy is literally driving over to our house as he's texting. He doesn't bother to see if dh is ready or care what time of the night it is. This guy just comes right over and rings the doorbell. This has pissed me off for years. Dh doesn't like to confront people about stuff especially this guy since everything you tell him goes into one ear and out the other. Finally I had enough recently and sent him a scathing message after he and dh left. I don't think this guy is going to be ringing our doorbell anytime soon.
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 23, 2014 14:28:35 GMT
My sister is like this. When my mom was battling cancer my brother and I took care of her. My sister made it a point to tell us she has kids (ok, so do I) and that she must work. She never offered to help. After my mom passed away my brother , who took care if her for years even before the cancer needed to clean out her apartment. He probably had some part in everything that my mother owned. He asked me to help. My sister, the selfish wench, kept calling me to see what happened with her stuff. She blames me for not getting closure on my mother's death. Wtf??? There is so much more to the story ! The bottom line is if she never had time for her mother when she was alive , why would she when she is dead?
I understood her situation. My sister complains constantly about money and having to work. I get it. But she has luxuries and those luxuries need to be paid for. I sent her a homemade card and she texted me "I wish I had time to do things like that." She is so full if shit! She would never make anything. I think she used it as an excuse to complain about having to work.
I could go on all day. But selfish and narcissistic is my sister. We so not speak any longer.
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Post by ukfan on Jul 23, 2014 16:44:21 GMT
Yeah - for me, they are the physicians I work with - feel like I am in a daycare some days.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 20:03:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2014 20:01:53 GMT
My step-monster is exactly like a 9 year old girl. She actually stuck her tongue out at me once and said "na na na na boo boo!" She throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way. Her own children go out of their way to avoid her! I think we may have the same MIL..... |
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 24, 2014 16:01:36 GMT
My step-monster is exactly like a 9 year old girl. She actually stuck her tongue out at me once and said "na na na na boo boo!" She throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way. Her own children go out of their way to avoid her! I think we may have the same MIL..... My other sister did that to me! She was 49 years old and sticking her tongue out at me. Lol |
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Post by gizzy on Jul 24, 2014 17:00:44 GMT
How do they relate to each other? When she did that in the nursery, how did the others react?
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