stittsygirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580 
Location: In the leaves and rain.
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Post by stittsygirl on Jul 1, 2015 1:16:15 GMT
My husband is a military retiree, but is now a civilian contractor working in Washington state. He's been there since the beginning of November, while the kids and I have still been in Texas. We did this because we were ready to leave Texas, Washington is a place we've both lived before and liked very much, and the pay was substantially more. We have not visited at all during this time, largely because he was new to the company and had no PTO accrued, and because we knew the kids and I would be moving up there this summer. If it were going to be a permanent situation though - us here, him there - we probably wouldn't have done it. But, having been a military wife for so long, I'm used to these kinds of separations, and it's definitely been worth it so far in terms of pay and the experience he's been getting  . |
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,646
Location: Kansas City -ish
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Post by Anita on Jul 1, 2015 1:21:58 GMT
We spent about four months apart (this was way post-military) when I was finishing my last semester of school and he got a new job in a distant city. We saw each other once a month. Of course, it wasn't that huge of a deal for us because he was prior military and we were kind of used to it.
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Post by txdancermom on Jul 1, 2015 1:27:07 GMT
Yes, not military and he was the one overseas for 8.5 months in Australia. it wasn't a promotion, but it was something that he was requested by some senior managers to take on for a time while they worked on finding someone else for the position. It was a great experience for him, I got to go for 2 weeks, and ds went for a week to a place we might never have seen.
I could have gone, but would have had to leave my job, with no promise of getting it back, also we had college age kids, one just out one still in school, and two sets of elderly parents, so we felt it best that someone stay stateside.
If he got another opportunity to go on another interim assignment like that he probably would do it again.
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 1, 2015 1:29:44 GMT
DH and I lived completely apart for a year and mostly apart for a second year. It was after law school. We had judicial clerkships in different cities the first of those years, and the second year, I had a fellowship in still another city, and had planned to more or less commute there (1.5-2 hours with a crash pad where I was working for late nights), but the commute was from NYC, and I started my job on 9/11/2001, so . . . that didn't work.
The year that we were clerking, I was in NYC and he was in DC, so that was a fairly manageable train ride or a super short flight (because it was pre-9/11, I used to take the shuttle, and you could literally stroll onto that plane every half hour on ten minute's notice). We saw each other probably every other or every third weekend, because both of us were working on a lot of weekends. The other year, we saw each other every weekend. So it's a different situation than yours, but I found it manageable because I knew it was short-term and really important for our long-term careers.
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Post by ptamom on Jul 1, 2015 1:36:45 GMT
We spent about 4 months living apart, about an 8 hour drive. DH moved for work, I stayed behind to sell the house and wrap up my own employment.
We did visit, every other weekend. I would fly up to go with DH to househunt, then DH would fly down to tie up loose ends, sign papers, etc. and visit me and the kitties.
That's why I could definitively give my OB the conception date of my daughter. We only saw each other every two weeks, so it was obvious.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
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Post by melissa on Jul 1, 2015 1:38:38 GMT
We did something like this for a few years. When we were first married, dh's job was in CA and we were living in NJ. They assigned him to a project in DC (as if that was close to NJ, but to Southern Californians a 4 hr drive is nothing! LOL). I was in residency at the time and did not have every weekend off. He would come home as often as he could and worked long hours so that he could take long weekends. I barely remember that period of time because it was during residency, I barely slept for a few years and it's all a blur! This company did pay for transportation costs for him to see me (well, to return home).
His next job was in Atlanta, while I was still in NJ. He came home once a month. They tried very hard to get me to move down there too, but I was still in my residency program and it really wasn't an option. The pay was made it worthwhile for a period of time.
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Post by meridon on Jul 1, 2015 1:42:49 GMT
We had been married about 3 years when DH was promoted to general manager of a restaurant but the job was 5 hours away by car. I was in grad school at the time and had one more semester until I finished. He took the job because it was a huge promotion for him to get his own store and we were apart for roughly 5 months. I flew down once and he came back to visit me once a month when he could work the schedule so that his off days were consecutive. It was tough and I cried a lot, but we made it work.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 17:05:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2015 1:52:48 GMT
We're in the military but chose to live apart for 18 months. Well we didn't technically choose it, but we had a house to sell in NC and he lived in 3 different places during that time (VA, KS and KY), so it wasn't worth uprooting the entire family. It was a big challenge for me due to health issues, having to show the house myself (with no bites in the end) and four homeschooled kids. DH came home about once a month or so. It was an 11 hour drive. Would we do it again? No way! But that being said, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good luck to you!
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Jul 1, 2015 1:58:31 GMT
My Dh is retiring from the military this summer and has accepted a job in another state. He moved 4 weeks ago. I will be staying here with the kids until DS graduates from High School next June. So it will be a year for us. He looked for a job locally but his industry isn't really represented here. We have tentatively planned for him to come home 3 times. But he doesn't have any PTO so he may not get to come that often. We will not be going there as it's 1000+ miles away and he isn't being paid so well that we can afford all the plane tickets plus support two households. And I'm for sure not going to drive that route more than to move there next summer.
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Post by Merge on Jul 1, 2015 2:12:21 GMT
DH and I lived apart for the first year of our marriage. Never again. It was way too stressful even when we were young and didn't have kids; at this point, I have no desire to suddenly be a single mom.
For us it was because I couldn't find a teaching job in the area where he was still finishing grad school, so I had to take a job four hours away. In retrospect I would have been better off just staying in that area and waiting tables or something. It was awful.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 17:05:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2015 3:23:11 GMT
DH and I lived apart for about two months. He took a job in Oregon and I stayed in Missouri to finish out the semester at my teaching job. I left my job mid school year. I visited once over Thanksgiving break. He had picked out the apartment so I finally got to see it. It wasn't too bad really. I ended up moving in with my best friend after the movers came and took the furniture. We didn't have kids at the time so no worries there. I definitely would not do it with kids. Just too much stress involved.
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Post by ntsf on Jul 1, 2015 3:39:46 GMT
when we had been married about 3 yrs, dh took a job in hong kong...it took me about 3 months to move there. had to take care of house, move, etc..on my own. while working fulltime with no access to a phone. it was challenging. then, when I was pregnant..dh moved to do a 6 month contract in malaysia..he came home about 1 month before the birth of my twins. all this was pre internet. we talked once a week on the phone for a few minutes. then, when the kids were 5 and 7, we almost moved to tokyo..so he was over there 5 months without me...and again, I got ready to move, signed the kids up for school, etc on my own. but at last minute, company decided it wasn't worth it...business wise to do this. so dh came home, and he spent the next 6 months commuting to vietnam--2 weeks there, 2 weeks home. though he had a job through all this, he didn't make spectacular money. and as we look back, he missed the dotcom boom that his friends cashed in on...but whatever.
I am very independent and just did what I had to do. mostly no family around to help.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Jul 1, 2015 3:50:37 GMT
DH took a job in the Middle East after he retired from the Air Force. We were supposed to join him after the 90 day probation period. The company changed the rules and we (DS and I) couldn't go. We were apart 17 months. My son was 8-9 years old. it was hard but worth it in the end. If DH had broken his contract he could not have gone back with a different company. We ended up joining him when he got a job over there with a different company a year later.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jul 1, 2015 3:53:07 GMT
I know a family where the wife (my friend) stayed here in the states with her high school girls while the husband worked in Dubai. It was a few years at least until it all started to crumble with his affair. She decided to move back to Dubai with their youngest that was still in high school. That girl hated it and moved back and stayed with friends for her senior year. Now, it looks like he'll be getting a job in Chicago putting the whole family at least back in the US.
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Post by bc2ca on Jul 1, 2015 4:34:17 GMT
We have lived apart twice for job opportunities. Both times I stayed behind to sell the house and both times it took two months. The first time DH was able to drive home every weekend and I came down when the house was in escrow to find a place to live. With the second time he flew home every other weekend but the kids and I never visited. The moves were harder on him than the kids and I.
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Post by smokeynspike on Jul 1, 2015 5:35:06 GMT
No, we have not done this, nor would I consider it unless it was under the most dire of circumstances (like take this job or lose your job).
I just don't think I would be happy with living separate lives.
Melissa
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Post by CarolineO'Sullivan on Jul 1, 2015 5:48:58 GMT
I am doing it right now, DH was head hunted for a job overseas and it really was to good to turn down, actually he was going to and I told him not too, it was just to good.
He has been away since Feb 2nd and we have no clue when he will get home next, we have flown and stayed with him in Dubai though.
I am used to it though as my husband has always worked off shore for weeks at a time, this is harder but I am fine.
We use whats app and skype, not sure I could cope without them.
Just wanted to add that I have no family here, they are all the other side of the world, but it is amazing what you can do when needed. I am also very independent which helps.
We could move to be with him, but I have zero interest living there and happy this side of the world, this job will not be forever.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 1, 2015 6:28:53 GMT
Maybe two weeks in a year.
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Post by kraft4fun on Jul 1, 2015 9:09:56 GMT
When at his old job hubby left Sunday afternoon and did not get back until Friday night. This was for four years. But we did not have kids and sometimes I would go with him since he stayed at his parents and I coyd visit my friends and two of my daughters at the same time.
Sent from my NX008HD8G using proboards
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Post by maryland on Jul 1, 2015 12:46:12 GMT
When the kids were really little, my husband did a start up on the other side of the country. He was there a month, home a month, there a month, etc. But just gone total of three months. He didn't want to miss time with the kids, so he stopped doing that. He has switched jobs when he had to work too hard or travel too much because he didn't want to miss the kids growing up.
When he was on that travel schedule, I got so many house projects done! My kids were so easy as babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers, not all the running around that we do with older kids and teens.
He had the opportunity to move to a great city for work a few years ago, but he turned it down because we didn't want to move there (kids in school) and he didn't want to just see us on weekends.
That's just how it works for our family, but every family is different in what works for them! My husband's former boss traveled home for weekends for 5 yrs. but she really got tired of it and missed seeing the kids. I have another friend whose husband is only home on weekends and it works well for them.
I have found, from my experience and my friends whose wife/husband travels or lives out of state for work, it is harder on the spouse living away. The one at home is still with the kids (if they have kids at home) and their regular life. The one working away misses family, home, friends etc. When we are getting together with friends, they may ask my husband if he is traveling a lot. He will say he travels all the time, I will say he doesn't travel a lot!
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jul 1, 2015 14:18:08 GMT
A woman who subs at my school has a husband who works in China. He comes home every other year for a couple weeks and she goes there the other years for a couple weeks.
She misses him, but it's where he found work after his company downsized. Now he loves it too much to look for something here. She is so supportive of him it is incredible.
They have ten kids, all grown now, all having been homeschooled.
Works for them. I think it is remarkable.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
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Post by mallie on Jul 1, 2015 15:10:53 GMT
Two years when he was in grad school. 35+ years ago, so pre-internet (so no free email or Skype). We were poor and couldn't afford to even make phone calls except every once in a while. We wrote letters and saw each other in person maybe every 2-3 months.
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Post by 1lear on Jul 1, 2015 16:17:40 GMT
DH is a government contractor currently working in Texas, while we live in Virginia. He's been working on a project there since January and comes home every other weekend. It sucks but, once the project is finished, he'll be back here. He's worked other projects out of the country and in other parts of the US but he really hates where he's working in Texas so that makes it difficult.
Sometimes, it's a pain if something needs fixed around the house, but I've just called repairmen or the neighbors have helped.
I think it would be very difficult if my kids were younger, but since the youngest is in high school it hasn't been that hard. My job is flexible so I can take them to all their appointments and activities. I did HATE having to move my daughter home from college in May, though. Unfortunately, I'll probably have to do the move back to school in August without DH.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Jul 1, 2015 17:07:03 GMT
About 2 months. DH went for an interview from NM to AL and was hired to start in 5 days. I was left to sell our NM house but when someone I knew wanted to rent it I went with that option and began packing.
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