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Post by bostonmama on Jul 3, 2015 2:12:11 GMT
Back when I got married it was considered improper for a family member to host a shower. I recall my Maid of Honor hosting my main bridal shower, with a co-worker throwing an after-work shower for a smaller group from work. These days it seems Bachelorette parties are trips and multi-day affairs, with the MoH planning the getaway. I tend to see more mothers, sisters, aunts throwing the main bridal shower these days. Is wedding etiquette even a 'thing' anymore?!
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Post by myshelly on Jul 3, 2015 2:16:11 GMT
I don't think parents should throw a shower.
Anything else is fine.
So in your scenario, OP, what is proper when your MoH is your sister?
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akathy
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Jul 3, 2015 2:16:34 GMT
My DD was her sister's MOH so she threw the bridal shower. I think a lot of brides choose their sisters to be their MOH so how do you (General you) get around the MOH should host it but relatives shouldn't? Doesn't make sense to me.
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Post by lucyg on Jul 3, 2015 2:20:13 GMT
My sister was my maid of honor. Another friend who wasn't in my wedding party threw a shower for me. It's not all that difficult to work out.  |
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 23:43:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2015 2:22:08 GMT
I believe this is a regional or cultural thing and don't think there is one clear answer. When I got married, either friends or family threw the shower. It was not considered improper in my area.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jul 3, 2015 2:25:36 GMT
It's interesting, because I've only ever been to wedding showers thrown by family. (Usually the mother of the bride, just based on how my family is structured, and her sisters.) But most of the guests were also family, because there are a LOT of us. I imagine some friends also threw a shower to which friends and/or coworkers were invited. I can't imagine saddling a friend of the bride with hosting all of the relatives (at least in my family)!
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 3, 2015 2:27:43 GMT
Any one who isn't the parents of the bride. A sister or cousin is fine.
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Jul 3, 2015 2:32:56 GMT
I hosted 2 of my (then future) SILs wedding showers. My mom and aunt hosted mine, 28 years ago. My sister was my MoH and only 16, and all my bridesmaids were starving college students, that could barley afford the $60 dress. My MIL hosted a small surprise personal shower for me.
I grew up in the Detroit area and showers were always hosted by family, and they rented reception halls to hold them in.
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kate
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Post by kate on Jul 3, 2015 2:35:35 GMT
My mom threw a small luncheon for mine, but the invitations may have gone out in my MOH's name - ? I remember Mom being concerned about propriety... My MOH is a lifelong friend who is very close with my mom. There was no weirdness. |
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Post by peasapie on Jul 3, 2015 2:43:53 GMT
I paid for my daughter's shower but her maid of honor organized and ran it. I didn't want her to have to shoulder that expense. I don't think there should be a hard and fast rule about it, as many young people today can't afford paying for a shower. (Maybe when that tradition began, showers were always held at home.)
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Post by scrappyoutlaw on Jul 3, 2015 2:46:47 GMT
I've never heard that family shouldn't throw the shower? My MIL threw one for me so she could have her zillion family members attend, and my sister the MOH had a smaller one more to my style.
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Post by lucyg on Jul 3, 2015 2:57:58 GMT
I paid for my daughter's shower but her maid of honor organized and ran it. I didn't want her to have to shoulder that expense. I don't think there should be a hard and fast rule about it, as many young people today can't afford paying for a shower. (Maybe when that tradition began, showers were always held at home.) I think that was a nice way to handle it. I also don't think I've ever been to a shower anywhere but someone's home. Some were catered, some were beautifully produced by amateur event planners and some were a little more loving-hands-at-home.  But they were all a lot of fun. I'd rather see several smaller, more personal showers than one gigantic invite-everyone-you-know extravaganza. |
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Post by vpohlman on Jul 3, 2015 3:04:04 GMT
Aunts throw one shower for sure, then a friend or friends may throw another non-family shower around here. No naughty gifts at the family shower, anything goes at the friend shower. Family of the same young age as the bride may attend the friend shower if they are close.
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 3, 2015 4:00:58 GMT
The wedding showers I have been to have tended to be held in Spas, or in Spain! They are an excuse for a girly weekend away really, with fun and sometimes saucy gifts. A wedding gift is also generally given.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 3, 2015 4:01:23 GMT
I had one shower and my sister (MoH and my only bridesmaid) hosted it but my mom probably helped pay for it.
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Post by KikiPea on Jul 3, 2015 4:57:47 GMT
The only people who should not throw a wedding/baby shower is the mom or the bride/baby momma.
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 3, 2015 5:04:04 GMT
I think my mom helped my MOH pay for the shower, but MOH planned it. I paid for hers when I was her matron of honor later. The bridesmaids did not help at all which irritated me since they expected me to pitch in for their crap Bachelorette party that I had to rescue out of the flames., but I said nothing. I had hers at a tea room and it wasn't cheap, but whatever. She loved it.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jul 3, 2015 6:06:26 GMT
I don't think mothers should throw them - but I think sisters and aunts are fine.
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jul 3, 2015 11:37:41 GMT
I think it's stupid and improper to force friends of the bride to shoulder the burden of a shower. Those things are freakin' expensive and it pisses me off that "tradition" dictates that the bridal party is forced to pay so much freakin' money for the "honour" of being the bridal party. It's bullshit and one of the reasons why I didn't want a shower (or a bridal party for that matter). Friends are rarely in the position to shell out that kind of money. So yes, my MIL threw the shower that I didn't even know about or have any say in, and I think that's better than any friends having to shell out money for it.
Being in a bridal party is such a scam for the attendant, but can be a windfall for the bride and groom, because of the whole "the bridal party pays for everything they do" bullshit. I'm having one attendant, a guy, and there's no way in hell I'm expecting him to pay for the clothes I'd like him to wear or to shell out money for a party of me. It's just stupid. If he hosts a party for me, I'll be paying my share if not more. It's just not right to expect anyone to pay for all of it, just because I'm the damn bride. I'll pay my share just like everyone else.
Thus, I don't really give a crap what etiquette says. Parents are generally better off than friends and they should be the ones bankrolling the showers. Not holding friends for ransom to pay for these stupid parties.
Sorry. I have a lot of wedding related rants these days.
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Post by utmr on Jul 3, 2015 12:11:29 GMT
Not a family member.
If money's tight, I think it's nice for the MOB to pay for it, but the invitations are in the name of the official hostess.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 3, 2015 12:46:50 GMT
Any one who isn't the parents of the bride. A sister or cousin is fine. this^^^^ My Aunt threw one that was a "couples" shower and for family only. ( I had the stomach flu and we were only in town for a week, so DH went on his own) One of my bridesmaids and her mom threw the other. It was also come to think of it couples and mainly friends. I have a huge family, so it would have been overwhelming to invite them to my friends house. We lived in London, so both of these events were larger than they might have been to give people the chance to meet my future husband. |
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Post by bostonmama on Jul 3, 2015 12:56:19 GMT
Thus, I don't really give a crap what etiquette says. Parents are generally better off than friends and they should be the ones bankrolling the showers. Not holding friends for ransom to pay for these stupid parties. Sorry. I have a lot of wedding related rants these days. But if the parents are paying for the wedding, should they also be expected to pay for the shower? |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Jul 3, 2015 13:21:44 GMT
Thus, I don't really give a crap what etiquette says. Parents are generally better off than friends and they should be the ones bankrolling the showers. Not holding friends for ransom to pay for these stupid parties. Sorry. I have a lot of wedding related rants these days. But if the parents are paying for the wedding, should they also be expected to pay for the shower? I don't think parents should necessarily be expected to pay for anything even though I think it's customary for them to pay for some it, but yes. If the mother wants a shower to happen, then yes they should pay for it or at least part of it. I just don't like the fact that bridal parties are held essentially for ransom when it comes to the wedding related parties and they are forced to shell out thousands to be in the bridal party. My FMIL is paying squat to the wedding (fine by me, we never asked, never expected it and I certainly don't want the strings they would have on it) so her paying for the shower that she wanted to host was fine by me. If people want to host a shower and can afford it, fine they can pay for it. But putting it only on the bridal party's shoulders who are already paying out of the nose for stuff they shouldn't have to pay for (ie: their clothing) is just plain wrong. |
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Post by scrapsotime on Jul 3, 2015 13:24:30 GMT
since i don't live in the Victorian era where most of this started, I say anyone that can afford it and wants to should have the shower.
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Post by hennybutton on Jul 3, 2015 14:39:35 GMT
When I was dating DH, I was shocked the the MOB always hosted the bridal shower. Always. After attending a few, I understood why. DH's extended family is HUGE. A shower with just the women in the family can be 25 to 35 people. That's just way too much to put on a young person who is just starting out herself. My MIL hosted both my wedding and baby showers. I did the same for DD. If our family was typical, I would have stuck with Emily Post.
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Jul 3, 2015 15:05:34 GMT
We do ours by committee.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 3, 2015 17:57:46 GMT
When I was dating DH, I was shocked the the MOB always hosted the bridal shower. Always. After attending a few, I understood why. DH's extended family is HUGE. A shower with just the women in the family can be 25 to 35 people. That's just way too much to put on a young person who is just starting out herself. My MIL hosted both my wedding and baby showers. I did the same for DD. If our family was typical, I would have stuck with Emily Post. This is my family - but it's one of the aunts, They fight over who gets to host. I was unusual in that my maid of honor hosted - in reality her mom hosted. I don't know that she really knew what she was getting into. |
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Post by lucyg on Jul 3, 2015 18:19:00 GMT
But if the parents are paying for the wedding, should they also be expected to pay for the shower? This is why traditionally the friends of the bride & groom's mothers host the showers. They can afford it much better than most of the bridal party. It also prevents the MOB from having one more thing to deal with during the run up to the wedding. I'm curious, does no one host showers for their friends' children (or vice versa) any more? I will agree with grinningcat that brides are demanding way too much of bridal parties these days. I blame it all on Bravo TV and those over the top wedding shows. It has gotten so out of hand that DD has put the word out that she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid. She simply cannot afford it and we refuse to supplement her participation like so many of her friends' parents do. Agreed. Our showers were simple luncheons or cocktail parties at home for maybe a dozen people or two dozen at most. They really weren't too expensive or too much trouble for any one or two friends to host. Also, it wasn't expected that the wedding party would host anything ... they had their own expenses to deal with. I really don't like how over-the-top things have gotten these days or the high expectations brides put on their family and friends. Now get off my lawn, you kids!! ... |
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Post by maryland on Jul 3, 2015 19:07:40 GMT
I got married 18 years ago and I do recall that etiquette said that family members should not throw bridal showers. My mom threw my shower, though, because she wanted a big fancy affair at a banquet hall where she invited 80 people. That was not my style at all and no way would I expect my friends (just graduating from college at the time) to pay for something like that. I would have been happy with 20 people at a backyard BBq. I love that your mom threw the shower and paid for it instead of making your friends pay for it. I never thought of it that way before, but I think that's really nice! |
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Post by scrapsotime on Jul 3, 2015 20:29:21 GMT
I was going to add this to my last post, but forgot.
Showers were not originally hosted by family because they were given to replace the dowry that the family would not provide if the woman was marrying someone the family didn't approve of.
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But they were all a lot of fun.
