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May 3, 2024 7:04:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2015 2:57:20 GMT
"Body confidence" is not achieved with bikinis and short shorts. Talk about shallow.
Sometimes I really need a thumbs down button for some of these replies.
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Post by RiverIsis on Jul 17, 2015 2:57:51 GMT
My DD developed early and she was and is stacked. I had expected this because I also developed early and have a large bust. As DD was growing up, I would say to her to enjoy the camisole and spaghetti tops while she could because we were pretty sure that she wouldn't be able to wear them after puberty. When we watched a movie or show, I would point out to DD how often the character with large boobs was written as an airhead who only had her physical assets to help her get ahead. She also noticed how often male characters would fixate on a large chest and fail to see the person behind, or above, the boobs. We have spent countless hours discussing how to dress for the success and respect you want, while also discussing the when it was ok to "let the girls shine," so to speak. I encouraged DD, over the years, to spend time online looking at what other women with her body type wear and thinking about what clothing styles really supported them or hurt them in their quest to be seen as competent women. When we went into the dressing room, I always allowed her to try on a couple of heart attack outfits, something that she would never in a million years want or be allowed to wear. These were just for fun and to acknowledge that, yes, she did have a fine rack. We might talk about what reaction she could expect if she wore one of these outfits in public and was that the kind of attention she was looking for. LOL DD was honest enough that there were times she would say she WOULD like to see so-and-so with his tongue on the ground, which made the day even more fun. Sometimes she would take a photo and send it to her Dad and ask if he thought she should get one or two of that particular outfit. Dad would respond with suitable "over my dead body" and "are you trying to cause me to have a heart attack?" texts, and then all photos would be deleted. After the fun suits, we moved on to real suits. Because Dd kayaked, she already had a large collection of sports bras and spandex bottoms, so she wanted her for fun swim suits to be less practice clothes. I was very careful to criticize the clothes, not the body, when I didn't care for a selection. I might say that a suit lacked the construction to handle her size bosom, or the bottoms might be better for someone with a different rear shape. We would discuss whether a suit was made for lounging in the sun or for getting in the water and would it stay put when wet. Early on we agreed that some outfits look better on the hanger than they do on a body and that, no matter how cute the outfit, if it didn't look good on her, we weren't interested. I think the reason that DD and I shop together so well is the discussions we have before we go shopping. We talk about why she is looking for a particular piece, how she wants to be looked at when she wears it, and what is required to take care of the clothing. We set a budget, decide which stores we want to hit, and THEN we go shopping. So far, we've both lived to shop another day. LOL DD is now 20 and she still asks me to shop with her. She says I give her honest answers on what suits her and is appropriate for her. I'm thrilled that she values my opinion - I'd rather be boiled in oil than shop with my mom. Marcy Edited to add: DD had no choice but to wear 2 pieces. She has such a disparity between her cup size, her chest measurement, and her lower measurements that a 1 piece was out of the question. She usually chose well supported bikini tops because they fit and stayed in place better than tankinis. Most of her bottoms were boy short styles, but there were a few, meant mostly for sunning, that were more traditional suit styles. She was allowed one suit that was STRICTLY for sunning on the back deck. To ensure that it didn't "accidentally" make it's way in her swim bag, she had to put it in my hands as she left the house. Thanks for this post - It is fantastic in so many ways. But most importantly pointing out that one size fits all one piece suits don't! And truthfully some of those one piece suits would probably show more of the girls than a bikini. I think there are a lot more choices now - with the sporty suits and the tankini's and boy shorts. Wish we had all those choices when I was younger. Also I have to say one pieces are the pits if you need to go to the bathroom. At least with a two piece of some sort you can keep covered.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on Jul 17, 2015 11:58:32 GMT
My girls were guards starting at 15. I didn't realize how tiny an official lifeguard suit could be! LOL At least the top was more of a sports bra type of top - but there wasn't much yardage in those suits! And boy, where they $$!
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,258
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Jul 17, 2015 17:17:11 GMT
I was very fortunate with my girls. They are both curvy and well endowed, but they aren't comfortable putting it all out there. They both preferred tankinis, one pieces and boy shorts.
I always tried to point out the practicality of the suits they looked at when we were shopping and they usually agreed with me.
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 17, 2015 17:33:40 GMT
If you want me to be honest, I wish we had that problem right now. My 13-year-old just developed this past year, and she feels so self-conscious about her body that it is a struggle to get her to wear anything other than a baggy sweatshirt (which, her choice, but it's hot out there right now). When she was in sixth grade, she wore whatever she felt like confidently, and that might be a skirt or a v-necked shirt to school, and it would include a two-piece bathing suit to the beach. No one said a word to her because she looked like a child. In seventh grade, when she started needing a bra and having hips, suddenly, the vice principal at her school started monitoring her hemlines, people started talking to her about how boys would perceive this shirt or that dress, etc. I mean, this was not a kid wearing anything I thought was the least bit objectionable, but she got so self-conscious about the male gaze and how people were going to perceive her that now the kid is going around in the 2015 equivalent of sack cloth.
Hopefully, it's a phase. I took her dress shopping for her bat mitzvah yesterday, and, a month out of school, she was finally pulling things off the rack she might have worn before all of this started. But I feel so horrible for how she has been feeling. Stupid as this is, she is moving middle schools (we moved) from a school that has a two-page dress code aimed 95% at girls to one where she can wear leggings and sleeveless tops, and I am hoping she can return to the self-confident, unself-conscious kid she was before.
Anyhow, that is a long tangent of me saying -- I would tread lightly. It doesn't mean, literally, never talk to your daughter about how to present herself, but I'd maybe focus more on things like suit functionality than on the male gaze.
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Post by LauraTen on Jul 17, 2015 19:07:19 GMT
My DD is 14 (wears a C cup) and she loves her tankini from Lands End.
She chose a bottom with a tiny skirt and a top with the most coverage up front.
It's last years suit and still looks new : )
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Post by RiverIsis on Jul 17, 2015 19:17:12 GMT
"Body confidence" is not achieved with bikinis and short shorts. Talk about shallow. Sometimes I really need a thumbs down button for some of these replies. I guess you are deliberately misreading my replies or I'm not being clear. If a person has body confidence they may choose to wear a bikini. It doesn't mean they have to. But if they have the confidence to wear it and wear it well and be confident in it then the shallow person is the judgemental one who thinks all their confidence is linked in what they wear. If someone doesn't want to wear it then don't wear it. No need to tear people down because they have the confidence to wear something any of us personally wouldn't. As long as they are covered and TBH there are Bikinis out there that are more covered than some one pieces. And I agree Body confidence isn't achieved by wearing one clothing over another it is achieved by not being criticized over and over for what your body looks like in your clothing choices or being knocked down by people that don't agree with your choices. That is why I never said a person is what they wear, that would be a shallow thing to imply.
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Post by RiverIsis on Jul 17, 2015 19:27:22 GMT
If you want me to be honest, I wish we had that problem right now. My 13-year-old just developed this past year, and she feels so self-conscious about her body that it is a struggle to get her to wear anything other than a baggy sweatshirt (which, her choice, but it's hot out there right now). When she was in sixth grade, she wore whatever she felt like confidently, and that might be a skirt or a v-necked shirt to school, and it would include a two-piece bathing suit to the beach. No one said a word to her because she looked like a child. In seventh grade, when she started needing a bra and having hips, suddenly, the vice principal at her school started monitoring her hemlines, people started talking to her about how boys would perceive this shirt or that dress, etc. I mean, this was not a kid wearing anything I thought was the least bit objectionable, but she got so self-conscious about the male gaze and how people were going to perceive her that now the kid is going around in the 2015 equivalent of sack cloth. Hopefully, it's a phase. I took her dress shopping for her bat mitzvah yesterday, and, a month out of school, she was finally pulling things off the rack she might have worn before all of this started. But I feel so horrible for how she has been feeling. Stupid as this is, she is moving middle schools (we moved) from a school that has a two-page dress code aimed 95% at girls to one where she can wear leggings and sleeveless tops, and I am hoping she can return to the self-confident, unself-conscious kid she was before. Anyhow, that is a long tangent of me saying -- I would tread lightly. It doesn't mean, literally, never talk to your daughter about how to present herself, but I'd maybe focus more on things like suit functionality than on the male gaze. Excuse my language but her former VP is an arse and should be reported for his fixation on young girls. If your daughter was within the dress code then he was being a pest. I have a kid that was written up repeatedly for not wearing a belt, he took it rather than informing the teacher that his shorts had no belt loops and were completely within the dress code. I finally called the school and told them I had read the dress code and had gone out of my way to find these dress code shorts because he was uncomfortable wearing a belt and wanted him to focus on learning at school rather than being uncomfortable, and pointed out to them that his shorts were worn at his natural waistline etc. (which was the whole reason for the belt code). No more write ups but sheesh some school administrator don't have an ounce of common sense.
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 17, 2015 19:59:07 GMT
If you want me to be honest, I wish we had that problem right now. My 13-year-old just developed this past year, and she feels so self-conscious about her body that it is a struggle to get her to wear anything other than a baggy sweatshirt (which, her choice, but it's hot out there right now). When she was in sixth grade, she wore whatever she felt like confidently, and that might be a skirt or a v-necked shirt to school, and it would include a two-piece bathing suit to the beach. No one said a word to her because she looked like a child. In seventh grade, when she started needing a bra and having hips, suddenly, the vice principal at her school started monitoring her hemlines, people started talking to her about how boys would perceive this shirt or that dress, etc. I mean, this was not a kid wearing anything I thought was the least bit objectionable, but she got so self-conscious about the male gaze and how people were going to perceive her that now the kid is going around in the 2015 equivalent of sack cloth. Hopefully, it's a phase. I took her dress shopping for her bat mitzvah yesterday, and, a month out of school, she was finally pulling things off the rack she might have worn before all of this started. But I feel so horrible for how she has been feeling. Stupid as this is, she is moving middle schools (we moved) from a school that has a two-page dress code aimed 95% at girls to one where she can wear leggings and sleeveless tops, and I am hoping she can return to the self-confident, unself-conscious kid she was before. Anyhow, that is a long tangent of me saying -- I would tread lightly. It doesn't mean, literally, never talk to your daughter about how to present herself, but I'd maybe focus more on things like suit functionality than on the male gaze. Excuse my language but her former VP is an arse and should be reported for his fixation on young girls. If your daughter was within the dress code then he was being a pest. I have a kid that was written up repeatedly for not wearing a belt, he took it rather than informing the teacher that his shorts had no belt loops and were completely within the dress code. I finally called the school and told them I had read the dress code and had gone out of my way to find these dress code shorts because he was uncomfortable wearing a belt and wanted him to focus on learning at school rather than being uncomfortable, and pointed out to them that his shorts were worn at his natural waistline etc. (which was the whole reason for the belt code). No more write ups but sheesh some school administrator don't have an ounce of common sense. Female vice principal. Not that it makes the whole thing less annoying, but annoying for different reasons. My daughter was never written up or asked to change -- she never violated the dress code. She would just suddenly get comments about how she needed to be careful, or the VP would measure her skirt, or whatever in ways that never happened the year before to her (but would happen to her developed friends). The attention -- and the suggestion that boys were going to pay her improper attention -- was what contributed to her self-consciousness.
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Post by RiverIsis on Jul 17, 2015 21:38:04 GMT
Excuse my language but her former VP is an arse and should be reported for his fixation on young girls. If your daughter was within the dress code then he was being a pest. I have a kid that was written up repeatedly for not wearing a belt, he took it rather than informing the teacher that his shorts had no belt loops and were completely within the dress code. I finally called the school and told them I had read the dress code and had gone out of my way to find these dress code shorts because he was uncomfortable wearing a belt and wanted him to focus on learning at school rather than being uncomfortable, and pointed out to them that his shorts were worn at his natural waistline etc. (which was the whole reason for the belt code). No more write ups but sheesh some school administrator don't have an ounce of common sense. Female vice principal. Not that it makes the whole thing less annoying, but annoying for different reasons. My daughter was never written up or asked to change -- she never violated the dress code. She would just suddenly get comments about how she needed to be careful, or the VP would measure her skirt, or whatever in ways that never happened the year before to her (but would happen to her developed friends). The attention -- and the suggestion that boys were going to pay her improper attention -- was what contributed to her self-consciousness. As the mother of boys - everyone is responsible for their own behavior i.e. if (General)you think lustful thoughts that is on (General)you not anyone's outfit. Yeah Middle School is a hive of Hormones, but sheesh, the VP would have been better to say, hey, you're within dress code but if you have an issue with unwanted attention let me know. She cut her down rather than empowered her. Sounds like the VP has her own issues (thanks for the clarification). Heck I remember in 8th grade a male student making a comment to the teacher about how she had dyed her hair, at the end of class he was walking out with his books low and in front of him. Was the teacher not supposed to dye her hair? Now I know boys can't control that type of reaction all the time and that is part of growing up, but it certainly wasn't anyone's fault.
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Post by hockeymom4 on Jul 19, 2015 19:47:40 GMT
SUCCESS. Went to a sportin store and found a tankini top she can live with (and on sale for $15). Helped that one if her hockey mentors was working and told her it looked nice!!!!!
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,521
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Jul 19, 2015 22:19:55 GMT
Yay! We spent the day at the pool today and I noticed more than one 2 piece suit (on a tween/teen) that was modest, but still a 2 piece. As we're just beginning this battle in our house (DD is 9) you all have helped me see the difference between something I'd be ok with her wearing, and something no way is she leaving the house.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 20, 2015 1:22:49 GMT
I am very frank with my very developed 14 yr old. I tell her just as it is. "Sweetie, you look twenty in that swimsuit, and all men, 14-90 yrs old, will want to ogle you. Some will not realize that you are 14 and will try to do more than ogle. When you are 18 yrs old, you can choose this bikini. For now, It's my job to protect you, and we will find something with a little more coverage." This year was the first year she's not wearing a one piece. She chose a tankini with boyshort bottoms. She's still very curvacious in it, and looks like a knock out in it, but I'm not afraid anything will pop out of it when she goes swimming. It's hard when all of a sudden our little babies become *gulp* *whispered* sexy. That was handled SO well. My granddaughter is 11 and already has quite a cute figure. When she wears even lip gloss, I swear she looks 17. I can see this is going to be a problem. For now she is happy with a tankini.
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