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Post by christine58 on Jul 19, 2015 16:47:54 GMT
irener I think some posters gave you some great advice on how to proceed at little to no cost. Good luck..you need to divorce so that he's not tied to you and your credit etc.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 19, 2015 16:55:32 GMT
Don't be so harsh to OP. She had an ABUSIVE husband. One who does not pay child support (maybe he doesn't know where to pay, though?) I think it's fine she let the GF know he was abusive. What is she supposed to do? Nothing? She's got to support her child and her on one salary and who knows how much help she has from family. I know I am overwhelmed with my kids and once I was away, I didn't even care about a divorce or not. I was just glad to be gone. OP - when you feel strong enough, there are a lot of solutions out there for you. Good luck! When I married him, of course he did not show his abusive side but his best side. slowly he isolated me and demeaned me and broke down my self esteem. He would shove me while I was pregnant, slap me, punch me, rip my hair out, and choke me. This is not to get sympathy for anyone reading this, but to show a small example of the abuse. I was financially dependent on him. When I was (finally) able to leave, he went to jail and I left that state with only the clothes on my back. Even the vehicle I was driving was not in my name, and it was repossessed. I was living in a women's shelter, found a job and took public transportation to my job so I could save enough money to get us out of the shelter. I have no family and since I had just moved, I had no friends. I just wanted out. I am not ashamed to say that at the time I did apply for public assistance, and since I had a restraining order and was fearful for my and my DD's welfare, I had a special exemption that the state would not go after him for child support. Fast forward to now, I have been able to(partially) build up my credit (which was ruined during my first divorce), buy a reliable vehicle, rent an apartment and make ends meet. Seven years to save up money? I lived paycheck to paycheck and sometimes only had 10 dollars after paying bills to last two weeks. And contacting the current 'girlfriend'? I didn't know about her. And truthfully, after the abuse I went through with him, I was praying he was not doing the same thing with her. No one should go through the abuse that I went through. Thank you all for your words of encouragement, I have been so overwhelmed with how to start, but I feel like I am strong enough to get this done and be the best mom/dad for my DD. Yes, you are strong enough! You CAN do it. {{{hug}}}
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 19, 2015 17:20:17 GMT
Yup, divorce him NOW! Really there is so much you can be held legally responsible for since you are still married.
And leave the girlfriend alone. She's been with him long enough to know what's up. You messaging her probably made her defend him
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Post by seriousscrapper on Jul 19, 2015 17:21:06 GMT
You have received some great advice!! I agree with hop2, you are strong enough and cand do it!!!! ((((( hugs)))))
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:16:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2015 20:55:58 GMT
For most people who haven't been in abusive relationships, it's difficult for them to understand the internal struggles that go on. First of all, commend yourself for actually leaving him. That took a lot of courage! Next, don't keep thinking about the regret of marrying him. Yes it was a mistake, but an important lesson for you. Let go of that anger and resentment. Focus on the one good thing came from it, your daughter.
I'm sure just hearing his voice on the phone made you cringe and brought back memories. Don't let him control you anymore. Don't sit back and wait for action. Empower yourself and you go and do the action that you are wanting. I'm sure it's going to be super tough and emotional, but just like leaving him, it will be well worth it. Keep your chin up, focus on the end result and have faith in yourself. You can do this!!
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irener
Junior Member
Posts: 66
Mar 4, 2015 0:45:43 GMT
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Post by irener on Jul 21, 2015 4:46:02 GMT
For most people who haven't been in abusive relationships, it's difficult for them to understand the internal struggles that go on. First of all, commend yourself for actually leaving him. That took a lot of courage! Next, don't keep thinking about the regret of marrying him. Yes it was a mistake, but an important lesson for you. Let go of that anger and resentment. Focus on the one good thing came from it, your daughter. I'm sure just hearing his voice on the phone made you cringe and brought back memories. Don't let him control you anymore. Don't sit back and wait for action. Empower yourself and you go and do the action that you are wanting. I'm sure it's going to be super tough and emotional, but just like leaving him, it will be well worth it. Keep your chin up, focus on the end result and have faith in yourself. You can do this!! Thank you! all your comments have encouraged me so much! I looked into legal aid(abuse needs to be w/in 12 months) and referral services(long wait list). I did find a friend who can help me with the process of filing out paperwork as she has some experience helping others do this (she is a social worker) and we are going to start the paperwork this weekend. I'm feeling hopeful!
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Jul 21, 2015 7:35:22 GMT
Good for you for getting started. I filled out my own and had it reviewed by a lawyer so I only paid for an hour of his time. Afterwards I found out there are people at the courthouse that would have helped. Maybe your courthouse has that service?
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 21, 2015 14:48:33 GMT
It doesn't matter what you say to the GF. She is with him. She will believe him. Why didn't you start the divorce when you were in the shelter, and had those resources? Have you contacted a county social worker? Even though it sounds like you were very brave on leaving him. It seems like since then you have been very passive. I mean...what exactly did you think would happen after 7 years and not being divorced? did you think the ex wasn't dating? didn't have a life? What if he is buying things, a home, cars, whatever. Are you responsible for those things if he defaults on them? just some things to think about? Also..how does he know your number like someone else said?
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Montannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,486
Location: Big Sky Country
Jun 25, 2014 20:32:35 GMT
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Post by Montannie on Jul 21, 2015 15:34:08 GMT
Contact your state child support agency to get the child support going. You don't need to be divorced to get child support. They can get you an order for support.
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Post by lazytown on Jul 21, 2015 16:09:07 GMT
There should be some free help in your state to file the divorce papers and secure child support. You will have to get on the internet and the phone to find out how to get it. Call the local courthouse, the law library, the local or state bar association, legal aid, etc. Ask them if they provide help or if they can refer you to an organization that does. It will take some work, but you can do it!
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irener
Junior Member
Posts: 66
Mar 4, 2015 0:45:43 GMT
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Post by irener on Jul 23, 2015 0:33:59 GMT
Good for you for getting started. I filled out my own and had it reviewed by a lawyer so I only paid for an hour of his time. Afterwards I found out there are people at the courthouse that would have helped. Maybe your courthouse has that service? I checked at my County courthouse and they have people to help! I didn't think about having an attorney review the paperwork, thanks for the suggestion!!!
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jul 23, 2015 0:35:59 GMT
I like this update! Finally, someone that actually takes the advice of peas (after a bit of a pile on even) and gets up and just does it. Good for you!
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