georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Jul 19, 2015 19:28:47 GMT
You could ask if you will need to secure motel accomadations. That seems like it would open the discussion where if they have room they will tell you.
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Jul 19, 2015 19:33:23 GMT
I think if you ask people will feel obliged to say yes (or think up an excuse). I'd be more like to say something along the lines of "I'd love to but I'm not sure if I could afford the airfare/hotel/etc." Chances are, people will then immediately let you know if they were planning for you to stay with them.
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Post by CarolT on Jul 19, 2015 19:39:01 GMT
I think it depends on the relationship you have with those family members - I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. I didn't hesitate to call my aunt and ask if we could spend a few days at her house when Dd and I visited DC. I was close enough to her to know she would be genuinely happy to have us. I have a cousin in California that I talk to on facebook, but I haven't seen her in 25 years. If I asked her, she would welcome us in her home, but I wouldn't do that, since we don't have a close relationship. Another cousin, who I see fairly regularly, I wouldn't ask, because she has 3 kids and a 4 bedroom house... someone would be bumped out of their bedroom, and I'm not going to cause an inconvenience for her family in the name of my vacation.
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Post by scrappysurfer on Jul 19, 2015 19:40:01 GMT
in my family there's no hesitation in asking if we could stay at their home. We'd insist on family staying with us, especially if the visit were only for a few days.
If you're not comfortable directly asking, you could subtely broach the topic by asking for hotel recommendations, adding that you're looking for economic options to help keep the costs low. You could let them know that your visit is contingent on staying within a specific budget and that airfare is already occupying the majority of that budget. I would hope that they would want you to visit enough to offer their home.
as a previous poster said, asking directly would put them on the spot and personally I would hate to put someone in that situation because I'd hate for someone to do that to me.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jul 19, 2015 19:47:09 GMT
I wouldn't ask but that's just me. If they ask you why you're not going be honest and If they offer great and if not then try and save for room and board.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 22:22:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2015 20:22:42 GMT
Our family always stays with us when coming in from out of town -- and we have actually hosted friends of our families (who we hadn't met before) as a favor to a family member. And when we have gone to visit family we have always stayed with them. They would be appalled if we stayed in a hotel (and yes, one time I tried when FIL was hosting both our family and my SILs family...just too many people and dogs in one house, but they got offended and we had to stay in the VERY crowded house).
So for us an offer to visit includes the notion that they would stay with us! I honestly can't imagine otherwise unless I had a studio apt or a 1 bedroom or something!
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Post by birdy on Jul 19, 2015 20:24:29 GMT
We did, for a whole month! A family member is originally from here and she/her DH and kids come back to visit and stay with their parents usually. But, they moved out of state. They were in one state for a few years then moved to another. The house in the new state wasn't vacant for a month, so they were in limbo. Her DH went to the new job and stayed in a hotel and she and her 2 kids came to stay with us. It was all good the first few weeks, but it was too much togetherness! Wouldn't do it again!
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Deleted
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Sept 20, 2024 22:22:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2015 20:31:06 GMT
I grew up in a culture where relatives always stayed with other relatives and NEVER got a hotel room. That being said, I don't like having company over for more than a few hours.
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Post by Linda on Jul 19, 2015 20:36:06 GMT
I don't mind hosting out of state family/friends - and I'm always clear on exactly what accomodations I have available so they can make the decision whether to rent a hotel room or accept the air mattress or trundle bed etc...that I have available (we don't have a guest room currently).
I wouldn't ASK if I could stay with someone - the exception would be my best friend or my mum - anyone else I would wait to BE asked if I wanted to stay. I think a good way of hinting without putting someone on the spot would be to ask which motels/hotels they would reccommend in the area so you could price out accommodations. That would give them the opportunity to either say "oh don't be silly, we would love to have you stay here" or suggest x hotel (at which point you know to either save up for the hotel room or decline to visit based on expense)
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Post by Dixie Lou on Jul 19, 2015 20:39:30 GMT
Yes. It doesn't happen very often but DH's family will just call and ask if they can come and visit. Funny thing: DH's nephew called DH to see if he, his wife and their two friends could come to stay at our house while they were in town for a cross fit competition. DH didn't answer so he left a message. An hour later nephew called back and said, "well Matt. You took too long to call me back. Plane tickets were cheap so....we will all be staying with you on ...." We thought it was a hoot. Only Shannon could get away with THAT!
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 19, 2015 20:51:19 GMT
I think it is fine to ask if you are coming to visit those relatives and have the sort of relationship where everyone would be fine if they said no.
I admit, I lived in Boston, NYC, and now live in Seattle, and I am pretty good at distinguishing between people who want to stay with me because they are hoping to spend time with us and it is convenient/inexpensive and people who want to take a vacation to a popular tourist destination and would like a free B&B. That said, I don't do house guests since having the twins five years ago. I have three kids five and under now and a baby due in less than a month, and throwing more people into our house is a no-go until fewer of these kids are that young.
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pridemom
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Posts: 2,843
Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Jul 19, 2015 21:05:21 GMT
That's a thought. This trip we had 7 family members visit. 5 stayed with family and two in free hotel rooms. I don't want to impose or bring up uncomfortable requests. We've been asked for years and the cost is why we never go. My aunt gets free miles and rooms. None of us have that luxury. We visited once and loved it , but traveling with no accommodations would be very difficult. If they've asked you to come visit, then that tells me they'd be open to hosting you. I won't ask anyone to come to see us that I wouldn't be happy to have in my home. Maybe I am different than many people, but even if I need to stack air mattresses side by side, my door is always open to friends and (most) family.
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quiltz
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Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jul 19, 2015 21:08:45 GMT
Many times my parents would get a letter from family/friends living in Germany that they were arriving in Toronto at xy date and staying for yz days. The letter usually included that they wanted to visit Niagara Falls, Ottawa, PEI and Victoria. A couple of times we got a phone call from Pearson stating that they are here and how soon could we pick them up at the airport.
Umm, we lived in the K-W area and could do the Niagara Falls trip with them but the other would have to be on their own. We lived on a very active farm and the entire family worked on the farm. My brother could manage the work for one day and I always went along because I was a youngster.
My sister's dh's family is from Germany. I cannot remember how many times she has hosted his relatives over the past 35 years. I know that when sis & dh & kids would stay with family when they went to Germany.
Me - I had enough while growing up and saw/heard the frustration from my mom, so when I got married (& ironically moved to the Niagara Falls area), my home would be too small to host relatives overnight. I would always host everyone for a meal, usually at the end of the day trip to Niagara Falls but did not keep up relatives that would be in my generation. They would be 2nd/3rd cousins of mine. Even my parents would get a hotel room occasionally and sometimes they stayed at our place. My kids loved it when they could go to the showtel & swim & stay overnight with their grandparents. A few times my parents would stay at our place and give us the key to the hotel room and stay with the kids.
As the saying goes, "Both guests and fish smell after 3 days".
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Post by bc2ca on Jul 19, 2015 21:15:27 GMT
We had a wonderful 10 day visit with family from the West Coast. My parents have a spare room as does a sibling so family was able to stay without the burden of hotel cost, etc. We were asked to come out next year. I could swing airfare and meals, but not room and board. My oldest sister wants to go visit next year as well. My mom has extend the invitation to use her home for year, and we've been glad to entertain family. Is there any way at all to ask if there's the possibility of staying with family when you're visiting, even for a day or two? Or is it only acceptable to accept if it's offered by the host. My mom and aunt have stayed in family homes when they travel out West. I've been to visit once, 18 years ago, and we stayed in a hotel. We're invited and have a standing offer to be shown around, but the cost of lodging, etc is prohibitive. I'd like to go next year if at all possible. Thoughts? If I invite anyone to visit us, I'm inviting them to stay. An "any time you are on the West Coast, let us know and we will be happy to play tour guide or have you over for a meal" is different than "please come visit next year". I always make it clear that we are offering a roof over their head. We do have a dedicated guest room I like to see used and room to overflow on couches. Since these relatives stay with family, they may be assuming you will stay with them. I tend to be pretty direct, but asking if they can recommend a budget hotel near them would get a conversation started. Another thought is if you have enough saved for airfare this year, sock that away and save for the accommodation for next year. If they have school age kids, find out when they are out of school. My kids are out early Jun and back mid Aug. It was such a drag to visit family when they first got out and have all their cousins still in school. Same for late Aug when everyone wants to visit us and my poor kids had to go off to school while they went to the beach.
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ingrid
Full Member
Posts: 490
Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
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Post by ingrid on Jul 19, 2015 21:19:49 GMT
In my family we just assume we're staying with each other unless someone says otherwise. I don't think asking is a big deal, and if you already hosted the family you're going to visit, they may already be expecting to return the favor. Just ask them if they have space available or if it would be a major inconvenience to have you in their home for a few days.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 19, 2015 21:29:38 GMT
Yes, we have before and we would again. My sister and BIL have stayed with us several times and it's always been fun. They are returning the favor when we go to their son's wedding in a couple weeks and we'll stay at their house. We bought a house with a guest room specifically so we would be able to host out of town family and friends when the opportunity presents itself.
DH's uncle and aunt have extended an open invite for us to come to visit/stay with them in the Seattle area and maybe sometime we will. We've also invited them to stay with us anytime they're planning to be in the area as well.
Several times we've been asked if someone could use our cabin, but unfortunately for that we have to decline. Right now all of the actual bedrooms are torn up and the place is barely habitable for us. But once we get things fixed up and sorted out, I wouldn't hesitate to host people at the lake either. In fact, that is one of our main goals for the place, to be able to have family and friends come up for the weekend.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 19, 2015 22:29:19 GMT
For me I would think about how many are in my family and what I'm expecting out of the accommodations. There is a big difference being a family of 2 or 3 staying with a family member that has a spare room than being a larger family of 4 or 5 or more.
Who are you thinking of staying with? What is the size/configuration if their house? How many of you are there? Where would everyone sleep? Are you expecting them to prepare all your meals for you? Would you host them in your house when they come to visit? Would they want to stay with you? Can they afford to have your family stay with them? How busy is their lifestyle!
I don't like to impose on people so we stay in hotels.
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Post by utmr on Jul 19, 2015 22:34:02 GMT
Personally I wouldn't ask. But that's me. If they invited you, then you could gently fish around by asking about inexpensive accommodations.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 19, 2015 22:35:09 GMT
If I'm inviting someone, they are invited to stay with us as well. We are military and have lived in Los Angeles, Colorado Springs, DC, outside NYC... My parents always come, DH's parents used to come, but are quite elderly now and don't travel anymore. My brother visits every few years and my SIL has come 2 or 3 times. And we have friends from 25 years of being in the military, so we have plenty of guests. At first, all I had to offer was the floor or our bed while we got the floor. Then it was a hide-a-way couch, then it was one of the kids' beds. Now there is a proper bed in a proper guest room. I'll admit, it's nice to have the space.
I like the idea of saying you would come but can't afford the hotel. See what they say.
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perumbula
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Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Jul 19, 2015 23:18:53 GMT
It sounds like they are inviting you to stay with them. Of course, in my family it's a given that you'll stay with family. That's what you do, even if it's an air mattress on the floor. (which is what we've had to give our few house guests. We were happy to have them, but we don't have a guest room.) I don't even see how it's rude to ask family if they have space for you to stay. They stayed with you. Why is it rude to ask if they can return the favor? it's family and it sounds like you are close.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,581
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jul 20, 2015 0:27:25 GMT
I agree with scrappysurfer - tell them you're looking to keep costs down and ask if they can recommend the "most economical" hotel. They may invite you to their place, or they may know of a great little place that's very inexpensive and would make it possible for you to come.
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Post by Merge on Jul 20, 2015 0:39:56 GMT
It's a given in our family that you stay with family - and I wish it wasn't. We don't have a dedicated guest room, and when we host all of DH's family as we are in December, it means kicking my kids out of their beds and air mattresses all over the place. Drives me crazy. But after 19 years I'm not going to change it. I wish we could have people come visit us here without the expectation that no one gets any personal space for the duration of the visit. When we visit up there sometimes we stay in a hotel. I dislike sleeping crammed into a kid's bed or on a pullout couch or air mattress, so a hotel is better. Not imposing on people's personal space is a priority for me so we budget it into the cost of the trip. Likewise with airport transportation - we arrive prepared to pay for a taxi both ways. To the OP, I think asking for budget hotel recommendations is the gentlest way to fish around and see if you can stay with them. Or you can do what I wish my family would do and just postpone the trip until you've saved up the money for a hotel.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 20, 2015 0:56:26 GMT
It sounds like they are inviting you to stay with them. Of course, in my family it's a given that you'll stay with family. That's what you do, even if it's an air mattress on the floor. (which is what we've had to give our few house guests. We were happy to have them, but we don't have a guest room.) I don't even see how it's rude to ask family if they have space for you to stay. They stayed with you. Why is it rude to ask if they can return the favor? it's family and it sounds like you are close. It's hard to completely understand the OP, but I don't think anyone stayed at her house. I think the visiting family stayed with her mom and sister.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 22:22:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2015 3:07:09 GMT
We've opened our home up to family. If they don't mind sleeping on an air mattress, pull out couch, or sleeping on the floor they are more than welcome to stay. Luckily, we live in a boring place so we don't get frequent visitors.
I think it would help if you are upfront about staying at their house. Tell them you'll be eating meals outside of there home and have plans for visiting certain places in a rental car.
That way they won't feel obligated that they have to feed and entertain you.
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Post by jamielynn on Jul 20, 2015 3:14:01 GMT
I like the idea of "I don't think we could afford a hotel there." That allows them to offer.
We like staying in a hotel, and aren't fans of overnight guests. If someone asked to stay here we wouldn't know what to say! We have a good sized home with guest space but only have like 2 people we invite to stay.
In reality we'd probably go out of town to avoid saying no!
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jul 20, 2015 11:46:29 GMT
It is a given that when you travel to a location with family, you stay with them. None of this delicate fishing around for invites, etc. It's just a given. I would think my family was incredibly rude if they either made us stay in a hotel or that they didn't open up their homes. Well, maybe not rude, but weird. The only time additional accomodation is obtained is when there are a lot of people coming (like a wedding or family reunion) and there just isn't enough room. But for everyday travel? Of course you stay with family. That's just how it is. At least that's how I thought it was until reading this board. Apparently it's not the norm I thought it was.
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mallie
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Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jul 20, 2015 12:55:47 GMT
I guess I just wouldn't have a problem with asking since in both sides of our family there is an assumption that there is reciprocity with staying at someone's home. In other words, if I stay at your house, I will be expected to put you up later on. So in my family, since they asked you to visit AND they just stayed at relatives' houses themselves, so clearly they are up for a reciprocal visit. In my family if they say no, well, then you know they are moochers and not to host them the next time they visit you.
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Deleted
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Sept 20, 2024 22:22:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2015 13:07:00 GMT
As a child, my room was the guest room, so I would never ever have kicked my kids out of their rooms for anybody.
And my husband's family can afford a motel room. One brother is a Mooche and expects us to pay for everything if they stayed with us( that is not happening). So having a room gets them out of my hair for breakfast.
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Post by pierkiss on Jul 20, 2015 13:11:38 GMT
My extended family is very relaxed. And we all live far apart. So if we announce were coming? Everyone gets excited. Typically they will either ask us to stay over, or if we get to them 1st we'll just ask if we can stay with them. We've never been rejected and it's always been fun.
My husbands family is not like that. They areore uptight. It wouldn't really be ok to ask them if we could stay with them. If they offered then we could, but otherwise its implied that we'll be staying elsewhere not their house.
I guess it depends on your family dynamics.
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carhoch
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Be yourself everybody else is already taken
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Jun 28, 2014 21:46:39 GMT
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Post by carhoch on Jul 20, 2015 15:13:40 GMT
my house is always open for family or friends
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