The Ashley Madison thread got me thinking about this...
Say a couple is 25 years or more in to the marriage and one suddenly doesn't want to have anything to do with intimacy anymore. They won't work on fixing the problem or seek counseling about it. What should the left out spouse do?
A) Throw in the towel and everything that goes with it (family ties, financial situations, etc.)
or
B) Suffer in silence on their own
or
C) Have a discrete affair leaving everything else in tact?
Which would you choose if you were the one left out in the cold or what would you want to have happen if you're the one giving the cold shoulder?
Yes, I realize an affair is wrong, but not all situations are as black/white as they appear IMO.
I debated about responding to this post but ugh here it goes:
I think until you are in that situation it seems unfair to say what you would do. I am in a similar situation we are more like best friends/room mates then husband/wife. I think the longer a situation goes on like that the harder it is to rectify it at least that seems to be the case for us.
It was like one day he no longer wanted to be intimate with me and the longer it went on the more self conscious I was about it and I guess scared to ask why he was that way, was it all the weight I had gained, was I no longer attractive to him, were we just busy with kids and it wasn't as important. I guess I am scared of what his reason/answer will be and it stops me from asking ugh a cop out but I am intimidated by him and our situation.
I miss sex but more then that I miss just cuddling, kissing, holding hands. When he does kiss me it is on the cheek and usually only at xmas, birthdays etc. I miss that connection on so many levels it confuses me because I think/know he loves me in other ways but I miss him showing he loves me in a physical way if that makes sense.
It certainly doesn't help my already low self esteem and many times I wonder what I should do. I am human I do fantasize about having an affair or just finding someone who wants to show affection to me but I haven't. A combination of things stops me from doing it including the fact that I have no self esteem and don't think anyone would find me attractive if my husband doesn't. or at least that is what I think he thinks. I guess the main reason I don't is because I do love him and keep hoping a miracle will happen and it will all change. Do I sometimes just think maybe we should divorce yes because I can't imagine never having a physical relationship again. I guess what stops me is how long we have been together and that other then that issue ugh that sounds so stupid even saying it lol we are happy and get along well and enjoy the time and things we do together.
Part of me just wants to lay it all in the table and say look I can't take this anymore but again I am afraid of his answer. I have been trying to touch him more tickling him, patting his arm, play hitting him when he teases me or makes me cranky lol etc hoping just once he will carry it further but he never does it is like there is a wall between us during the day and at night in bed it is like 10 ft tall ugh. I guess his non reaction to me touching him tells me he doesn't miss it or want to reciprocate it if that makes sense.
I suffer in silence no one in my real every day life knows about it and not sure if he has ever shared it with anyone I doubt it. I am sure my few gf's would be shocked to know this has been my life for the past many years I honestly have lost track of how many years it is because I guess I am in denial but suffice it to say it is more then 7 less then 15 ugh. I admitted it to a online scrappy gf that I chat with every day and it was a relief to vent to her. I guess I haven't said anything to my RL girl friends because of the judgment or questions. I am definitely a person that sticks their head in the sand and ignores stuff and I guess my hubby is the same way. I am also a person that hates confrontation and hates judgment and when someone thinks less of me stems from a fucked up childhood with two shitty parents yeah I have major issues lol.
I don't know what the right choice is for a person suffering/going thru this I think it depends on each couple and what will work for them.
I do think there are way more couples that suffer from this then most think and I think it is a subject that is hard to face or talk about because of the embarrassment and judgment that comes from speaking about it.
I am not asking for judgment or answers or sympathy from anyone here I just wanted to give my thoughts on your OP
