How do you & spouse keep connected

We make an effort to spend time together without the kids. Both of our kids are special needs, and we are so fortunate to have a local church that offers special needs parent nights out every other month. It's so important to find the time to talk to each other. I'm glad that you are both finding time to talk to each other. Keep doing it! A marriage cannot survive without communication.

Share a hobby, something you both like to do together. For my dh and I we go out on Motorcycle rides, kayak and occasionally take walks together. I think it's important to have things you do together and apart, both be willing to share and listen. I don't do date night, been married 25 years but we both get along pretty easily. For tensions we have our past difficulties and just a willingness to let it go and move on. Sometimes when things get brought up I will say I don't want to talk about that, it's too depressing lets just move on and talk about XXX. I just don't meet eye to eye with DH on some things and it's just best not to get overly involved in the discussion. Sometimes we will talk about those areas (i.e my kids from a previous marriage, his alcoholic past, etc) but for the most part we have an understanding and have it let go and moved on. Humor is another thing, we laugh a lot and at ourselves..that is one way to get through tension or something that might be headed to a heated discussion.

I have several friends who do date night. It works for 100% of them.

Another friend of mine and her husband have a code word called "Spending some time together". He says to her the night before "Let's spend some time together tomorrow" and that means nookie. They have a great marriage or what I would say is great. He rules the household and he worships the ground she walks on. I know it sounds like an oxymoron but it works for them. He makes all the decisions to do with the house and money etc and he gives her an allowance (it isn't that much either). He, though, cooks, cleans, does dishes, laundry, works full time, and pampers her every need. They have been married for 25 years and are still going strong.

date night (in or out) - grandma and grandpa take the kids overnight!
watch tv together
make sure we always eat dinner together (as a family) so we can talk about our day, etc.
sit out on the porch together and talk

The one things we did when we first got together was to agree to disagree. any thing that pops into our life that we can not agree on or we have issues with we try to work through it but if for what ever reason we get to a point for what ever reasons we can not get it worked through then we agree to disagree and move on. we put it in our past. If the situation comes back then we try to look at it differently and if that doesn't work then we agree to disagree.

Communication is important even if it is the littlest things that happen during the day. Like oh I did 5 loads of laundry or the dog did this or I watched this or I did 5 trucks today or I spent 3 hours answering phones and didn't get anything else done. When he gets home I try to stop doing what ever I have been doing foe example if I am working in the craft room when he gets home I stop. We have 30 minutes to sit and spend that time talking about our day. We used to do this when we first got together and I worked it was easier to find things to talk about but as the years went by we forgot to have these little chats. We found our lives disconnecting. then we had this big drawn out fight about not communicating. HE wanted me to communicate more and he was mad for some reason and I told him that it was kinda hard to communicate on the big things when we don't communicate about the little things. so we started communicating about the little things. It has helped us be close like we were in the beginning. Another things that keeps us connected it doing stupid things together like grocery shopping. neither one of us like to do it so we do it together. It is funner when we do it together. We make a list throughout the week. WE have a separate list for each store. Costco, Walmart, Safeway, Lowes, Home Depot, etc.... Then we decide which stores we want to go to on Saturday and which ones we want to go to on Sunday or if we want to do all of them on one day. On Friday night we plan our shopping day.

We do things for each other. Like the Tuesday I had to take some stuff to storage and do a couple other errands. After doing the one errand I remembered I left storage key at home. SO I called husband to get his. So I stopped at the shop got his key. We had planned to go to dinner that night and I had to pick him up because they took the one work truck to the fair (they have it on display) and his partner was going to drive the other one so husband has to drive the jeep this week. So any way he said something about going to the fair grounds and that he wasn't sure what time he would be back at the shop for me to pick him up he wanted me to call after I got done with storage (the last stop for me before picking him up) so when I called him as I was getting ready to leave storage he said they were on their way to the fair grounds to meet him there. I went to the fair grounds. they were just getting there when I got there. I helped them do what they had to do and then we left and went to dinner. If i hadn't gotten there when I did and actually helped them it would have taken them longer. No matter what happens in our relationship or our lives we are always there to do for or with the other person what ever has to be done. We went to dinner and came home afterwards and had a nice quiet evening. he called yesterday and asked if I wanted to go watch the bull riders last night. I said sure. So when he got home he took a shower and we left for the fair. we sat and watched the bull riding for a while (I only lasted 30 minutes on those metal bleachers with my hips and back). He could have stayed longer but he was alright with leaving. so we walked around the fair for a while and ended up eating fair food. it was fun. We hadn't done that for years. The last time we went to a fair of any kind daughter was little. it was just the 2 of us. We got our food and while we were eating we sat at a picnic table just watching people. spending time together doing nothing really.

My favorite part of the day is when we go in the hot tub together. We sit there together not really talking but some times we do talk. we look at the stars and watch the airplanes fly over us. it is amazing at how many airplanes goes over us in 30 minutes. some are so far up there that the lights are tiny little specks in the sky. some are circling to get ready to land at the airport.


But at the end of each day we go to bed together. we watch some tv. and have that quiet time together. I do play my crossword game while watching tv and I will ask him questions because he is a wiz at crosswords. Sometimes we will watch a movie or we will watch something he likes or something I like or something we both like. it really doesn't matter what we watch it is that we are doing it together.

To us we are close because we want to be close we are connected because we want to be connected. We are in this marriage together because we want to be. We are not in the marriage because it is easier than getting a divorce. It is strongly because we love each other and we have figured out what works for us.

I get up every day and get his morning drink and pills before he gets out of bed. I make his lunch and get what ever else he needs that day ready. I get his breakfast shake ready for him so when he is ready to leave he can drink his shake and go. DO I have to do this no. Do I like getting up at the crack of dawn to do this no. Do I do this because I love him and know that if he had to do this for himself he would have to get up 30 minutes earlier yes. This is my way of making his morning better. This is my way of showing him that I love him at the crack of dawn. I have to be up any way because we have 3 dogs that won't let me stay in bed after the alarm goes off. the nice thing is that I can take a nap or just sit and relax after husband goes to work.

After all it is because of him I get to stay home and be in my comfort zone. It is because of him that I don't have to worry about working and being stressed and have a worse time with my anxiety.

It is all about giving and receiving. he gives and I give he receives and I receive.

This is why we have been married for 19 years.

This is why we have more good days than bad.

This is why we like being with each other.

Pick your battles. Also date night. No phones or tablets. Date night might even be a trip to Costco. But we are together.
Interests is good. Also just small talk like how was your day
If I'm in a mode I give a warning. Or if I just need to vent.

we do a lot of mundane errands together. we have different hobbies but our basic philosophies mesh well. we watch a lot of the same shows and movies. I'm much more outgoing than he is and I get a lot of socializing at work and with scrapbooking with others. I'd rather spend time with him than anyone else after almost 25 years. we are a very insulated family since we never lived near family.

Lots of great ideas here.  We do lots of things together...even if its just getting pie ala mode at the local farm after dinner.

Communicate.  We even have a white board calendar where we put things on the board that are coming up, etc.

take an interest in what he is doing....he plays bocce and last night I went to watch him (and its at the beach...double bonus)

We go for long walks and chat.

We have similar interests and hobbies: geocaching, concerts, antiquing, board games, traveling, and visiting different MLB ball parks just to name a few.

We also have different hobbies and we encourage each other to explore them, carve out time to do them, and make sure to ask how that hobby is doing. For example, my DH homebrews. I have no real interest in it but he loves it and I like sampling the finished product I do make sure I ask how it is going or what recipe he is thinking of for the next batch, etc. He does the same thing for me with my hobbies.

We do date night whenever it strikes our fancy, there are no kids at home. Remember that date night can be a full on night on the town, grabbing an ice cream cone at the local ice cream parlor, or just sitting outside on the deck after the kids go to bed. Date nights can last 5 hours or 5 minutes. It's just taking time to unplug and focus on each other and chat.

We work at the same company so talking about each others day isn't as painful because we each have a good idea what the other is talking about when we "talk shop". Even if you don't, check in and ask and listen.

The other thing I can think of is what a prior pea mentioned, attitude of gratitude. I look for ways to brighten his day or make his life easier and he does the same for me. That could be as simple as me beating him home one day and bringing the garbage can up from the road (that's a chore he always done) or he will notice the dishwasher needs to be emptied (that's a chore I always do) and do it for the other. We each make it a point to thank the other for doing that (it doesn't have to be just those things) and say that we appreciate doing that. Small things over time add up to big feelings.

We talk often and we don't agree on everything but we make an effort to understand the other person's POV and find common ground. We are also learning to fight fair.

Necking and pawing each other several times a day doesn't hurt communication either.