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Post by KelleeM on Jul 25, 2015 8:54:08 GMT
It's my immediate supervisor. She wears me out almost every day. Fridays are the worst as they are our busiest day most weeks. She's in perpetual motion and talks to me virtually non-stop. She makes crises where they don't exist, complains (sometime very justifiably) about my co-workers frequently and makes huge mountains out of tiny little molehills. She is dyslexic (by her own admission, and she does really well in spite of it most of the time) and asks me to read almost every email she writes before she sends it. By the time I get out on Friday afternoons I am completely drained.
I've tried not responding to her ranting unless I really need to say something. We're allowed to use iPods while we work. I have a significant hearing loss in one ear so when I use mine I only use the ear bud in my good ear. Yesterday I tried to listen to music while I was working. During the course of about 2 hours I had to take the ear bud out about 30 times so I could hear what she was saying.
She's my superior and I'm very respectful. I'm our group leader and "second in command" so I totally get that she relies on me, confides in me and expects more from me...I have no problem with that at all. It's the drama and the chaos that make me crazy.
Any advice? Honestly it feels better to just type this out. My dh is a great listener but I think he gets tired of hearing about it.
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Post by gar on Jul 25, 2015 9:17:16 GMT
I'm sorry, I don't but I'm exhausted just reading what you wrote!! She does sound like hard work! Hopefully you'll get an idea or two from other peas  |
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,917
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on Jul 25, 2015 10:00:35 GMT
I'm sorry, I don't but I'm exhausted just reading what you wrote!! She does sound like hard work! Hopefully you'll get an idea or two from other peas  Is it possible to just ask her nicely for a little time to focus on your work so that you don't make any mistakes or miss something and set up a time a little later to review her questions/issues/complaints? I know it won't work all day, but maybe it'll get you a little break now and then? I would lose my mind if I had to deal with constant interruptions and drama llama stuff all day. |
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Post by KelleeM on Jul 25, 2015 10:49:02 GMT
I'm sorry, I don't but I'm exhausted just reading what you wrote!! She does sound like hard work! Hopefully you'll get an idea or two from other peas Is it possible to just ask her nicely for a little time to focus on your work so that you don't make any mistakes or miss something and set up a time a little later to review her questions/issues/complaints? I know it won't work all day, but maybe it'll get you a little break now and then? I would lose my mind if I had to deal with constant interruptions and drama llama stuff all day. I wish it were possible! And we work in inspection...it's our job to find mistakes and if we miss something it could be really really bad. |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 25, 2015 11:09:58 GMT
I'm exhausted just reading what you go through.
(((hugs)))
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,917
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on Jul 25, 2015 11:16:02 GMT
Is it possible to just ask her nicely for a little time to focus on your work so that you don't make any mistakes or miss something and set up a time a little later to review her questions/issues/complaints? I know it won't work all day, but maybe it'll get you a little break now and then? I would lose my mind if I had to deal with constant interruptions and drama llama stuff all day. I wish it were possible! And we work in inspection...it's our job to find mistakes and if we miss something it could be really really bad. It might be worth making this sound like you're really anxious that you'll miss something important and that you really need to focus for a bit. Maybe if you make it sound like she's doing you a big favor it might work? Or ask her if you can proof her emails in bulk to save time and focus? Maybe once an hour? I really hope you get some advice here from the other peas that will help you. |
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Post by KelleeM on Jul 25, 2015 11:51:55 GMT
Thanks Michelle!
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,751 
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Post by purplebee on Jul 25, 2015 12:07:24 GMT
Oh my, I'm worn out just reading. I have co-workers like this, they love drama and nothing is ever easy, but 75% is self induced. Fortunately this bunch works at a different location and I just get to hear the fallout and it doesn't really affect me or my job. But I really feel for you, especially since it is your supervisor. Really don't have any good advice other than to pray for more patience! Hugs and good luck.
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Post by alittleintrepid on Jul 25, 2015 12:22:47 GMT
Is there any way to ask her if all the emailing could happen at the same time? Like right after you arrive, and right after lunch etc. I think there is a strong argument that everyone would be more productive if the interruptions weren't constant.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 25, 2015 12:28:33 GMT
I'd lose my mind, Kellee! I like the idea of asking for her help and then trying to schedule time to review her emails.
Good luck!
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Post by penny on Jul 25, 2015 12:30:24 GMT
Not sure if it would work, but what about only responding to legitimate comments/questions... So if she asks you about something legit, you look at her, make eye contact, fully engage, give verbal answers and acknowledgement that you're listening and involved... When she mentions something that's drama, don't make eye contact, look at her shoulder or slightly past her, don't verbally engage, keep a poker face, act disinterested, keep your pace at whatever task you're doing...
It's a slower process and not as direct, but people often do pick up on body language clues, even subconsciously... Stop engaging in anything drama related and it'll slowly teach her that drama doesn't get her attention or bring her a connection with you...
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,793
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Jul 25, 2015 13:44:32 GMT
No advice, but I do feel bad for you.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,084
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jul 25, 2015 13:56:31 GMT
Do you have an HR department? She is using you to access the workplace with a disability. You are not paid for that. If she needs a proofreader, the employer will need to determine if that is a reasonable accommodation and provide that.
She can draft an email in word, use spell and grammar check and cut and paste. She can also use a dictation program. Honestly, though, it sounds like she has something like ADD going on and uses dyslexia as a cover diagnosis.
If you have no HR department, pull out your job description and find a way to chat about it with her. Perhaps a self check on how you are doing conversation? That is, if you can do the actual job. Checking off what you are/ are not doing could backfire.
Otherwise, "no. I cannot do that. I am working on x now" might work?
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 25, 2015 14:04:08 GMT
She sounds exactly like our neighbor's wife at the lake. She is constantly moving around doing something, talk-talk-talking nonstop (usually gossip or carping about something her SIL--and cabin co-owner--does or doesn't do, how messy and/or dirty the cabin is, blah, blah, blah), she rags on her DH for eating the occasional cookie or piece of pie (she's ultra thin) and she basically drives everyone nuts! Oh, and she doesn't have a social filter either so some of the things she blurts out without thinking are sometimes hurtful and mean. Everyone wonders how her husband doesn't go crazy now that they're both retired and she has no friends he can push her off onto. She's a peach.  |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 25, 2015 14:09:58 GMT
She can draft an email in word, use spell and grammar check and cut and paste. She can also use a dictation program. Honestly, though, it sounds like she has something like ADD going on and uses dyslexia as a cover diagnosis. I'm wondering if she's maybe bipolar based on the description "perpetual motion". Sounds exactly like our neighbor and my sister (sister was diagnosed six years ago) when they're running in manic mode which is almost all the time. |
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Post by KelleeM on Jul 25, 2015 14:12:47 GMT
Do you have an HR department? She is using you to access the workplace with a disability. You are not paid for that. If she needs a proofreader, the employer will need to determine if that is a reasonable accommodation and provide that. She can draft an email in word, use spell and grammar check and cut and paste. She can also use a dictation program. Honestly, though, it sounds like she has something like ADD going on and uses dyslexia as a cover diagnosis. If you have no HR department, pull out your job description and find a way to chat about it with her. Perhaps a self check on how you are doing conversation? That is, if you can do the actual job. Checking off what you are/ are not doing could backfire. Otherwise, "no. I cannot do that. I am working on x now" might work? Our HR department is pretty useless in these kinds of situations, unfortunately. We joke (my co-worker friend who is in my department and I) that she has ADHD, bipolar, dyslexia, low blood sugar (she's crazy nasty before our first break, after she eats something she's a bit better), and is just plain mean sometimes. People in other departments who witness her behavior are always commenting to us about it but no one challenges her on it. She sounds exactly like our neighbor's wife at the lake. She is constantly moving around doing something, talk-talk-talking nonstop (usually gossip or carping about something her SIL--and cabin co-owner--does or doesn't do, how messy and/or dirty the cabin is, blah, blah, blah), she rags on her DH for eating the occasional cookie or piece of pie (she's ultra thin) and she basically drives everyone nuts! Oh, and she doesn't have a social filter either so some of the things she blurts out without thinking are sometimes hurtful and mean. Everyone wonders how her husband doesn't go crazy now that they're both retired and she has no friends he can push her off onto. She's a peach.  Oh she does sound like that woman! This one totally lacks empathy, even when she talks about her husband or daughter. The only thing she seems to care about at all is her dog! |
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Post by songbird on Jul 25, 2015 14:20:54 GMT
I don't know what your set-up is like, but when I worked in an office, we had a flip book that we would change to show other people if we were busy or available - such as "In a Meeting", "At Lunch", "On Break", "Focus Time", etc. Maybe you could suggest implementing this, so you have time to do what you need to do and as someone else suggested schedule in the time to assist her. I don't know how you do it. That would drive me insane. I would probably take up drinking daily.  I hope you can find a way to help improve things! |
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Post by femalebusiness on Jul 25, 2015 14:35:49 GMT
Is there any way you could drive her nuts right back? Like every time she comes to you, start in on a rant about something and don't let her get a word in edgewise. I know that would take a lot of time to orchestrate it so that it would be effective enough to keep her from coming to you, but it might be worth it just for a payback. You might make up an ongoing problem that you have and every single time turn the conversation to your boring problem.
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Post by craftmepink on Jul 25, 2015 15:46:55 GMT
I'm sorry, I had a boss like this. The only thing I could do was listen to his ranting everyday. In reality, sometimes, the draining person is just lonely and needs someone to talk to. Or they can't otherwise be that way at home, so they rant all day at work. The way I coped was just trying to be patient (I know it's really, really hard) and just listening and asking questions. Also, try to always remain calm when doing this.
Really, in my situation, my boss just wanted someone who he knew wouldn't judge him to just listen to him. And then try to find humor out of the situation. That helped a lot. |
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jul 25, 2015 18:27:02 GMT
I have a coworker who has that same panicky style. I just listen to her and don't answer right away. She often starts back in and talks her way through the conversation, answering the problem herself.
Have you tried not answering immediately? Just nodding that you heard her, but allowing a pause to see what happens?
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Is it possible to just ask her nicely for a little time to focus on your work so that you don't make any mistakes or miss something and set up a time a little later to review her questions/issues/complaints? I know it won't work all day, but maybe it'll get you a little break now and then? I would lose my mind if I had to deal with constant interruptions and drama llama stuff all day. 
I hope you can find a way to help improve things!
