oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828 
Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on Aug 6, 2015 20:16:45 GMT
Which would bother you more?
To have your partner tell you they were leaving you for:
1) another woman
2) another man
This question was presented to a group of us on the night shift (11 - 7) many years ago. We were and still are all straight women. But we had many who had dealt with the one and two that had dealt with the other.
I wasn't sure how to answer because if he left me for another woman then that meant he had compared us and I didn't measure up. Where as if he left me for another man that meant that he had been lying to me or using me. Either way I it would not be good for my ego.
ETA: If you are a single sex couple your choices would be the same but you might want to qualify your answer.
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Post by Zee on Aug 6, 2015 20:46:58 GMT
I think honestly I'd be more hurt if he left me for a woman. I can't compete with a man, it's peaches to bananas!
But I'd definitely be much more freaked out if it was a man, because that would mean our whole relationship was not what I thought it was and he's not who he presented himself as. It would be too bizarre.
ETA I've dealt with the one, in our younger years, better not ever have to do it again. The other, can't quite imagine.
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Deleted
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Apr 26, 2024 5:23:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2015 20:51:13 GMT
I think either would be equally bad.
Can I just say that the term 'bro dates' makes me want to stick a knitting needle in my brain and swirl it around til the memory of it has been erased forever?!
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on Aug 6, 2015 21:04:47 GMT
I think either would be equally bad. Can I just say that the term 'bro dates' makes me want to stick a knitting needle in my brain and swirl it around til the memory of it has been erased forever?! Sorry I just used it because I made it an S/O. I have never heard the term before. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 26, 2024 5:23:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2015 21:07:31 GMT
I think either would be equally bad. Can I just say that the term 'bro dates' makes me want to stick a knitting needle in my brain and swirl it around til the memory of it has been erased forever?! Sorry I just used it because I made it an S/O. I have never heard the term before. I'm sorry, I wasn't having a go. I'd never heard it before either. |
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Post by Sam on Aug 6, 2015 21:10:34 GMT
I think honestly I'd be more hurt if he left me for a woman. I can't compete with a man, it's peaches to bananas! But I'd definitely be much more freaked out if it was a man, because that would mean our whole relationship was not what I thought it was and he's not who he presented himself as. It would be too bizarre.  |
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on Aug 6, 2015 21:12:32 GMT
Sorry I just used it because I made it an S/O. I have never heard the term before. I'm sorry, I wasn't having a go. I'd never heard it before either. It's alright besides I have thick skin even if you were having a go. |
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 6, 2015 21:49:53 GMT
I know my best friend reacted worse to his partner cheating on him with a girl instead of another guy. He dealt with the girlfriend cheating with another guy but when the cheating, lying, skanky, shitty-mom-to-her-kids whore cheated on him with a woman because she "wasn't fulfilled", it threw him for a big loop that took him to a very dark place.
I think I'd probably react to it in a similar manner, because cheating with the same sex would mean that my partner had been living a lie with me.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 6, 2015 21:54:00 GMT
I know my best friend reacted worse to his partner cheating on him with a girl instead of another guy. He dealt with the girlfriend cheating with another guy but when the cheating, lying, skanky, shitty-mom-to-her-kids whore cheated on him with a woman because she "wasn't fulfilled", it threw him for a big loop that took him to a very dark place. I think I'd probably react to it in a similar manner, because cheating with the same sex would mean that my partner had been living a lie with me. Yep. Lying about cheating would be difficult to hear... Lying about your whole life would be incomprehensible.! |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 22:06:39 GMT
I've known some situations where the guy left for a guy. For me, it would be harder if it was a woman. I didn't read all the replies yet but saw one that you can't compete with a guy so you just have to send him on his way. Another woman would make me feel like I wasn't enough somehow.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 6, 2015 22:08:14 GMT
I think both would suck. I've known a few bisexual people, so disagree that it means they've lied about your whole life.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
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Post by AnotherPea on Aug 6, 2015 22:09:24 GMT
I'm with Z*G. I won't feel like I was lacking in any way if I was left for a man. I simply didn't have the correct anatomy.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 6, 2015 22:10:41 GMT
Woman.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 6, 2015 22:18:10 GMT
I think both would suck. I've known a few bisexual people, so disagree that it means they've lied about your whole life. I took the question in context they hadn't previously revealed they are bisexual. If it was known in advance wouldn't gender be a non-issue? Fwiw I have a close friend of almost forty years who's bisexual, not that it's relevant. |
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 6, 2015 22:19:37 GMT
I think both would suck. I've known a few bisexual people, so disagree that it means they've lied about your whole life. If I was dating someone who was openly bisexual to me, I wouldn't think that they had lived a lie. But if they have never said anything about being bi or gay and have lived as a straight person with me, yeah, I think that's living a lie. |
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Deleted
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Apr 26, 2024 5:23:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2015 22:20:55 GMT
I really don't think one would bother me more than the other. I don't think a man leaving a woman for another man means that his married life was an entire lie; perhaps he was in denial about his sexuality, and I think that people are capable of loving lots of different people.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 22:36:53 GMT
I think either would be equally bad. Can I just say that the term 'bro dates' makes me want to stick a knitting needle in my brain and swirl it around til the memory of it has been erased forever?! Sorry I just used it because I made it an S/O. I have never heard the term before. I have probably heard it somewhere but also named DH's activity that since it sort of seems like a "bro-mance." |
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 6, 2015 22:39:48 GMT
I really don't think one would bother me more than the other. I don't think a man leaving a woman for another man means that his married life was an entire lie; perhaps he was in denial about his sexuality, and I think that people are capable of loving lots of different people. I think people are capable of it too. But I think it's a lie if they knew but hadn't revealed it to their spouse. It's a significant part of life to conceal. |
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on Aug 6, 2015 22:42:25 GMT
Sorry I just used it because I made it an S/O. I have never heard the term before. I have probably heard it somewhere but also named DH's activity that since it sort of seems like a "bro-mance." It fit with your thread. But it doesn't really fit with mine, I used it because your thread reminded me of that night shift and I made it an S/O. |
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,696
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Aug 6, 2015 22:50:05 GMT
Woman most definitely. If it were another man, I think I'd just be sad. Sad that he wasn't able to live his life the way wanted all this time. And sad for me that he wasted my time. But I'd be effing pissed if he left me for another woman!
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Aug 6, 2015 23:03:23 GMT
A woman. If he left me for a man it would feel much less personal.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 7, 2015 0:58:17 GMT
Neither.
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LeaP
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Post by LeaP on Aug 7, 2015 1:02:20 GMT
Both. Either one I would be hurt and devastated.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 7, 2015 1:09:55 GMT
I think honestly I'd be more hurt if he left me for a woman. I can't compete with a man, it's peaches to bananas!But I'd definitely be much more freaked out if it was a man, because that would mean our whole relationship was not what I thought it was and he's not who he presented himself as. It would be too bizarre. ETA I've dealt with the one, in our younger years, better not ever have to do it again. The other, can't quite imagine. I was thinking tacos to bananas… Either way it would change your life completely. Perhaps if was a man, you might still have a friendship? I dunno. Both suck. |
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Post by penny on Aug 7, 2015 1:20:12 GMT
Hard to find the words, and a lot of overlapping feelings but... If he left for another woman, I'd feel like I could have been enough but wasn't... And I'd feel defeated like I never stood a chance if he left for a man (and I wasn't aware of his interest)...
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Aug 7, 2015 2:12:06 GMT
I think both. But I hope I never find out.
I know wives who left their husbands for other women. The husbands had an awful time coming to terms with it. One even went on to say that he wished it was another man, because he could at least fight for his wife. But he can't fight (literally) a woman.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 7, 2015 2:31:45 GMT
Either way, he'd have his dick in a box!
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Deleted
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Apr 26, 2024 5:23:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2015 2:35:16 GMT
I don't know. I would think he was lying if he said it was for a man. It would suck either way.
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