Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 13:52:19 GMT
So I mentioned in the vent thread about my brothers behaviour this morning. Long story short, he came round to Mums house this morning to tell us about an on going saga he's involved with. He has no 'indoor voice' so was telling us everything at top volume, I asked him calmly to please not shout at mum like that as it upsets her, she's 81 and frankly doesn't need it. Well, he lost the freaking plot over that request, I mean seriously went off the deep end. I've been told that I better watch my back because he's going to cave my head in with a hammer, I'm sick in the head, my husband is a faggot and he also better watch his back, this went on for about ten minutes of threats and abuse.
My Mum was terrified and couldn't stop shaking and crying, I eventually got him out but he continued to shout in the garden and through the letter box. He's always been a bully with a 'my way or no way' kind of attitude, I am not frightened for my safety (though I am shaken up) but I am afraid he'll come back and have another screaming fit. What can I do? I'm loathe to involve the police. We do not want him near us or the house again. I think there are mental health issues involved but don't know how to get him to agree to see a doctor.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 13:53:38 GMT
And I realise that my family sounds like the biggest bunch of dysfunctional people ever but I swear we're not. We've all been through a bad time and the cracks are showing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 13:58:23 GMT
I'd file for a restraining order. He threatened to kill you with a hammer. Your mom was shaking and crying.  I don't remember your other post, but that would be enough for me. I don't know what is required for one in Ireland, but it's not healthy to have him in your life. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 14:02:04 GMT
And I realise that my family sounds like the biggest bunch of dysfunctional people ever but I swear we're not. We've all been through a bad time and the cracks are showing. You might not be and your mum might not be, but your brother is. He is threatening to kill people AND he is explicit in how he would do it. You NEED to involve the police. You need to get a restraining order against him. It just might be the tipping point that will get him into a proper medical/mental evaluation. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 14:06:22 GMT
I'd file for a restraining order. He threatened to kill you with a hammer. Your mom was shaking and crying. I don't remember your other post, but that would be enough for me. I don't know what is required for one in Ireland, but it's not healthy to have him in your life.  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 14:07:25 GMT
And I realise that my family sounds like the biggest bunch of dysfunctional people ever but I swear we're not. We've all been through a bad time and the cracks are showing. You might not be and your mum might not be, but your brother is. He is threatening to kill people AND he is explicit in how he would do it. You NEED to involve the police. You need to get a restraining order against him. It just might be the tipping point that will get him into a proper medical/mental evaluation. I'm looking in to the restraining order. He does need medical help, I've thought so for quite a while now. His biggest issue is he doesn't believe the rules of society apply to him and he can do and say exactly what he wants without any consequences. |
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Loydene
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Post by Loydene on Aug 12, 2015 14:12:10 GMT
His biggest issue is he doesn't believe the rules of society apply to him and he can do and say exactly what he wants without any consequences. Isn't that the definition of a sociopath? Get law enforcement involved. Sorry. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Aug 12, 2015 14:13:59 GMT
No advice, but how awful for you and your mom!
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 12, 2015 14:16:19 GMT
If this happened to me, I have a friend who say 'how would you handle this if it wasn't family?' I think that would be a good way to consider it-if it wasn't your brother, what would you do? Would you let it go if was a neighbor? A stranger? Random friend?
When I have the answer to that, I would proceed accordingly.
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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Aug 12, 2015 14:27:33 GMT
Stay strong. It sounds like you know what to do and you have had good advice in this thread already, although it is still new. Your Mom needs you to protect her from this stress, put the other old loyalties and potential embarrassment on the back burner for now and focus on that. All best thoughts for you and your Mom.
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Post by pmk on Aug 12, 2015 14:29:44 GMT
While I do understand your reluctance to get the police involved, I couldn't rest knowing that he's making very serious threats against your life. If he is mentally ill, can you really be 100% confident that he wouldn't follow through? I don't think that he will have the control over his mental illness to necessarily be able to do that.
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marimoose
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Post by marimoose on Aug 12, 2015 14:49:47 GMT
If this happened to me, I have a friend who say 'how would you handle this if it wasn't family?' I think that would be a good way to consider it-if it wasn't your brother, what would you do? Would you let it go if was a neighbor? A stranger? Random friend? When I have the answer to that, I would proceed accordingly. This is so sensible and I agree. |
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happymomma
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Post by happymomma on Aug 12, 2015 14:57:17 GMT
I would have to involve the police, I am afraid. Threats like this should be taken seriously, even if just out of caution. Your poor mom. Please do what needs to be done to keep all of you safe. You can see by his words and actions he is not stable, which relates to unpredictability. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Aug 12, 2015 14:58:39 GMT
Definitely try a restraining order
And though it may be controversial I'd also get yourself some training in diffusing situations. Your brother right or wrong was angry and venting. When folks are In that mode - esp if there is any mental illness - responses that are legit can be like throwing a match on a gas soaked rag. I've had clients like your brother.
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Post by peanuttle on Aug 12, 2015 15:01:46 GMT
I 100% agree with the peas that said file a restraining order. You don't fully know what he is capable of and neither you or your mom need that kind of behavior around you. Sorry. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 15:30:46 GMT
Thank you for the replies. I've just about stopped shaking and started thinking clearer. If it were someone else telling me this I'd definitely tell them to involve the police, but it stops being so easy when it's your own family. My other brother is coming to help us sort out what needs to be done and I feel like I need to hand over any big decisions to him. On top of everything else we've dealt with recently I honestly don't feel like I have the strength for anymore.
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wellway
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Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Aug 12, 2015 15:36:24 GMT
Your request to him to lower his voice was entirely reasonable, his response was not. This time you got him outside the house, next time who knows? You need to protect your Mum, yourself and the house. Does he have keys to the house? If so, get them changed immediately. I also would get a restraining order, if he were to visit again it would be like walking on eggshells, not knowing what would set him off.
Tell the neighbours what happened, and if you get a restraining order, extra eyes and ears on your place might be helpful.
I am presuming but assume that details of a restraining order could/would be known to your local Police officers so a 999 call from your house would pre-warn them to the potential issue before they got there. Any UK peas with any info they can add?
Sorry to sound blunt but there have been too many stories on the evening news of people underestimating the danger of volatile people. You have enough on your plate without your brother acting like this.
Be safe.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 15:39:35 GMT
His biggest issue is he doesn't believe the rules of society apply to him and he can do and say exactly what he wants without any consequences. Isn't that the definition of a sociopath? Get law enforcement involved. Sorry. I think it is yes. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 15:45:45 GMT
Thankfully he doesn't.
I'm pretty sure the neighbours heard every word of his rant this morning, it's pretty tightly knit round here. Most of the neighbours are quite elderly and I don't want them being frightened by stuff like this either. The language he was using was vile. I'd already made my mind up that when I return to Ireland he will not be any part of my life, I just don't need or want him in it. He attracts trouble and seems to revel in it but always finds a way to blame other people.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 12, 2015 16:21:10 GMT
I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 12, 2015 17:43:13 GMT
I'm frightened just reading what he said and did. A restraining order to cover both you and your mother is a good idea. I would let all the neighbors know that if he shows up at the house that they should call the police immediately, not wait for him to become unruly when your mother doesn't let him in the house.
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 12, 2015 17:48:30 GMT
His biggest issue is he doesn't believe the rules of society apply to him and he can do and say exactly what he wants without any consequences. Isn't that the definition of a sociopath? Get law enforcement involved. Sorry. |
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Post by scrappysurfer on Aug 12, 2015 18:21:01 GMT
OMG are you related to me? Because you just described my BIL. He has never threatened me personally with my life but he's always been violent... For example he once beat a stranger unconscious for making a comment about his shoes. He's only lucky that the man and his friends were shady as well and didn't calm the police. I've always felt one day he's going to hulk up to the wrong man and find himself dead.
I've had to force my DH to cut him out of our lives because he's just toxic. Always nasty, selfish and entitled, things DH never realized until I came along because it was just what he was used to dealing with.
I'm sorry you're dealing with it too. I'd fear for your life and for that of your mother's.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 18:40:43 GMT
Oh @bumpsy how awful for you and your Mum.
I would report it to the police anyhow,tell them exactly what went on including the threat. That is pretty serious and in itself is a crime.
A restraining order will take a little while to be put in place if you go down that route ( a magistrate has to issue it )but in the meantime if he returns don't let him in but call the police immediately. If you've already told them about the first threat then they'll have it on record so they have a reason to take the call seriously and that there is a threat to you and your Mum's well being.
In all honesty if you think he's unstable I wouldn't take any chance. In addition to that, this kind of behaviour could have fatal consequences for someone of your Mum's age.
Please have a word with your local police and take care.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 12, 2015 19:35:39 GMT
I know you think you can handle it, but what if.....he didn't just yell ...... he actually swung at you.....or your mother
Get the police involved so the documentation (and his behavior patterns) are established.
So sorry for you.
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Mary Kay Lady
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Aug 12, 2015 19:36:49 GMT
You might not be and your mum might not be, but your brother is. He is threatening to kill people AND he is explicit in how he would do it. You NEED to involve the police. You need to get a restraining order against him. It just might be the tipping point that will get him into a proper medical/mental evaluation. I'm looking in to the restraining order. He does need medical help, I've thought so for quite a while now. His biggest issue is he doesn't believe the rules of society apply to him and he can do and say exactly what he wants without any consequences. ^^^^And that is why you need a restraining order. Your Mom doesn't need that drama in her life and you don't need to be worried that your brother is going to flip out on you some day and make good on this threats. |
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flute4peace
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Post by flute4peace on Aug 12, 2015 19:38:53 GMT
And I realise that my family sounds like the biggest bunch of dysfunctional people ever but I swear we're not. We've all been through a bad time and the cracks are showing. You might not be and your mum might not be, but your brother is. He is threatening to kill people AND he is explicit in how he would do it. You NEED to involve the police. You need to get a restraining order against him. It just might be the tipping point that will get him into a proper medical/mental evaluation. I wholeheartedly agree with this. I know it's got to be hard to call the officials on a family member, but just for your Mum's peace of mind I feel that you should. And as Volt said, it could also possible help him get the treatment he needs. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with his struggles like this. |
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Post by JoP on Aug 12, 2015 20:57:19 GMT
(((Hugs))) awww @bumpsy I'm so very very sorry you're having to deal with this
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 21:26:08 GMT
You might not be and your mum might not be, but your brother is. He is threatening to kill people AND he is explicit in how he would do it. You NEED to involve the police. You need to get a restraining order against him. It just might be the tipping point that will get him into a proper medical/mental evaluation. I'm looking in to the restraining order. He does need medical help, I've thought so for quite a while now. His biggest issue is he doesn't believe the rules of society apply to him and he can do and say exactly what he wants without any consequences. anti-social personality disorder see if any of these traits are familiar: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorderi'm not sure i would go the police route as only you know best how his behavior fits into the grand scheme of things unfortunately in those with ASPD, what looks like severe aggression to us, is often only blowing off steam to them edited to say: i don't mean for my comments about not reporting to the police to sound dismissive or ignore your fear. always do what you feel is best statistics say between 35-50% of prisoners have ASPD |
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Post by gorgeouskid on Aug 12, 2015 21:29:02 GMT
I would absolutely videotape this behavior. I know it's not always legal, but still. Maybe two sources- one that you hold in his line of vision and one that he can't see.
Scary and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
(ETA- in addition to notifying the police and looking at getting a restraining order...)
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I don't remember your other post, but that would be enough for me. I don't know what is required for one in Ireland, but it's not healthy to have him in your life.
