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Post by PEArfect on Aug 13, 2015 17:39:24 GMT
I know most of you don't want to think about Christmas, but I'm going to ask anyway. 
I would like to gift my in-laws a substantial amount of cash for Christmas. They have a lot of items that need to be replaced around their house, but do not have the extra money to replace them. I thought it would be creative to buy doll house versions of some of the items they need (examples..couch, TV, window) and put them in individual boxes. I would stack the boxes and put the cash in the bottom box. I planned on writing something on the inside of each box lid pertaining to their wish list.
My question is two fold. Should I include everyone and let them contribute, or just have it be from me and my daughters? Another option would to put 'from Phil.' That might be to much though. I want them to smile, not cry. If I don't include everyone should I give it to them before Christmas?
I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. My intent isn't to upstage anyone. I just want to do something really nice for them. Thoughts? |
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Post by pmm on Aug 13, 2015 18:20:56 GMT
Can you take them shopping instead? Then at Christmas time they will have all their new things in place. I would offer to let the others in on the gift.
I think it's very sweet of you to do this for your in-laws. They must be very special people to you.
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,591
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Aug 13, 2015 18:26:40 GMT
This is so nice of you! I would do it as a family affair, get everyone involved! Take them shopping and let everyone enjoy their pleasure!
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Post by littlemama on Aug 13, 2015 19:12:10 GMT
If you know where they will buy the items, I would do gift cards to those places, rather than cash. I would only ask others to contribute if they wanted to spend the same amount as you. I would not make it some big family shopping trip because I don't like shopping, so I sure as heck don't want to do it with an audience full of people with their own opinions!
And absolutely no way would I make it be from your late DH. That would be all kinds of awkward and uncomfortable.
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 8:23:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2015 19:18:44 GMT
No harm in asking if people want to contribute to this but other family members might already have ideas what they want to do.
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Post by bluepoprocks on Aug 13, 2015 19:19:07 GMT
That is a really nice gift. I wouldn't get everyone involved unless you know for sure they can afford to go in on it. You might make other people feel bad if they can't contribute.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846 
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 13, 2015 19:24:29 GMT
If you want to include everyone I would tell them that you would like for the card to be signed by the entire family and that nobody will ever know what another person contributed. If you had them put cash into a container, even you would not know. Then you could put in whatever was needed to get the things you want.
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 13, 2015 19:32:37 GMT
I appreciate the feedback! I already know everyone else wouldn't be able to contribute the amount that I am. I'm guessing they would contribute up to 10% of the amount that I am giving. That is why I asked my questions. I do not want to make anyone feel bad. I just want to do something nice for my in-laws. Taking them shopping would be fun if I knew what item was the highest on their wishlist. It would be better in some ways because I think they would be more accepting of the gift, and like mentioned I could take them before Christmas. Maybe I can do some subtle questioning to see what item is their highest priority. |
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 13, 2015 19:36:29 GMT
Can you take them shopping instead? Then at Christmas time they will have all their new things in place. I would offer to let the others in on the gift. I think it's very sweet of you to do this for your in-laws. They must be very special people to you. I started dating my LH when I was 16, he was 17. They refer to me as their daughter, not dil. They are very special to me. |
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 13, 2015 19:44:33 GMT
unless everyone agrees to put in the same amount, I would do it on my own. It gets my GRRRRR up when someone contributes a minimal amount and I have contributed a major amount because in my experience, the smallest contributor somehow manages to come across as " I did this for you" and they end up with all the credit and thanks! Can you tell I have been in this position? I contributed 500 for a gift and my sister contributed 5...... but the recipient somehow got the idea that it was mostly my sister! By the way, it was my idea, I did the shopping and wrapped it. AND my sister contributed her $5.00 after the fact! GRRRRR
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loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
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Post by loco coco on Aug 13, 2015 19:49:58 GMT
I think that is an amazingly thoughtful gift. I would just do it from you and your daughters. If you open gifts in front of that side of the family and they know you received some money from your late DHs life insurance or whatever, I think they would be heart warmed you did this for the parents (Im assuming a lot of stuff so I apologize if its wrong). If you dont feel comfortable doing that, give it to them the night before. My mom is my bff and I know if anything ever happens to me my DH would be there for her. Thats what family is for you are a wonderful DIL! |
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 13, 2015 19:55:30 GMT
If I were giving a $1000 gift and everyone else gave $100, I personally would feel like I was standing out and not give a gift like that publicly. No one else can give anything close to what you can, so again "I " wouldn't go that route. I would do it privately. You say people might feel bad. I agree. If you're willing to make people feel like odd men out, do it. I wouldn't. That's what I'm trying to avoid. |
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 13, 2015 19:57:09 GMT
Why does it have to be Christmas? Why not just buy something they need? They would more than likely tell me NO flat out. If it was in the form of a gift I think they would accept it. They are proud and stubborn. I know exactly what they would say, "you and the girls need to keep that for you. We're fine." |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 8:23:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2015 20:01:51 GMT
I'd take them out for breakfast and tell them what you wrote.
You have always treated me like a daughter, cared for me, supported me and shared in my happiness. Cause of you all I never felt like a daughter in law but a daughter.
Then hand them a visa gift card and tell them to have fun and go buy something. I'd add in what you think needs replacing, but in the end let it be what they want to buy.
A gift is just that....for them to enjoy
What a sweet and amazing thing. Phil is smiling right now!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 8:23:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2015 20:13:58 GMT
I would buy a tv at a Black Friday sale and give it to them before or after the the family celebration
I Would pick the couch as the group gift. After all these years you know what they would like. Take a photo of one. Text it to all the families involved and ask if they would like to do this as a family gift to mom and dad.
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Post by Dictionary on Aug 13, 2015 21:04:41 GMT
Well I don't know if your in-laws are like mine but they will not accept any help even though they need it let alone $. We offered to buy them a new bed Christmas before last but my FIL refused. From my experience if I buy something like when my MIL needed a petite chair that lifts up we just went and found a store and then told my them it was already paid but had the store people call us and we gave them our CC, so they just needed to pick it out. Then log splitter we showed up with..the only way they will accept something of that $$ size if it's already been bought.
I would ask others if they want to chip in because to me that makes it more acceptable not only from the in-laws perspective but also from other relatives..so they don't feel upstaged as one pea put it. If they are like my in-laws then I think I would just tell them that these things had been paid for and give them the opportunity to pick it out or go with them.
So kind of you BTW!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 8:23:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2015 21:24:17 GMT
I wouldn't mention your late husband and again, I wouldn't give a very large gift in front of other family.. This. I would feel uncomfortable. But I think your idea is absolutely adorable..I would just do it behind the scenes. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 8:23:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2015 21:28:43 GMT
While I like the small version of the stuff they need, I agree with others. If the price tag is going to be much more than others would spend, I would do it privately. However, even if you do it privately or take them shopping, others will notice the new stuff and ask about them.
DH's grandparents give all of their grandkids cash at Christmas. Sometimes they get creative with it, sometimes they don't. One year, knowing that we were looking to replace our washer and dryer, they made a little box look like a washer and put some cash in it. The amount of cash was the same amount as the other grandkids so no one-upping was done.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Aug 13, 2015 21:38:14 GMT
Well I don't know if your in-laws are like mine but they will not accept any help even though they need it let alone $. We offered to buy them a new bed Christmas before last but my FIL refused. From my experience if I buy something like when my MIL needed a petite chair that lifts up we just went and found a store and then told my them it was already paid but had the store people call us and we gave them our CC, so they just needed to pick it out. Then log splitter we showed up with..the only way they will accept something of that $$ size if it's already been bought. I would ask others if they want to chip in because to me that makes it more acceptable not only from the in-laws perspective but also from other relatives..so they don't feel upstaged as one pea put it. If they are like my in-laws then I think I would just tell them that these things had been paid for and give them the opportunity to pick it out or go with them. So kind of you BTW! I agree with all of this My parents are the same way. I have to physically get it for them to not have them refuse it. I do a lot of shopping and having it delivered for them just so they will keep it! They got a box this past Sunday and figured it was from me so I guess they are getting the hang of it That was just my mom's birthday present of a nice wood deck cooler. Something they would have never bought for themselves but was perfect for them and their lifestyle. |
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 13, 2015 21:54:25 GMT
Thank you for all of your input. It sounds like most of you think the gift shouldn't be given at Christmas. I was just discussing your suggestions with my daughters. My 16yo mentioned taking them out for dinner and then to a furniture store afterwards to choose a sofa. They would just think we were going out for dinner, so it would still be a surprise. I like the idea of telling them that it's already paid for and then just giving the store my card number ahead of time. Funny, then my 16yo said we should talk them into buying a sofa sleeper so she has a bed when she stays over. Kids! |
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