|
Post by fiddlesticks on Aug 26, 2015 19:58:33 GMT
My birthday is in a week. Last night my husband asked the question I dread every year, "What do you want to do for your birthday?" I am INCREDIBLY grateful that he remembers and wants to celebrate me but I literally hate my birthday. There is a long childhood story that I don't want to get into. I love celebrating other people's birthdays, just not my own. I always answer the same thing, "Nothing. Can we just pretend it is like every other day?" The answer is always no. So then I have to think of something. I usually end up saying I want to go out for dinner and then have dessert at my favorite cake place. But I dread it.
Please tell me I am not the only one.
|
|
|
Post by Prenticekid on Aug 26, 2015 20:04:07 GMT
Does he know why you don't want to celebrate?
I'm not crazy about celebrating mine, but for no particular reason other than I'm an introvert. I would suggest that maybe you just don't think of it as celebrating your birthday and let your family celebrate you. After all, I'd bet that's all they want to do. Keep it to dinner and dessert like every other year - you have to eat, right?
I'm not making light of your situation. It is just that I have learned that sometimes a little bit of awkward (in my case) can make the people who love us so happy!
|
|
valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
|
Post by valleyview on Aug 26, 2015 20:04:58 GMT
I admit that I look for excuses to cancel my birthday. Usually it gets lost in a holiday anyway, so that probably contributes.
|
|
|
Post by fiddlesticks on Aug 26, 2015 20:08:45 GMT
He does know why and understands it but also thinks that it's his responsibility as my husband to celebrate the day I was born. He says without that day there would be no me...etc. super sweet stuff. He and my daughter just "have to" do something. His heart is totally in the right place.
|
|
georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
|
Post by georgiapea on Aug 26, 2015 20:13:15 GMT
I'm not a birthday celebrating person at all. Not mine and preferably not anyone else's. For about 3 years I seriously did not know how old I was because I avoided figuring it out. If I had to provide and age I'd tell the person I was born in 1938 and they could do the math as long as they didn't share the answer with me.
|
|
|
Post by Bitchy Rich on Aug 26, 2015 20:14:37 GMT
I hate celebrating my birthday, but I think it's easy to think of something I want when someone asks. My husband took my Jeep in for me and got new tires.
There is nothing I find as irritating as coworkers coming up and saying "Happy Birthday!!!" like they are doing me some kind of favor.
|
|
|
Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 26, 2015 20:16:56 GMT
I just had a birthday on Monday and it was very special. I love birthdays!
One of my friends though, is mad that I even know when her birthday is. It just isn't her thing. I respect that by just getting a Starbucks card or whatever gift and making sure to not give it to her on the actual day.
I'm sorry you don't like celebrating your birthday.
|
|
|
Post by cyndijane on Aug 26, 2015 20:21:40 GMT
My DH. His dad passed away just weeks before his eighth birthday. There's nothing about that day the wants to celebrate or even remember. He's not grieving, he just doesn't think about it anymore.
And as the spouse of the non-celebratory person, it's hard. It's hard for our kids who are still young, etc.
We do quietly celebrate his bday, but nothing crazy- mostly just make sure he knows he's loved.
|
|
marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
|
Post by marimoose on Aug 26, 2015 20:34:51 GMT
I am not super crazy about celebrating my birthday and I also my reasons that go back to childhood. I have more uncomfortable memories of birthdays than good. I would prefer to do something alone(then I only have myself to account for if the day goes bad), really alone but my husband always takes his week of vacation over my birthday (despite my pleas that he choose any other time) and he usually forgets the day until the last minute. He stinks at planning and no one ever asks what I might want to do so then I have to be a good sport about spending my day with my family. It sounds selfish but I have my reasons and it is my birthday so why can't I do what I want to do, just on that day. This year my husband had planned to send me away for a couple of days with my daughter (totally unlike him) and somehow/somewhere he dropped the ball. He didn't mention it to me, nor order tickets though my daughter did have the time off in anticipation. Dh mentions his plan a week before but by then airfare was ridiculous so he says we can go the next month BUT now he has included himself and frankly, I didn't want him to go. I would have welcomed an escape from all the males in my household. Then he actually forgot my birthdate until the kiddos reminded him as he was getting upset that they asked for the wrong day off - nope, they were right. He scrambled at the last moment and decided that what I would want to do for my birthday was go Unser go-carting. WTH?!?!? Nope, never. I don't enjoy the noise nor additional driving, even if for recreation. So off we went and I got to sit and not only that, when it was time to pay, guess who paid? I paid for them to go cart as I watched on my birthday. THEN.... they decided to drive me all the way across town, past my favorite mexican restaurant, to a bbq place. I would never pick bbq but that is my husband's favorite. Hmmm, were we celebrating my birthday or his? Now it is very early afternoon so we come home so they can all watch tv. They all know that I wanted to go to the mountains to hike to Hanging Lake but that didn't happen, still hasn't happened. Husband told me I could go on my trip to Disneyland (because I told him that is what I wanted to do, not go to San Antonio) but here we are two months later and I still haven't gone nor has he mentioned it again. My family, including my parents, have always promised me things and never followed through.I always have to endure whatever the family wants to do, nothing about me and when it comes to their celebrations, I always think of them and their interests. It doesn't count if it never comes to fruition. BTW - I was looking at airfare for Disney this morning because if it is going to happen, I will have to make it happen. So yes, I get it. My birthday is filled me many disappointments and I begin dreading it about a month before. If anyone thinks I should be grateful, I know I should be and am for many things but it isn't that much to have my wishes respected and allow me a day of peace and quiet. We all want to celebrate in our own way. fiddlesticks - I could have written most of your post myself:)
|
|
julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
|
Post by julieb on Aug 26, 2015 20:36:10 GMT
Yes, I've had several friends wanting to take me out for my birthday, which is also next week. I keep telling them that I don't have a birthday. I just can't believe I'm going to be 52 yo.
|
|
happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
|
Post by happymomma on Aug 26, 2015 22:06:05 GMT
Aw heck no! My birthday is my favorite day of the year, 9/9. I really and truly do not want any presents or a cake. But all day on September 9th I feel like it is 'my day'. I know there are lots of people with birthdays on that day, but I feel all special, like it's a day dedicated to me. It makes me happy! This year, as last year, I will be in Montana visiting my son and his family. He already knows that we will be going to my favorite Mexican restaurant for my birthday dinner. Heck, I will even pay for it! I'm never an 'all about me' person except for that one day of the year, and since it is my birthday I feel okay with that!
Now, I WILL ignore the fact that I am turning 48, haha.
|
|
Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
|
Post by Dalai Mama on Aug 26, 2015 22:39:19 GMT
There are a lot of things about birthdays that I don't like - cake, off-key singing, fuss. A quiet dinner out with my immediate family followed by some ice-cream is usually perfect for me. I've mentioned before that I work with a professional children's choir and, for the past 3 years, my birthday has fallen on a rehearsal or concert date. The best gift I get is having 100 talented kids sing Happy Birthday to me. They are truly awesome!
|
|
|
Post by vi on Aug 26, 2015 23:13:32 GMT
I love birthdays. I have grown children so I try to get creative. Last September when it was my birthday, I asked them to do a health challenge. We had different things to do every day and got points for it. The ones that were in 1st, 2nd and 3rd places by Thanksgiving got a $100, $50 and $25. I paid for this but it was worth it to see my kids become more healthy plus I had fun giving out the prizes. It actually changed my youngest son's life.
The year before that I took the whole family to see a live play. This year I think I'm going to ask my kids and grandkids to do something kind. I'm giving them each slips of paper to write these on at the beginning of September and when my birthday comes, I'll get to read them. (One for each year of my age.) I don't like for other people to plan my birthday because I like to plan my own. I started doing this when my kids were little and nobody planned anything. I lived over 2,000 miles from my family so I decided it was up to me. Another thing I plan for the future is to take my whole family to a comedy improv theater. As you can tell, I love birthdays and I don't mind footing the bill to get a great experience.
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 26, 2015 23:18:54 GMT
I'm not a big fan of celebrating my birthday.
It is just another milestone date to tick off another year that I failed to do and be what I should/could have been.
And this is going to sound super-duper spoiled, but I would never be able to afford to celebrate in a big way.
Yes, it should be about your loved ones around you, but if birthdays are No Big Deal to your family members, and your biggest "celebration" is having to cajole them to stand around you & a cake to sing Happy Birthday for twenty seconds, then it feels staged and like you are being a burden for those 20 seconds.
And at the same time, I don't feel like I deserve any kind of big celebration. I've "earned" my ho hum birthday. I am no one special. I have accomplished nothing noteworthy. I have a job, not a career. I didn't further my education. I didn't achieve any special goals. It's sad, actually.
I would rather my birthday pass just as a regular day than to get a pity singing of Happy Birthday by people who can't wait for those twenty seconds to pass so they can continue on with their day.
|
|
happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
|
Post by happymomma on Aug 26, 2015 23:25:14 GMT
I'm not a big fan of celebrating my birthday. It is just another milestone date to tick off another year that I failed to do and be what I should/could have been. And this is going to sound super-duper spoiled, but I would never be able to afford to celebrate in a big way. Yes, it should be about your loved ones around you, but if birthdays are No Big Deal to your family members, and your biggest "celebration" is having to cajole them to stand around you & a cake to sing Happy Birthday for twenty seconds, then it feels staged and like you are being a burden for those 20 seconds. And at the same time, I don't feel like I deserve any kind of big celebration. I've "earned" my ho hum birthday. I am no one special. I have accomplished nothing noteworthy. I have a job, not a career. I didn't further my education. I didn't achieve any special goals. It's sad, actually. I would rather my birthday pass just as a regular day than to get a pity singing of Happy Birthday by people who can't wait for those twenty seconds to pass so they can continue on with their day. You could look at it as the start of a new year to start what you need to do and become who you want to be!
|
|
|
Post by threegirls on Aug 26, 2015 23:28:12 GMT
My mother never made a big deal about birthdays (except my 16th) so I don't need or want a big birthday celebration. Dinner out with my husband and kids is enough for me. I don't even care if I get a card. Besides, my husband's birthday is the day before mine and we always have leftover cake (that I made!) so I never get a birthday cake. It's all good though.
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 27, 2015 6:01:09 GMT
I don't like being the centre of attention, but have reached the stage where I think it worth celebrating the fact that I am still ambulant and continent. Just.
Sorry that you have difficulties around your own birthday. Why not celebrate an un- birthday instead?
|
|
|
Post by penny on Aug 27, 2015 6:43:56 GMT
My dad doesn't like a big deal so we toss a card at him with a gift certificate or tickets in it for a future date... He gets a present that he doesn't have to acknowledge that day, then a month or two later we just happen to all go out for a nice dinner or whatever...
It's okay now, but it bothered me a lot as a child... I love picking out a present and card for someone, wrapping it - all that stuff, so not being able to really do that was disappointing...
It also made me self conscious about wanting to celebrate my own birthday... It's hard to enjoy a day where you're the center of attention and spoiled when a close loved one doesn't choose that... By his choice, but as a kid it was hard to resolve in my mind that it wasn't selfish or greedy of me to want it when it clearly wasn't necessary or something that had to be done...
|
|
|
Post by disneypal on Aug 27, 2015 7:11:17 GMT
Sorry, but I disagree...Birthdays are a reminder that you made it another year..you are here, you are living, you can be with your family.....that's a good thing.
I can understand not making a big deal out of the day, but I think going out to a nice dinner and having a good dessert isn't making a huge deal, it is just a nice way of saying...hey, I am here and alive and get to spend more time with those I love.
|
|
tuesdaysgone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,832
Jun 26, 2014 18:26:03 GMT
|
Post by tuesdaysgone on Aug 27, 2015 10:18:19 GMT
This is a timely thread: my birthday is tomorrow and I always dread it. Yes, I'm happy to celebrate being here and being happy and healthy, but I hate the fuss and attention. I just want a quiet dinner with DH or a close friend. I love the day AFTER my birthday...WHEW, another year.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 11, 2024 12:19:11 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2015 10:50:50 GMT
I don't care about my birthday. It gets lost in the holiday rush. I've told dh that all I want is a quiet acknowledgement from him and the kids. I don't want to go out with the family. I don't want cake. That is why my birthday is not public knowledge here. My mom calls me a bitch when I tell her I don't want to go out as a family, that really, I'm OK with doing nothing. I usually end up agreeing to dinner just to shut her up so I don't have to deal with her passive aggressive digs. With each passing year, I resent her more and more when the subject of dinner comes up and hate the idea of doing anything on my birthday.
|
|
|
Post by leslie132 on Aug 27, 2015 12:34:57 GMT
I LOVE my birthday. I mean over the top get excited a week before!!! We actually do birthday weekends!!! All the kids and myself and hubby celebrate a full weekend of spoiling!!! As for you hating it.......I'm so sorry. I have no idea your back story.....and that's ok. I wish though that I could say something to make it better. Your hubby.....that's a stand up guy right there. He is ready to forget it all....he just wants to celebrate you!!! He should change it to your half birthday.....that's what my 10 year old would say? Hugs when the day actually comes!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 11, 2024 12:19:11 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2015 12:46:49 GMT
My mother never made a big deal about birthdays (except my 16th) so I don't need or want a big birthday celebration. Dinner out with my husband and kids is enough for me. I don't even care if I get a card. Besides, my husband's birthday is the day before mine and we always have leftover cake (that I made!) so I never get a birthday cake. It's all good though. When I think of my childhood birthdays, I also think of my 16th....the worst! I was shy in school and only had one friend that ate with me at lunch. She was absent for a funeral that day so I don't think anyone at school spoke to me. On top of that, my mother was giving me the silent treatment (I forget why) so besides not talking to me there was also no cake or gift. Three years ago I was able to fix that painful memory by giving my 16 year old a very special day. As far as my birthdays now the only part I hate is the cake and singing. I HATE it so much. It even bothers me to see it done to others at restaurants and such. I do not understand how anyone would enjoy that.
|
|
|
Post by canadianscrappergirl on Aug 27, 2015 13:41:00 GMT
No you aren't alone in those thoughts.
I hate birthdays always have probably always will. Never had a birthday party as a kid, parents never made a big deal about my birthday and I guess for the most part it followed along into adulthood lol. I find most years I am extremely disappointed in the lack of thought that my family (hubby/kids)put into my birthday. I am lucky if I get a card some years. I guess the reason that all pisses me off is that I make sure their day is special ie favorite meal or restaurant an activity they like to do a card and a gift as well. My birthday is mid January I guess I don't rate a gift because we just had Christmas call me a kid/selfish but I want a fricken gift on my birthday damn it lol!!!! I have tried to tell them of my disappointment but it never seems to get thru to them I am in a house of males so what do I expect haha!!
|
|
|
Post by PEArfect on Aug 27, 2015 14:02:03 GMT
Funny this topic came up. I've really been dreading my birthday this year. It could be because I'm going to be 40. More likely it's because my husband isn't here to celebrate it with me. We had plans to celebrate our 40th together. My birthday is 8/28 and his was 1/28. This is my second birthday without him.
|
|
|
Post by ro on Aug 27, 2015 14:53:04 GMT
I fall in the love birthdays camp! ? I see it as another year I've lived (always good!) and I reflect on all the good stuff that has happened and the good stuff that will come! I'm sorry for those who don't like celebrating because of bad memories. I think that it's a wonderful time to acknowledge how wonderful it is that you are alive!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 11, 2024 12:19:12 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2015 19:27:55 GMT
Not a big fan of birthdays. Don't hate them. Nothing negative tied to them. Just don't want a lot of expected fanfare. So often the family and I just go to dinner.
What if your husband could have a "because you are in my life day?" Just another day 3 or 4 months from your birthday where he could show his appreciation of you and not have it tied to your birthday. Perhaps the day you met, or the day he realized he loved you, or the day he became amazed at a talent you have. That way he could still fill that day and maybe it wouldn't be a burden to you.
|
|
|
Post by bc2ca on Aug 27, 2015 20:03:47 GMT
He does know why and understands it but also thinks that it's his responsibility as my husband to celebrate the day I was born. He says without that day there would be no me...etc. super sweet stuff. He and my daughter just "have to" do something. His heart is totally in the right place. I think it is hard for kids that are excited about birthdays to understand a parent that isn't. I'm fine with celebrating my birthday, some years more than others, and DH would love to ignore his. This was really hard for our kids when they were younger so he put up with small celebration (dinner & cake) to keep them happy.
|
|
akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
|
Post by akathy on Aug 27, 2015 20:23:50 GMT
Funny this topic came up. I've really been dreading my birthday this year. It could be because I'm going to be 40. More likely it's because my husband isn't here to celebrate it with me. We had plans to celebrate our 40th together. My birthday is 8/28 and his was 1/28. This is my second birthday without him. I'm so sorry. I understand, my birthday is 1/24 and my late DH's was 1/31. We would always go someplace warm to celebrate our birthdays together. It's hard now to face the cold, dreary winter without him Hugs to you!
|
|
|
Post by cannmom on Aug 27, 2015 20:43:00 GMT
Sometimes I think you have to let go of the hold your past has on you and appreciate the present. Don't let past disappointments or hurt destroy the joy of today. It sounds like you have a great husband. You don't have to have an all out celebration; it sounds like he just wants to do whatever you want. Give him the gift of celebrating you. He loves you. Think of your birthday dinner out as a meal you didn't have to cook or clean up. Win-win, husband is happy and you get to go out to eat. If you don't like dinner out think about what you would do if you were going to treat yourself. Massage, manicure, movie, a day to yourself.... let him know what you would really like I bet he would make it happen.
I hope you can find a way to enjoy your day.
|
|