Kim Cattrall on Childlessness

She's actually originally from Liverpool - I was surprised also by her odd accent and had to look it up to see why it was different - so her mix of American and that - that's what you get!

Kind of the opposite of Madonna going to England, ha ha.

I know Madonna took a lot of crap over her English accent. However, some people adopt the accent of the place they live. Just think of all the people who moved to the US and don't have an accent. I'm an accent adopter and it's completely unconscious. I don't recognize that I sound different than when I lived in the south. When I lived in the south I sounded like I lived there. Now I'm in the Midwest (Nebraska), land of no accent. I lived in England for two years and and English accent started creeping into certain words and expressions while I was there.

And if it was a panel of men they would more than likely give their career accomplishments. Women can be our own worst enemy. I have a child and don't usually include that in my list of accomplishments.

Exactly.

I have no problem with all the parents mentioning how many kids we each have when the PTO meets for the first time at the beginning of the year, but when I'm introduced to a group professionally, I expect my educational and professional credentials to be the highlight. Unless Meredith Viera's panel exclusively discusses issues regarding husbands and children, the panelists would have given weight, even legitimacy, to their presence by mentioning their education and/or experience as it relates to their position.  Then again, it might be too far a stretch for some talking heads to make, so mentioning the hubs and kids is safer.  (See what ONLY mentioning the husbands and children does?  It leads people to wonder if the person in question even HAS any professional credentials.)

My DB & SIL decided many years ago to address the "we chose not to have kids" issue by using the term 'child-free' instead of 'childless' because many people would offer their condolences when they said they were childless.

I've always thought the term was offensive. I'm not childless, I'm not missing anything. I'm childfree, if you must put an identifier on it.

She could become a Pea and post on thr 'irrational fear' thread about how she feel that the word childLESSness makes her uncomfortable.

Exactly. My life is FREE of children, not LACKING children. 

It drives me crazy that women love to identify (and then generally mock or attack) those who do not, or choose to not have children. 

It's not an irrational fear, I totally get why that word can make people uncomfortable. ChildLESSness means that there's an assumption that something is lacking. Not everyone feels that their life is lacking because they don't have a child. Most people who don't have children consider themselves ChildFREE because their life isn't lacking without children, their life is good without children.

I've always been bugged by Childness because it assumes that I am lacking, when as a childfree woman, I am definitely not. 

I don't have children, but not by choice. I am sad every day that we were not able to make it happen. BUT I also do not feel my life is diminshed because of it. I am able to recognize the benefits of not having children, and I enjoy life with my DH very much.

The thing I hate is when you meet someone new, after learning your name, almost always the next question is "do you have kids?" I don't get it.

Here's what I think...
I think we live in a very kid-centric society. I think this leads to the most ridiculous situations, and more often than not, it drives me crazy. I have kids, and it drives me crazy. If I was child-free? It might make my head explode. I hear the ridiculous things said to my sister (too often to count) and the way people act when they find out she doesn't have kids- and it makes me think people have lost their ever-loving minds.

That said- what Kim Cattrall is saying bugs me- probably in part because she bugs me.
Mentoring other actors does not make you a mother. It makes you a mentor. Being close to nieces and nephews and giving them advice and money for school? That makes you a rock-star aunt, a fabulous person, a generous person, a maternal person, if that's how YOU feel about it. But it does not make you a mother. 'Maternal' is not the same thing as 'mother'.

I'm not hung up on titles. I totally get when people call their critters their 'kids' and refer to themselves as 'mom' or 'dad'. There are plenty of people in the world raising children that are not even relatives, much less biological children. They are mothers and fathers, as are step parents, grandparents, adoptive parents...they are all parents. Of course they are. They are in it, every day- raising kids. They're doing the job that goes with the name 'mother' or 'father'. I'm sure there are many other examples I'm missing- but it's not intentional.

Kim Cattrall sounds like her problem is with herself. She's certainly a lot of things to a lot of people- and it sounds like she's a terrific person; generous with her time, talent, money, etc. She's a mentor, a friend, an aunt, a benefactor- those are all great things. They are admirable things. They are things many people cannot claim to be. But even so, she does not seem like a content person. I'm not sure if she is child-free by choice, or circumstance - and maybe that factors in, here. I don't know.

I'm not sure if I'm articulating this well. This isn't about semantics, or nitpicking, or denying someone something they want, that doesn't hurt anyone else. What I'm saying is - why isn't she happy with what she is, when what she is, is pretty darned fabulous? There are a lot of things I'd like to be...and maybe some day I will be, but right now, I am not. I am not doing the actual work of that thing, so I am not that thing.

This brings up SO many thoughts for me.
I do not have children because I had cancer treatment. Fortunately, OH loves me not my womb and he is happy with our family the way it is. If I *could* have had kids, would I? Maybe. I don't know. Just like I don't know if adoption would work for us. But once you say you don't have children, especially if people know you're in a committed relationship, they feel they have the right to ask all kind of questions.

Sometimes it pisses me off, sometimes I can shrug it off. The ones that rub me the wrong way the most are women who always claimed to be happy being 'child free' but now that they've had a baby have realised how wrong they were and THIS is what gives their life meaning. It's ok to want children. It's ok not to. We all have to find our own path and it's much easier if you're not justifying yourself to other people all the time.

I think we're talking about different situations. And I specifically said people raising children they didn't birth ARE parents.

Gotta say- not a fan of the 'pushing spawn out of your vagina' stuff.  It's unnecessarily offensive, and intentionally so. I mean, there's no 'I meant that in the nicest way possible.' is there?

Im struggling with my fertility and have been trying to get pregnant badly. Hearing that term makes me sad. You can be a motherly figure to a lot of people in life, not just your own kids

Because I don't think it's offensive.  You can take offensive to it, that doesn't make it offensive.