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Post by stampinfraulein on Sept 16, 2015 13:33:47 GMT
Just needed to get this off my chest because I feel rotten.  I fussed at my DH right before bed last night and now I feel awful for being unkind. I feel like I was justified in what I was upset about but I think I went about expressing it in the wrong way. I attacked him and that wasn't fair and now I feel like a big jerk. I wrote him an apology note last night and I know he saw it this morning (he has to leave for work very early) but I just feel sick to my stomach. Usually I just let things go that bother me and then they build up over time and I explode. I was trying not to let that happen by addressing the issue right when it happened, but I don't feel any better about doing that. I still handled it poorly and I really regret even saying anything, although I know that if I hadn't I would have just let the resentment build up. Feels like either way is wrong. Sorry for rambling about this, I just hate it when someone I love is upset with me. |
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Post by SnowWhite on Sept 16, 2015 13:36:58 GMT
Give yourself a break here. I'm sure he's probably not even mad at you. Men seem to let things go much quicker than women. You made a mistake, you apologized for it. That's all you can do, along with trying to do better in the future. I'm sure your husband isn't perfect and has acted like a complete butt himself  |
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Sept 16, 2015 13:38:28 GMT
You apologized. We are all human, we make mistakes (and hopefully learn from them). Sometime you have to just let it ALL out. I am not one to hold it in but when I do, it builds up and gets so much worse at once.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,203
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Sept 16, 2015 13:49:53 GMT
What might be bugging you is the fact that you don't know how your DH is feeling about it all since he left early.
Chill a bottle of wine in the fridge and after dinner, sit down and have a good, air clearing chat and then retire early........
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 16, 2015 13:51:39 GMT
Oh, I'm guilty of the same thing occasionally. You are human. Apologize again tonight and let it go.
I swear, no one can aggravate us like our spouses!
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gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332 
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Post by gloryjoy on Sept 16, 2015 14:13:45 GMT
We all do that on occasion, no one's perfect.
When I am guilty of that I usually make my dh's favorite dinner to show him that I do care about him and his feelings.
I apologize and do not deflect any blame onto him. I accept full responsibility.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:17:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2015 15:31:32 GMT
We've all been there! I bet you can find a way to make it up to him!
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Post by mymindseyedpea on Sept 16, 2015 17:16:35 GMT
I wouldn't feel guilty about expressing myself cause then that's just something else I will have to express so that doesn't get held in either.
I like to go deeper into the why I felt anger.
And I'm sure it's not just because of the thing my boyfriend forget to do.
I go deeper into how this can be a reflection of how I'm feeling and I'm lashing out from it.
Going deeper I find the reason I'm angry is actually due to a sadness.
And I believe that the way I react to everything is my choice.
Even if someone yells at me.
It's my fault for the way I react.
I can choose to indentify with it or observe it.
I feel that if there's guilt after anger then the emotion that caused the anger didn't get released and it's asking to go deeper. Maybe guilt is the second layer of the emotion.
I bet clarity is the last layer.
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Post by lurkingsince2001 on Sept 16, 2015 18:01:24 GMT
I've been there. We probably all have. You've gotten good advice here.
The one thing I will add is this: if you truly feel you were justified in being upset, and only handled it wrong, don't let him think that you apologizing for that voids the original issue. Be clear what you are apologizing for and address the other issue separately. Otherwise there might be more problems over the same issue later.
And give yourself a big hug. It says a lot about you that you are so concerned over his feelings and your behavior.
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Post by mom on Sept 16, 2015 18:05:39 GMT
Be naked at the door when he comes home. He will forgive you and not remember you being a jerk.
In all seriousness, forgive yourself. Your DH has most likely gotten over it and you should too. Life is too short.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Sept 16, 2015 18:15:52 GMT
Expressing your feelings is NEVER wrong! I could be completely projecting here, but I used to feel like I could never let people know of any negative feelings I had. Like people only wanted to hear me being positive. It took me a long time to believe that my feelings are valid. ALL of them. I had every right to express them, even if they were negative. Of course, how we express our feelings is crucial. And you have to figure out a way to communicate upset and hurt to your husband so he'll hear you. But the idea that you end up regretting that you said anything in the first place, and sick to your stomach even after apologizing, is unfortunate. |
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
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Post by julieb on Sept 16, 2015 20:16:07 GMT
Gosh, if I wrote my DH an apology note every time I flipped out my hand would be permanently cramped up! You owned it, so let it go.  |
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I fussed at my DH right before bed last night and now I feel awful for being unkind. I feel like I was justified in what I was upset about but I think I went about expressing it in the wrong way. I attacked him and that wasn't fair and now I feel like a big jerk. I wrote him an apology note last night and I know he saw it this morning (he has to leave for work very early) but I just feel sick to my stomach. Usually I just let things go that bother me and then they build up over time and I explode. I was trying not to let that happen by addressing the issue right when it happened, but I don't feel any better about doing that. I still handled it poorly and I really regret even saying anything, although I know that if I hadn't I would have just let the resentment build up. Feels like either way is wrong. Sorry for rambling about this, I just hate it when someone I love is upset with me. 
