Stress...stress...stress- Edited

Just because people aren't on here telling everyone how stressed they are doesn't mean they aren't just as stressed and falling apart as you feel you are.

I did a quiz on my health management workshop the last two weeks and both times they told me I'm highly stressed. Everyone has some amount of stress so don't feel like you are alone in it. The workshop suggested ways to relieve stress. Some suggestions are exercise, deep breathing, don't negative talk about your self even in your own head, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and talking to a therapist.

I try to observe the stressful situations that happen instead of involve myself in them. So that way I don't see them happening to me, but happening for me for a bigger reason that will turn out rewarding or something that it happening to someone else.
Like I used to identify myself as the person being yelled at when others would yell at me.
But now I just observe the person yelling and identify with the idea that what they are actually yelling at is their reaction.
That they are expressing their anger through the outlet of someone to listen to them.

And when the environment gets too overwhelming for me, I just say that this isn't my reality and it changes. Works like a charm for me

I'll keep this brief because I'm responding on my phone....

I'm a doctor pea who has stage 3 metastatic cancer. Today I found out I've been exposed to TB. My step son is in Afghanistan and we haven't heard from him in a couple weeks. You want to talk about stress??

Here's the thing;just because you only see me bend doesn't mean I never break. Everyone has their moments. You have to find what works for YOU and stop comparing yourself to everyone else.

We're all made differently so what works for me may not work for you and vice versa. Do your own thing, don't worry about others and know if you didn't handle things well today that tomorrow is a new opportunity.
Kat

I think sometimes it is easier to handle stress than other times. Over the last five years, the stress in my life has been pretty much constant. It ebbs and flows to a degree, but there have been maybe only a couple of weeks here and there where I have felt relaxed, content and able to imagine a better future.  (Usually when I'm on holiday in Florida, which is not something I can afford very often.)
Sometimes all I want to do is run away, and leave it all behind. Other times I simply have to laugh at how ridiculous my life is. If it were a sitcom, people would dismiss it as being unrealistic.   But you really can't live on high alert 24/7. You have to find a way to switch off. My DD is a huge concern, and her illnesses, diagnoses and behaviours exhaust me almost on a daily basis. And yet, I can look back four years, three years, and know that things are generally better now. Saying that, we could have another crisis next week that could send everything spiralling downwards again. Such is the nature of BPD. 

DS17 and I have a non-suicide pact - he has promised not to kill himself as long as I don't either. We joke about this, but there is also a serious side to it.  And although I'm the mum, and work hard to stay positive for him and with him, he is also the only person who really gets how much pain I am in. He comforts me, and vice versa. He has had to grow up fast and is mature for his age, but I am very strict with myself on not using him as my crutch, and letting him be a 17-year-old boy. But he does give me more pleasure than anyone else in my life.

So what do I do to help with the stress? Hmm. Playing with the dog is the number one activity for lifting both myself and DS. Seeing his happy face when he is getting a walk, hunting for biscuits, or refusing to give up a toy always de-stresses me.
I like to try to always have something to look forward to. It might just be a lunch date with one of my remaining friends (many of them have drifted away over the last few years - I think they're scared my life will rub off on them!) Or next month, DS and I have tickets to go and see our favourite comedian on stage.
Sometimes I will buy myself a box of my favourite chocolates - Raffaello, if you're interested! I will put on an old film, grab my colouring book and pens, and try to switch off for a couple of hours.  I try to stay away from alcohol, as I really can't handle it. 
I like to put on my favourite music, very very loudly, and sing at the top of my voice. I'm not sure how happy that makes my upstairs neighbour, but she hasn't complained so far! I'll dance to all my favourite 70s disco classics until I get a stitch in my side and can barely catch my breath. I probably look like a nutcase, but I usually only do this when I'm alone in the house! 
I also like doing zentangles. I'm not very good at them, but again, they help me sit down, focus, and switch off a bit. And sometimes looking at big expensive houses on Zillow is relaxing. I know I will never have a big expensive house, but that's okay. 
I have tried meditation, mindfulness, and yoga. None of these work for me, I can't switch my brain off. Jigsaw puzzles really help, and I do both 'real' ones and ones on my iPad. What does help me relax and get to sleep at night is doing alphabet lists in my head. So I might try to come up with colours in alphabetical order, or fruit and veg, or lists like Scottish coastal towns (Ayr, Buckie, Cullen, Dunbar, etc). It helps me to focus on unimportant things when I'm trying to get to sleep, rather than rehashing all the crap of the day. I'm usually asleep by the time I get to N or P. 
Most of all Elannah, I try to find things that make me laugh. Great big belly laughs that make tears run down my face are the best stress relievers ever. Those don't happen that often, but sometimes even the memories of events that have caused me to laugh like that help my mood.  So sometimes I prowl my way around Pinterest looking for things that make me chuckle. 
And I come on here too for a bit of light relief. Mind you, I'm not sure that this place is particularly helpful at de-stressing you! 

Just heard about this on the radio. It seems we say we are stressed out or have no time but the truth is that many are so plugged in that have access to everything and everyone 24/7. Even if you aren't doing something you are probably thinking about it.

I felt so bad reading all those stressful things in your life and I certainly do appreciate the raw honesty of your post. Your advice is spot on and I couldn't have said it better. I hope that some of your personal stress is relieved soon.

Elannah - much like the others, we all have stress and we all handle it differently, some days better, some days worse. I have days my head feels just like how you described your head, I swear it is going to implode and I just need to beat a hasty exit out of the house for a good long mind clearing walk. I know I am overdue when the dog starts giving me that look and she knows I need to get out. I leave all my stress in the house and breathe in all the fresh air. Any form of exercise brings out the good.

And remember, it's not always the size of the burden you carry that causes stress, it's how long you've been carrying it for. Give yourself a break Delta Dawn, be kind to yourself. Hugs.

THIS. You cannot tell how stressed someone is just by looking at them. Some people put on a good front. Count your blessings, get your sleep and eat well. Don't compare your life to others. We can all tolerate different things.

Yep. Don't lose a diamond chasing glitter.

Oh, great big hugs, sweetie. I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

I, too, have a lot of stress. I do not want to go into the details. This is not about me, and I simply cannot afford to open that Pandora's box right now. People are always telling me they don't know how I do it... how do I carry on..., etc. You know how? God doesn't give me a choice. Plain and simple. People do not see how I am a mess inside. They just see the façade on the outside. They do not realize that if they simply touched my arm I would crumble before their eyes. Recently a friend set to purchase me MS Office 2010, but I would have to download it and register it practically instantly. I called him the next morning and told him that I was going to have to ask him to put it on hold. Even though I was super psyched about getting it, I was on the brink of a breakdown and I could not handle it that day. I doubt dh even realized I was on the edge.

sometimes we just persevere because we have to. Plain and simple. Your stress and your pain are real. You have your own cross to bear and it is as difficult as the crosses of others. Do not belittle yourself because sometimes it is hard...even harder than you think it should be. You have gotten to where you are with baby steps, and each one has built your muscles for the next. If one of us was dropped in where you are now, we would probably crumble. Just as you feel you would crumble if dropped in where the teachers/doctors/scientists/etc are.

Chin up, girl. You have got this. (Even if you do not want to.)

The peas you listed "The teacher peas, doctor peas, lawyer peas, scientist peas...I am trying to be as inclusive as I can..." all of them, ALL of them have the option of leaving their work at work. If I recall right you live with your work.

Most of your stress also comes from non-income based stress. (Assuming you are working at "home" with no compensation) It makes a huge difference when your a doctor on call that earns 100,000.00 a year vs taking care of a parent with no income that goes with the work. That income based stress is different because of the "payoff" or long term benifits it brings with it.

The doctor can hire a babysitter more often, can take vacations that include paying someone 50 dollars a day to board the family pet. A teacher looks forward to the summer "break" or the retirement package.  There is a mental payoff for them. People can deal with a lot more stress if they know they are getting compensated for it.

You have more stress because you have less reward/compensation. Can you imagine how stressful a doctors or teachers life would become if they were told you are required to do this job and will recieve no income and/or retirement package? Can you imagine their reaction if they protested and told the work is the reward or you should be greatful we let you do this or all they will get at the end of their career is a thank you and they had to do it no matter what?

How do you survive it? Make long term plans. What happens after the parent passes? Do you get the insurance money? Is their car or the home already in your name? I had to walk away from my parents house and car because of the way they organized their estate. (disclaimer-on the advice of the lawyer and accountant) and do plan regular breaks for yourself along the way, even if it is one hour a week at starbucks drinking a free glass of water and using their wifi.

Please, don't compare how you handle stress to the way it looks like others handle it.

I have posted about DH's cancer many times. I have a lot of anger no one sees. This is the first time I have posted I AM ANGRY! So, no one knows or sees it. We have had what should have been our best years stolen from us by cancer.

My point is, everone says "oh, you are so strong". No, I just put one foit in front of the other every day.

When I am tired I don't cope well. Try to eat well, get enough sleep, and do things that make you hsppy.

Hugs. OP

Distraction. Find something you enjoy doing and do it. It'll help.