Rules when a child goes to college then returns home?

Your house...your rules. If she doesn't like it...go back to college

We never had hard/firm curfews when we lived at home (in either high school or once we were out and still living there)...some of our activities often went past what some set and my mom didn't want to do that. So, instead, it was on us to be responsible and earn trust by letting my parents know where we were going and when we planned on being home (this was before cell phones so letting them know where we were going to be was very important). And if ANYTHING changed, we had to call them and let them know. Just kind of like what you're asking her to do...you're not telling her she has to be home by 10 or 11...you're asking her to give you the common courtesy to let you know what's up so you're A) not worried if it's 2 am and she's still not home and B)so she doesn't disturb you if it's 2 am and she comes home.

If she doesn't like it then, yeah - go back to college or find an apartment. I think you're being very reasonable with your requests.

I'll preface this by saying I don't have kids, so if this is completely unrealistic, ignore me!! I totally get the 'my house my rules' thing and agree to an extent. However, I will say that it's tough coming home from college and feeling like you have to go back to your old high school rules. It made me feel like my parents didn't trust me and weren't acknowledging that I was growing up. I think there can be a bit of give on either side. I don't think there should necessarily be a strict curfew, but she should let you know what her general plans are. Will she be home for dinner? Is she going out to an event with friends and will be out past midnight? General timeframes are courteous.

I agree. A curfew seems like too much, but she should have the courtesy to give you a general idea of when she'll be home. I remember one of the first times I came home from college, I stayed out very late without really thinking about it, and my parents were livid and worried, as well they should have been. (This was long before cell phones.) After that, I always let them know generally where I was going and when I expected to be home.

I used to tell my adult kids that this is a home, not a hotel.

i asked my kids to tell me when they were going out, and approximately when they would be home, and asked them to text if their plans changed.  I didn't ask them where they were going - I figured that they are adults and so it's their business.

The one thing I did insist on was that they let me know if they would not be home for a meal, preferably at least 1 hour before the meal.  It didn't matter to me if I cooked for them and then found out 1 hour before the meal that they wouldn't be there - it would become lunch the next for DH and/or me.

Even though I didn't ask them any questions, they very soon started telling lots of details anyway - they later said it was because I treated them as adults, so they didn't feel they needed to hide anything.

No curfew. Just let me know when he will be home, or text if plans chance. We have had no issues.

DH's 22yo son has been living with us since January. He has no curfew, but instead if he isn't going to be home for the night, he lets us know (either verbal or text is fine, as long as he receives a response back from us to confirm we saw his text), so we can go to bed without worry if he's not home when when we get up in the morning. As long as he comes home quietly and isn't disruptive, we will continue to have no problem with no curfew.

We live by the "courtesy" rule as well. As long as my son meets what I ask of him as a member of the family and meets his work requirements for his employer, when he's home from college on breaks he comes and goes as he pleases. He will let me know ahead of time if he is going to be around for meals and if he's coming home later than normal (or not at all). It's true that I have no idea what he's doing at school, or what hours he is keeping, but it's really less about "my house my rules" and more about just being courteous to one another.

My adult son has lived with me for the last 3 years. He always tells me when is he going to be out, where he expects to be and/or who he will be with, and a rough estimate of when he will be home. It's not a rule or anything, it's just general conversational information, like I'd expect from any adult I share a home with. If he decides to stay overnight, he sends me a text. It's just courtesy.

When I was a college freshman, I used to tell my roommate the same things. She used to give me a hard time, saying, "I'm not your mother!" But I just told her if I was laying in a ditch somewhere, I wanted her to know I was missing and not wait 3 days to send someone out to look for me. It was for my own peace of mind that I wanted someone to have basic information to tell police to be able to narrow the search should something happen.

ETA: If the weather is expected to be bad, I'll make sure he's aware before he leaves, and maybe remind him to try to be home either before it hits, or wait it out before coming home. Either way he lets me know which he's going to do (come home before or wait it out). If he's driving home in bad weather, he calls before he leaves so I know he's on his way. That's a worried mom thing, but he doesn't mind because I don't smother him the rest of the time.

I really like this, tucking away for future use.

As I mentioned in another thread, once DD hit the summer after senior year, we didn't have a strict curfew, but asked for the common courtesy of knowing if and when she would be home.

My oldest returned after a year away too. Luckily he's out the door for work at 6:15 in the morning, so most night he is home early and he's pretty much a homebody anyway. I have stayed up when he "forgot" to mention when he would be back and waited for him. He told me to just go to bed and I said it didn't work that way. I don't sleep if people are out. We've gotten that horrible call before (car accident) and my brain doesn't shut down. After that, he was better letting me know he was out.

My mom put a little light by her door. When I got home, I would turn it off. When she woke up in the middle of the night, she could see I was home.

Our 19 year old is living at home while going to college. No curfew, but he tells when he's going to be home or if he isn't going to be home. We told him just to be respectf. DH and I tell each other and the kids what our plans are and if he's an adult he should do the same.

This was how I plan on handling my boys when they are old enough. I don't want to be their Warden - but I also want to know if I need to cook enough for them for dinner. If you come in late and didn't give me a heads up, then you get to deal with the alarm company when it goes off. If I know you are coming in, I will not turn it on. 

 Shows respect for your kid as an adult, but allows you peace of mind too. The "my house, my rules" attitude is too narrow minded IMO, and shouldn't we, as parents, be helping out adult kids learn responsible behaviors? Giving them curfews doesn't do this; it's treating them as though they are still children.