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Post by wandawoman on Sept 26, 2015 22:22:00 GMT
I just got a Facebook invitation - I think. It said, "We are going to be sending out baby shower invitations in the next couple of weeks. If you would like to come please message me your address. Baby shower will be the 1st or 2nd week in November." This is their third girl. I went to the first shower. She gave everyone a photocopied Thank You poem. I think I sent diapers for the second one. This one will be skipped. She is the daughter of a friend.
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Post by KikiPea on Sept 26, 2015 22:24:03 GMT
I've had those requests. I just ignored them. If you want me there, you would either already know my address, or YOU would want me there without having to ask if I want to come.
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Post by anniefb on Sept 26, 2015 22:26:33 GMT
That is just plain weird.
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Post by ~summer~ on Sept 26, 2015 22:51:22 GMT
People host their own shower?
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Post by bosoxbeth on Sept 26, 2015 23:09:01 GMT
WTF is wrong with people?!?!?!
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Post by Pahina722 on Sept 26, 2015 23:22:31 GMT
Translation: "Hey, I'd really like a gift but don't really care if you're here or not. Just send me something, and we'll call it good."
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Post by wandawoman on Sept 26, 2015 23:33:04 GMT
Translation: "Hey, I'd really like a gift but don't really care if you're here or not. Just send me something, and we'll call it good." That's the message I got.
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Post by wandawoman on Sept 26, 2015 23:34:48 GMT
People host their own shower? That's the first time I have ever known of someone doing that. I guess some people are brave enough to do just about anything.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 19:59:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2015 1:29:02 GMT
The message I got was "someone wants a guest list from me but I don't want to give on unless I know who is willing to come. So I'll ask you to send me your address before I full out ask you to come. If you don't respond I won't ask you"
I think there is a divide.. those who feel only a first baby should be "showered" and those who are gungho to do a shower for every baby. Sometimes those gungho hostess put the new mom between a rock and a hardspot. The hostess doesn't know her full circle of friends/family so the hostess can't invite everyone and has to ask the honoree for help.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Sept 27, 2015 2:03:06 GMT
The message I got was "someone wants a guest list from me but I don't want to give on unless I know who is willing to come. So I'll ask you to send me your address before I full out ask you to come. If you don't respond I won't ask you" I think there is a divide.. those who feel only a first baby should be "showered" and those who are gungho to do a shower for every baby. Sometimes those gungho hostess put the new mom between a rock and a hardspot. The hostess doesn't know her full circle of friends/family so the hostess can't invite everyone and has to ask the honoree for help. I have such a different take on this issue. Call me old-fashioned, but to me the purpose of a baby shower is not so much to shower the baby, but to shower the new family with items that they will need. Items such as a new crib, bedding, changing table, baby swing, bouncer seats, etc., etc., etc. Once the new family has all this stuff, the addition of babies #2, #3, #4 doesn't call for another shower to provide the family with these items. To be clear, I have and always will celebrate the birth of any new baby by giving a gift such as a new outfit, a few pairs of pajamas, some new books, etc. But an entire shower for each baby is unnecessary IMO. There are some exceptions of course. I had a friend who decided with her husband to stop at one baby, a girl. They got rid of all their baby items and twelve years later with her tubes (seemingly) tightly tied they discovered she was pregnant with baby boy, and all of us who love and care about their family happily showered them with a whole new set of necessary baby items.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 27, 2015 2:40:52 GMT
Please give us a gift, but don't bother coming to my shower, which I'm throwing for myself, cause I want gifts. It would actually be cheaper if you would not come. Then I won't have to buy as much food. Still, don't forget to send me lots of presents. I'm registered everywhere and the average present should cost no less than $75.
I'm old school and don't participate in gift grabs. However, I do participate in celebrations where the guest of honor is filled w/gratitude and just happy to be surrounded by friends and family. A written thank you note for each guest is also imperative.
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Post by RiverIsis on Sept 27, 2015 2:51:21 GMT
I've heard of "Sprinkles" which acknowledge all the big stuff is gotten just might need to refresh a few things and an excuse for a party.
my cousin had two showers and both were known to be girls before birth. We went with the gift card the second time around.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Sept 27, 2015 12:54:32 GMT
I just got a Facebook invitation - I think. It said, "We are going to be sending out baby shower invitations in the next couple of weeks. If you would like to come please message me your address. Baby shower will be the 1st or 2nd week in November." This is their third girl. I went to the first shower. She gave everyone a photocopied Thank You poem. I think I sent diapers for the second one. This one will be skipped. She is the daughter of a friend. Well we certainly wouldn't want her to waste and invitation or postage if there will be no gift forthcoming.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Sept 27, 2015 13:19:55 GMT
How ridiculous. I don't know anyone who has throw or who has been given a shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. baby. It's a gift grab.
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Post by gramasue on Sept 27, 2015 13:31:01 GMT
I had one of those earlier this summer! I did not reply, as it was for a great-niece who could have easily obtained my address. I never heard another word. A few weeks later, I saw on Facebook, that she had been married. I never got an invite to the wedding, either! I thought it was strange because her older sister got married two years ago and we were invited to that, and happily attended, even though it was out of town. I just thought, oh well, maybe this wedding was smaller and they just had close friends and family.
Edit - I guess I should have specified that the pre-invite or whatever you call it was for a wedding shower, not a baby shower. It still seems like a strange way to invite people [or warn them], no matter what the occasion.
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Post by bigbundt on Sept 27, 2015 13:52:11 GMT
Maybe someone wants to throw a shower for her but with it being her third, she feels weird about it so she sent out a preemptive, "Hey, if you believe every child should have his/her own shower and want to come, let me know and I'll put you on the list. Everyone else who thinks showers are ridiculous for non-first kids can have an out and won't bitch about receiving an actual invite to a shower for my third." Maybe? I'm having my second girl in five years and I've had three people come out of the woodwork with offers to throw showers. I declined the first two but my workplace wouldn't let me. Some hosts are insistent!!! I got a couple of outfits and a very generous gift card which will be nice because although we still have the furniture and lots of clothes, the car seat is expired and this baby is being born in the completely opposite season as my first so I need to buy a few winter things. Sometimes reading these threads where people bash second showers or sprinkles makes me sad. Participate or don't. Some people want to and some won't. Sometimes these "breaches of etiquette" are merely just trying to figure out what camp people belong to, it isn't a gift grab or an expectation of a gift.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,592
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Sept 27, 2015 14:42:13 GMT
I guess I'm in the minority. I think all babies should be showered. If all the big stuff was gotten for previous siblings, that is great. But the baby will still need diapers, lotions, soaps, possibly new bottles, pacifiers, etc. Some new outfits are always nice. So if I'm ever invited to a 2nd, 3rd or heck 10th baby (because lets face it, by the 10th child everything will be worn out), I go happily and without looking at it as a gift grab.
As for this request the OP posted about, maybe it was strange but instead of sending out invites and waiting on RSVPs (because how many posts have we seen about people not RSVPing), if they say yes I'd like to attend please send me an invite, they pretty much know their headcount.
I posted previously about my sister and the situation with her 2nd pg. I'm throwing her a baby shower (with my mom) and sent the invites out I think 2 weeks ago. Shower is this coming Sat and not one person has RSVPed yet. One aunt has acknowledge her receipt of the invite but not said whether or not she is coming. Granted with my sister, it'll be iffy if any family shows. But her friends and baby daddy's family I figured would be there.
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Post by KikiPea on Sept 27, 2015 15:03:47 GMT
How ridiculous. I don't know anyone who has throw or who has been given a shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. baby. It's a gift grab. We usually always throw them around here. Not a gift grab, but rather celebrating the new baby with it's own set of new items, usually just diapers, clothes, a few toys...but a party nonetheless.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 19:59:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2015 16:19:40 GMT
How ridiculous. I don't know anyone who has throw or who has been given a shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. baby. It's a gift grab. I was given a shower for each of my 3 kids who are closely spaced. I did not ask to have a shower for any of them. Friends, co-workers and church members hosted them. It has always been common in my social circle to shower every baby.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 27, 2015 16:49:19 GMT
I would not reply.
I only had a shower with my first. I don't mind showers for letter kids, but I do not like it if it feels like a gift grab.
If you want my address for a shower and can only use Facebook to get my address, then send me a message asking me for it.
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Post by pierkiss on Sept 27, 2015 17:16:01 GMT
How ridiculous. I don't know anyone who has throw or who has been given a shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. baby. It's a gift grab. Really? I know tons who have them for other babies. Some of us really like throwing and attending parties! I really really don't get why people get so bent out of shape about this topic. (Not picking on you specifically julieb, just my thought in general).
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 27, 2015 17:17:38 GMT
How ridiculous. I don't know anyone who has throw or who has been given a shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. baby. It's a gift grab. Really? I know tons who have them for other babies. Some of us really like throwing and attending parties! I really really don't get why people get so bent out of shape about this topic. (Not picking on you specifically julieb, just my thought in general). I'm wondering if those who don't like them are those who have run in to the gift fab or the ungrateful parents to be
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Post by wandawoman on Sept 27, 2015 17:25:13 GMT
I don't mind giving gifts for second or third children, but in this case it just rubs me wrong because the only time I ever hear from her is when she needs/wants something. The fact that she can't be bothered with a Thank You doesn't help. (She knows my address.)
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Post by melanell on Sept 27, 2015 18:22:20 GMT
Eh, it's just like you said, there are so many reasons why this doesn't always work. Either they think they're done, and "Oh! A baby!" or they think they will wait awhile, and "Oh! A baby!" while they still have a baby ( ), or a later pregnancy is multiple birth, etc.
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Post by melanell on Sept 27, 2015 18:27:36 GMT
How ridiculous. I don't know anyone who has throw or who has been given a shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. baby. It's a gift grab. Not every mom-to-be even knows a shower is being planned. Or if they do know, they may very well have spoken out against the idea, but ultimately gave in because it was important to the people hosting it.
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Post by KikiPea on Sept 27, 2015 18:31:28 GMT
Saying that a baby shower is a GIFT GRAB makes absolutely NO sense to me. MOST of the time, the showers are NOT given/thrown by the mother-to-be, therefore NOT begging for gifts. The ONLY time any kind of shower is a gift fab is when the mother-to-be/bride...is throwing one for themselves.
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Post by sues on Sept 27, 2015 19:46:51 GMT
I like buying baby gifts, but I hate showers. I have never been invited to a shower for a #2,3,4, etc. but the baby # wouldn't stop me from going. My relationship to the person really decides that. Sometimes people invite anyone and everyone to a shower- which makes it feel like it's more about the gifts than anything.
I got a wedding invitation-to-an-invitation like the one in the OP. It was from family member, devoted to matrimony in a serial killer kind of way. Jumping into an ill advised third marriage. She FB messaged everyone on her friends list with 'This is the date- let us know if you want an invitation (and send us your address!)'. Were were like "Huh? We're family. We haven't moved. You have our address. This is a wedding, not a purse party." No real invitations went out- and the only people in attendance were their kids.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 27, 2015 19:52:13 GMT
I don't mind giving gifts for second or third children, but in this case it just rubs me wrong because the only time I ever hear from her is when she needs/wants something. The fact that she can't be bothered with a Thank You doesn't help. (She knows my address.) I was trying to think in what situations this has bothered me and you nailed it. If a close friend of mine is having #2-10, I will send a gift regardless of a shower. I send gifts to my good friends that get puppies. But, if I don't know you are pregnant or you don't spend time with me, I wouldn't be attending a shower. That seems like a gift grab.
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Post by Skellinton on Sept 27, 2015 20:33:01 GMT
I do not think a shower for a second or third baby is the biggest problem with the op's situation. I think the problem is that it seems the pregnant one is throwing her own shower, the pregnant one is going about "inviting" people in a tacky way, and the pregnant lady sends out extremely tacky thank you poems instead of an actual proper thank you card. 3 strikes and you're out!
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Sept 27, 2015 22:23:19 GMT
Translation: "Hey, I'd really like a gift but don't really care if you're here or not. Just send me something, and we'll call it good." "And if you forget to put your return address (since I'm pretending I don't have it & can't get it,) all the better! One less than thank you note!"
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