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Post by maureen on Oct 9, 2015 23:58:14 GMT
For the friend of my son. A 17 year old boy who committed suicide. I'm at a loss for what to say to the parents of this lovely boy who lost his way. I'll take any words of wisdom you have to offer.
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Post by seikashaven on Oct 10, 2015 0:02:32 GMT
"I am so terribly sorry for your loss" is suitable every time. Or share a story or kind remembrance of their child.
Avoid the "He's in a better place" and "at least he's not in pain now" comments because they can come off offensively even if that's not your intent.
They lost a child. No one can lessen that pain for them. But you can love them and acknowledge the depth of that loss.
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Post by Really Red on Oct 10, 2015 0:03:46 GMT
An "I'm so sorry" is enough. They aren't going to remember any normal platitudes you say and that's fine. They'll know you cared enough to come.
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Post by padresfan619 on Oct 10, 2015 0:06:55 GMT
Unfortunately I have experience with this, except it was a friend and I was trying to find the words to comfort the parents as a young adolescent. Sharing a good memory will help. Also, be there long after the funeral. Send a card on his birthday. Don't be afraid to bring up memories. The worst thing about being a survivor of suicide is the way people just stop bringing up the person in fear of hurting their family when in reality it hurts more when it seems like they've been forgotten.
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Post by flanz on Oct 10, 2015 0:10:17 GMT
I'm so sorry! A sweet acquaintance of mine had her almost 30 yo son commit suicide in their home on Valentine's Day. He had been in chronic, horrible pain for years. Heartbreaking on so many levels. Mom and Dad were never the same.
All excellent advice so far. I think the parents will be in shock and will not be too aware of who is there or what they say. At some point they might remember that you were there. I second saying something very simple as has been suggested, and then maybe sending a card in a week or so, letting them know you are thinking of them. IF you know them well enough and want to and are able to lend physical assistance, running errands including driving their other kids to school, etc. if applicable, would be a huge help. Or offering a shoulder to cry on. Or to just sit quietly with them. Kudos to you for being a good friend.
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Oct 10, 2015 0:10:58 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss is really universal. I agree that you might follow up later. This family is no doubt devastated and needs human connection in the coming months.
Also, how's your son? When my kids lost classmates, it was very hard on them.
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Post by maureen on Oct 10, 2015 0:19:47 GMT
Thank you all for the advise. I was worried "I'm sorry for your loss" wouldn't be enough. You've all convinced me it's okay.
And thanks for asking Valleyview, me son is pretty upset. This group of boys was supposed to go to the Homecoming dance tomorrow night instead they're going to be at a wake/funeral. I think he's still processing, we're asking questions and giving support while trying not to be too overbearing. It's a delicate balance.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506 
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Oct 10, 2015 0:21:13 GMT
Really, there's nothing you can say that will make things better for them. And beyond doubt they know that. But I'm also sure that they will appreciate you just being there for them. Just let them know you're sorry for their loss, and maybe more importantly, continue to check in to let them know you care.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 6, 2024 9:14:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2015 0:28:27 GMT
Our former neighbor's son committed suicide two years ago at the age of 26. We were unable to attend the funeral, but I sent them a sympathy card and included a couple of memories . I told them I'd always remember his kindness and patience toward my children, especially when they were little.
I saw his mom about a week later at the store and she thanked me for sharing those things about her son. She said she was afraid people would forget what a sweet person he was because of how he died. I assured her that anyone who knew him would not forget, but that's where she was emotionally at the time.
So I would keep it simple - "I'm so sorry for you loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I will always remember ___________________ (fill in the blank) about your son."
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
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Post by Mystie on Oct 10, 2015 1:03:32 GMT
I am so sorry. My good friend's son committed suicide in January...he was 18. The shock and grief is just overwhelming. Honestly, just being there with a hug and a sincere "I'm sorry" is all you can do, and they will appreciate it. My friend wanted to be surrounded with all the people who loved her son, it comforted her as much as anything could.
If you have any nice memories of him, maybe write them down in a card and send it along in a few days. They will treasure that.
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Post by mom on Oct 10, 2015 1:40:06 GMT
Thank you all for the advise. I was worried "I'm sorry for your loss" wouldn't be enough. You've all convinced me it's okay. And thanks for asking Valleyview, me son is pretty upset. This group of boys was supposed to go to the Homecoming dance tomorrow night instead they're going to be at a wake/funeral. I think he's still processing, we're asking questions and giving support while trying not to be too overbearing. It's a delicate balance. Im sorry will be enough...then in a couple of weeks, drop her a card in the mail that you are thinking of her. When everyone else moves on with their lives, she will not. A simple card that says you are thinking of her is one of the kindest gestures that people did for us. |
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,017
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Post by mimima on Oct 10, 2015 2:01:02 GMT
Lord have Mercy. Memory Eternal. I'm so sorry
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