sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Oct 10, 2015 20:19:05 GMT
DS, 19, is in an inpatient psych facility for bipolar? mania and paranoia. Here's where I posted about it This is his second day. His only visitors have been his dad and me. He's drugged now, much calmer but still asking reality check questions. He's mentioning his previous delusions in past tense "I thought this was happening, but it's not..." and looking to us for reassurance. Here's my question: He wants my DD, 21 to visit. DD is really upset and stressed about the past week/month witnessing DS's decline. DD doesn't want to visit yet. What should I tell DS about why DD isn't visiting? I've been especially careful being truthful with him lately, due to his paranoia. But the truth now might upset him too much. I could honestly say DD is busy working on college assignments, but that's not the actual reason for her not visiting. ETA: If you've had symptoms like DS is having, with disillusion/paranoid thoughts, would you PM me or answer here about them? I'm wondering if, when you're able to recover from that episode: Do they feel like a memory of something that actually occurred? Do you remember the emotions and details about those thoughts? ________ UPDATE: I told him the truth and he seemed to be fine with it. Right now, what's important to him seems to be mostly his own thoughts and conclusions. I'm thankful for your advice and encouragement. VERY thankful! |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 10, 2015 20:26:18 GMT
I would run it by the social worker or psych that is working with him. You could spare his feelings by saying she's swamped at college. Are you all involved in his therapy at the facility??
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Oct 10, 2015 20:31:03 GMT
Are you all involved in his therapy at the facility?? No, I have someone I plan to talk to (a therapist). I'm encouraging DD to see someone as well. I'm finding out that while I was sleeping, DS was pestering DD a lot in the middle of the night with paranoid fears and theories. DD has been SO GOOD with DS when he was upset lately. Better than me, actually. I'm so grateful for her presence and aid during these tough times. ETA: OK now I reread the question and realize I didn't answer it. He hasn't had much therapy yet. He's supposedly meeting with the team Tuesday. We haven't been told if we'll be included in the actual meeting. Is that what you mean? |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 1:36:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2015 21:14:00 GMT
I suspect you'll get good guidance from your son's team, but I wonder - what kind of person is he about honesty when he's not in the midst of delusion? Is he someone who values honesty even when it's painful, or does he prefer a little sheltering? My thought is that he's that same person, and I'd treat him like you always have in that regard. If that means you tell him a gentle version of the truth ("She's been so distressed and needs some time, but she'll want to see you in the future" or something), he's in the best place he could be to get really upset about it.
I might also not want to risk his paranoia later telling him you were dishonest with him, and it might. I'd go with honest, but I don't know him, you, or your relationship, so YMMV.
I hope you are doing okay, too. I know this is incredibly stressful, and you are doing great.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Oct 10, 2015 21:31:57 GMT
At the advice of christine58 , I contacted the facility and the staff member recommended honesty because 'he's grounded enough in reality to hear it'. Thanks, Christine. I wouldn't have thought of that. And to your question, @mochimochi -- I'd say he prefers honesty, although I wouldn't say that he himself is a terribly honest person with me as my son. |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 10, 2015 21:51:16 GMT
Are you all involved in his therapy at the facility?? No, I have someone I plan to talk to (a therapist). I'm encouraging DD to see someone as well. I'm finding out that while I was sleeping, DS was pestering DD a lot in the middle of the night with paranoid fears and theories. DD has been SO GOOD with DS when he was upset lately. Better than me, actually. I'm so grateful for her presence and aid during these tough times. ETA: OK now I reread the question and realize I didn't answer it. He hasn't had much therapy yet. He's supposedly meeting with the team Tuesday. We haven't been told if we'll be included in the actual meeting. Is that what you mean? Sort of...I've taught kids who have been inpatient (once they are discharged and before they enter) and more often than not, the family has to participate in some kind of therapy with that child. I'm sure at some point your family will be required to be part his therapy. I had one child not be able to return home until his dad and step mom completed a set number of sessions. |
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879 
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Post by likescarrots on Oct 10, 2015 22:02:30 GMT
Do you think it would be possible/she would be willing to talk to him on the phone? It might be a bit of a compromise for her to be able to control her own situation but still talk to him so he can know she cares about him and is thinking about him. I was in a similar position to your daughter when I was younger, and being able to be in control of my surroundings was my main priority.
I know I didn't really answer your question - I don't know what to tell you about how to tell your son, but maybe this could be a bit of a compromise.
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Post by manomo on Oct 10, 2015 22:08:25 GMT
I'm glad you were advised to tell him the truth. As somebody who has dealt for years with a family member diagnosed with a mental illness, I've found that even well-meaning lies have a way of backfiring. The person needs to know who they can trust to tell the truth even when it may hurt. Things can be so confusing for somebody who is delusional and, if you add lies to the mix, it's even more difficult for the patient to keep things straight.
I'm sending you positive thoughts. This is a hard road but you are giving you, your son, your entire family a gift by getting him the professional help he needs and deserves.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,180
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Oct 10, 2015 23:04:11 GMT
My DS was exactly the same when my DD was first hospitalised. He was almost 13 at the time, and it was just too stressful for him to go and visit her. She was in an adolescent psychiatric unit, which was an excellent facility, and didn't feel at all like a hospital. However, she was in a locked ward because she kept trying to run away, and it was distressing enough for me to visit on many occasions; DS found it very difficult when he did eventually go. We had to tell her that his visits were too hard, and that he didn't want to see her. It was really sad though, because DD loved to see him, and he was really good at improving her mood. But it took so much out of him that we had to protect his feelings at the expense of hers.
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Post by scrappychick on Oct 10, 2015 23:16:00 GMT
I would tell him a gentle version of the truth. You can say that you don't think it's a good idea right now. Tell him that everyone has been through a lot lately, and dd has to get some therapy and concentrate on her college work. You can always reevaluate in a week or two.
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Post by christine58 on Oct 10, 2015 23:16:35 GMT
Love the idea of her talking to him on the phone. Praying for your son sharlag. |
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Post by disneypal on Oct 10, 2015 23:24:52 GMT
I think I would just tell him that right now is not a good time for DD to visit
He needs time to get better and reducing the number of visitors is best for him right now.
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Post by scrapbookwriter on Oct 11, 2015 5:56:12 GMT
Your daughter could write your son an encouraging note. You will probably need to give it to the staff to review before giving it to him.
((Hugs))
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Post by georgiee on Oct 11, 2015 8:10:24 GMT
Prayers for your family
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Trixie Bender
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Jun 26, 2014 11:31:57 GMT
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Post by Trixie Bender on Oct 11, 2015 8:55:39 GMT
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Sharla.
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Post by mlynn on Oct 11, 2015 9:39:22 GMT
simply tell him that she is not ready yet.
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Post by yodutchess on Oct 11, 2015 12:47:40 GMT
You will probably have a family therapy session once before DS is discharged, and that would be a great time to bring in DD. Or family therapy might be suggested in the discharge planning. I am not an expert, just BTDT with a depressed borderline child.
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Post by hop2 on Oct 11, 2015 13:04:00 GMT
You could be totally honest and yet not answer him. You could tell him that your not going to discuss your DD's reasons with him, that her's to discuss if she wishes to when she's able to visit him.
Did your DD tell you her reason? If she did was it a confidence? ( you may want to check with her ) You can't break a confidence to one person in order to be honest to another. That's part of life.
I'm just saying this because if my DD gave me a reason and she felt it was a confidence and I told it to DS she'd be very upset.
Im sorry your dealing with this. Prayers and positive thoughts to you all as you deal with it. {{{hugs}}}
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Oct 11, 2015 13:41:58 GMT
I told him the truth and he seemed to be fine with it. Right now, what's important to him seems to be mostly his own thoughts and conclusions. I'm thankful for your advice and encouragement. VERY thankful!
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
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Post by Nanner on Oct 11, 2015 15:36:40 GMT
Sharla, does the hospital organize a parent support group? When DD was in, our hospital did. It was really helpful for us to get together with parents of other kids who were in the same unit, along with two of the therapists who ran it. If yours does, I highly recommend at least checking it out. Because not only does your DS need support, but you do as well.
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Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
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Post by Nicole in TX on Oct 11, 2015 16:22:55 GMT
You are an awesome mom.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Oct 11, 2015 18:08:08 GMT
Nanner , no mention of a support group and I asked about family sessions, and was told there was none. Maybe it's because he's 19? I'm waiting to call 'the team' tomorrow since it will be a weekday.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
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Post by Nanner on Oct 12, 2015 1:57:23 GMT
Nanner , no mention of a support group and I asked about family sessions, and was told there was none. Maybe it's because he's 19? I'm waiting to call 'the team' tomorrow since it will be a weekday. That's true. DD was 16 when she was in. Hopefully the team will have some other resources for you, as his parent. |
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