Deleted
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May 8, 2024 3:36:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2015 15:22:04 GMT
Do you have any friends who are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't even pay attention to you. I have a friend who I email every Monday and tell her about my weekend and ask about hers. This morning I emailed her my usual and told her about a death in my family and a milestone BD dinner that we went to. She answers back and says she is thinking about what she is going to do for her DH's milestone next year and do I know anyplace that would be good. Not a word about my loss. WTF?
I have another friend who was going out with people last week and DH and I were going to meet them out and I totally forgot about it, same way I forget lots of stuff (age and too much on my mind). She texts me an hour before we were supposed to meet and I apologized and said I was so disappointed I was going to miss going since we were 2 hours from home and on and on and she texts back "That's OK, I guess I know my place in your life." Again WTF? She is one of those whose BD is always a command performance for all her friends, but over the years I have actually talked to her on my BD and she doesn't even acknowledge it because she doesn't even remember its my BD.
How do you nicely remove these people from your life? It's not like they don't have redeeming qualities, but have some interest in other people once in awhile.
That's my vent for today.
Ann |
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876 
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Oct 12, 2015 15:34:40 GMT
Can you really not see that you were in the wrong here?
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smginaz Suzy
Pearl Clutcher
Je suis desole.
Posts: 2,606
Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Oct 12, 2015 15:39:27 GMT
Your first scenario makes sense, and a friend (I would think) would take the time for condolences on your loss.
Your second scenario seems to fall on you for making plans and not seeing them through. I forget things too, which is why I write them down. What if she was reacting because everyone that committed just forgot, and now she is on her own? Yeah, her text was a bit of a snit, but it's just hard to know if you were one of a few that just forgot after committing.
How to remove them? Friend #1, stop emailing them your weekend summary every week. (Maybe I am the only one exhausted at the thought of that from a friend?) Wait for them to reach out to you. Friend #2, don't make plans with them. I mean, I don't see the need for a neon sign announcing your departure from the friendship. Just dial down your interaction and make plans with people whose company you enjoy.
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Deleted
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May 8, 2024 3:36:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2015 15:41:09 GMT
Can you really not see that you were in the wrong here? I apologized profusely, she was going out with other people so it really didn't make that much of a difference to her either way other than she had a smaller audience. I sat at a bar waiting with another friend for her once and when I texted her she had forgotten. Stuff happens. People forget. It's not like she's not important to me. |
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Deleted
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May 8, 2024 3:36:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2015 15:42:48 GMT
Your first scenario makes sense, and a friend (I would think) would take the time for condolences on your loss. Your second scenario seems to fall on you for making plans and not seeing them through. I forget things too, which is why I write them down. What if she was reacting because everyone that committed just forgot, and now she is on her own? Yeah, her text was a bit of a snit, but it's just hard to know if you were one of a few that just forgot after committing. How to remove them? Friend #1, stop emailing them your weekend summary every week. (Maybe I am the only one exhausted at the thought of that from a friend?) Wait for them to reach out to you. Friend #2, don't make plans with them. I mean, I don't see the need for a neon sign announcing your departure from the friendship. Just dial down your interaction and make plans with people whose company you enjoy. Oh I get it, I felt horrible. She was not on her own. When she makes plans it always involves tons of people. She had a lovely time. I get being disappointed, but I thought her reply really was mean.
And the Monday email is something we have always done, either she emails me or I email her. Same with Fridays ... what are your weekend plans.
Ann
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 12, 2015 15:43:23 GMT
I have to agree with Lauren.
It seems like you were treating the friend in the second example like your friend in the first was treating you.
I tend to find that I usually get back what I am putting out.
Sometimes it take awhile to see that.
For instance I have been feeling lately that none of my friends are reaching out to me, no invites for coffee or dinner. Sort of feeling lonely. I started to have a pity party, and then did a reality check with myself. When was the last time I invited someone out.
So I did. I reached out to two people and I have plans for a coffee with one and a drink with another.
In your case I would stop emailing friend #1 about my weekend and instead email and ask about hers. Make the initial contact about her not you.
With the second friend I would apologize and say I am sorry I made you feel like an accessory to my life.. can you go to dinner, my treat.
Be who you want to be. If they don't respond in kind. Stop initiating contact and find other friends.
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Deleted
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May 8, 2024 3:36:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2015 15:49:58 GMT
I agree, number two's response was over the top, no need to stab you when you did apologize for the error. It was a mistake, and sometimes these things happen.
I don't think there is a nice way to separate. the least confrontational was would be to ghost out.
Annette
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Deleted
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May 8, 2024 3:36:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2015 16:48:51 GMT
I have to agree with Lauren. It seems like you were treating the friend in the second example like your friend in the first was treating you. I tend to find that I usually get back what I am putting out. Sometimes it take awhile to see that. For instance I have been feeling lately that none of my friends are reaching out to me, no invites for coffee or dinner. Sort of feeling lonely. I started to have a pity party, and then did a reality check with myself. When was the last time I invited someone out. So I did. I reached out to two people and I have plans for a coffee with one and a drink with another. In your case I would stop emailing friend #1 about my weekend and instead email and ask about hers. Make the initial contact about her not you. With the second friend I would apologize and say I am sorry I made you feel like an accessory to my life.. can you go to dinner, my treat. Be who you want to be. If they don't respond in kind. Stop initiating contact and find other friends. With Friend #1, that is our routine every Friday and Monday ... discussing plans for the weekend and after the fact. I started off with how was your weekend and then tell about mine. I just found it so strange that she didn't even acknowledge that someone in my family died.
Ann
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Oct 12, 2015 18:20:05 GMT
Is the friend #1 always self absorbed? Or is her not commenting on the death a new thing? I can see how she might have been skimming the email and missed the death part, maybe.
I certainly would be frustrated if friends made a habit of not being interested in my life.
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momgo
Shy Member
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Post by momgo on Oct 12, 2015 18:25:04 GMT
I sent a text to my friend that my mom has been diagnosed with cancer. She sent a text back a picture of herself asking how I liked her new hair color... I get it. It sucks!
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Oct 12, 2015 18:42:32 GMT
Are you looking to nicely remove friend #1 from your life? You've repeated that the email thing is something you've always done. Do you want to continue it for that reason even though it's the source of your frustration with her as a self centered friend?
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 12, 2015 23:50:12 GMT
Your first scenario makes sense, and a friend (I would think) would take the time for condolences on your loss. Your second scenario seems to fall on you for making plans and not seeing them through. I forget things too, which is why I write them down. What if she was reacting because everyone that committed just forgot, and now she is on her own? Yeah, her text was a bit of a snit, but it's just hard to know if you were one of a few that just forgot after committing. How to remove them? Friend #1, stop emailing them your weekend summary every week. (Maybe I am the only one exhausted at the thought of that from a friend?) Wait for them to reach out to you. Friend #2, don't make plans with them. I mean, I don't see the need for a neon sign announcing your departure from the friendship. Just dial down your interaction and make plans with people whose company you enjoy. Oh I get it, I felt horrible. She was not on her own. When she makes plans it always involves tons of people. She had a lovely time. I get being disappointed, but I thought her reply really was mean.
And the Monday email is something we have always done, either she emails me or I email her. Same with Fridays ... what are your weekend plans.
Ann
I think her reply was sarcastic, not mean. As for the email person, maybe she only skims your email or perhaps she read it and then spaced it out when she replied. I don't see either offense as egregious and definitely not things that I would want to end a friendship over. |
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Post by jenn on Oct 13, 2015 2:32:34 GMT
I sent a text to my friend that my mom has been diagnosed with cancer. She sent a text back a picture of herself asking how I liked her new hair color... I get it. It sucks! Yeah...I had a friend like this. I was telling her about my mom's diagnosis and frustrations with her treatment. Friend responded with "I always felt as if your mom was judging me and I liked your father more." *sigh* |
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,746
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Oct 13, 2015 3:03:39 GMT
I sent a text to my friend that my mom has been diagnosed with cancer. She sent a text back a picture of herself asking how I liked her new hair color... I get it. It sucks! Yeah...I had a friend like this. I was telling her about my mom's diagnosis and frustrations with her treatment. Friend responded with "I always felt as if your mom was judging me and I liked your father more." *sigh* [br What the actual eff?! Who does that?! What an inconsiderate cow. |
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2015 4:39:41 GMT
Do you have any friends who are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't even pay attention to you. I have a friend who I email every Monday and tell her about my weekend and ask about hers. This morning I emailed her my usual and told her about a death in my family and a milestone BD dinner that we went to. She answers back and says she is thinking about what she is going to do for her DH's milestone next year and do I know anyplace that would be good. Not a word about my loss. WTF?
I have another friend who was going out with people last week and DH and I were going to meet them out and I totally forgot about it, same way I forget lots of stuff (age and too much on my mind). She texts me an hour before we were supposed to meet and I apologized and said I was so disappointed I was going to miss going since we were 2 hours from home and on and on and she texts back "That's OK, I guess I know my place in your life." Again WTF? She is one of those whose BD is always a command performance for all her friends, but over the years I have actually talked to her on my BD and she doesn't even acknowledge it because she doesn't even remember its my BD.
How do you nicely remove these people from your life? It's not like they don't have redeeming qualities, but have some interest in other people once in awhile.
That's my vent for today.
Ann Friend #1 - I honestly don't see the big deal unless the loss was someone immediately close to you (mom, dad, sibling). Perhaps she didn't realize it was a big deal. I know there are people in my family who could pass and it wouldnt be a big deal on my radar (which is sad, but it is what it is). Your friend continued on the conversation about the milestone bday dinner - you had brought that up. I think you are entirely blowing this out of proportion. Friend #2 - yeah, Im sorry, but thats on you. And if you want everyone to acknowledge your birthday then tell them. Throw yourself a party and invite them. FWIW, I do think your friend was being sarcastic or atleast trying to be. Your last sentence is really ironic. You want them to have interest in you but you are not wanting to give them any interest in whats going on with them. I would suggest you spending some time figuring out if you are being the type of friend you would want to be friends with. As someone else said, people treat you the way they've been treated. |
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Oct 13, 2015 10:04:54 GMT
Can you really not see that you were in the wrong here? I apologized profusely, she was going out with other people so it really didn't make that much of a difference to her either way other than she had a smaller audience. I sat at a bar waiting with another friend for her once and when I texted her she had forgotten. Stuff happens. People forget. It's not like she's not important to me. I think you have one standard for how you expect people to treat you but it doesn't apply to you in your treatment of others. In both cases you are unhappy with your friends. Even your thread title expresses your level of dissatisfaction. I am not sure there is an answer to your situation. |
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Post by peasapie on Oct 13, 2015 11:52:38 GMT
I guess if I wanted to nicely remove them from my life, I'd stop sending emails once a week and gradually reduce communications. That's the path friendships take when they turn into acquaintances without becoming enemies. Chatting less often, getting together only infrequently.
If it's a good friend, though, I'd have a heart to heart and express my feelings.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 8, 2024 3:36:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2015 12:14:39 GMT
I sent a text to my friend that my mom has been diagnosed with cancer. She sent a text back a picture of herself asking how I liked her new hair color... I get it. It sucks! OMG. Although I can see that happening. I always tell Friend #2 that calling her is like calling the suicide hotline and being put on hold. I guess that is the reason I was so frustrated with her. In the past (many times) I would call her with problems and if her call waiting beeped in I would be put on hold and sometimes forgotten! Ann |
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My original pea date was November 1999 and my number was 1803
