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Post by cecilia on Oct 13, 2015 22:12:58 GMT
Have a friend named Jen. I think she is in an emoemotionally abusive relationship. If nothing else, it's very toxic. The relationship is with her ex boyfriend, who she has a very young daughter with.
She keeps saying she is tired of being treated badly yet keeps making excuses for his behavior and doesn't stand up for herself. And it sucks. It has strained my relationship with her. I want to be there for her yet it is so emotionally draining.
No idea what to do.
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Post by gar on Oct 13, 2015 22:24:09 GMT
I don't think there is anything you can do other than listen and be there for her as much as you can be. If she decides to cut off all communications it will be when she's ready and not before. I'm sure its tough on you but what's the alternative?
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Post by Basket1lady on Oct 13, 2015 22:28:40 GMT
Stop offering advice. Just listen. It's got to be so hard dealing with an ex and a young child. She needs some sort of contact until the child is an adult. You could suggest they only have contact in writing (texts and emails). But ultimately, it's up to her.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 3:31:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2015 23:02:18 GMT
I was Jen several years ago. The best thing you can do is listen to her without judgement. Gentle advice if she seems to be looking for advice, but don't expect her to act on any of it. I was in a very dark place and didn't know how to get out. But the friends that loved me unconditionally were my life vest. Even if I didn't show it. Actually I kept a lot from my close friends so your friend may be going through much more then she is telling you. But having you to vent to is priceless.
For me to get to the place I was, it was a culmination of things and took many years to get to that point. Unfortunately I had to live through it and find the answers on my own. BUT, that is what has empowered me today. It has strengthened me beyond any words of advice or help from friends. I had to live through it, cry, pray, vent to friends, deal with it on my own and learn some very tough lessons. But now that I'm on the other side, I wouldn't change it. Honestly. Sounds weird I know. But it's the truth.
I lost a few friends along the way. Mostly the judgmental ones who would get angry for me. I had to distance myself from them. The ones who I have today, I cherish with all my heart. They loved me unconditionally, took me out for coffee and gave me a shoulder and an ear. They are the ones who helped me get through it on my own. And on my own was the only way I could do it. Now, they see how strong I am and kind of understand the journey I was on. But most importantly they knew what I needed. Just a friend that I knew I could depend on.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Oct 13, 2015 23:27:32 GMT
Have a friend named Jen. I think she is in an emoemotionally abusive relationship. If nothing else, it's very toxic. The relationship is with her ex boyfriend, who she has a very young daughter with. She keeps saying she is tired of being treated badly yet keeps making excuses for his behavior and doesn't stand up for herself. And it sucks. It has strained my relationship with her. I want to be there for her yet it is so emotionally draining. No idea what to do. I have a friend that I have known since freshman year of high school 39 years. I was the maid of honor for her first marriage. She has suffered some level of abuse getting increasingly worse with each marriage and relationship. I just couldn't take it anymore. I told her the last time we talked that she keeps doing the same things with the same type of men and ending up in the same place. I told her that for the sake of her kids, she needs to value herself and to start caring for herself. I told her she could no longer talk to me about "him". We have not spoken since. I did call her after that but she wouldn't return my call. We did exchange birthday cards. I am ok with it. We don't live in the same state. So, calls to say happy birthday, Merry Christmas etc. always ended with her being abused, ignored, cheated on etc....it effected me, so I had to end that aspect of the friendship which actually probably has ended the friendship. There is nothing you can do about her choices, only your reaction to them. |
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Post by blondiec47 on Oct 13, 2015 23:37:12 GMT
I was Jen several years ago. The best thing you can do is listen to her without judgement. Gentle advice if she seems to be looking for advice, but don't expect her to act on any of it. I was in a very dark place and didn't know how to get out. But the friends that loved me unconditionally were my life vest. Even if I didn't show it. Actually I kept a lot from my close friends so your friend may be going through much more then she is telling you. But having you to vent to is priceless. For me to get to the place I was, it was a culmination of things and took many years to get to that point. Unfortunately I had to live through it and find the answers on my own. BUT, that is what has empowered me today. It has strengthened me beyond any words of advice or help from friends. I had to live through it, cry, pray, vent to friends, deal with it on my own and learn some very tough lessons. But now that I'm on the other side, I wouldn't change it. Honestly. Sounds weird I know. But it's the truth. I lost a few friends along the way. Mostly the judgmental ones who would get angry for me. I had to distance myself from them. The ones who I have today, I cherish with all my heart. They loved me unconditionally, took me out for coffee and gave me a shoulder and an ear. They are the ones who helped me get through it on my own. And on my own was the only way I could do it. Now, they see how strong I am and kind of understand the journey I was on. But most importantly they knew what I needed. Just a friend that I knew I could depend on. Me too, but you said it so much better |
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 14, 2015 0:03:56 GMT
Be there for her and don't judge. Leaving an abusive relationship is incredibly hard.
Offer to listen or to help or give her resources if she asks
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 14, 2015 0:04:36 GMT
You can also call csp. If the child is witness to violence in the home or is being abused herself.
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Post by mymindseyedpea on Oct 14, 2015 0:32:04 GMT
Look up traits of an Empath and see if she fits them.
If so there are ways to keep from getting drained or emotionally attacked.
As an Empath myself I seem to attract more people who attack me emotionally, some in the Narcissistic type category cause Empaths seem to be their fuel or life force.
I guess in the psychological terms it's the relationship of BPD and the Narcissist.
But the ways an Empath protects themselves might work for anyone in an emotionally abusive relationship.
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Post by pb on Oct 14, 2015 3:02:43 GMT
Read "Helping her Get Free" by Susan Brewster.
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