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Post by beachbum on Oct 18, 2015 20:28:54 GMT
Here's the story, names have been changed to protect the innocent...
A & B had been talking about houses in the neighborhood. A looks up some info about the house across the street on the internet, all public sites, but still info about their house. A & B were outside, in the driveway, and B starts talking about the info A found out about the neighbor's house. A lowers voice and asks B to not discuss this outside. B gets pissed and stomps off into the house.
Now B is totally pissed, says A "talked down" to B, criticized B, belittled, B... on and on.
So, what say the P's - what do you think about what A said? The info about the house is not personal (not a foreclosure or anything like that), but just info about the actual house. Is A too sensitive? Is B out of line? Would you discuss in public?
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Oct 18, 2015 20:33:05 GMT
They shouldn't talk about it in earshot of the neighbor.
But really, who cares. This is stupid
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Post by scrapsuzy on Oct 18, 2015 20:33:44 GMT
A is being ridiculous but so is B. It is public info, nothing secretive. But storming off? Kinda childish.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:36:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2015 20:35:10 GMT
what do you think about what A said? I have no idea what A said, it's all way too confusing and vague. |
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Post by katlady on Oct 18, 2015 20:37:39 GMT
Based on what you posted, I say B overreacted. But, even though it is public info, I wouldn't want to be talking about it out in public, just in case someone overhears. Do people live in the house under discussion?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:36:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2015 20:46:20 GMT
I think B over re-acted. Even though it IS public info, if someone digs for it, I'd hate to overhear the fact my neighbors had been discussing my house AND taking the time to dig up relevant information. So from that pov I think it was not an outdoor conversation.
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Post by beachbum on Oct 18, 2015 20:49:52 GMT
Basically... I found some info on the house across the street (it's the elevation certificate, we are in SW Florida, flood insurance is lots of $$$ and ours is up for renewal). I found their EC online, we are going to have one done for our house, it's too old to have had one done when it was built and there wasn't one done when we bought a year ago. DH asked me to come to the driveway and look to see if I thought our house was as high/higher/lower than theirs. Of course, he starts spouting off the numbers I found about theirs. I quietly asked him not to talk about their EC while we were outside (I would feel strange knowing someone is looking at our stuff... I guess they might feel the same, even tho it's public record??? maybe too sensitive, but that's me). He's now royally pissed, saying I'm taking down to him, criticizing him... I'm not sure how that counts as criticizing, I just asked him not to bring it up outside. He cussed the crap out of me once we got inside... way out of proportion (I think) for this. I really didn't think it was that big a deal....
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,667 
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Oct 18, 2015 21:05:31 GMT
He's wrong; you're right.  |
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Post by femalebusiness on Oct 18, 2015 21:07:29 GMT
With the new info I'd say your husband is being a jerk. I think you are very reasonable.
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lindas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,488
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Post by lindas on Oct 18, 2015 21:31:19 GMT
"What would you call this??" I'd call it childish by both of you.
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,704
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Oct 18, 2015 21:44:05 GMT
I think you're both too sensitive. Life is to short for a H & W to get in an argument about a neighbors elevation certificate.
If it's public record and you're doing the research to learn more about your own house then it's no big deal if you are discussing it or not.
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Post by beachbum on Oct 18, 2015 21:44:49 GMT
"What would you call this??" I'd call it childish by both of you. I'm not really sure why you think I was childish? What's childish about not wanting to discuss something out in public? I didn't throw a fit about it, or stomp my foot. Over sensitive, maybe... but I don't see it as childish. |
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Post by originalvanillabean on Oct 18, 2015 21:44:51 GMT
I'm with you on this one.
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Post by lucyg on Oct 18, 2015 21:49:35 GMT
I think you don't talk about people or their activities, their families, their belongings, whatever, within their earshot, when you're not talking TO them. It's rude whether you're discussing their elevation certificate, their latest vacation, or their delinquent kid. Except maybe in the most general terms. What I'm more interested in is whether this is unusual behavior for your DH and how old he is. Because my stepfather has gotten increasingly irascible and overly sensitive, and we think he's had some TIAs, only he refuses to even get checked for possible stroke.  Of course, at almost 88, he is quite a bit older than your DH. |
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Post by disneypal on Oct 18, 2015 21:58:19 GMT
I don't think A was out of line. Even if it is public info, there is no need to broadcast it. I think it is better to keep it quiet
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Post by melanell on Oct 18, 2015 22:01:16 GMT
One thing I have learned through my genealogy work is that there is far more info out there about living individuals than people probably realize. And it's not hard for others to find it, even accidentally. However, I agree that knowing that someone was looking up info about you or your home might make people feel a bit uncomfortable, and I too would not look to broadcast that knowledge in front of others. So I would likely want my DH to keep the conversation quiet or indoors myself. From what you're describing, your DH's behavior sounds over the top and a bit baffling to me. I have a hard time imagining my own DH "cussing the crap out of me" over anything, really, and certainly not such a simple, innocent request as the one you are describing.  I'm sorry he reacted so badly.  Hugs. |
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caro
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Refupea 1130
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Post by caro on Oct 18, 2015 22:09:09 GMT
Voices carry when you are outside. I would hate to know my info was being discussed outside. But that's me. I think B overreacted.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 18, 2015 22:09:29 GMT
Honestly, it isn't so much about what you say but what he hears. It may have sounded totally level and reasonable to you, but if he heard an edge to your voice or condescension in it, that would explain his reaction... especially if you've ever had to have discussions about tone before, and even if you legitimately did not have any hint of a "tone" at all.
(A lot of the conversations in my house go, "When you said X, it sounded to me like Y.")
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Post by lisacharlotte on Oct 18, 2015 22:15:09 GMT
Seriously, "Do you think our elevation is higher or lower?" is sensitive information? I look up houses in our neighborhood all the time. I check property taxes and selling price. I'm perfectly happy to share that information if anyone asks. I like to know where I stand in relation to my neighbors' home values.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Oct 18, 2015 22:16:02 GMT
"What would you call this??" I'd call it childish by both of you. I'm not really sure why you think I was childish? What's childish about not wanting to discuss something out in public? I didn't throw a fit about it, or stomp my foot. Over sensitive, maybe... but I don't see it as childish. Oh here we go. Standard Pea procedure #1,934. Ask the Peas what they think and then say "how dare you!" OP, you're an idiot. Try working out your own problems with your DH instead of running to a message board to whine about a stupid argument over nothing. |
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Oct 18, 2015 22:18:06 GMT
I completely forgot all about the details of the outside conversation when I got to where your husband cussed you out. Cussed you out. He thinks you criticized him and talked down to him, so he cusses you out. I don't even know what to say about that.  |
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Post by leftturnonly on Oct 18, 2015 22:24:11 GMT
I don't like to discuss the neighbor's anything in a way they might overhear, so I would probably say the same thing to B. From the OP, B sounds like someone who turns everything said to them into something more, and thinks it's probably against them. (Is B a pea?  ) |
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Post by librarylady on Oct 18, 2015 22:25:21 GMT
We are all different and have unique ways of interacting---but, I'd find it hard to live with someone who cussed me out.
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Post by beachbum on Oct 18, 2015 22:28:03 GMT
I'm not really sure why you think I was childish? What's childish about not wanting to discuss something out in public? I didn't throw a fit about it, or stomp my foot. Over sensitive, maybe... but I don't see it as childish. Oh here we go. Standard Pea procedure #1,934. Ask the Peas what they think and then say "how dare you!" OP, you're an idiot. Try working out your own problems with your DH instead of running to a message board to whine about a stupid argument over nothing. I'm not saying "How dare you" - just a damn question. I'm over sensitive sometimes, I know it and I own it. No problem there, call me on that and I'm OK. lindas has every right in the world to say whatever she wants to say, as do you, but I have the same damn right to ask her what she means. No "how dare you" here at all - I'm not in any way upset by what she said, just wondering what she meant. Sometimes it helps to hear what others think, see a different perspective. I'm sure you never have any arguments over nothing, I'm totally sure your life is just f*cking perfect. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Oct 18, 2015 22:28:15 GMT
Basically... I found some info on the house across the street (it's the elevation certificate, we are in SW Florida, flood insurance is lots of $$$ and ours is up for renewal). I found their EC online, we are going to have one done for our house, it's too old to have had one done when it was built and there wasn't one done when we bought a year ago. DH asked me to come to the driveway and look to see if I thought our house was as high/higher/lower than theirs. Of course, he starts spouting off the numbers I found about theirs. I quietly asked him not to talk about their EC while we were outside (I would feel strange knowing someone is looking at our stuff... I guess they might feel the same, even tho it's public record??? maybe too sensitive, but that's me). He's now royally pissed, saying I'm taking down to him, criticizing him... I'm not sure how that counts as criticizing, I just asked him not to bring it up outside. He cussed the crap out of me once we got inside... way out of proportion (I think) for this. I really didn't think it was that big a deal.... This is between you and your husband? This is not about the house across the street. He thinks you think poorly of him, whether you do or not. You've got a big communication problem! ETA - You as in you and your husband. |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 18, 2015 22:28:48 GMT
Here's the story, names have been changed to protect the innocent... A & B had been talking about houses in the neighborhood. A looks up some info about the house across the street on the internet, all public sites, but still info about their house. A & B were outside, in the driveway, and B starts talking about the info A found out about the neighbor's house. A lowers voice and asks B to not discuss this outside. B gets pissed and stomps off into the house. Now B is totally pissed, says A "talked down" to B, criticized B, belittled, B... on and on. So, what say the P's - what do you think about what A said? The info about the house is not personal (not a foreclosure or anything like that), but just info about the actual house. Is A too sensitive? Is B out of line? Would you discuss in public? Are A & B 12 year olds?? |
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Country Ham
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Oct 18, 2015 22:28:59 GMT
"What would you call this??" I'd call it childish by both of you. I'm not really sure why you think I was childish? What's childish about not wanting to discuss something out in public? I didn't throw a fit about it, or stomp my foot. Over sensitive, maybe... but I don't see it as childish. I can't personally can't stand being chided especially in public. So even if it wasn't a big chiding I would still feel put in my place I guess. Would I curse someone out, nope, but I wouldn't like being told to hush either. I will go so far as to say that bringing this whole situation to an online community a little, well, gulp.. childish. Sounds like you both were having an overly sensitive moment. |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:36:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2015 22:36:04 GMT
I would not appreciate my husband treating me like a child, which to my mind is what he'd be doing if he decided to basically tell me I had no manners.
I wouldn't react like your husband did, but I also would be irritated to be corrected (unnecessarily) in that way.
I think you both behaved badly.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:36:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2015 22:37:21 GMT
I have to wonder what the backstory is on why the DH feels he is being criticized/spoken down to. I suspect it isn't just about this one time. Has he stated this type of thing to you before but you haven't "heard" him?
I does sound like he over-reacted, but I would be asking myself why? I know DH and I would react off of small things because they linked to ongoing discussions/arguments where we hadn't solved the issue. I suspect this might be one of those things for you maybe to discuss at time where you are both calm and relaxed rather than in the heat of the argument.
And yes, this would be information that I could see DH and I discussing outside. So I wouldn't have thought to tell him we should take the discussion inside.
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Post by mymindseyedpea on Oct 18, 2015 22:48:13 GMT
I think B is embarrassed and trying to defend himself to soften it.
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Of course, at almost 88, he is quite a bit older than your DH.
I'm sorry he reacted so badly. 
Hugs.
)
