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Post by cakediva on Nov 2, 2015 23:09:50 GMT
In the interest of keeping everything not in writing anywhere - I'm deleting my words so we can be sure there is no "ammunition" that can be used against mom.
Thank you all for your words of support!!
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Post by originalvanillabean on Nov 2, 2015 23:14:25 GMT
Sorry for your mom. How wonderful that your family came together to help her transition out of there.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 2, 2015 23:25:27 GMT
I'm sorry for your mom, no one should be treated that way.
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Post by cakediva on Nov 3, 2015 2:52:49 GMT
Thanks ladies.
I just got off the phone with my brother, who was just chatting with Mom.
*****deleted any info that may or may not be able to be used against Mom**********
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Nov 3, 2015 3:22:48 GMT
I'm so sorry. It hurts so badly to see your parent hurting (been there, done that with my dad long time ago with his second wife). I'm proud of your mom - she is taking the bull by the horns and is doing positive things to help herself. I'm glad she has you and others for support.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:46:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2015 3:47:38 GMT
I'm sorry. I hope she can heal and get back to herself. The more you invest in a relationship (whether it's time, money, loss of friends, etc.) the harder it is to get out. Hearing harsh treatment, even if you are strong, really takes it's toll. Normally I am all for mercy but I say bury him. Maybe he will finally learn!
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Nov 3, 2015 3:56:28 GMT
I'm so sorry. That man is a first class asshole, bury him.
He won't learn anything from it unfortunately, guys like that never do. He'll blame everything on your Mom. Either way though he's going to be pissed so you may as well bury him but your top priority is not letting your mother be bullied into going back to that f*cker!
Hugs!
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Post by flanz on Nov 3, 2015 4:07:08 GMT
so sorry. it's awesome that you can be there for your mom in such a big way. (((hugs)))
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Post by RiverIsis on Nov 3, 2015 4:20:20 GMT
I'm so sorry. That man is a first class asshole, bury him. He won't learn anything from it unfortunately, guys like that never do. He'll blame everything on your Mom. Either way though he's going to be pissed so you may as well bury him but your top priority is not letting your mother be bullied into going back to that f*cker! Hugs!  |
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Post by anniefb on Nov 3, 2015 4:29:41 GMT
I'm so sorry. It hurts so badly to see your parent hurting (been there, done that with my dad long time ago with his second wife). I'm proud of your mom - she is taking the bull by the horns and is doing positive things to help herself. I'm glad she has you and others for support. Yeah that ^^ |
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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Nov 3, 2015 5:15:55 GMT
How awful. The Peas have your back- holding your earrings, advice, bail money, the lot. Time to stand up to that awful bully.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 3, 2015 5:46:03 GMT
I'd stick with half and her dignity.
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Post by JoP on Nov 3, 2015 6:19:25 GMT
How awful. The Peas have your back- holding your earrings, advice, bail money, the lot. Time to stand up to that awful bully. ^^^ (((hugs))) |
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 3, 2015 9:19:11 GMT
I'd be wanting half of his condo too (high end, big city condo". If she is entitled to this, if she goes through with a divorce then it's worth pursuing since she gave up a nice sum to be with him and live there. I'm sorry for your mother's troubles, and I'm impressed so many have stepped right in to help her. |
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Post by claire on Nov 3, 2015 9:59:34 GMT
If she is entitled to this, if she goes through with a divorce then it's worth pursuing since she gave up a nice sum to be with him and live there. I'm sorry for your mother's troubles, and I'm impressed so many have stepped right in to help her. Yes, exactly what I meant to say (but couldn't phrase).
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,156
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 3, 2015 11:42:05 GMT
I'm sorry she and your family have to go through this. It sounds like she's in a good place now having made the decision to leave, she seems to have found her strength!
I always say you never have any idea what goes on behind closed doors. So many people are in abusive relationships and when people find out they're like wow he/she seemed so nice. Glad he showed his true colors in front of his sister also, what a jerk!
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Post by pelirroja on Nov 3, 2015 11:45:03 GMT
Depending on what state she lives in, even if the condo is in HIS name, she might be entitled to a percentage of the increase in value from the date they got married to the date they officially separated. ((hugs)) to your Mom and your family: it's hard to see our tough cookie parents crumble. Losing a husband of 40 years must have been devastating and perhaps that's why she has caved in to the new guy. Go get him because he's going to (probably) be vindictive and petty as this situation progresses forward. Even if she gave up everything she's entitled to, he's likely to still be a first-class jackhole towards her. So go for everything she can possibly get: she's earned it for putting up with him. Turn the pitbull lawyer loose on him and let the chips fall where they may. I'm so proud she has found the courage to speak up: that must have been a really difficult thing for her to do.
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Post by gritzi on Nov 3, 2015 11:48:41 GMT
I'm sorry for what your Mom has been through, and hope this day forward will be a new positive journey for her. It sounds like the divorce will be ugly, however, she will be "free".
She sold her house to live w/him. Were the proceeds from the house used toward the condo & living expenses? I would definitely be going for 1/2 plus half the market value of the condo.
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Post by cakediva on Nov 3, 2015 12:17:15 GMT
Depending on what state she lives in, even if the condo is in HIS name, she might be entitled to a percentage of the increase in value from the date they got married to the date they officially separated. ((hugs)) to your Mom and your family: it's hard to see our tough cookie parents crumble. Losing a husband of 40 years must have been devastating and perhaps that's why she has caved in to the new guy. Go get him because he's going to (probably) be vindictive and petty as this situation progresses forward. Even if she gave up everything she's entitled to, he's likely to still be a first-class jackhole towards her. So go for everything she can possibly get: she's earned it for putting up with him. Turn the pitbull lawyer loose on him and let the chips fall where they may. I'm so proud she has found the courage to speak up: that must have been a really difficult thing for her to do. We're in Ontario - so I'm sure different rules than in the US. None in our family have gone through this - so NO clue what to expect. Although, my brother and his wife are calling it quits (should have 10 years ago) and jackhole did tell my brother it is a 50-50 rule here (he's annulled from his first wife years and years ago) - so this may come back to bite him in the ass. |
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Post by cakediva on Nov 3, 2015 12:19:37 GMT
I'm sorry for what your Mom has been through, and hope this day forward will be a new positive journey for her. It sounds like the divorce will be ugly, however, she will be "free". She sold her house to live w/him. Were the proceeds from the house used toward the condo & living expenses? I would definitely be going for 1/2 plus half the market value of the condo. No. *****personal info deleted just in case!******** |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:46:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2015 12:28:04 GMT
It's got to be so hard to see your mom treated that way. At first I thought maybe it was just a reaction to the cancer and medication, but then you said it's been going on for years... Yikes. Your mama raised two great kids who are like lions for her. I hope mine would do the same for me. Big hugs to you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:46:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2015 12:34:14 GMT
In the states, I don't think she would be entitled to any of the condo if he paid for it 100% before marriage and never put her name on the deed. She might be entitled to part of an increase in the asset, but I wouldn't honestly expect her to get 1/2 of something she put no money into.
And hopefully she kept all her investmetns in her name only. And if she did, I would think at most he could get 1/2 of anything she added to it over the 6 years and earnings. but not the principle
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Post by cakediva on Nov 3, 2015 12:47:56 GMT
In the states, I don't think she would be entitled to any of the condo if he paid for it 100% before marriage and never put her name on the deed. She might be entitled to part of an increase in the asset, but I wouldn't honestly expect her to get 1/2 of something she put no money into. And hopefully she kept all her investmetns in her name only. And if she did, I would think at most he could get 1/2 of anything she added to it over the 6 years and earnings. but not the principle Thanks for that info. I assumed as much - but again, none of us have ever dealt with any of this ever in our family. My Mom is the last person I ever expected to go through it. Her lawyer will give her all she needs today - I hope she can process it and it isn't information overload. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Nov 3, 2015 12:50:53 GMT
I'm on the way if you need a second... or someone to hold your stuff.  |
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,415
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Nov 3, 2015 12:54:54 GMT
As horrid as the six years have probably been, at least it won't be seven years of horrible treatment. It has to thrill you to see your Mom behaving like she has previously instead of like a mouse. Good for her.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:46:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2015 13:09:19 GMT
In the states, I don't think she would be entitled to any of the condo if he paid for it 100% before marriage and never put her name on the deed. She might be entitled to part of an increase in the asset, but I wouldn't honestly expect her to get 1/2 of something she put no money into. And hopefully she kept all her investmetns in her name only. And if she did, I would think at most he could get 1/2 of anything she added to it over the 6 years and earnings. but not the principle It's probably going to be something like this. The 50/50 most likely applies to their financials during the six years, not so much the investments and trusts that were in place before the marriage (depending on how it's set up.) Her lawyer will know all this, so our musings on the internet are just that. Good for you mom for standing up for herself -- and I'm so glad she has so much support, even from his family! Good luck! |
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gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332 
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Post by gloryjoy on Nov 3, 2015 13:26:52 GMT
I'm sorry for what your mom has been through but glad she has all of her family to be there for her.
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 3, 2015 14:03:56 GMT
It sounds like he has been emotionally abusive. Your mom is going to need a good lawyer, one that specializes in divorce. If he's been controlling throughout their marriage, he's not going to stop now.
I'm glad she saw the light and got out.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,627
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Nov 3, 2015 15:01:55 GMT
Hugs and prayers for your mom as she goes through this.
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Post by gypsymama on Nov 3, 2015 20:52:49 GMT
my mom went from pants wearing to cowering too and it makes me sick/sad to watch it... its destroyed her relationships with her kids and grandkids but she's a grown woman with a great job so that's all on her. i'm so glad your mom said "enough", no one should have to live like that!
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