Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:01:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2015 15:20:00 GMT
work. I work for a large law firm - lots of employees. A paralegal who sits in a cube outside my office came on like gangbusters when she was moved over there. We have a few things in common - having twins is one - but not much. Now she wants to have a playdate after work. I do not. It's nothing personal, but frankly i do not like to $h!t where I work.
She's a little clingy too. Texts me things like " thanks for being my friend". Don't get me wrong, she's nice...but....
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Nov 6, 2015 15:22:22 GMT
You are very busy. Always. I also don't believe in befriending the people I work with. Possibly other departments but the actual people I work with? No way in hell. Work is work and private life is private life... nary the two should meet.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 6, 2015 15:27:32 GMT
My work friends are great people and I would hate to think of the great adventures and laughs I would have missed because I labeled someone work or non work people. On the other hand, if you don't feel like you are clicking with someone, you shouldn't have to force it either. It sounds like she is making it awkward.
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Post by STBC on Nov 6, 2015 15:32:30 GMT
If the person was someone I'd be friends with if I had met them outside of work, yes - I'd be friends. Like I said in the other thread, many people in the community all work for the same company. One team I worked on, we all became good friends outside the office (and still are) because we all shared the same interests. Even when I worked at smaller companies, I didn't have a problem with being friends with my co-workers. I've met many great friends that way.
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Post by scraphollie27 on Nov 6, 2015 15:33:28 GMT
I would go with your instincts on this one and keep your distance. Once you have a friendship outside of work, it is really hard to distance yourself. I have great people that I work with and a few of us are friendly outside of work but I made mistake with one woman who I thought could be a friend and know I'm struggling to distance myself without damaging our work relationship.
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Post by Merge on Nov 6, 2015 15:55:53 GMT
It all depends. If you click, you click. My closest friends are women I used to teach with. I've moved schools and miss them terribly. But we "clicked." I wouldn't try to force a friendship with someone who didn't.
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Post by disneypal on Nov 6, 2015 15:59:44 GMT
Some of my best friends are those I met at work.
Maybe you should go out for dinner or a movie one day - you never know, it might be fun. One can never have too many friends.
If you REALLY don't want to though, just tell her that you just don't have much free time and when you get off work, all you want to do is go home and relax.
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Post by myshelly on Nov 6, 2015 16:00:43 GMT
I guess I just don't understand the issue with being friends with your coworkers.
It's hard to make friends as an adult. And if you spend most of your time at work, where else are you supposed to make friends?
If you don't like her that's one thing, but avoiding a friendship out of principle is very silly, IMO.
My very best, closest friend and I met when we were coworkers. The friendship lasted a lot longer than the job.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by YooHoot on Nov 6, 2015 16:03:08 GMT
Thanks for being my friend? Yeah, slightly odd.
I'm however good friends with a few coworkers. We hang out occasionally, happy hours, movies, dinners etc. My coworkers become by family. It's way easier to have each others back that way.
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Post by annabella on Nov 6, 2015 16:06:01 GMT
Why does she have your cell number if you're not friends? None of my co-workers do. Just tell her you're too busy for a playdate.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,524
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Nov 6, 2015 16:08:11 GMT
I don't like to make friends with coworkers. I did when I was younger, but now? Meh, I have enough friends that I don't need to, to quote a PP, "shit where I work."
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Nov 6, 2015 16:12:46 GMT
your personal situation, it sounds awkward and forced, and I would always be busy, too... or straight-out tell her, I don't do personal friendships with people I directly work with.
In general, I think it does depend on the culture of your workplace, but I also am more of the 'co-workers are not necessarily friends' camp... I am a very introverted / private person, so I have a LOT of 'acquaintances' but very few real close friends. I'm okay with that, though.
For me, working with someone is NOT enough in common to make you automatically friends, or people you want to be friends with.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Nov 6, 2015 16:15:23 GMT
I've moved often all my life. If I didn't make friends at work I'd be very lonely. However, it doesn't sound like OP is interested in being friends with this particular person. That's okay too. Just keep it professional. "No thank you, I'm unavailable" is an acceptable answer to an invitation.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:01:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2015 17:55:11 GMT
I guess I just don't understand the issue with being friends with your coworkers. It's hard to make friends as an adult. And if you spend most of your time at work, where else are you supposed to make friends? If you don't like her that's one thing, but avoiding a friendship out of principle is very silly, IMO. My very best, closest friend and I met when we were coworkers. The friendship lasted a lot longer than the job. I have good friends I have made at previous jobs. But this chick is one of those people who tells you her whole life story within the first 10 minutes of meeting her. And frankly, I barely have time to hang with the friends I do have, much less adding more to the mix. And the clinginess. And she will come in my office and talk to me like I KNOW her dad is an alcoholic or that her husband is her third or that she has a plate in her head. Um no. We just met.
Nice work buddy. But I think she would suffocate me. Case in point - we had a work outing this summer at a ball game. Brought the fam. Sat next to her fam. Nice couple of hours.
Now she comes into work and tells me her daughters miss me. Really? They are sixteen and I am almost 50. We barely spoke. How can you miss me?
Maybe I am just a bitch, lol.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:01:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2015 17:56:58 GMT
Why does she have your cell number if you're not friends? None of my co-workers do. Just tell her you're too busy for a playdate. I am management. Our cell phone #'s were published internally. I do not have a home phone so that is it. My staff has it so they can call in sick, let me know they are running late or ask questions when I am not in. |
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Post by missysauter on Nov 6, 2015 18:06:20 GMT
One of my closest confidants is my cubbie-mate. We've been in the same working area (actual space) for 19 years now. She's 17 years older than I am and I we share our lives with each other. We don't do things together outside of work, but that is simply because we live very different lives. She is so sweet and when my mom is not readily available - she is a great sounding board. I'm very lucky. The place where I work is filled with long-timers and there is a true sense of friendship throughout the firm.
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Post by femalebusiness on Nov 6, 2015 18:30:10 GMT
I'm a pretty friendly and outgoing gal. When I was young I would always start up with the most friendly and outgoing person when I met a new group or person. Over the years I found that those overly friendly types were hard to disengage from once I got involved with them. I'm much more standoffish now and take my time getting to know people before getting involved. Your coworker sounds like one of those overly friendly people that you would regret getting anything started with her. Be busy...really, really busy.  |
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Post by gar on Nov 6, 2015 18:36:03 GMT
Depending on someone's work I don't generally hold with rules about whether you should or shouldn't be friends with co-workers. Go with how you feel about her as a person and certainly don't arrange to meet up if you don't want to. You have to set the boundaries now!! One of my closest friends is someone I worked with so having a rule may make you miss out one day  |
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 6, 2015 19:22:26 GMT
I guess I just don't understand the issue with being friends with your coworkers. It's hard to make friends as an adult. And if you spend most of your time at work, where else are you supposed to make friends? If you don't like her that's one thing, but avoiding a friendship out of principle is very silly, IMO. My very best, closest friend and I met when we were coworkers. The friendship lasted a lot longer than the job. I have good friends I have made at previous jobs. But this chick is one of those people who tells you her whole life story within the first 10 minutes of meeting her. And frankly, I barely have time to hang with the friends I do have, much less adding more to the mix. And the clinginess. And she will come in my office and talk to me like I KNOW her dad is an alcoholic or that her husband is her third or that she has a plate in her head. Um no. We just met.
Nice work buddy. But I think she would suffocate me. Case in point - we had a work outing this summer at a ball game. Brought the fam. Sat next to her fam. Nice couple of hours.
Now she comes into work and tells me her daughters miss me. Really? They are sixteen and I am almost 50. We barely spoke. How can you miss me?
Maybe I am just a bitch, lol.
I don't think you are a bitch. You are reading something about her that doesn't sit well with you. I am guessing there is something about her personality that doesn't sit well with others either and that might be why she doesn't have many other friends. Telling you her daughter misses you is a guilt comment. In your case, I would politely refuse all activities until she gets the point. If confronted, tell her the truth as kindly as possible. Perhaps the next friend she finds she will approach differently. |
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calgal08
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Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Nov 6, 2015 20:21:13 GMT
She sounds desperate and clingy. Personally I would have a bazillion excuses at all time and hopefully she would eventually get the message.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:01:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2015 20:23:38 GMT
Thanks everyone. Thankfully, I am really busy during non-work hours, so I won't be lying. I appreciate everyone's perspective.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Nov 6, 2015 20:48:31 GMT
She's a little clingy too. Texts me things like " thanks for being my friend". Don't get me wrong, she's nice...but.... Gah! I don't think I could respond to that text. Awkward. I don't like being friends with coworkers. Friendly acquaintances? Sure. |
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
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Post by likescarrots on Nov 6, 2015 21:48:33 GMT
It sounds more like you don't like her than that it's a work thing and you want to use work as an excuse. I don't see any reason someone wouldn't be friends with a person outside of work if they actually liked the person. It's fine if you don't like her, it's not a crime to not want to be friends with someone!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2015 21:53:32 GMT
I think, upon lunchtime burrito reflection, it's more that she's higher maintenance than I welcome in a work friend. It's good to have buds at work. No question. But my work persona and my home persona are different. So it's not that I don't like her, I just see a high maintenance which I do NOT have room for in my after work life. What's cool is, other than the burrito, all the comments helped me figure it out.  |
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